“She sounds upset.” Honor bit her lip and looked in the direction of the baby monitor.
“Sometimes she just needs to settle back down.”
She swung her gaze back toward him. “Aren’t you going to go get her?”
Joshua frowned. He didn’t understand why Honor looked so stricken. Was she suggesting he was neglecting Violet? He opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it. He didn’t need to remind Honor that she wasn’t a parent. There was already enough acrimony between them.
It really didn’t matter what she thought. He was Violet’s father. He knew what his own daughter needed better than anyone.
* * *
“I need to go see to her,” Joshua said in an abrupt tone. He turned on his heel and left the room, his footsteps echoing in his wake. Honor turned toward the baby monitor. She could still hear soft cries emanating from it. It caused a tightening sensation in her chest.
Honor hadn’t meant to sound so bossy, but the sound of Violet’s cries had been tugging at her heartstrings. There was something so poignant about the sound of a baby crying. Tears sprang to her eyes and she blinked them away. She knew it had everything to do with the baby she had lost. Joshua’s child. Although her own pregnancy had been unexpected, Honor had desperately wanted to be a mother. Not being able to hold her child in her arms was something she would never get over. And at moments like this one, the pain of loss came crashing over her in waves.
A few minutes later, the sound of footsteps heralded Joshua’s return. Honor’s gaze went immediately to Violet. The baby’s eyes were slightly red-rimmed and her hair was rumpled. She looked adorable.
Honor’s pulse began to quicken at the sight of Joshua and his little girl.
Violet was the perfect name for the blue-eyed stunner squirming in Joshua’s arms. With her chubby cheeks and a head of blond curls, Violet was a vision. Unable to stop herself, Honor took two steps toward Joshua, then reached out and grasped one of Violet’s fingers.
“How old is she?” Honor asked, filled with curiosity.
“She’s ten months old.”
Her throat felt as dry as sandpaper. There were other questions she wanted to ask, but she wasn’t sure it was really her place. Where was Violet’s mother? she wondered. She cast another gaze at his ring finger to make sure she hadn’t missed it. He definitely wasn’t wearing a wedding band.
“Bud said you’d gotten divorced a long time ago,” she blurted out, immediately wishing she could pull back the impulsive words. She didn’t want Joshua to think she’d been keeping tabs on him. Bud had hired her to come over to the Diamond R twice a week to check in on his animals. Although he’d never divulged much about Joshua’s life, he had slipped one day and confided in her about Joshua’s divorce.
“That’s right,” he said, jutting his chin out. “About five years ago. It lasted all of eleven months. I’m no longer married.”
Honor knew the shock was showing on her face. Her entire life people had told her about her inability to hide her feelings. She was certain this moment wasn’t any exception. She was reacting to the fact that Joshua hadn’t married Violet’s mother. It wasn’t shocking in itself, but it didn’t gel with the Joshua Ransom she had once known.
Joshua Ransom was no longer her business. What difference did it make whether he was single or divorced or had a houseful of babies? It was none of her concern. He was nothing more than a faded memory to her.
“Dada,” Violet said in a sing-song voice, looking up at Joshua with a gummy smile.
“Hi there,” Honor said in a light voice, smiling at the blue-eyed charmer. “Aren’t you the sweetest little thing?”
Violet gifted her with a grin, then reached out and tugged at her hair. Honor let out a squeal as Violet grabbed a few strands and wrapped them around her fingers. The expression on Violet’s face was one of triumph.
“Easy there, Vi,” Joshua said with a low chuckle. He began disentangling Honor’s hair from Violet’s grasp. “She loves to latch onto things.”
“She’s beautiful,” Honor said, unable to take her eyes off the little girl. She looked dainty in her pink-and-purple onesie, yet her little body appeared to be sturdy and well nourished. From the looks of it, Joshua was doing a great job in the fatherhood department. There was a funny feeling stirring around in her belly.
“Thank you,” Joshua said. “She’s changed my life in ways I never could have imagined.” Joshua’s voice was filled with reverence. “On a cloudy day, this little lady can make the sun peek out past the clouds.”
“And her mother? Is she here, too?” she asked, her heart sinking at the idea of coming face-to-face with the woman who had given Joshua a child. It was a petty emotion, but Honor couldn’t ignore it. It was an unsettling feeling. After six long years she shouldn’t care about Joshua’s personal life.
Joshua’s expression hardened. His jaw tightened. “She passed away right after Violet was born. I’m raising her on my own.”
Guilt clawed at her. Moments ago she’d felt an emotion resembling jealousy. And now she had just discovered that Violet didn’t have a mother. The situation was heartbreaking. Joshua was a single father raising a baby daughter. And poor Violet would never know the woman who had given her life.
It was incredibly difficult to reconcile the man standing in front of her cradling Violet with the ex-fiancé who had run wild all over town, leaving mayhem in his wake. He had once stolen a car as a prank and broken into a Jarvis Street shop named Keepsakes on a dare. And in one final act of rebellion, he had gone too far and started a fire that had destroyed the town’s beloved church. A local man had sustained burns after trying to put out the blaze. There had been no going back for Joshua after that heinous act. It had earned him a one-way ticket out of Love.
She shook the painful memories off and focused on the present. “I’m sorry to hear that, Joshua. It’s terribly sad for both of you,” she said in a low voice.
“Yes. It’s not fair for Violet. She’ll never get to know her mother,” Joshua said. He sighed deeply. “Tomorrow is never promised, like Bud always said. Life keeps teaching me that lesson. I thought I’d be able to see my grandfather again. He had plans to fly to Seattle to visit Violet and me next month.” His mouth quirked. “That won’t happen now.”
There was nothing Honor could say. No words were necessary. They both knew from their own experiences how unfair life could be. At the age of eight, Joshua had lost a baby sister to leukemia while Honor had struggled throughout her life with having parents who were missing in action. But developing a relationship with God during her college years had strengthened her as a person. He had shown her that despite setbacks and disappointments, life was a beautiful journey.
Honor found her gaze straying back toward Violet time and again. She felt a wild impulse to ask Joshua if she could hold his daughter. She wanted to cradle her tightly in her arms and smell her forehead. Babies always smelled like powder and soap and fresh flowers. She knew it wasn’t true, but looking at Violet made her believe it.
Seeing Joshua’s child created an ache deep within her soul.
“I need to get back to the wildlife center,” Honor said, tearing her gaze away from Violet. She needed to get away from Violet and Joshua as quickly as possible. These tender feelings were making her feel all jumbled up inside. A feeling of intense loss swept over her. Thinking about the baby she’d lost was incredibly painful. Joshua’s child. Seeing Violet brought back those devastating memories. What she wouldn’t have given to have held her own child in her arms just once.
She had only come to the Diamond R Ranch today to meet with Lee about Bud’s will. Seeing Joshua had been a complete shock to the system. And finding out that Joshua had a sweet-faced baby girl had been quite the surprise. Her mind was still whirling about the terms of Bud’s will. It was all a little much for her to absorb at the moment.
Honor had no intention of allowing herself to get swept up in Joshua’s life. When she had ended their engagement, Honor had cut all ties with him. Joshua had torn her world apart and ripped her heart to shreds. Becoming invested in his life was a surefire way to blur the lines she had established between them. She couldn’t run the risk of falling for him all over again. The sight of him holding Violet threatened to wear down all her defenses. It made her wonder what kind of a father he would have been to their child.
Joshua eyed her warily. “Are you finished reading me the riot act?”
She locked gazes with him. “For now,” she said in a low voice. “I don’t want to startle Violet by raising my voice.” On impulse, she reached out and swept a finger across the baby’s cheek. She was soft and warm. She is more precious than rubies. Honor felt a tugging sensation in the region of her heart as she gazed upon the irresistible sight of Joshua’s baby girl.
“By the way, no decision has been made regarding the Diamond R,” Joshua said in a firm voice. “But make no mistake, Honor. Any decision I make will be in the best interest of Violet and her future. The moment I became her father she became my number one priority in this world. Bar none.”
She nodded in his direction as an acknowledgment of the sentiments he had just expressed. Putting his daughter first was noble. She had no idea what that meant for the future of the ranch. If she believed Joshua, its destiny still hung in the balance.
As Honor walked away from Joshua and Violet and out into the brisk February afternoon, a feeling of sadness swept over her. Six years ago she would have given anything to have this version of Joshua Ransom in her life. Steady. Devoted. Strong. Dependable. Instead, she had fallen for a rebellious rabble-rouser who had stolen her heart, then made a fool of her in front of her family and the whole town. Ever since then Honor had been wary of falling in love.
Tears pooled in her eyes as the dreams of her youth came rising back to the surface with a vengeance. She had once dreamed of forever with Joshua. She’d wanted the fairy tale—the white picket fence, the blue-eyed babies who were the spitting image of their father and a happily-ever-after. None of it had come true.
Her brothers had all found their happily-ever-afters. Boone had married the love of his life, Grace, and they now had a baby girl named Eva. Cameron had reunited with Paige and discovered he was a father to baby Emma. Liam had been given the greatest gift of all when he’d discovered that his wife, Ruby, who had been presumed dead in an avalanche, was alive and suffering from amnesia. Their reunion had been incredibly moving. Even Jasper had found everlasting love with Hazel. The list went on and on. Declan. Finn. Sophie. It was as if the whole world was coupling up and finding their happy endings. Everyone but her.
All this time Honor had been telling herself she didn’t want love in her life. But it had been a big lie. Being wounded by her failed relationship with Joshua had made her gun-shy. She wanted the same things her siblings had—promises of forever. But having all her dreams go up in flames six years ago had left her with permanent scars. Even though she had a good idea of the life she wanted to live, she had no idea how to reach out and grab it.
* * *
Once Honor left the ranch, Joshua brought Violet into the kitchen so he could whip up some lunch for her. Introducing Violet to his ex-fiancée had been a bit surreal. Two worlds colliding. He hadn’t bothered to tell Honor that Violet wasn’t his biological child. Truthfully, it wasn’t anyone’s business. In his heart, she was every bit his daughter. When his ex-wife, Lauren, had discovered she had a terminal illness, she had tracked him down and begged him to raise Violet. Although he hadn’t seen Lauren in over two years, Joshua had embraced her request. It had been the single best decision he’d ever made in his life.
Joshua let out a low chuckle as he placed his daughter in the wooden high chair he had retrieved from the attic. It looked like something from the Stone Age. He imagined his grandparents had used it for his own father and perhaps him and Theo as well. He had been surprised at its sturdiness. Built to last. He had always thought of the Diamond R Ranch in the same vein. Enduring.
Joshua placed Violet in the high chair, then bent over so he could place a kiss on her temple. “This thing might be old, but it does the job, doesn’t it, cutie pie?” Violet looked at him and gurgled. He took that as a yes.
Footsteps announced Theo’s arrival in the kitchen. His brother stood in the entryway with a huge grin on his face. With his dark head of hair and azure-colored eyes, Theo could easily pass for his twin. Growing up, they had constantly been confused for one another by teachers and townsfolk.
“Be careful, bro. You’re turning into a pile of mush,” Theo teased. “That little charmer has you wrapped around her finger.”
Joshua felt a slight twinge of embarrassment. He had always prided himself on being rugged and manly. That’s the way he and Theo had been raised. Now Theo had caught him in the act of cooing to his baby girl and mashing up peas and carrots and pastini for her lunch.
Why should he worry about what he looked like? He loved his daughter more than anything in this world. He had always cared way too much about his older brother’s opinion. Doing so hadn’t always been in Joshua’s best interest. It had ended up costing him a lot.
“Fatherhood changes a man,” he conceded, not even bothering to object to Theo’s observation. If being mushy brought him one step closer to being a phenomenal father, Joshua would assume the title as the mushiest guy in all of Alaska.
Theo took off his cowboy hat and rocked back on his heels. “Was that Honor Prescott I just saw beating a fast path away from here on a horse? She was riding like the wind itself was chasing her.”
Joshua didn’t really want to discuss Honor with his brother, but there was no way of avoiding it. Theo had made it clear on numerous occasions how he felt about his ex-fiancée. Stuck-up and highfalutin were two words he had regularly used to describe her. It had annoyed Joshua to no end. Theo hadn’t known Honor. Not the way Joshua had. She had been sweet and loyal and kind. The best person he’d ever known. And if he hadn’t messed things up so royally, she would have become his wife.
“Yes, it was Honor,” he admitted. “She came here to meet up with Lee. And then she blasted me regarding your meeting with the developers. She was really bent out of shape at the idea of us selling the Diamond R.” He hated the way Honor had made him feel. The way she had spoken to him had been harsh, as if he was a traitor to his grandfather and the entire town. Even though a part of him rejected her assessment of the situation, he still felt a bit tarnished by her judgment. Old habits died hard. Sadly, it was a familiar feeling in this town.
Theo’s expression hardened. “Same small-minded opinions,” he scoffed. “Some things never change. These people seem to think they have some say in the matter, when in reality it’s Ransom family business.”
“Please don’t tell me they’re really intending to open an Alaskan dude ranch,” Joshua said. “That’s about the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“They mentioned it in passing,” Theo said with a shrug. “But, to be honest, it’s not my concern. What they do with the property is their business.”
Joshua frowned at his brother. “Sounds like you’ve already made up your mind. We’ve barely discussed it.”
Theo scoffed. “Is there really anything to think about? Let’s face it, Joshua. Neither one of us wants to live in this Podunk town. It would be about as exciting as watching paint dry to stay here. I for one could use a big fat check from this Texas corporation. They sound as if they’re ready to make a very lucrative offer and draw up contracts.”
Joshua’s head felt as if it was spinning. He’d barely been back in Love for twenty-four hours and not only had he inherited the Diamond R Ranch, but he might end up a millionaire if he agreed to sell the property. That type of money would be instrumental in raising Violet and paying for her future education.
Coming face-to-face with Honor had knocked him off balance. She represented all of his young hopes and dreams. There had never been another great love in his life after Honor Prescott. She had imprinted herself on his heart. And even though he shouldn’t care about her opinion, he still did. He wanted her to see the new and improved Joshua. It had hurt him to see such condemnation flashing in her eyes.
Everything was happening way too fast for his liking. The idea of selling his family’s ranch felt incredibly final. And if Honor was right, it wasn’t in accordance with his grandfather’s wishes. But Theo wanted to make the deal, collect the money and then head out of Dodge. It was a lot to process.
“Theo, I need some time to wrap my head around all of this. Why don’t we focus on the memorial service? After all, it’s the main reason we came here, isn’t it? To honor Gramps.”
Theo nodded. “You’re right. Let’s give him a fitting send-off.” He rubbed his hands together. “How about a rip-roaring barbecue at the ranch?”
“It’s February in Alaska. It’s far from barbecue weather.” Joshua chuckled. “How about a simple church service followed by a nice meal and fellowship with some of his friends?” Joshua suggested.
“A church service?” Theo asked with wide eyes. “Not sure we’d be welcome in church, Joshua. Not after what happened with the fire.”
“Our grandfather paid our debts at that church. He donated a hefty sum of money to have it rebuilt. I managed to dodge jail time due to my age, but I still had to attend a program for first-time offenders before I went overseas.” Joshua winced. He hated discussing that period of his life. It hadn’t been pretty. “Pastor Jack reached out to me and extended an olive branch. He wants us to host the memorial for Bud there. He was beloved in this town. Thankfully, the townsfolk could separate Gramps from the actions of his grandsons.” He shook his head, overwhelmed by the pastor’s generosity. Not many people would be gracious toward the man who they believed was responsible for burning down the town’s church.
Her Alaskan Cowboy Page 3
