by Lina Langley
They didn’t even have to fuck. They didn’t even have to kiss. He was just looking forward to talking to him, which he couldn’t figure out. Why did he care about spending time with him? He didn’t know him. Was he that desperately lonely? He hadn’t though so, but maybe that was what Eli was about. Max didn’t think so, but there was no way to know until he went to him. Lara had given him a look and he knew exactly what it meant, but he didn’t care about that. He didn’t care that Lara was judging him or that the rest of his bandmates had clapped him on the shoulder and told him that they were happy that he was finally “Letting loose” and “Getting lucky.” He had glared at them but they hadn’t stopped their teasing and he supposed that there was very little that they could say.
He finally went back to his room. He was the one person that didn’t share a room with anyone else. He knew that it was an extra expense, but he needed it when they weren’t on the bus, if only to stretch a little. Letting everyone else sleep on the bus while he had a hotel room would have felt beyond shitty, but shared rooms were a compromise he was willing to make. He was still on track to turn a profit by the end of the tour, even if it was in what his accountant had described as the “Low six figures.” Max had never wanted to punch him as much.
He didn’t want to race to his hotel room, either. He didn’t want to appear too desperate in front of Eli, though he supposed that he must have been waiting a while. If he was still there, waiting. The hotel was attached to the venue through a huge parking garage, the likes of which he had only ever seen when he had been to the airport. He supposed that it must have been the parking lot for the entire downtown area of the city of Sierra, or one of them at least, because it didn’t make sense that such a small venue would have such a large parking area. It had started to rain a little bit and Max didn’t want to be wet when he got to the hotel room where Eli was waiting for him. At least he hoped it was the hotel room where Eli was waiting for him. He started to run, even though he was tired, even though his legs hurt from standing up and performing at the gig. The hotel was nice, not the nicest hotel he had ever stayed in, but it didn’t have to be. It was perfectly serviceable. There was good staff, Lara had assured him, it was private, and the coffee in the room didn’t suck. Those were his requirements when he was going to stay in a hotel after a Saturday gig. Sunday gigs were rare and they wouldn’t be on the road again until Wednesday, which was lucky. It was a little break. Not much, but enough. Max did need to catch his breath. He had managed to check in that very same day, or rather, Lara had only managed to check him in that very same day. It was during times like this that Max remembered just how much he hated all the little administrative things in his life and how much he had hated them when he had planned his own tours, when his band had been tiny and they had all slept in the band’s van. That had probably not done his back any favors, he thought with a smile. It was one of those moments when Max remembered how grateful he was to have all of this, how grateful he was about what he was doing with his life. He was lucky, his profession was hard, but he knew that he was lucky. Even this, walking across a deserted parking room after he had insisted to his security guards that he absolutely did not need a detail on him and wearing a hoodie even though it was still not autumn cold, reminded him of how lucky he was. He might have been wearing sunglasses in the middle of the night and looking foolish, but he wouldn’t have ever had that chance except for his job.
He didn’t have time to think about that too much, though, because he had soon arrived at the hotel. When they had first driven past it in the band’s tour bus, it hadn’t looked nearly as imposing, but now it looked massive, and Max hesitated before he went in. There was something unsettling about buildings as big as this one, especially when he was already second guessing himself. He wasn’t sure what he had gotten himself into. He couldn’t get out of it now, though, not after everyone knew exactly what he was doing and why he had slipped away from the venue and all of them. Max knew it was stupid, but now it was a matter of pride.
He went up to his room, fidgeting nervously with his hands on his belt. He just hoped that Eli would be there. His room was on the third floor and he power walked until he got to his door. He didn’t want to run because he knew that would look suspicious, but there was no one in the hallway. By the time he got to his hotel door, he was gasping for breath. He put his ear to the door and listened, trying to hear if there was any sound coming from inside.
There was nothing and his heart did a flip in his chest. He felt stupid that he had raced this much only to face an empty room. At least he would have the night to himself, he supposed, and that was some consolation, however small. He took a deep breath and put the key card in the slot. He waited, and opened it slowly, sighing heavily as he did.
He closed his eyes when he stepped in the room. The bed was behind a little wall that acted as something like a foyer, though the room was not grand enough for that. Max took his shoes off near the door. His sneakers, which he had switched for his heels, were more comfortable, but they were still muddy and his feet ached to be freed.
As he was doing that, he heard someone cleared their throat. Max was startled. He had been so certain that Eli wouldn’t be there that he was a little bit more reactive than he would have liked. He jumped back, right into the wall. Luckily, he managed to catch himself with his hands so he didn’t hurt his back or his head, but he was sure that he looked like a fool while leaping away from Eli’s voice. Eli was next to him in a second, only adding to his humiliation.
“Are you okay?” Eli said, his hands on Max’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, you were just acting like you were alone and I—”
“No, it’s okay,” Max said, shaking his head and laughing a little. “All that is hurt is my pride. I’ll live.”
Eli smiled. “If it makes you feel any better, that’s the first time you’ve looked human all night.”
Max rolled his eyes, but he grinned as he bit his lower lip. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”
“Yes,” Eli replied, letting go of his shoulders. “Are you sure that you’re okay?”
“I’m fine, yes,” Max said. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting.”
“It’s okay,” Eli replied. “I figured you would be busy for a while, y’know, doing all that rock star stuff you have to do.”
“What rock star stuff?”
“You know. Snorting coke off people’s belly buttons. That kind of thing.”
Max laughed. “And that’s why I kept you waiting?”
Eli smirked, his eyes sparkling. “Honestly, I can see no other reason.”
“Fair enough,” Max said. “It was, for what it’s worth, actual work. People wanting to say hello to me and such.”
“Sounds dreadful.”
“You have no idea,” Max said. He looked down at Eli’s lips and felt the pull to kiss him. He wasn’t going to, not yet, no matter how tempting his mouth was, no matter how beautiful his smile was. They still hadn’t gotten to know each other, and Max knew that was an important part of the evening. There were both clearly attracted to each other, but Max wanted to put Eli at ease, because this was the first time they had ever met. It was clear that he was nervous, and Max, although he didn’t want to feel it, was nervous to. “Should we take a seat? I hear the coffee in this room isn’t bad.”
Eli cocked his head as they both walked to the bed, taking a seat at the bottom of it. Max stretched out, his fingers reaching out to the sky. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m tired and I have back problems.”
“It’s no problem,” Eli said. “I totally get it. Those clothes don’t look like they help.”
Max rolled his eyes. “You have no idea,” he said. “The shoes are the worst.”
“How tall were those heels?”
“Eight inches, I think,” Max said.
Eli shook his head. “I hope you don’t mind me saying, but how does it make any sense? You’re playing guitar. It’s not like you’re doing a lot
of choreography.”
“It’s my band,” Max said. “I know, I know. It’s stupid. It’s just, when I started playing, we used to go out like this, all kitted out, sometimes in drag. When we got signed, it followed us.”
“That’s your band from back then?”
“No,” Max replied. “It’s changed. This life… it’s difficult.”
“I can imagine,” Eli said quietly.
Max looked at him, his eyes slightly closed. It didn’t sound to him like Eli was judging him but he couldn’t be sure.
“If it sounds like I’m making fun of you,” Eli said. “You should know that I’m not. I saw how hard you worked out there tonight. You’re clearly passionate about what you do and I’m not foolish enough to think that it’s easy.”
Max licked his lips, opening his eyes to train his gaze on him. “I mean, it’s not easy, but I would never want to seem like I’m not grateful for everything I have.”
Eli nodded. “Believe it or not, I totally get it.”
Max cocked his head. “You do?”
“I mean, I’m not a musician and my job isn’t nearly as flashy as yours, thank God, but I do something I love for a living and it’s not easy. Sometimes, it’s really hard.”
“I hear that,” Max replied. “Oh, shit, I forgot to make the coffee.”
“I can do it,” Eli said, getting to his feet instantly. “It’s late and I want to stay awake for as long as I can.”
“I have a feeling I wouldn’t fall asleep, no matter how tired I am.”
“And I have a feeling that our sleep schedules aren’t that similar,” Eli said. He started to work the coffee machine. Max sat up and watched him. There was something so familiar about watching him do this, something so very domestic about it. Max hadn’t felt that way in a long time. “How do you take your coffee?”
“Black, please,” Max replied.
“Good,” Eli said. “I’m getting tired and if this would be something complicated, I’m not sure I would be up for it.”
“How complicated is a cup of coffee?”
“You don’t know the people I know.”
Max smiled. “Most of the people I know are divas.”
“I don’t doubt that.”
Max heard the machine start with a beep. Eli sat next to him, so close that their shoulders touched. It was probably because he was tired, so that meant he was interpreting things in a way that was far too romantic, but he couldn’t help himself. Every time that someone had made him coffee over the past few years, it had been someone who worked for him or a member of his family. It had never been a person that he was dating or even a friend. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed the easy familiarity of that, the sweetness of the gesture, the great care that went into it.
He closed his eyes. He was definitely tired. “So you enjoyed the show?”
Eli smiled, shaking his head. “Enjoyed the show? The show was fantastic. And to think I didn’t want to come out.”
“You didn’t want to come out?”
Eli shrugged. “To be honest, I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately,” he said. “My cousin blackmailed me.”
Max raised his eyebrows. “Your cousin blackmailed you?”
Eli cast his gaze down to the floor. He took such a deep breath that it felt like it shook all of his body. Max wanted to reach out and put his arm around him, but he stopped himself. He did edge a little closer to Eli, maybe to make him feel a little better. Maybe to make himself feel a little better. He wanted to be close to him. Feel him close to him, so that this would feel familiar again. Eli didn’t shift away. He liked this. Just like the coffee, it felt familiar.
“You don’t want to hear about my stupid life,” Eli said. “Yours must be so glamorous.”
“So glamorous,” Max repeated, laughing a little. “You should see the callouses on the bottoms of my feet.”
“I’ve never been so attracted to you,” Eli replied.
“Great,” Max said. “You should see the ones on my fingers.”
“Show me?”
“You want to see? Okay,” Max replied. He extended his hands so that his fingers were outstretched so that Eli could see them. “They get a little softer after a gig, but they’ve been hardened for years.”
“Can I touch them?”
“Of course,” Max said. “That’s how you can feel them.”
Eli took his fingers and squeezed the skin of Max’s hand. He traced his fingertips over the rough calluses on his hands.
“Here,” Max said, turning his hand slightly to the side. “These are the ones from using my whammy bar. They don’t get soft like the ones on my fingertips.”
Eli laughed quietly, his fingertips still tracing the edges of Max’s hand. “This is so weird. Your hands are so soft.”
“Except for these, I guess.”
“For what it’s worth, I really do think that your hands are very attractive.”
“Wait until I show you my feet.”
“You’re into feet, huh?” Eli said.
“No, just hoping that you were,” Max said, winking at him. “I’m joking, mostly.”
“Mostly?” Eli replied. He poured the coffee into the foam cup and handed it to Max, then he poured one for himself. He put a bunch of sugar into it, using at least four of the little packets of sugar to do so. He sat down next to Max again.
“I’m always open to new things,” Max said. “So I won’t say no to something I haven’t tried.”
“Makes sense to me,” Eli replied. He took a sip of his coffee and his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he made an appreciative sound without ever parting his lips. “You don’t know how much I needed that.”
“You’re a coffee person, huh?”
“After a night like this, yes,” Eli said, then shook his head. “Okay, truthfully, I’m always a coffee person. But I was craving one so badly.”
“Same,” Max said, smiling at him. “It’s kind of my ritual.”
“What is?”
“After a gig, I drink a huge cup of coffee,” Max replied. “It’s ridiculous, because it’s always so late and I don’t need to be any more wired, but I can’t help myself. It’s not like I’m going to sleep any time soon so it really doesn’t make that much of a difference.”
“That makes sense to me,” Eli said. “I usually don’t have coffee after ten o’clock. It makes me all wired.”
“I can’t picture what you’re like when wired.”
“Insufferable,” Eli replied, smiling at him. “Just give me fifteen minutes.”
Max shook his head, taking another sip of coffee from his cup. “I find that hard to believe.”
“Well, then. It’s clear that you don’t know me.”
Max nodded, twisting his lips. “Should we fix that?”
Eli shook his head, smiling. “I have a feeling that I’m not going to be nearly as interesting as you are.”
Max chuckled, shaking his head. “It’s not a competition.”
Eli scrunched up his nose, his eyes glimmering. Only the lamps from the nightstands were on, so his eyes were a little dark and his features weren’t that visible, but he was still gorgeous. “Shame,” Eli said. “I was thinking that I might be able to win.”
“Such a shame,” Max replied. They were both close to each other, so close, and Max couldn’t help but get closer to him. Eli looked at Max’s eyes then his gaze darted to his lips. Max’s gaze moved between his bright, big eyes and his gorgeous lips. Eli’s hands were resting at his sides and Max moved his own down Eli’s arms to reach his fingers. Eli turned his hand up and their fingers interlaced. Max’s gaze moved to Eli’s lips again. He hesitated for only a moment before he pressed his lips onto Eli’s. Eli turned his face up slightly, kissing him back softly. With his free hand, Max stroked the outline of Eli’s jaw as their kissed intensified. Eli tasted like coffee and sugar and he smelled like smoke and aftershave. It was overwhelming to his senses, but he absolutely loved it. By the time that he moved
away, breaking off the kiss for just one second to catch his breath, he was panting.
Eli closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Max’s as he also took a deep breath. Max closed his eyes too, taking a second to center himself. He didn’t want to take this too quickly. He wanted to make sure that he could savor this, because he didn’t think that he would get a repeat. It might have just been a one-night stand, but it was the one thing that Max realized he had been looking forward to this more than he had looked forward to anything else for a long time.
He opened his eyes to look at Eli’s face and took a deep breath before he spoke, trying to calm his heartrate down. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” Eli replied. “I’m fine. Just trying to savor the moment.”
Max smiled. “Do you do this often?”
“Casual sex?” Eli asked.
Max nodded, though the words jolted him a little. He knew exactly what it meant, and he had always known that them being together would only be casual. Of course he knew that. He didn’t even know the man’s surname, his profession, anything about him. All that he knew was that he was a fan and that was it. But he didn’t want to stop this, either. His body was aching for it, his mind was aching for it, and when their lips were locked, Max felt weak all over. “Yes,” he finally said. “Casual sex.”
Eli shook his head. “No,” he said. “I don’t do this often. Or ever, really.”
“So I’m special,” Max replied with a smile.
“I wouldn’t want it to go to your head if I said yes,” Eli said.
“So don’t say it,” Max said. He tilted his chin up and kissed Max again before either one of them could say anything, before either one of them would change their minds. There was now a sense of urgency to this. Max didn’t want to lose out on it and he didn’t think that Eli wanted to either. Max kissed Eli and Max parted his lips to allow him into his mouth. The two of them were panting as Max leaned forward so that he was on top of Eli, their kisses getting deeper, more passionate, more desperate.
