‘Oh sod off!’ cried Nicky. ‘Just because you’re Puzzle-King doesn’t mean I can’t be a good headmistress.’
‘I’m not Puzzle-King!’ Rob was almost hysterical. ‘That’s exactly what I mean – you’re so naïve! Nicola, I cheat!’
Nicky gasped. ‘What? Every time? Every morning?’
‘Of course every morning! I’ve got better things to do than find the last bit of Yugoslavia because she’s too lazy to do her own fucking hobby! The whole school would be an academic year ahead if it wasn’t for her fucking puzzles.’
‘You’re kidding me!’ gasped Nicky. ‘You’re the puzzle cheat? You’re why I’ve had to cancel a back massage because I’m now in school on the last afternoon of term?’
‘Don’t blame me, blame Miss James! The woman is mental! And because of our morning meetings, we’re ending up finishing her puzzle for her! Or rather you are! Every single morning you waste half an hour doing it for her! If you counted up how much time you’ve spent doing her puzzle this year, you’d probably have been able to learn a new language by now. Did you never stop to think why Janet never actually steps into her office?’
There was a long silence.
As it happened, Nicky had stopped to think why Janet never actually stepped into Miss James’s office and she had decided it was because Janet was an unfriendly old sow.
‘You see?’ continued Rob, calmer now. ‘You haven’t got the cynicism needed to be a decent head teacher. You’d be too busy helping everyone do their puzzles.’ He laughed, then spoke softly. ‘Anyway, I know that you don’t want someone else’s family.’ He brushed her hair with his hand. ‘You want your own.’
‘Well, that shows how little you know me.’ She shook his hand off.
Rob sat silently for a moment before speaking again, this time his voice full of disbelief and coming out through gritted teeth.
‘You’re not seriously talking about that arrogant prick and his little prat of a son, are you?’
‘Don’t talk about them like that!’
They were now staring at each other, their breathing heavy. Then to Nicky’s amazement, Rob suddenly threw himself on to his knees in front of her. For some reason it reminded her of a bad comedy sketch and she had to hide a laugh when she realised he wasn’t joking.
‘Marry me, Nicky,’ he said desperately, as if his life depended on it.
‘P-pardon?’ she managed.
‘You heard. Marry me. Live dangerously. Sod the consequences. Let’s just do it.’
He jumped up and sat next to her again. His hand gripped her hand.
‘You’re mad,’ she said. ‘Leave me alone. You’re scaring me.’
‘Why not?’
‘That’s not a good reason to get married, Rob.’
‘I’ve heard of worse. Why the hell not?’
‘Touched as I am by this romantic proposal,’ said Nicky, ‘I shall have to force myself to say no.’
Rob stood up again and started pacing. ‘So you’re going to chuck in your one last chance at real happiness for a cocky shit who’s already got one of his own?’
‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘I know that someone else’s shitty little ten-year-old son is not your idea of the perfect family.’
‘Oscar is not shitty. Stop talking about him like that.’
‘I taught him for a year too, remember. Hardly got a word out of him all year. And he’s been giving me the evil eye all holiday. Gives me the creeps.’
‘You know what?’ flashed Nicky. ‘If he’s giving you the evil eye, Rob, chances are you’re evil.’
Rob opened his eyes wide. ‘Oh, that’s really rational talk, that is.’
‘He’s a wonderful kid,’ she said breathlessly, ‘and I adore him.’
‘Jesus Christ, Nicky! Listen to yourself! You sound like an over-emotional schoolgirl. Do you honestly think that you’re headmistress material? Oscar’s just a normal little shit of a kid. And his dad’s a smug git who thinks he can ponce in here and charm all the pussy into his bed with his posh suits, his flash car and superdad act. And what I can’t believe is that you – you, Nicky, one of the brightest women I know – are falling for it all! And you’re going to turn your back on your only chance of happiness for that!’
There was a long pause.
‘Just leave me alone, Rob.’
‘Nicky . . . I’m trying to help –’
‘Get out.’
‘I don’t want you to get hurt –’
‘Get out.’
‘I’m telling you because I care.’
‘GET OUT!’
There was a pause.
‘OK,’ said Rob. ‘Just promise me one thing. Don’t let him ruin your dreams, Nicky.’
He slammed the dormitory door behind him. Nicky wasn’t quite sure why she started sobbing, she just knew that a lot of tears needed to come out and sobbing seemed as good a way as any to make that happen. She fell back on to Rob’s bed and let it all come out.
She didn’t even hear the door open. It was only when she heard Mark’s voice near her ear asking her what was wrong that she jumped up.
‘Oh! Sorry!’ she said. ‘Please. Now’s not a good time,’ she said, sitting up and sniffing hard. ‘Please. Just leave me alone.’
‘What’s wrong?’ The pain in Mark’s voice made the tears come again. He sat down next to her and she suddenly felt so safe she needed to cry some more. She tried not to look at his long thigh stretching out on the bed next to her. Or notice the charge through her body that came just from the feel of his frame so near hers. She remembered the table quiz meeting at his house and almost went from sobbing straight to coronary. She had to get back into control. Remember, she told herself, this was a man who had gone to great pains to let her know he didn’t want children and had then ignored her all week. He was also a man who had a persuasively strong motive for making friends with her.
He was also a man with really long thighs.
‘Please,’ she said quietly. ‘Please. Just leave me alone.’
‘Nicky, please,’ he echoed, his voice like a velvet pulse that went straight to where it counted. ‘Who’s upset you?’
‘No one. Me.’
‘Is it Rob? Nicky, tell me. What’s he done?’
Nicky let out a noise – either a laugh or a cry, she herself couldn’t tell. There was a long, increasingly uncomfortable pause and she decided that Mark was now wondering whether to hold her in his strong, manly arms or have her sectioned. She wondered if he was the kind of versatile chap who could do both.
Damn, what did she have to lose?
‘He proposed, actually,’ she said, her voice suddenly hard.
There was silence.
‘Proposed? . . .’ Mark trailed off. ‘To you? I thought . . .’
‘What?’ She looked at him. ‘That “every cell in my body” was made for something other than marriage?’ asked Nicky pointedly. ‘Is it so hard to imagine that someone may actually want to marry me? And have a future with me?’
It felt like the most dangerous thing she’d ever said in her life. She envisaged her guardian angel smacking its forehead and going for a tea break.
‘Since you ask,’ she heard Mark finally say, ‘it’s what I imagine all the time.’
Well, that was what she thought he said, but of course he could have said anything, the throbbing in her ears was so loud. Wait, he was speaking again.
‘In fact,’ she heard him say, ‘I can’t think of anything else.’
She heard that. She looked at him. He looked at her. She looked at him a bit more. He looked at her a bit more, with great big thumping knobs on.
‘Really?’ she whispered, her voice all wispy.
‘Yes!’ Mark’s voice was tremulously intense. ‘Nicky!’ he said. ‘You must know how I feel about you. Don’t you?’
She gasped. Was that angels she could hear overhead?
‘I know it’s doomed,’ he went on. ‘I know you’re in
love with Rob, but . . . I can’t help it. I utterly adore you.’
She stared at him. Now, somewhere in that romantic declaration he’d taken a wrong turn. She repeated it, conscious that her reply was important with a capital IMPORTANT.
‘I’m not in love with Rob,’ she said quietly, fairly sure that this was the salient point to hold on to.
It was his turn to stare at her. She gave as good as she got. Within moments they were staring at each other again.
‘Really?’ he said and started to laugh, even though Nicky was fairly sure no one had told a joke. At least, she thought, not her.
‘Really!’ she repeated, laughing too. ‘He’s driving me nuts. Keeps trying to talk me into having his babies every time I see him. He’s convinced we’ve got this thing going on, like he and I are starting up again. I don’t want to annoy him because, well, he’s my rival and I know how competitive he can be when he’s angry, but, to be honest, it’s beginning to get spooky. And a bit unnerving.’
Mark was really laughing now and so was she. It felt so good to talk honestly about Rob for a change.
‘Oh my God!’ cried Mark. ‘Thank God! Nicky, I’m mad about you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.’
She was just considering fainting when he enveloped her in his arms and ever so gently touched her lips with his. Her entire body went zing. She saw fireworks under her eyelids as they began a soft, tender kiss. Then suddenly they were both laughing. Then just as suddenly they weren’t. She didn’t know how it happened but they were now lying next to each other and her arms were round his neck and his were round her waist. His touch was so gentle it was slightly shaky.
On the bed above them, Oscar scrunched up his eyes. What the hell was happening now? There was complete silence.
Had they gone? He waited for an eternity. Nothing.
They must have gone. He couldn’t hear a thing. He should leave. As soon as possible. He pulled the duvet off him and sat up.
He stood up on the bed and then heard a giant, echoing human owl hoot four times and then a door slam shut. He jumped down the ladder and came face to face with Mr Pattison. Mr Pattison’s face was puce. Oscar almost jumped back up the ladder. Then he followed Mr Pattison’s gaze and stared in amazement. There was his dad and Miss Hobbs, lying on the same bed together! Miss Hobbs was all flushed and his dad had lipstick on. It was like trying to work out one of those maths puzzles that started with ‘If it takes a snail forty-eight hours to go two metres . . .’ He’d never been good at those.
For a moment everyone stared at everyone else. It was so quiet Oscar thought he’d gone deaf.
‘Oh my giddy aunt,’ whispered Mr Pattison eventually. Oscar thought he saw Mr Pattison start to smile, but then he went all serious instead. ‘This is all deeply disturbing.’ He turned to Oscar. ‘All in front of the boy. Very unprofessional.’
To Oscar’s astonishment, Miss Hobbs looked angrily at him.
‘Oscar Samuels!’ she said faintly. ‘What on earth are you doing in here?’ She jumped up and straightened her top.
Oscar stared at his dad, who jumped up too, but his dad was even angrier than she was.
‘Oscar! Explain yourself!’
‘Actually,’ said Mr Pattison, ‘I think I’m more interested to hear Miss Hobbs’s explanation. Let’s see . . . the Deputy Head snogging the school bursar in front of her own pupil – a pupil who happens to be the bursar’s son.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m not sure I’d be able to live with myself if I don’t mention this to Miss James.’
‘But! You . . .’ started Oscar. He wanted to say that he’d seen him snogging Miss Taylor, but the words just didn’t come out.
Mr Pattison looked at him with studied surprise. ‘Yes, Oscar?’ he said slowly. ‘I . . .’
And then to Oscar’s utter amazement, instead of thanking him, Miss Hobbs started shouting at him. She gave him a detention for tomorrow, an essay to write on Why You Shouldn’t Hide in People’s Rooms. He wanted to shout back at her, but he couldn’t speak. He hated her. And his dad. And Mr Pattison. He ran out of the room and launched himself on to his bed before the tears came.
32
ROB, MARK AND Nicky stared at each other in the bedroom.
‘You wouldn’t dare tell Miss James,’ Mark said to Rob, his voice low and trembling.
‘Don’t tell me what I would or wouldn’t do,’ shot Rob. ‘You arrogant prick.’
‘I’m the arrogant prick?’ yelled Mark. ‘I’m not the one proposing to one woman while shagging another!’
‘What?’ said Nicky.
‘Don’t listen to him, Nicky,’ said Rob. ‘He’s just trying to shit you up.’
‘I’m not!’ shouted Mark. ‘You’re shagging Amanda, you hypocrite.’
‘Oh I’m the hypocrite?’ said Rob. ‘I’ve never lied about my feelings. You’re the one pretending to be a right-on new man to get into her pants while telling the lads in the bar that it’s women like her who are bringing down civilisation as we know it.’
‘What?’ said Nicky.
‘What?’ said Mark.
‘You say one thing but you do another,’ said Rob.
‘Well, so do you,’ said Mark.
‘Well, so do you,’ mimicked Rob.
‘Both of you, shut up,’ snapped Nicky. ‘I’ve heard enough from both of you.’
‘Nick—’ they started.
‘SHUT UP!’
They shut up.
‘Mark,’ said Nicky, in a low voice, ‘what do you mean, he’s shagging Amanda?’
‘Nicky!’ cried Rob. ‘This is me. Rob. Don’t listen to him, he’d say anything to get into your pants! Which reminds me, what the hell did I just see?’ He turned to Mark. ‘D’you like to make your son watch, Samuels? You sick bastard –’
‘Rob,’ cut in Nicky, ‘what you saw there was . . .’
‘Nicky!’ pleaded Mark. ‘You don’t have to explain anything to him.’
Nicky looked at him. ‘Mark, don’t you get it? I’ve lost it. I just got off with the bursar in front of my pupil, who happens to be his son.’ She shrugged. ‘It’s hardly Dead Poets Society, is it?’
‘Oh no, Nicky,’ Mark grimaced, ‘that was a crap film.’
‘Nicky,’ said Rob solemnly, ‘I think you have to seriously consider what just happened.’
‘Oh shut up,’ said Mark. ‘You –’
‘Mark.’ Nicky turned to him. Her voice was low. ‘He’s right.’
‘Nicky,’ said Mark, his voice soft and urging, ‘we didn’t do anything wrong.’
Rob let out a harsh laugh.
‘Yes we did,’ said Nicky sadly. ‘Listen to me. I’m very confused at the moment, but I do know that this is my career and I like my career. Spending time with you at the moment is probably the most reckless thing I could do in my career to date.’
‘Why?’
‘I have to focus,’ Nicky went on. ‘Stay sharp.’
‘Nicky,’ insisted Mark, ‘listen to me.’
‘Why the hell should she?’ asked Rob quietly. ‘What does she know about you, eh? Does she know that you think women with careers are destroying mankind? Does she know that you think women should do the ironing while their men go out to work?’
‘WHAT?’ cried Nicky.
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ said Mark.
‘Oh yeah?’ said Rob. ‘It’s amazing what pearls comes out of a charmer’s mouth when he’s had a drink or two.’
Mark turned to Nicky, his voice almost frantic. ‘I was drunk out of my skull because he’d just told me you and he were about to start a family together.’
Nicky stared at Rob.
‘Bollocks!’ laughed Rob in amazement, his eyes wide. ‘Blimey, mate, your porkies just get bigger and bigger. Nicky, I don’t know what he’s talking about.’
‘I tell you, Nicky,’ insisted Mark, ‘I was drowning my sorrows at the thought of you starting a family with someone else.’
‘But I thought you didn’t
want to start another family,’ said Nicky.
Mark looked genuinely astonished. ‘I never said that!’
‘You did,’ said Nicky, ‘to me, on the coach on the way up here. You said you wouldn’t go through having a baby again.’
‘I wouldn’t go through having Oscar!’ said Mark. ‘It was hell. He lost his mother when he was four. It was a nightmare. I’d bloody love more children. Oscar’s been begging for a baby brother or sister for –’
‘Hah!’ interrupted Rob. ‘That’s not the kind of talk you talked with the lads at the bar.’
They both turned on him. ‘Shut up!’
Nicky shook her head. ‘I’m so confused,’ she said quietly. ‘All I know is that I don’t really know who either of you are. What your motives are. And I’m also very confused about myself at the moment.’
There was silence. Eventually Nicky sighed and shook her head. ‘But the one thing I do know is that Oscar is my pupil.’
‘Oh, just give it up, mate,’ Rob told Mark. ‘Don’t you know when you’re beaten?’
‘Piss off, Prattison,’ hissed Mark.
Rob balked. ‘Don’t you dare call me Prattison, you fuck. That was her nickname for me years before you came on the scene in your stupid designer suits. You think because you’ve got a penis for a car that you can get whatever you want –’
‘Do you want my car, or something?’ asked Mark. ‘’Cos you go on about it an awful lot.’
‘No thanks,’ said Rob. ‘I’ve got my own penis, thanks.’
‘Oh yeah, we all know that,’ shot back Mark. ‘And you’re keeping it busy too –’
Nicky let out a heart-stopping scream. They both stopped and looked at her. She stared at them.
‘Don’t you think someone should go and see how Oscar is?’ she asked. ‘Preferably his father?’
Mark turned from Rob to her, his expression dark. ‘Please don’t pretend to teach me how to be a father any more,’ he said, his voice hollow. ‘I know perfectly well that Oscar’s gone. I had thought it would be more appropriate for his teacher to go to him in this instance. He knows that however angry I may get with him sometimes, I love him unconditionally and will never leave him, but he’s never had a teacher shout at him like that. A teacher he cares so much about. Especially as this is a disciplinary issue, not a parental one.’
The Learning Curve Page 43
