by Jill Lynn
Despite all of his self-admonitions over the last few weeks—the reminders of who he was, his mistakes—Gage couldn’t resist Emma. Ever since he’d seen her for who she truly was, he’d been heading for exactly this. No chance of turning back.
Emma pressed up on her toes to meet his kiss, sliding her fingers into his hair. Killing him slowly.
Her kiss was a mixture of steady and strong with a hint of abandon wrapped in. She tasted like home. Comfort. Like this was where he was always supposed to be, and he’d missed the directions before and ended up lost.
But kissing Emma made everything right in the world.
It was as if everything up until this point in Gage’s life—accomplishment or failure—faded.
He rested his forehead against hers and waited for his skittish pulse to slow.
Waited for her to say something, because he didn’t have words.
I’m sorry?
Would you mind if I did that one more time?
Except one more kiss would never be enough. Not when it came to sweet Emma.
“We shouldn’t be doing this.” He broke the silence.
All of the unspoken reasons wedged between them. A hint of pain pierced her features, plunging a knife through his skin. This wasn’t a smart choice for either of them. And hurting her wasn’t supposed to be an option.
“Well.” Emma’s voice came out raspy, and Gage was pathetically pleased the kiss had affected her like it had him. “If we already started...and today is ruined...we might as well go ahead and finish.”
His mouth twitched. Curved. “You sound like a lawyer.” A cute one. With a very excellent point.
“That’s you, Counselor. I’m just stating the facts.”
His chest rumbled with laughter. What would one more kiss hurt? Because, as Emma had pointed out, he’d already crashed down a slippery slope and wasn’t going to be able to scramble back up without rescue.
“Who am I to argue with such a well-played defense?” Gage ran a thumb over her plump, tempting bottom lip. And then he kissed her again. She made a little sound of contentment. Scooted closer. Cinched the rope she’d already lassoed around him.
A sharp cry came from down the hallway. Emma eased back, eyes crinkling with honeyed remorse. “Time’s up.”
Disappointment choked him. “Maybe he’ll go back to sleep?”
She laughed. Bit her lip.
“Stop it, woman.”
She switched to a full-fledged, knock-him-over-with-a-feather grin.
Another howl came from Hudson. This one annoyed. As if questioning why someone hadn’t come to free him yet. Then a string of demanding babbles followed.
They both laughed.
Hudson was not to be deterred. Probably a good thing considering what Gage and Emma had just been doing. “I’ll get him.” Gage took off down the hall. He should be thankful for Hudson’s interruption. The chance to rein himself in. Head back to the land of logic. Of knowing that he should never have kissed Emma. But mostly, he was enduring the crushing blow of awareness that what had just transpired between them could never happen again.
Chapter Twelve
“Aunt Emma,” Ruby piped up from the back seat as Luc gave Emma a ride back to Gage’s the next morning, “will baby Hudson be awake when we get there?”
“He should be, honey.” This morning Cate had been up early with nausea, so Luc had brought Ruby with them in order to give her some space.
“Yay!” Ruby clapped with excitement. “I’m going to teach him the ABC’s and we’re going to count to ten and then we’ll have recess. And I’ll tell Ms. Robin tomorrow that I practiced school today.” Ruby’s preschool had canceled this morning because so many people traveled into town for it and some of the rural roads still weren’t in great condition. Much to the girl’s displeasure.
“Sounds perfect, Rubes. Hudson can’t really talk yet. He pretty much makes noises and sounds. But whatever you do, he’ll love.”
Luc turned down Gage’s drive, and the sun reflected off of the unspoiled, sparkling snow, practically blinding them. He parked, and the three of them got out of the truck. Gage held the front door open, Hudson in one arm. Ruby squealed with delight at the sight of the baby and took off at a run. Luc followed.
Emma fell in step behind him.
What would it be like with Gage today after their lip-lock yesterday? Would it be uncomfortable? Or would they just go on as if it hadn’t happened?
They hadn’t discussed anything after The Kiss that would forever outrank any other kisses. By the time they’d gotten Hudson up from his nap, changed his diaper and fed him, Luc had unexpectedly shown up to offer Emma a ride home.
Her brother—her knight in a shining pickup truck. How utterly unromantic.
Emma understood Gage’s reasoning behind putting on the brakes during The Kiss, but overnight, her optimism and imagination had birthed a baby. She’d begun wondering if it was possible that Gage might change his mind about his preconceived notions and decide that all he wanted was her.
And Hudson.
She’d never denied being a dreamer.
But despite any niggling fears over Gage’s we shouldn’t be doing this reaction to their kiss, Emma didn’t regret it. In fact, she’d gladly participate all over again.
But then, she believed in love with a capital L—the conquer-anything kind. Gage, on the other hand, was still blooming back to life. She doubted that he was ready to toss his beliefs about marriage and kids to the wayside and saddle up with her. Even if that’s what her dreams had included last night.
They tromped inside. Gage settled Hudson onto the living room floor, and Ruby joined him. She asked him questions he babbled answers to while she pressed every button on every toy that made noise. Hudson was completely enthralled with the girl and the ruckus.
Emma hung her coat in the closet. Took off her lined black ankle rain boots. She’d dressed for comfort today—gray leggings and a black hip-length sweater. She had her hair up in a bun, almost in an effort to prove that she wasn’t primping for Gage. Though she had applied makeup—mascara, a touch of lip gloss. A girl had to feel good about herself, especially if the guy she wanted didn’t echo the sentiment.
You don’t know that for sure. Try for some patience. Who knew what today held? Maybe Emma wasn’t crazy to harbor a little hope.
“Coffee?” Gage offered, mostly to Luc, his attention bouncing quickly from her.
What did you expect, girl? You already knew how the game would end when you jumped into the arena.
“Sounds great.” Luc followed Gage into the kitchen. “For some reason the smell of coffee is turning Cate’s stomach in the morning. I keep running over to the lodge to make it for myself.”
Emma stood indecisively between the kitchen and the living room. Where did she belong? With Luc and Gage? Or the baby and Ruby?
And if she joined the guys, would her brother somehow know that she’d been standing just across the island yesterday when Gage had blown her mind with a kiss so tender and yet smoking that she’d momentarily forgotten her own name?
Since Hudson was happily entertained by Ruby, Emma joined her brother and Gage in the kitchen. She picked a red mug from the cupboard and poured herself a small cup of coffee.
After retrieving the creamer from the fridge, she added a dollop. Gage and Luc’s conversation about how the cattle were faring in the snow screeched to a dead halt behind her.
Emma turned, palming her drink. Both men stared at her—Luc with complete confusion, Gage with an all-out grin. His gaze landed on the coffee in her hands, then bounced back to her face, and an electrical current surged between them. So that did still exist. It hadn’t just been in her imagination. The Kiss played across the big-screen movie theatre in her mind, and, oh, how she wanted to snuggle in with a blanket and some popcorn and hang out for a bit. Exp
erience it all over again.
“I wondered if you’d tried it yesterday,” Gage said.
“It’s not as bad as I’d remembered.” Emma lifted a shoulder, drinking Gage in until she feared that her brother would catch wind of the attraction between them—at least on her side—and confront them right then and there about what was going on.
After his smile kicked into magnetic levels, she tore her eyes away.
“Since when do you drink coffee?” Luc nodded toward the mug cupped between her hands.
“Since yesterday. Gage has been forcing me—”
“Ahem,” Gage interrupted.
“Persuading me to try it. It might be growing on me.” Or maybe that was the man himself.
A few minutes later, when Luc told Ruby it was time to go, she shook her head. “No, not yet, Daddy. We need to stay a couple two more minutes.”
Between the sugary lilt of her voice, the Ruby-ism and the Daddy, Luc would be toast. “I know you want to stay, Rubes, but Dad has to get some work done.”
The girl’s lips quivered with earthquake velocity. “But I don’t want to go home yet. Hudson and I were playing so nicely together.”
Emma managed to stifle the laugh that begged to escape. Well played, little one.
“Ruby, you should grow up to be a lawyer.” Gage lifted his coffee cup in a salute. “All of the women in your family seem to have a gift when it comes to closing arguments.” He raised an eyebrow at Emma, causing her cheeks to heat and flame. Thankfully, her brother faced Ruby, his back to them.
“Luc.” Emma touched his arm, her voice low. “I can keep her. I’m sure Gage doesn’t mind.” Why hadn’t Emma thought earlier to have her stay for the day? Ruby would be a help with entertaining Hudson, and it would give Cate a day to rest and grow some beautiful babies. Two birds, one stone.
Though, knowing Cate, the minute she felt even remotely better, the woman would be back at her computer, designing whatever freelance graphic design project was due next.
“Not at all.” Gage dumped the last sip of his coffee into the sink and loaded it into the dishwasher along with Luc’s. “Totally up to Emma, but I’m good with whatever.”
“Are you sure? That’s a lot for you to handle.”
Emma laughed. “Two kids compared to twenty or more? I think I’ll be just fine.”
Luc shook his head in wonder. “And pretty soon our household will be up to a total of three of them. Crazy to think.” He hugged Emma. “Thanks, sis. You’re the best.”
“I like to think so.” When she preened, Luc half laughed, half groaned. He said goodbye to Ruby—who wasn’t the least bit concerned over his departure—then took off.
Gage bundled up to head outside, and Emma busied herself in the kitchen even though there really wasn’t anything to do. But she wasn’t going to stand by the front door and expect a bye, honey, have a great day smooch from Gage.
Sadly.
Instead of heading out the door, Gage rounded the island, then paused in front of her. Emma’s breath stuttered in her lungs, stalling. His hair was in a bit of disarray this morning, but that only served to make it more attractive. Muscle memory flared, the feel of it igniting on her fingertips even though her hands were currently nowhere near him.
“Em.” His eyes asked questions and demanded answers she didn’t plan to give. “About yesterday...”
He’d better not apologize. Or say anything including the word kiss. Because while Ruby was currently captivated with Hudson, her little ears could be quite perceptive when they wanted to be.
“I shouldn’t have...and I’m—”
“Don’t you dare apologize, Gage Frasier.” Amazingly, Emma’s voice remained low and even while she quickly came to terms with the fact that her fanciful hopes and dreams were exactly that. Gage hadn’t changed his mind overnight about everything he believed to be true.
Ouch. The blow cut deeper than she’d expected.
Emma read so much remorse and care on his face. Concern, but not love. Nowhere near that. “We want different things for the future, and I—”
“Stop!” Emma raised a finger. “I don’t want to hear it.” She considered pressing it against his lips to still any more words from tumbling out, but that kind of touch right now—contact with the place she wanted to experience again and wouldn’t—might send her crashing to the floor.
Emma didn’t need to hear that their futures didn’t align. She already knew. It already hurt. And Gage, being the gentleman he was, would never take advantage of her. Never let a relationship happen when he didn’t plan to have children and she did.
Gage’s eyes were soft. “Fine. You win. No apologies. But we’re good? Because if I’d ruined our friendship, I’d never forgive myself. And I don’t want to mess things up for Hudson, either. He needs you.”
Emma had never before managed a conversation while being repeatedly stabbed. She let the waters of disappointment cover her head. Tug her under. Maybe she didn’t need to surface. Not today.
“We’re just fine.” Resignation laced the lie. Emma was usually a big proponent of the truth, but in this case, it would only cause harm. So she would allow herself the sin and take the punishment that went with it.
“It’s not you, Em. Not in the least. But I don’t want—”
Kids. “I understand.” She interrupted, unable to hear him say it out loud right now. Knowing that she wasn’t enough to change his mind. “But don’t apologize. Because I’m not sorry.”
Even if Gage had glimpsed for just a few seconds how she felt about him, Emma would consider that a victory. Because someday, somehow, she wanted him to experience love again. The all-encompassing, no-holding-back kind. The kind that he refused to go anywhere near.
Gage framed her face with one hand, thumb tattooing his touch across her cheekbone. “Then I’m not, either.” Unspoken loss echoed between them. His hand crashed to his side. “I’m glad I didn’t hurt you.”
She hadn’t said those words, but if that’s what he’d gathered, Emma would let him rest in that mistaken knowledge.
And really, none of this was his fault. Emma had stridden into this wall of pain willingly. She’d seen the attack coming—the turmoil that falling for Gage would cause—and she’d marched right into battle. As she was apt to do. She had a tendency to leap. To believe in people. In mended hearts and good intentions.
Just like she had with James.
And now, here she was, repeating the same mistakes with Gage. Only he wasn’t anything like James. Except for the fact that he was all wrong for her.
Gage didn’t want her. Not like that. Or at least not enough to even consider changing his mind about marriage. Kids. And still, she’d jumped right in without a life preserver. Without caring what would happen to her when things didn’t work out.
Gage walked to the front door, then paused with his hand on the knob. “Hey, will you go to Denver with me tomorrow afternoon? I have to drop off stuff at my old firm, and then we could shop for clothes for Hudson. Didn’t you say his things are getting small and that he needs the next size up?”
“I did.”
“I’m not sure what to get him, and I thought maybe you could come. But it’s okay if you can’t.”
I can’t. Any more time she spent with Gage now would be like skinning the same knee over and over again without time for healing between collisions. The wound digging deeper with each impact.
But what was she going to do? Tell him that? If Emma wanted to keep watching Hudson—which she did—then she had to pretend that all was well. That being with Gage wasn’t wonderful and painful all at the same time.
Because if the man discovered her feelings, he would want to protect her. To separate them and somehow spare her this agony.
“Sure.” Tears built in the back of her throat, choking, climbing into her eyes. “Sounds great.�
�
And like it might kill me.
Now Emma just had to make sure that Gage didn’t find out how far she’d fallen.
* * *
Emma held up a onesie with rock star scrawled across the front. “Isn’t this cute?”
“Sure. It’s great,” Gage added some enthusiasm to his tone, thinking maybe if he did, Emma would actually pick out items instead of just looking at them. “Put it in the cart.”
Her hand landed against her sternum, her dramatic expression exaggerated. He hoped. “When a person shops, they have to really shop. Not just browse and toss items into the cart. What fun would that be?”
“The fast kind?”
Raised eyebrows turned Emma into a schoolteacher about to reprimand Gage...or send him to the principal’s office. A pretty one. She wore leg-hugging jeans, brown leather ankle boots, and a slate-blue shirt that so perfectly matched her eyes that Gage had been mesmerized by them since she’d arrived at his house earlier this morning.
“Real shopping is comparing different things to make sure it’s definitely what you want.” Emma’s first-grade level explanation only added to the teacher scenario he’d just conjured. She held the onesie against another of the same. Checking sizes or torturing him—he wasn’t sure. “It can’t be rushed.”
Gage wrinkled his nose. “I don’t think I like this turn of events.”
Mirth danced in her eyes. “Well, this is definitely a yes, so I will put it in the cart.” A sassy, kissable grin accompanied her statement.
Whoops. There he went again, reliving that moment in his kitchen. Or wishing he could.
“All right, he needs pants. His are getting short.” Emma drove the cart with Hudson in it, and Gage followed like a lost puppy. He’d imagined shopping to be walking into a store—one, not the two they’d already been to—and picking out a couple packages of clothes. Done. He hadn’t understood exactly what he was bargaining for with Emma in the lead.
Not that he’d know what to buy for Hudson without her.
“What do you think of these?” She held up some miniature khakis that had a zipper by the thigh—a style choice, Gage assumed, since it didn’t actually accomplish anything. One that Hudson would probably find distracting and interesting.
