For all I knew, I stood there for an eternity. The sun suddenly disappeared behind ominous dark clouds that veiled the camp in gloomy shadows. All sounds around me seemed to fade. Apparently, I had stopped breathing because all of a sudden, my body made a massive protest against its deprivation of oxygen and forced me to painfully fill my lungs until they almost burst. I leaned over, gasping and coughing with my hands on my knees. As I straightened myself again, I saw the scene before me like through a tunnel. My peripheral vision had disappeared. The only thing that existed in the world was my baby sister standing over there… talking to the dark figure of her rapist… casually… as if nothing bad had ever happened between them.
I shook my body, forcing it to break its paralysis. As soon as I could move, I took off. I flew over the yard in front of the school. My feet barely touched the ground.
Chul needs to pay! I WILL MAKE HIM PAY!
Nothing else mattered… nothing else existed.
Suddenly Chul noticed me charging at him like a raged bull and started to stumble backward in a panic. The satisfaction of seeing his fear gave me the energy to increase my speed even further.
Only a few more steps… then it will all be over! Whatever happens after that doesn’t matter… I don’t care—
Out of nowhere, Nari suddenly appeared in my pathway. Her face was more serious and determined than I had ever seen it before. She held an open hand raised in front of my face.”
“Stop, Areum… STOP!” she yelled without flinching.
I barely managed to stop my body before my face collided with her unwavering hand. It was the shock that had triggered my reflex to stop rather than her command. Standing there now, panting in front of the palm of her hand, I looked at Nari’s stern face. Then I turned my glare to Chul. Animal rage pulsated through my body.
I need to hurt him! I need to hurt him NOW!
“Areum, I beg you… please don’t do anything stupid!” It was a plea, but her voice was firm as a rock.
I looked at her, dumbstruck.
“I know it was him, Nari… he needs to pay… I can’t let him get away with it… he can’t get away with it,” I rambled furiously.
“It’s not like you think, Areum… and it’s not your problem… I will handle it.”
My surprise transformed into shock. Had I actually heard my poor, defenseless little sister - for whom I’ve had to do everything our whole life - saying she will handle her rapist by herself?
“W-what do you mean, Nari—?”
My head was spinning and I couldn’t make sense of any of this.
“This is between Chul and me, Areum. I’m begging you… stay out of it.”
I looked over at Chul, who now had increased the distance between us even further. He looked terrified, but this time it gave me mixed emotions. For the first time in a long time, I saw the scrawny boy whom I met the night we first arrived. The boy who looked completely out of place. The boy who used to be my friend.
How can such a monster hide in that weak pathetic body?
“Do you trust me?” Nari asked, forcing my eyes to return to her.
I felt my mouth open. I had never expected that question from her.
“I… I do… of course,” I stuttered.
“Then please… back off! Okay? I’m begging you, Areum… back off!”
Stunned beyond words, and having no idea what I should do, I surrendered.
“Fine… fine… I trust you,” I said. “But I’ll stay close by… if he as much as leans toward you, I’ll snap his neck like a twig.”
“Thank you, Areum,” Nari sighed with relief.
I walked backward a few steps, keeping my murderous stare on Chul without blinking, then stopped and crossed my arms over my chest. Nari nodded, took her eyes off me, and walked over to Chul, who stood frozen stiff with fear halfway into the cornfield.
I tried to pick up on what they were talking about, but I couldn’t distinguish a single word over the rustling of the corn leaves the soft wind sweeping through the cornstalks animated. They only talked for a few minutes - although, for me, it felt like an eternity. Then Nari returned to me, and Chul stumbled out from the cornfield onto the road, all the while throwing terrified glances at me. He scurried over to the guardhouse where Chang Min was waiting for him with a cigarette in his mouth. First after Chul had sat down and lit a cigarette of his own, I averted my eyes and looked at Nari.
“What the hell did he have to say to you?” I felt my eyes bulging from my sockets.
“Areum… I know what you’re thinking, but please… just trust me… I’m taking care of it.”
“Taking care of what?” My head was about to explode from the pressure building up inside.
“Of everything, Areum,” she looked straight into my eyes with her newly acquired gaze filled with determination. “Please, Areum… you must trust me.”
I nodded, but the problem was not whether I trusted Nari or not. The problem was Chul.
Fine… if Nari doesn’t want to be part of this, I’ll just have to take care of it myself. There are no two ways about it… CHUL WILL PAY!
Walking home side by side, my mind was, however, once more distracted by our more pressing problem.
How in the Great General’s name are we going to keep Nari safe after we leave school in two days?
Regardless of how much I hated Chul… none of that would matter if Nari was assigned a work detail that was equivalent to a death sentence…
… and the day of reckoning was approaching quickly.
CHAPTER 8
Our fifteenth birthday arrived without mercy regardless of how much we had prayed it wouldn’t. The night before, I went to bed while Sun Hee stayed up to cut Nari’s hair short like mine. I was curious how she would look but not enough that I couldn’t wait until morning. As I lay on my quilt clenching the Great General pin tightly in my hand, I felt more abandoned than ever before in my life. Even when I was younger and my family was drifting away from me on the unanchored raft that was Nari’s disease, I had always felt completely protected and taken care of by my Father - the Great General. That feeling was now gone, and as much as I tried, I could barely remember what it felt like. It tormented me. And in the absence of that feeling, thoughts I until now had never thought possible started to find ways to penetrate my mind.
Has my Father - the Great General made a mistake? That shouldn’t be possible. But why would he let me join the Great General’s National Gymnastics Team only to take it away from me the very same night? And how could a place like Yodok exist in his perfect paradise? Could it be that he’s not aware of it? But that’s not possible either. The Great General is omniscient! But he can’t know about it. It’s against everything Juche stands for. But Yodok is real… there’s no denying that. And furthermore… if these horrors can take place in Choson… is it then really a perfect paradise? Or is it—?
My brain suddenly protested by giving me a mind-numbing headache that forced me down on all fours and made me press my forehead against the floor. I couldn’t move an inch. It felt like a hammer was pounding on my temples from the inside. Luckily, Nari was fast asleep on the other side of the room.
No… no… I’m just delirious. The Great General is infallible… there must be evil forces at work around him! Our enemies must somehow have infiltrated the Regime… which means all of Choson is in danger! And since the Great General is an immortal being, put on earth to protect his loyal subjects in Choson for all eternity, then that means we must have an enemy that is more than human as well… some kind of great Satan, like they used to call it in the old dark days when religions plagued our poor country.
My headache eventually subsided, but those thoughts kept spinning around in my head long after I had fallen asleep. Horrifying nightmares hit me one after the other. Fortunately, Su Mi entered my dreams after a while with a bottle of her mother’s pomegranate liquor. With her by my side, my nightmares dissipated, and I could spend the last hours of the night in pleasant
memories.
Sun Hee woke us up while it was still dark and told Nari to make a portion of rice to celebrate our birthday… just for today, we wouldn’t think about rationing our food. While gulping down my breakfast, at first I didn’t recognize the person sitting on the other side of the fire. Then I remembered about Nari’s makeover and burst out laughing, causing both Nari and Sun Hee to throw me offended glares.
“Sorry,” I composed myself. “It looks good… I was just surprised, that’s all.”
The rest of the breakfast I spent struggling to keep myself from laughing. It was difficult to recognize her without her bangs and long flat hair, and Nari looking extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable added another lever to my struggle. By the time I got up to wash my bowl, however, I had already somewhat gotten used to it and came to the conclusion she looked better this way.
She should have done this a long time ago! Why is it that all women in our country have to have long hair when some clearly look better in short hairstyles…?
Due to the total absence of mirrors, I still hadn’t seen my new look, but there was no way it could stand a chance against the slightly wavy hair curtains I’d had most of my life. Regardless, I had decided not to let my short hair bother me anymore.
It won’t be forever…
Before Sun Hee and Young Il left their now-adult daughters for their respective work details, they gave Nari a long hug and told her to be strong. They looked at me, just for an instant, wondering if they should hug me too. When they realized they shouldn’t, Sun Hee just told me, “Take care of your sister, Areum… keep her safe.”
I nodded without looking up at them, and the next moment, Nari and I were alone.
“When are you going to forgive mom and dad?” Nari asked.
“I… I don’t know if I can…” I mumbled, looking away. “Do they even deserve to be forgiven?”
Nari didn’t insist.
During class, Miss Ae was not her cheerful self. Now that we were about to be separated, we couldn’t help noticing we had grown quite close during this short period we had been under her care… especially after she helped Nari by bringing her to Doctor Death. There were some goodbyes during the lunch break, but mainly with So Won and Min Ji. Neither Nari nor I had gotten too close with the others.
Nari and I stayed after class. Miss Ae didn’t even have to ask us. Mina told Nari she would wait for her outside. The mood in the hot damp classroom was somber. Miss Ae had no more smiles to share.
“Girls,” she said. “I just want you to know it’s been a pleasure teaching you… even under these circumstances. Areum… you’re bright and strong-willed… I know you will be fine here… and I know you will protect your sister.” She gave me a long, meaningful look. ”And Nari… I don’t think I have to tell you that you have an exceptional mind… I’ve never met anyone who can memorize such long texts with so little effort… it’s truly a great gift. Unfortunately, exceptional minds are not valued here… but you can still use your mind to your benefit… to stay safe. Be smart. Don’t give anybody a reason to make your life even more difficult. And… I know it sounds horrible… it is horrible… but it is virtually impossible to get the benefits you need to live a decent life here without working as an informant for the guards. I know… I know…” she raised her hands to preempt our objections, “but it’s the only way to get protection… and extra rations… and when you think about it… the Great General teaches us through Juche to be self-reliant… He has faith in his people to be ingenious to adapt and find their way through hardships. I know this isn’t exactly what He’s referring to, but I can’t think of any greater hardship or any greater need for adaptability and self-reliance than this… wouldn’t you agree?”
Neither of us said anything to that, and Miss Ae decided not to push it any further.
“Well then, girls… I guess this is it,” she sighed. “Come on… I’ll walk you out.” Once outside, she pointed at the buildings on the other side of the road. “What you must do now is to go to the left building of the Oversight complex… it’s the first entrance you’ll find. There you will report to the Work Assignment Officer on the ground floor. You’ll find his office along the corridor. There is a sign over the door so you can’t miss it. Here is a note to give him… show it also if anybody stops you.”
“Thank you, Miss Ae.”
“And please… be safe! Remember my advice. And I will be here if you need me… I’m not going anywhere. Okay? Just… be smart… and self-reliant… and don’t forget to follow the Sacred Rules… always!”
“We will, Miss Ae,” we said and bowed down reverently. Not by routine, but because we wanted to show her how much we truly appreciated and respected her.
As we parted with Miss Ae, I felt a strange emptiness inside me. Emptiness… and a tremendous fear of what the future would hold. In just a few minutes, the Work Assignment Officer would either give us a death sentence or a chance to live. It would be a meager chance… but a chance nonetheless.
Mina was waiting for us by the road. To my surprise, Jun Ha was there as well. He told us goodbye and wished us good luck, and that we could always come to him if we needed help. I knew he was mainly talking to me - he and Nari had never spent any time together - but he was good at making everybody feel included. While Mina and Nari remained locked in what seemed like a never-ending hug, Jun Ha turned to me in a whisper.
“So, Areum… should I understand it you have come to your senses regarding Chul? You know… since it didn’t work out with Hana.”
I hesitated before answering. I hadn’t thought about it until now, but with Hana and me being at war, he is put in an awkward position in the middle, and I wasn’t sure how truthful I could be with him… as much for his sake as for mine.
“I haven’t made up my mind yet,” I told him.
“Just be careful… don’t do anything stupid,” he said. “If your feelings become too strong to handle, just come look for me… I will try to help you.”
“Thank you, Jun Ha… but don’t worry, I’ll be okay.”
And I will be… as soon as I make Chul suffer and die…
Jun Ha threw me a last concerned glance before heading off, and I turned my attention back to the interlocked girls in front of me. After a few seconds, I was already becoming restless.
“We won’t come over tonight… I think you’ll need your rest,” Mina said when their marathon hug was finally over. “But I’ll bring my mother over tomorrow, just to make sure you’re alright. Okay, Nari?”
“Of course. Thank you so much, Mina… for everything!”
Great… Sun Hee will be delighted to share our extra rations again, I scoffed to myself. But at least we can stay clear of that old drunkard Doctor Death.
It was time to go. Nari took my hand and said, “It’ll be alright, Areum… we’ll be alright.”
I looked at her, surprised.
Since when is she the brave one?
We parted ways with Mina at the main road, and she walked with heavy steps back toward the Village of the Strayed. Nari was crying, but as we turned in the other direction, I felt a strange sensation sweeping over me. To my surprise, it wasn’t negative. I felt liberated. Until that moment, I had not realized how tense being around Mina had made me these past months. I mean… this didn’t mean she would be out of our lives in any way… but at least I wouldn’t be cooped up with her from morning till night in a claustrophobia-inducing sweaty classroom.
Maybe now I can finally escape the constant guilt that’s been haunting me…
It was easy enough to find the Work Assignment Officer’s room but the more difficult to gather the courage to enter. We knew nothing good awaited us on the other side. Finally, I took a deep breath, squeezed Nari’s hand, and knocked on the door frame. We were beyond the point of no return, so I took a decisive step together with Nari into the gloomy office.
The man sitting behind the desk was gray, bald and tiny - almost as tiny as Corporal Bun from the cl
assroom next to Miss Ae’s. He wore crooked dusty glasses that were even thicker than Nari’s, and most of his teeth were missing, which we, unfortunately, couldn’t avoid seeing since he was cleaning the remaining ones with a toothpick. The sign on his desk said Lieutenant Ko. His tiny body looked strange - almost comical - in his over-sized uniform. He didn’t look up from his Worker’s Party newspaper - the only one we have in Choson - as we approached his desk with nervous steps. He grabbed Miss Ae’s note with a grunt, and after eying through it, he took out a thick folder from his desk drawer and turned the pages for a while before finding what he was looking for.
“Kim Areum - sewing factory,” he said monotonously without looking up. “You’ll report here tomorrow at six.” He pointed with his pen on an uneven square on a hand-drawn map of Yodok on the side of his desk.
I sighed with relief. Working in the sewing factory was the easiest job in the camp.
Even Nari can pull that off…
Probably…
It was, of course, not ideal for me to be locked in the same room as Sun Hee every day, but for Nari’s sake, I was happy. And Sun Hee had told us it was a large room… maybe we wouldn’t have to see each other at all.
The bald man then went down the list with his finger - there were no doubt a lot of Kims, as always - and after adjusting his glasses that were sliding down his nose, he said, “Kim Nari - agriculture. You’ll report here… at the guardhouse by the fields. Same time… six o’clock sharp.” He again pointed at the hand-drawn map with his pen. Then, without looking at us once, he closed the folder and started reading some important-looking document he had on his desk. The newspaper ended up in the trash can.
With my heart frozen to ice, I looked at Nari. She was white as a sheet and her mouth was wide open in what looked like an inaudible scream. I looked back at Lieutenant Ko and discretely cleared my throat.
“S-sir,” I half-whispered.
The man looked up at me for the first time since we had entered the room, surprise written on his face. He had not noticed we were still here.
The Weeping Masses: A Young Adult Dystopian Survival Saga (Juche - Part 3) Page 7
