There was no answer.
In the corner of my eye, I suddenly saw something moving in our direction from the main road. I turned my head and immediately recognized the strangely limping motions of Lucky - the only person who had ever escaped and lived… sort of. He was looking straight at us.
Oh no… not him… I can’t deal with him right now.
Miss Ae knocked again. She had noticed him too.
“Doctor Ham! Are you there?” She continued knocking. “Doctor Ham?”
There was a ruckus from inside. It sounded like some bottles fell to the ground and broke.
“WHAT IS IT?” we heard a newly-awoken coarse voice barking from the other side.
“This is Ae Ga In… I’m a teacher at the school. I have a girl here who needs your help.”
“GO AWAY!” he barked again. “I can’t help you…”
Miss Ae knocked again, throwing a worried glance over at Lucky, who slowly but steadily was coming closer. Jun Ha had told us he was mostly harmless, but he did require me to save him after Lucky had wrestled him to the ground during the tour of the camp an eternity ago.
“Please, Doctor Ham, she’s in pain… I’m afraid it might be serious. Please, just take a look at her.”
“I’m extremely busy,” he shouted.
“Please, Doctor. We brought you some rice for your trouble.”
Rice? She brought rice? Would she really make such a huge personal sacrifice for us? For Nari?
I was stunned beyond words.
From inside there was at first nothing but silence, but then I heard unsteady footsteps approaching. I didn’t know if I should be relieved or scared, but I still hoped he would hurry before we would be assaulted by the unhinged lunatic approaching us. I looked over my shoulder. Lucky was close now, his eyes fixed on us. He was mumbling something to himself. I wasn’t exactly worried about Lucky hurting any of us, but I didn’t want to risk dropping Nari if I had to fight him off.
The door opened with a bang, and on the other side stood a small, scrawny man, unshaved, bald, but with long white strains of hair over his ears. The stench of alcohol hit me like a shockwave, and based on its fruity undertone, I assumed it wasn’t medical alcohol. The man looked up at us one by one, squinting like he was trying to solve a puzzle in his hazed mind.
“Who are you?” he slurred.
“I’m Ae Ga In,” Miss Ae said patiently. “I’m a teacher at the School of Juche… we have met before. One of my pupils here is injured… she had an… accident… she has stomach pains. I understand this is not a good time, but please take a look at her. We just need to make sure she doesn’t have anything serious… like an infection.”
My heart raced. Both because of what Miss Ae was implying, and because Lucky was so close I could distinguish some of his mumbling. It was something about beautiful hair.
Can Mina carry Nari’s weight alone if I have to fight him off?
“And you have rice?” the doctor slurred.
Miss Ae handed him the bundle, and he immediately grabbed it out of her hand like he was afraid this was all just a big scam. He opened the bundle and poked around with his finger for what seemed like an eternity before being convinced. He put the bundle in his pocket and then looked up at us suspiciously.
This was not how I had pictured the fearsome and sadistic Doctor Death.
“Fine… come on in…” he said and moved to the side, almost tripping over what looked like a rice wine bottle on the floor. It looked like a cheap version of the ones Su Mi sometimes brought to our nightly meetings. He suddenly noticed Lucky behind us.
“Oh, not that guy again,” he said and waved at us to enter faster.
We rushed through the door just as Lucky extended his hand to grab my hair and closed it right on his fingers. A wail of pain was heard from the other side as the doctor hurried to lock it.
“Ten years of that guy,” he muttered. “Decent people die to the left and right, but that guy just goes on year after year… I don’t understand why General Roh or Colonel Wan don’t do something about it…”
After having said that, he burped loudly right in our faces. The repugnant stench of alcohol stung my nose and made me nauseous.
We stood in a dark room, which I never in my life would have guessed was a hospital room. You could hardly see the floor due to all the papers, boxes, and rice wine bottles scattered around in one big mess. The light bulb in the ceiling was not turned on, and there was only one small window on the sidewall, which was so dirty it hardly let in any light. Doctor Death fumbled to light an oil lamp to compensate. There was one chair next to a desk, which also was scattered with papers and other rice wine bottles. Next to the chair on the floor were two shattered bottles - probably the ones he had broken as we woke him up. The table in the middle of the room, which I assumed was used for examining patients, was also covered by random papers and bottles. He stumbled over to it and in one sweep he pushed all the papers and bottles to the ground. By some kind of miracle, none of them broke. He then went over to his worn-down armchair and sank into it.
“Put her there!” he said and pointed at the now clean examination table.
We carried her over and laid her down gently. I kept my hand on the edge of the rackety table, which felt like it would break down at any second. The pungent mix of sweat, mold, and cheap rice wine was even more intense in the middle of the room. It was so vile I could taste it in my mouth.
As Mina removed Nari’s dirty glasses and put them in her pocket, I couldn’t help thinking how many poor people had been brought here before Nari in the hope of getting better, only to take their last breaths on this very table.
“Alright then,” the doctor mumbled with a loud sigh as he put on his thick glasses. They were even dirtier than Nari’s and I wondered if they really made him see more clearly. The right glass also had a big crack in it.
He stood up with the support of the chair and slowly walked back to the table. He looked down at Nari, who was squirming with pain, applying all her strength to refrain from screaming at the top of her lungs.
“Lift her shirt,” Doctor Death instructed.
Mina and I did it together, exposing her stomach, which was blue with bruising. I swallowed and suddenly got another flash of phantom pain in my stomach.
“Nasty,” he said without any visible emotion. He started pressing different parts of her stomach and observed how much she squirmed. As he moved towards her lower regions, her pain increased. She couldn’t control herself any longer and emitted a harrowing scream.
“Shut her up, will you,” he commanded, and Miss Ae covered Nari’s mouth with her hand.
The scream seemed to have woken him up, and I could finally see a hint of lucidity in his eyes. He looked over her stomach and then down at the bruising between her legs.
“Oh… I see,” he muttered while examining her closer. Shortly after, he said, “You can pull down her shirt again,” and stumbled back to his chair where he sank down with a deep sigh.
“She’ll be fine,” he concluded after having caught his breath. “She doesn’t have any internal bleeding, and I don’t see any signs of infection. And the pain she’s experiencing is normal… considering the nature of her… accident… especially when it’s the first time.” He sighed again and threw his dirty glasses on the desk, closing his eyes. “She’ll be fine… just be sure to keep it clean.”
“Are you sure?” Miss Ae asked nervously.
“Of course, I’m sure,” Doctor Ham snapped, opening his eyes. “Do you think it’s the first time I see this kind of accident here?”
“Of course not, Doctor… I’m sorry… I didn’t mean any disrespect,” Miss Ae rushed to say.
“Well, what can you do,” he mumbled to himself in the armchair. “It’s funny… I went to the Great General Medical University in the Capital - the best medical university in the whole of Choson! And here I am… surrounded by suffering and death, and nothing else… and every day, people bring me more g
irls who have had accidents…” he scoffed. “I guess my Regime Loyalty Classification Level isn’t what it used to be…”
The three of us looked at each other, unsure how to react to this.
“Is… is there anything else we can do for her?” Miss Ae cautiously changed the subject back to Nari.
“Just let her rest for a couple of days… she’s still beaten up pretty badly. And give her some green tea if you have it… and if you can find any other food than the garbage they serve here, that would do her good too.”
He took a piece of paper from his desk, scribbled something down, and handed it to Miss Ae.
“There… that makes it official. Now go! As I said… I’m a busy man… I have important things to attend to… very important things…”
Mina and I lifted Nari from the table, which creaked, but to my surprise, remained standing. Nari grimaced in pain but bit her lip not to scream.
“Thank you, Doctor,” Miss Ae said, respectfully bowing down, but Doctor Death had already started looking for another bottle to open.
I went out alone first to see if Lucky was still around - if I needed to take care of him, I couldn’t have Nari hanging on my shoulder - but he was nowhere to be seen.
“Don’t judge Doctor Ham too hard,” Miss Ae said once we were all outside. ”I don’t think he’s a bad person… or a bad doctor… it’s just… he hasn’t had it easy here… at least from what I’ve heard.”
‘He’ hasn’t had it easy? I scoffed to myself. He’s just sitting in his room drinking days on end, while we’re being starved, assaulted, and worked to death!
But I didn’t want to argue with Miss Ae. I was too grateful.
“Take Nari home and let her rest, okay girls?” Miss Ae said. “I’ll go and register her absence at the Oversight. The note says she has the flu and that it’s very contagious, so it should be fine. She can stay home for one full week. I’ll come by later with some green tea… I have some at home, and… well, I can give you a portion of rice as well… we, who work here, don’t get that much either, you know, but… I feel for Nari. Okay? I’ll come by later.”
“T-thank you, Miss Ae,” Nari managed to squeeze out.
“Take care of yourselves,” Miss Ae said as a compassionate smile illuminated her face.
Mina and I thanked her as well before we parted ways. We had to do it without the deep, reverent bow the situation called for since we had Nari hanging on our shoulders, but we knew Miss Ae didn’t mind.
As we carried Nari home, Mina said, “I don’t trust that drunk doctor… I’ll bring my mother over again tonight. She’ll give her a proper examination.”
“Thank you, Mina,” I said. “I don’t know how to repay you.”
“There’s absolutely no need,” Mina said. “I would do anything for Nari… my mother as well.”
“I know,” I said, suppressing the sting of jealousy that suddenly consumed my heart.
As we approached our house, I couldn’t help feeling grateful to have so many people looking out for us in this horrid place… even if it did little to compensate for the crushing feeling of being abandoned by my Father - the Great General.
Deep down, I was also afraid of being indebted to Mina and her mother.
CHAPTER 4
Nari was asleep again when Sun Hee came home. Her breathing was steady but coarse. Mina had left but would soon return with her mother. The rice was ready in our largest pot on the floor, and its sweet scent had already permeated every nook and cranny of our small damp room.
“How is she?” Sun Hee asked.
“Stable,” I replied without looking up at her. “Miss Ae came home with us after school… Nari was in pain, so she took us to the camp doctor.”
“To… Doctor Death?” Sun Hee gasped. “Have you completely lost your mind?
“Relax,” I said. “Miss Ae was with us the whole time… it was fine—”
“Why didn’t you come and get me? Or Mrs. Choy? What were you thinking?”
“Miss Ae said it would raise too much suspicion… and apart from being drunk, Doctor Ham was harmless.”
Sun Hee glared at me, panting and shaking her head. Her hands were firm on her waist. I felt my head becoming hot again.
Nothing I ever do is right…
“Anyway… he examined her and said she doesn’t have any internal bleeding or infections… and Mina will bring Mrs. Choy over to examine her again tonight… so it’s fine,” I muttered.
Sun Hee’s demeanor suddenly changed. Her hands slid down from her waist.
“Well… that’s good to hear… just… be careful with…”
She didn’t finish her sentence. Instead, she went down to check on Nari.
“Do you want to eat now, or do we wait for the Choys?” I asked.
“We’ll wait. We have to show our gratitude.”
Sun Hee then looked at me, examining my face and my hair, and I knew what she was thinking.
“Have you thought about what we talked about this morning,” she asked nervously.
I nodded. I knew there was no way out.
“Are you ready?” she asked. “We can get it done before the Choys come.”
I nodded again, but my insides were twisting into a painful lump.
She took out something from her pocket. It was a pair of scissors.
“I smuggled them out from the sewing factory. I need to return them tomorrow or I’ll be punished, so we must do this tonight.” There was a distinct sadness in her whispering voice.
I nodded once more.
Let’s just get this over with…
She stood behind me and gently lifted a lock of my hair from the side of my head. I had a new feeling in my body I couldn’t identify. I just knew I didn’t like it. My heart was also acting strangely… like its beating wasn’t even. It fluttered from time to time.
“One day you’ll grow it all back… I’m sure of it,” Sun Hee failed to conceal a sigh as the familiar sound of strands of hair being severed one after the other filled my ears. A tear left my eye, but I wiped it away immediately.
A few minutes later, the floor around me was covered by a carpet of my beautiful black hair, and my head felt strangely light. I ran my hand through what was left on my scalp. It didn’t feel like me… at all.
Sun Hee came around to my front.
“That’s enough for today,” she said. “Tomorrow morning we’ll dirty it down a bit with some mud… and your face, too.” I nodded once more, wiping another tear from my cheek. “You are very pretty, Areum. Remember… we’re not taking away your beauty… we’re just hiding it… temporarily.”
“I know.”
Part of me wished I had brought a mirror with me from the Capital to see what I had become, but part of me was glad I hadn’t. Yet another part of me felt relieved doing this. Not because of my safety. Because I wouldn’t have to endure the heavy judgment of my mother that Nari’s tragedy somehow was my fault.
Just as Sun Hee had finished cleaning all the hair from the floor - she was being very considerate to me tonight - there was a knock on the door. I suddenly felt extremely self-conscious and had the impulse to hide my hair. At the last minute, however, I decided not to postpone the humiliation. Sun Hee opened the door to let Mrs. Choy and Mina in. My face turned red as I saw their surprised expressions.
“That will keep you safe, Areum,” Mina comforted me after a prolonged uncomfortable silence. “And now… we almost look like sisters,” she smiled.
I didn’t return it.
While Sun Hee started serving the food, Mrs. Choy got busy examining Nari using the same oil lamp she had brought the last time. Nari was startled at first when she woke up, but Mina calmed her down with her usual gentle smile. As soon as Mrs. Choy had finished, she told us she agreed with Doctor Ham’s opinion that Nari just needed rest and nourishment, and that her pains would subside over time.
“Thank the Great General,” Sun Hee’s eyes welled up with tears.
We sat down t
o eat. All except Young Il, who hadn’t come home yet. This was, unfortunately, not unusual, but at least I could manage my anger toward him better when I didn’t have him right in front of me.
Sun Hee had cooked more rice than we’d ever had since we arrived in Yodok. I knew it hadn’t been easy for her, but she was a woman who believed in the need to express gratitude when the situation called for it, especially to people you depend on. Regardless of what the reason was - when the sweetness of the rice spread throughout my mouth and body like a vague reminiscence of long-lost happiness, just for a brief moment, I felt like a human being again.
Nari joined us around the fire as well. After having slept most of the day and the steady portion of rice she had for lunch, she looked slightly better than before, although her crooked glasses made her eyes look weirder than usual.
By the time we finished, Young Il finally stumbled through the door looking just as dirty and broken down as every night. He asked how Nari was and his eyes lit up when he saw the luxurious portion of rice his wife served him. I could see him fighting to hold the tears down as the first steaming lump landed on his desperate yearning tongue.
After we had finished the feast, Nari and Mina went to sit on the other side of the room, where they held hands and whispered to each other. I also left the adults and went to lie down on my quilt.
“I’m so very sorry this happened to Nari,” Mrs. Choy said in a low voice. “I have always considered her like a second daughter to me. It pains me so to see her like this. But she will be fine. She might have a weak heart, but she has a strong spirit. She will persevere… I’m certain of it.”
With Nari staying home, I had to walk to school alone under the increasingly strong sun, which reminded me we were approaching July - the hottest month of the year. It was also the month both of us would turn fifteen and leave the safety of Miss Ae’s classroom.
Every day, Nari got a little better, and by the third day, she said the pains were all but gone. Regardless, we had all decided she would stay home until next Monday… an opportunity that was as rare as rice in Yodok.
The Weeping Masses: A Young Adult Dystopian Survival Saga (Juche - Part 3) Page 3
