by Sarra Cannon
Page 31
She was serious. Joe leaned forward. “I give you my word, Darcy. But if you’re not sure, don’t tell me. ”
She smiled. “I appreciate that. But I want to talk about it. I never have. Not even with Lauren. Oh, I know she knows, but we never discuss it. It’s our elephant on the table. The one we all carefully ignore. ”
“All right. ”
He stood and crossed the library, where he carefully locked the door. Then he returned to the desk, but this time he sat on her side of it, in the chair closest to hers. He took her hand and laced their fingers together.
She glanced from the door to him. “Gee, no pressure. ”
“I told you—don’t tell me if you don’t want to. ”
“I do. It’s just, I don’t even know where to begin. ”
“How about with ‘It was a dark and stormy night. ’”
She burst out laughing, then leaned toward him and kissed him.
“Thank you. I feel better now. ” She laughed again. “Okay, it was a dark and stormy night. My mom was dying. She’d come home from the hospital because she wanted to die at home. I was sixteen, Lauren was seventeen. We were scared and waiting to hear she was gone. Lauren fell asleep, but I couldn’t. I went downstairs—a hospital room had been set up in the study of our house—and I sat in the hallway. I don’t know how long. It felt like hours. I remember it was so cold, but I didn’t want to leave to go get a blanket or a sweater. ”
Joe had known that Darcy had lost her mother at an early age, but he hadn’t known the details.
“Didn’t you have anyone to sit with you?” he asked. “Other family members?”
“I don’t remember. That night it was just me. Finally my dad came out. I could tell from the look on his face she was gone. I started to cry and go to him. He…” She paused, then continued. “He pushed me away. I tried to cling to him, and he told me not to touch him. That I wasn’t his daughter. He never wanted to see me again. ”
Joe hadn’t had any idea what she’d been going to tell him, but he hadn’t expected this. Horror filled him, but nothing he felt could match the pain in her eyes.
“I didn’t know what to do,” she said in a whisper. “What to think. I ran to my room. I was crying too hard to speak. Lauren woke up and she got that Mom was gone. We cried together. ” Darcy tightened her grip on his hand. “Later my dad came to me. He said he was sorry about what he’d done, what he’d said. He told me it wasn’t about me. ”
Joe moved his chair closer and wrapped his arm around her. “You don’t have to talk about this. ”
She blinked away tears. “I’m kind of into it now, so you’re going to have to hear the rest. ”
He kissed her forehead and rubbed her back. “Sure thing. ”
She drew in a deep breath. “He told me that my mom had had an affair. She’d met this bright young lawyer at some campaign event, and they’d had a torrid affair. She’d gotten pregnant and had been prepared to leave her husband and baby daughter, only the guy died. So she stayed and they patched up the marriage. ”
Darcy looked at him. “I’m the baby. The child of her lover. No one ever told me until that night. I never guessed. My dad—the man who raised me, not my biological father—never let on. Until the night she died, he loved Lauren and me exactly the same. Or at least he acted that way. But when my mom was dying, she called out for her lover. She died speaking his name. So that’s what upset my dad—so much. When I went to him, he was thinking of her and what she’d done. That’s why he was angry. ”
She brushed away tears. “He told me he was sorry and that I was still his daughter. He did everything he could to make it up to me. But I didn’t believe him. I wasn’t angry, exactly, but I was scared and hurt. I shut down. For weeks I wouldn’t talk to him. At some point he told Lauren, but we never discussed it either. He kept reaching out to me, and I kept turning away. One day he stopped trying and when I was ready, I didn’t know how to reach out to him. We sort of reached an impasse, which is where we’ve stayed. And in the middle of that is Lauren. ”
“All this family crap. Now you know why I want out of here. ”
She clutched his hand tighter. “No, I don’t. You have wonderful people here who love you. There is nothing more important than that in the world. ”
He didn’t want to have this conversation with her, but he knew she was vulnerable, and he didn’t want to lash out at her.
“You don’t understand,” he said, determined not to get angry. “It’s not forever. It’s never forever. Why should I walk away from the work I do, the career I love, for this?”
She stared at him. “What are you saying? The Marcellis will change their mind? They’ll wake up one morning and decide they don’t want you in the family?”
He pulled free of her and stared out the window. “They already did that once. ”
Her breath caught. “The circumstances were completely different. You were a baby. ”
“Yeah, and now I can fight back. ”
He felt her gaze on him. When he finally looked at her, pain darkened her eyes.
“This isn’t about them, as much as it is about her,” Darcy murmured. “Your ex-wife. The one who left. ”
“That was years ago. ”
“What happened?”
He shrugged. There was no point in rehashing that old news, yet he found himself starting to speak. “I’d been gone nearly five months. I’d shipped out without warning. I couldn’t get in touch with her while I was away. I got back after midnight. When I walked in the house, it was dark. It took me a minute to figure out it was mostly empty. She’d gone a few weeks before. Moved out, took the kids. She left a note and the divorce papers on the kitchen counter. ”
Darcy made a noise low in her throat. He saw tears fill her eyes.
“Don’t sweat it,” he told her. “I’d told her the life was rough. She didn’t believe me until she lived it herself. ”
“Did you talk to her?” Darcy asked, her voice thick.
“I called to let her know I’d signed the papers and sent them back to the lawyer. ” He’d wanted to ask about seeing the kids but had figured it would only make things harder for them. Still, he wished he could have let them know he missed them.
“You didn’t ask her to come back?”
“No. If she’d wanted to be with me, she would have stayed. ”
Darcy wiped her cheeks. “Maybe she wanted to know she mattered. Maybe she was trying to get your attention. ”
He looked at her. “I’d married her with the idea I’d spend the rest of my life with her. How much more attention did she need?”
His heart, Darcy thought, trying not to give in to the sobs rising inside of her. Joe told the story so casually, as if it had all happened to someone else. But she didn’t believe that. She believed he’d been blindsided. Oh, sure, he had a part in the divorce. It took two to screw up a marriage, but for him, this blow would wound deeper than most. Yet one more person had shown him that love wasn’t something to be counted on.
He was trapped—unable to give emotionally because he believed there was no point, and unable to learn otherwise because he wouldn’t give.
She wanted to hold him and somehow convince him everything could be different. All he needed was a step of faith. But he was a powerful, capable man. What did he need with faith?
Which left her where? Falling in love with a man who could never love her back?
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Lauren asked. “I don’t have to come visit. ”
Darcy rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. “It will be great to have you here,” she said and nearly meant it.
“It’s just you’ve made everyone sound so wonderful, and I’m dying to meet Joe. ” She lowered her voice. “You know I’m not going to do anything to get in the way of your relationship, right?”
“Of course. So not your style. ”
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br /> Besides, Joe was avoiding everyone and since their conversation the previous day, they didn’t seem to have much of a relationship.
“I’ll let Grandma Tessa know that it’s for sure. She’ll be beside herself. The president’s daughters. She’ll be cooking up a storm. ”
“Okay. See you Friday afternoon. ”
“I’ll be here. ”
She hung up, walked out of her room, and headed for the kitchen. Although she’d already asked the Marcellis about Lauren coming for a couple of days, she wanted to let them know that it was for sure. And someone was always in the kitchen.
Grandma Tessa stood by the stove. She smiled when she saw Darcy. “There you are. Are you hungry?”
Darcy laughed. “I can’t wear most of my pants and shorts. I’m barely squeezing into skirts I brought. ”
“You’re too skinny. ”
Darcy patted her stomach. “Not for long. ” She cheered at the thought of Lauren packing on a few pounds. That was the one place where her sister had more of a problem. Then she scolded herself for being so shallow.
“I talked to my sister. She’ll be here Friday afternoon, after the reading of the will. ”
Tessa clapped her hands. “Good. Good. We’ll plan a special dinner, eh? I’ll call Mary and have her come help. You can help with the menu. We’ll have wine. Such fun. We can…” She frowned. “You’re not happy, Darcy. Why?”
“It’s nothing. Really. This is great. ”
The tiny woman walked over and put her hands on her hips. “I’ve had children in this house nearly all my life and I know when something’s wrong. ”
Darcy figured she might be too old to be considered a child, but she was certainly acting like one. She sighed. “It’s just…” She shifted her feet. “This is really stupid. ” Even more stupid when the first tear slipped down her cheek.
Tessa led her to the table and motioned to a chair. “Tell me. ”
Darcy sank into the seat, then covered her face with her hands. “I love it here,” she said as the tears really let loose. “You’ve all been so good to me, and I really love this family so much. But Lauren is really a much better person. She’s nicer and prettier and more fun to be with. You’re all going to like her better and Joe isn’t talking to me and I’m not going to have anyone and I found you guys first. Which makes me sound like a three-year-old. Plus, you’re still mourning Lorenzo and me talking about something so selfish and stupid is really bad. ”
She braced herself for the scolding or at least a disapproving silence. Instead she heard a soft laugh. She looked at Tessa, who grinned at her.
“Is that all?” the elderly woman asked.
“All? It’s a ton. ”
“I know. Poor Darcy. ” Tessa wiped her tears. “You’re a good girl. You try hard and you give with your whole heart. Of course we’ll like you best. You’re one of us now. Who is this Lauren anyway?”
Darcy sniffed. “She’s really great. Trust me. Everyone adores her. ”
“Maybe, but she’s not you, eh?”
Because her life was one entertainment after the other, Joe chose that moment to walk into the kitchen. He took one look at her tear-stained face and started to back out. Tessa stopped him with a glance.
“Joseph. Come here. Darcy is worried about her sister visiting. Tell her that she’ll always be first in our hearts. And you should make up with her. She’s a good girl. You’re lucky to have her. But do you tell her? No. ”
Darcy winced. This was so not the way to win Joe’s affections.
“I’m okay,” she said quickly.
