by Jill Lynn
Cate grinned. “And here I thought I was the overprotective one. Is Kenzie still with the group? She sent Luc home a bit ago.”
“Yep. She took the late shift for manning the lodge and closing things down tonight. Bless her.” Emma had offered to help since there was no Kids’ Club after dinner, but Kenzie had sent her back to the cabin claiming she was “of almost no use” today. Emma would be more offended if it wasn’t so true. She had been preoccupied by thoughts of Gage and Hudson all weekend long. It was a wonder she hadn’t lost a kid on the hay rides or had one get injured from her lack of attention.
“That was nice of her.”
“Definitely.” And very Mackenzie to handle everything herself.
Cate picked at a piece of lint on her pajama bottoms. “There’s a chance I was rather snarky when Luc got home tonight.”
“Oh?” Emma pressed her lips together to avoid giving in to a grin. “And why would that be?”
Chagrin danced across her features. “I guess I might be just a titch emotional.”
“I suppose being pregnant with twins might do that to a girl.”
Cate laughed. “It’s possible. Plus, none of my clothes fit and it’s making me feel awful. Like I’m a house already, and I’m only in my second trimester. I’ve been wearing pajamas for days. Or yoga pants. They’re all that I can squeeze into lately except for my maternity clothes, which I don’t love. I hardly kept anything, but what I do have was way cuter five years ago.” Her nose wrinkled. “And I don’t feel good when I dress that way. I mean, sometimes it’s fine, but I typically...try.”
Emma laughed. “Well, if it helps at all, you currently look very cute. Like you’ve stepped out of the pages of an L.L. Bean catalogue.”
Cate’s eyes widened. “How did you know that’s where my pajamas are from?”
“Ha! I didn’t. It was just a guess. And while you are very much rocking them, not fitting into anything stinks. You do know what that means, don’t you?”
“What?” Unease crossed her face.
“We must shop.”
A smile sprouted. “I can get behind that theory.”
“We could go to Denver.”
“I’m in. When?”
“I could do a weeknight. Or a Sunday. Or I might have plenty of free time heading my way in the next few days and weeks if Gage has his way.” If Gage was intent on replacing her, maybe Emma wouldn’t be watching Hudson at all anymore.
“Ah. Did we finally reach the part where you tell me how you’re not stressing over not seeing Hudson?”
“I’m not stressing. I’m just...curious. I know it’s not the same because Hudson’s not my kid, but if you didn’t see Ruby for a couple of days and didn’t hear any updates, wouldn’t that drive you nuts?”
Cate palmed her tea and then settled back against the pillows. “Of course I’d worry. That’s normal.”
“So then why is Gage punishing me like this?”
“Em, I don’t think he’s trying to hurt you. He probably just wants to give you some time. Some space. You’ve become attached to Hudson very quickly.”
“And how, exactly, am I supposed to not become attached to him?”
Cate winced. “I have no idea. But what about when Gage finds a family for Hudson? What then?”
She exhaled and repeated Cate’s words. “I have no idea.”
Silence ate at Emma as Cate sipped her tea, her face contemplative. “I know this isn’t easy. Have you been praying about all of this?”
“Yes.” And no. Emma had been praying for Hudson quite a bit, but not about her own part in taking care of him. That portion just seemed...natural. Why did she need to petition God about it? Okay, fine. So she was going to be in a world of hurt when Hudson’s time with Gage was over. But how could Emma not fall for Hudson? She could tell herself she was only watching him temporarily. Like a true nanny. A babysitter. But it had been more than that from the start for Emma. Hudson and Gage were beginning to feel like family. How was she supposed to change her state of mind?
She could run. Hide. Exactly what Gage had given her the opportunity to do this weekend, and instead, she’d been focused on the baby’s well-being the whole time. Wondering how he was. Praying Gage and Hudson were doing well together.
It was too late not to care as deeply as she already did. Was that an ability Emma even possessed?
“I’ve been praying for you. For all of you.”
Emma gave a watery laugh. “Well, that’s just going to make me cry.” Cate’s admission made Emma stumble and pause. She wasn’t alone in this. She had her people. And God. Giving up Hudson, even though he wasn’t technically hers, might be one of the hardest things she’d have to do in her twenty-three years, but God wouldn’t leave her to endure it alone.
“I’m worried about you. Concerned that you’re going to be crushed when Gage gives up Hudson.”
Cate was right to be alarmed on that account. Emma had prayed so hard for Gage to be changed from the inside out so he’d keep Hudson that she hadn’t prepared for the opposite.
“I don’t know how to not love that little boy with everything that I am.”
Cate’s soft smile answered her. “And that’s exactly why we all adore you so much. You give your all with everything you do, Emma. It’s why you’re so fabulously wonderful that if I didn’t like you so much, I’d be jealous of who you are.” The curve of her mouth increased. “You’re amazing. God made you with a gigantic heart. But please try to be careful with yourself.”
“I’ll do my best.” That was as close as Emma could get to the truth without admitting to Cate that it was already too late.
From the moment she’d held Hudson—even back when she’d listened to Gage’s dilemma of figuring out whether or not to keep him—she’d already been long gone.
Chapter Eight
Hudson was a wreck, and Gage was running a close second in that department. They’d done so well all weekend, and then starting in the middle of Sunday night the boy had woken numerous times to declare that he was crabby and unhappy and generally mad at the world. Nothing Gage did made any difference in his demeanor.
It was unlike previous times when he’d cried or been upset. This was more...disgruntled. Some tears. More complaints.
And everything Gage attempted to do to comfort him was met with a shaking head or a hand that pushed away his offer.
Each time Hudson had woken last night, Gage had tried to feed him a bottle. He’d acted interested but then would quickly change his mind, spitting out the nourishment.
This morning Gage had managed to get a few bites of applesauce in him, but that was it. The fact that Hudson refused to eat had Gage’s unease skyrocketing. He might not know much about babies, but that same symptom would concern him with cattle.
Was Hudson sick? Would Gage even know if he was?
He was currently holding Hudson in the recliner. The boy shoved a fist partway into his mouth, stringing together “m” sounds over the intrusion, misery lacing every syllable.
It almost sounded like he was asking for Emma. Or maybe that was just the main thought echoing in Gage’s mind.
Emma would know what to do. But based on how she’d left his house on Friday afternoon, she wasn’t very happy with him.
She hadn’t actually said anything, but she’d been quiet and moody. Less sunshine, more storm cloud. Hopefully, the weekend had allowed her to add a layer of protection when it came to Hudson. That would at least make the Emma-empty days worth it.
Should Gage call her about Hudson?
The whole reason he’d pushed her away was so she could gain some distance, not be so emotionally involved with the boy. And now he was going to interrupt that?
But if Hudson was sick...Emma would never forgive him for not reaching out. At Hudson’s arrival, when Emma had fallen asleep in her car, Gage ha
d assured her that he would reach out if they needed her. He’d asked her to trust him in that.
So that left him no choice in the matter.
The phone rang three times before Emma answered. Her hello was casual. She didn’t acknowledge it was him, but she had to know based on caller ID. Definitely still nursing a grudge. That was just fine. Emma could kick and scream and rail at him. He’d be okay with that as long as it kept her from being hurt in the long run.
He skipped a greeting in return. “Hudson’s not himself. I’m worried something’s wrong.”
“I’ll be right over.”
Gage left his phone on the butcher-block island and paced the room with Hudson. “Emma’s coming over, okay, bud? Maybe she’ll know what you need.”
The baby’s face contorted, and he let out a whimper in answer. Poor kid.
Emma arrived at his place far faster than she should have. Gage had the door open before she could knock. “Did you speed all the way over here?” Completely dangerous and unnecessary. “I’m not okay with you risking life and limb to save five or ten minutes.”
“Hello to you, too.” Emma entered the house, shutting the door behind her as she took off her coat, dropping it and her purse onto the floor. Her arms opened and Hudson lunged for her.
The baby released a relieved sigh once he was tucked inside Emma’s embrace, and Gage’s exhale followed suit. The boulder that had been crushing his chest all morning and half the night crumbled to pieces and crashed to the ground.
Emma might be mad at him, but her arrival was still a warm spring breeze.
“Hey, Sir Hudson.” She ran a hand over his head, lips following behind. “What seems to be the matter? Has Gage been reading legal contracts to you?”
“Ha.” He gave a dry retort, but a chuckle quickly followed. “Not funny.” Except it was.
Emma placed the back of her hand against Hudson’s forehead. Then she pressed her lips there and held. “He’s warm but not overly. What’s he been acting like?”
“Cranky. Unhappy. Doesn’t want to eat. Do you think he could be sick?”
“Does he have any symptoms? A runny nose? Fever?”
“Neither of those. Though my attempt to take his temperature in his armpit did not go well.” Gage had searched online for how to take a baby’s temperature, and then he’d practically ended up in a wrestling match with the boy because Hudson had wanted to shove the thermometer in his mouth and chew on it. “He’s been drooling a ton. Won’t eat. He woke up a few times last night and fussed but didn’t want a bottle. It was more like he just wanted to complain, but I can’t figure out what’s bugging him.”
Emma had been swaying lightly with Hudson tucked against her shoulder while Gage filled her in. Her mouth found the baby’s ear, her voice quiet. “What’s wrong, sweet boy? I wish you could tell us.”
She walked across the living room and back a few times. Gage sat on the couch and prayed, as he had been doing. These were the instances that only confirmed he wasn’t the right guardian for Hudson.
If he didn’t have Emma to help, what would he do?
Emma paused midstep as if an idea had hit her. She slid a finger into Hudson’s mouth. After some exploration, understanding dawned on her features.
“He’s teething. Run your finger along his upper gum.”
Sure enough, Gage found the interruption on the smooth surface. Barely existent, but about to push through. No wonder the boy was so irritable.
“That’s crazy. How am I supposed to know something like that?” If a family would just come through for Hudson, then Gage wouldn’t be bumbling along like he was. In the meantime, he should probably start reading baby books so he could figure this stuff out and know what was headed his way.
“You’re not, I suppose. There’s numbing gel you can put on his gums. And some people use an amber necklace that’s supposed to help with teething pain.”
Emma was speaking gibberish.
“Oh! I remember my mom telling me that she had a trick that worked great on us kids. I’ll call and ask her.” She dug her phone out of her purse, found the number and hit Call, all while holding Hudson and making it look easy as pie.
Emma explained things to her mom, then listened. “Okay. That should work. Thanks, Mom. Love you.” They disconnected and Emma tossed her phone back into her purse. “She said back in the day they didn’t have all of this fancy stuff like we do now. She used to freeze a wet washcloth. Once it was icy, she’d warm up one end of it so we could hold on and leave the rest. I guess we loved to chew on it. And she said in the meantime, anything cold or—”
Midsentence, Emma took off down the hallway.
“Or what?”
No answer. Gage followed, finding her in Hudson’s room. “I thought I remembered seeing some other teething things in his stuff.” She opened the drawer of the dresser and rummaged through where Gage had deposited all things Hudson that he hadn’t known what to do with. “Here we go!” Emma held up a plastic banana that sported a brush at the end. “This looks like the golden ticket.”
She handed it to Hudson, who promptly shoved it into his mouth. She rummaged some more, found a small tube of what must be numbing gel, then closed the drawer.
“I think we should put a few things in the freezer. Washcloth. Teething ring. This may not last long, so we should get prepared.” She scooted past him. “I saw some of those frozen fruit teething things in his stuff, too. Let’s freeze something to go in that for later.”
“Sounds good.”
In the kitchen, Gage put some strawberries in the freezer along with a teething ring and a wet washcloth. Emma rubbed the gel onto Hudson’s gums and he went back to chomping on the toy banana.
“I’m guessing once this kicks in and he gnaws on something cold, he might be ready to eat.”
“Good.” Relief rolled along Gage’s spine.
“Should we put on a movie? Might be a good distraction.”
“I tried earlier and it didn’t work, but it might now.” Especially now that Emma was here.
“What do you think, Hudson?” She carried him into the living room and adjusted his activity saucer so that it was in front of the television. Then she put in one of Hudson’s favorite DVDs. Once it began and his interest was piqued, she gently lowered him into the seat.
Emma backed up a step and waited. Then another. Hudson stayed glued to the movie, not even twisting to check on her whereabouts.
“How do you do that?”
Her line of vision switched from Hudson to Gage standing behind the couch. “What do you mean?” She came his direction, stopping in front of him.
“Twenty minutes ago, I wasn’t sure how we were going to survive the day, and then you show up, solving and fixing, and suddenly everyone is happy again.” Including himself. When Emma had first arrived, Gage hadn’t allowed himself to think beyond helping Hudson. But now he drank her in like a first sip of hot coffee on a snowy morning. “I’m really glad you’re back.”
The toe of her ankle boot tapped as her arms hugged the soft yellow sweater she wore. “Really? Because I was starting to wonder if...” Her head shook. “Why did you send me away this weekend? I could have figured out how to help at the retreat and check on Hudson. And I certainly didn’t need to leave early on Friday. But you didn’t ask, you just decided without my input.”
Emma wasn’t steaming as he’d worried she might be. Based on her drooping shoulders and tone, she was lodging closer to sad.
Which was even worse. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Her self-hug tightened. “Are you done with me? Do you want to hire a nanny for Hudson? Because that’s fine if you do. It’s your decision, I just—”
His snort interrupted her. “Hire someone else? Are you crazy? Besides the fact that you’ve yet to let me pay you for your time, there is no one as amazing as you, Em
ma. Of course I don’t want anyone else.” The “I” hung between them, changing the connotation of what he’d said but not making it untruthful. Gage didn’t want anyone but Emma in his house. In his life or Hudson’s. This wasn’t just about the baby anymore—no matter how many times he told himself it was.
Gage liked having Emma around. Her presence was addicting. Distracting. On more than one occasion Gage had caught himself thinking about what it would be like to kiss Emma. To lean in and taste that adorable lower lip of hers. Kiss away the weekend and his mistakes with an apology that didn’t require words.
Emma’s hands fell to her sides, and she sucked in a breath as if he’d said the thought out loud. He was 99 percent sure he hadn’t. Hudson was a few feet away from them, but in this moment, it was just the two of them. A current hummed and neither of them spoke. Neither moved.
Reality settled in along with a keen sense of disappointment.
Emma believed in happily-ever-afters and castle lodges and I do’s that lasted for fifty years. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see that the woman was born to be a mom and wanted to have kids one day.
Despite caring deeply for Hudson, Gage still did not. And, he reminded himself, that wasn’t a crime.
“Then why’d you boot me out of here?” A cute pucker claimed Emma’s brow.
“A couple of reasons. One, Hudson and I have taken up so much of your time lately, and I didn’t want your work to suffer. And two, Luc and I thought that maybe you—”
“My brother?” Emma’s quiet, torn response made his chest ache. “What does he have to do with any of this?”
Great. Now not only would Emma be upset with him, but Luc, too.
And Gage was at fault in all of it. For hiding their not-so-smart plan from her and then accidentally spilling the beans. For managing to hurt the woman who’d made the sun shine in his life again. And for wanting her at his side when she was, most definitely, off-limits.
