by A. M Surtees
In a way, Penelope’s betrayal was worse than my own mothers because as stupid as it sounds, my mother didn’t choose me. Penelope did. She chose to take me in and make me her daughter. Only to turn around and betray me anyway and now there was a chance I could die here and she was the reason why.
Chapter thirty-one
Looking around I realised there was one person missing from the tarmac.
“Camille” I managed, the blood loss making it increasingly harder to do much of anything but the realisation that Camille was not here gave me a burst of adrenaline that helped me to muster the energy to stand. Daniel tried to convince me to stay still but it was a pointless effort, I had to reach Jackson, I had to tell him she was gone.
Jackson turned around just in time to catch me as my legs gave out from under me, screaming out in pain as I collapsed into him.
“Tam, what on earth are you doing child? The ambulance will be here any minute, you have to keep your strength up or you wont get out of here alive, do you understand me?” His tone was harsh but still warm. I honestly don’t know what he would do if anything happened to me, we had been together more than half my life, he helped me get clean from the concoction of drugs that riddled my fourteen year old frame, nursed me back to health and gave me a life that was worth living.
Jackson and Penelope had given up hope of ever having a child of their own when I came along, giving them a chance to change a life in a whole new way. Jackson would move heaven and earth for me and I knew it without question. He may be my boss now, but he was my savior first and for that I would always be grateful to him.
“She’s gone Jax. Look around! That bitch took off!” I was here waiting for someone to save me from dying and the one who shot me had taken her opportunity during the commotion and fled the scene. Not knowing which direction she went in, she could be anywhere by now. The unfairness made my blood boil.
Jackson ordered Braxton and Dimitri to sweep the area in the hopes she hadn’t gotten far while he called back the emergency operator to demand they hurry up.
Daniel took me into his arms, forcing me to sit as I tried my best to fight through the pain that was slowly becoming unbearable, my breathing growing quite heavy as my body started to shut down from the blood loss. If I was going to go out, I wasn’t going to go out easily. I opened my mouth to speak only to have the warmth of his hand against my face, indicating that now was not the time for any more talking.
I could hear Jackson on the phone to the ambulance, screaming at them to get a move on, that I was bleeding to death. The sound of those three words ‘bleeding to death’ struck a nerve very deep within me, an emotion I have not shown in a very long time, a fear that was unmatched by any other emotion. If I wasn’t taken to hospital soon, I was going to die.
I’ve felt fear before, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t, everyone has at some point but I haven’t felt a sickening fear like this in a very long time and I’ve never in my life feared death, always proclaiming to welcome it with open arms. Now, as I lay against the warmth of Daniel’s chest, blood staining the cool, hard ground of the Sydney airport runway, my arms were indeed not open, I would not welcome my demise. I feared it with every fiber of my being.
Even considering the line of work I am in, I never thought in my wildest nightmares, that I would be facing death at twenty seven years old; I, like many others, hoped to retire at a reasonable age and live out my life until death called my name at a time well into grey hair and sagging cheeks.
I wasn’t scared. I was absolutely terrified that this would be my last day on this earth. My breathing was becoming increasingly difficult, my shirt no longer white, now a deep crimson red as it became soaked in my blood, the bullet clearly hitting something important when it entered my body. It was becoming exceedingly clear that I would be Camille’s second fatality in three months.
Part of me wondered if she felt any kind of remorse for taking another person’s life. The thought forcing me to reflect upon myself and all the lives I’ve snuffed out over the years without even batting an eyelash. Sometimes even going as far as to say I enjoyed it.
It has been my job for eight years, luring unsuspecting men – albeit criminals of various kinds – and taking away their lives for a large paycheck. A thankless job that takes away any dignity and self-respect you have, replacing it with a cold self-loathing and hatred for pretty much anyone and anything. It was lonely, sure, but it paid well. And as corny as it sounds, this job led me to Daniel so I guess it wasn’t so lonely after all. Jackson, Mack, Dimitri, James, Braxton and now Daniel, were my team, my family and I knew that if I were to die here like this, I wouldn’t be alone which in itself felt quite comforting.
I’d never regretted anything I’d done in my life, I was simply following the path that I had been put on. But now that I really looked back and thought about it, I wondered if there was something better I could have done with my life. Maybe I could have been a doctor. How ironic that would be.
I was dragged out of my deep episode of hatred filled reflection by Daniel. I must have been drifting out of consciousness, his voice urgent yet cracking under the velocity of his sadness, tears flowing freely from his eyes as his fear for my life shone through in spades.
“The ambulance should be here soon, Tam, then we can get you to the hospital and get you fixed up. You’re going to be fine.” Jackson said, trying his best to be reassuring.
I don’t know if it was me he was trying to reassure, or himself, but either way, he was trying his best to stay positive. He may be a bit of a hardass at times, but he was the closest thing to a father that I had ever known and I loved him like one, knowing with certainty that he felt exactly the same way. When push came to shove, he was all the family I had and there were even times when each other was the only thing either of us had.
Daniel had shifted me back onto his lap, this time sitting me on his crossed legs with my head resting heavily on his shoulder. I felt his breath grow heavier each time I gasped for a breath or winced in pain, as if he could feel it too. I was more than a cheap fling to him, I knew that now. He loved me with everything he had and now he had to sit and watch me die. I could see it in his eyes, he wanted nothing more than to take away my pain, to hold it on his own shoulders and a feeling seeped through me; a certain knowledge that if the roles were reversed, I would want the same.
This is why I had tried to push him away. This was what I had wanted to avoid and we ended up here anyway, my heart slowing and his heart shattering into irretrievably small pieces. Why couldn’t he have just let me walk away? Now he had to watch me die. I didn’t want this for him but in all fairness, I didn’t exactly want to die like this either.
“Jackson, Daniel, the ambulance is coming up the runway. Do you want a hand to get her up?” James shouted, finally standing again after taking a moment to pull his balls back down from inside his chest. Braxton and Dimitri walking back towards us shaking their heads to indicate they had no luck locating Camille. The four boys crowded around me until the paramedics instructed them to back away and make room.
The first guy was quite plain; around five foot five with a black crew cut and dark eyes. He took hold of my hand, moving it out of the way so he could get a closer look at my wound. Trying to lift my blood drenched shirt for a closer look, he called to the second guy – a tall blonde man – to retrieve something from the ambulance to ease the blood loss.
He said something to Jackson that made the man with less emotion than I had, shed a few tears.
“It’s not looking good, I’m sorry. She’s lost a lot of blood and we have to get her to the hospital as soon as possible if she’s going to have any chance of surviving. The fact that she is still conscious definitely helps her chances so whichever one of you is coming with us in the ambulance needs to keep her talking.”
Daniel’s hand gripped my free hand so tightly that I could barely feel my fingers. The fear and tension that overwhelmed him caused his hand to shake slightly
. My life was on the line, the paramedics knew it, the team knew it, I knew it. Hell, even Penelope knew it. If I wasn’t in surgery soon to rectify the damage this bullet had caused, and get the sneaky little thing out of me, I was a goner for sure.
Denial started to set in with both Jackson and Daniel, ignoring the words of the paramedics and saying over and over that I was going to be ok. I wanted to believe them, I wanted my happily ever after with Daniel, but my gut – pun intended – suggested otherwise.
Chapter Thirty- two
Daniel volunteered to ride in the back of the ambulance with me, along with the taller of the two paramedics. Jackson, Mack and James would meet us at the hospital while Dimitri and Braxton got on the plane with Penelope and made a beeline for Melbourne, Dimitri giving me a hug and a peck on the forehead, stating that he would see me later when I get through this.
The paramedic sat against the door, making room for Daniel to sit next to the stretcher I had been placed on. He was monitoring my condition and was there in case I took a bad turn on the way in to the hospital.
Daniel held my hand tightly in his, our fingers interlocking as if they were made for each other, fitting together like a lock and key. I’m not one to believe in that universal intervention stuff but something inside me began to wonder if Daniel was my soul mate, the one I was destined to find. It kind of made sense when you thought about it. I was someone who had walls higher than the Eiffel tower and without even trying, he broke through them. I made a living by not caring about human life and he made me care about him with such a fire that I would take a bullet for him. Probably a poor reference at this current juncture, but the point remained the same. He, almost effortlessly, changed me.
As hard as I had tried to fight it, I had fallen for him. He had seen a side of me that even Jackson hadn’t seen for many years, a fragile side and he had embraced me, helping to take away my anguish and ease my hurt. Which, to the peril of my resistance, I had welcomed whole heartedly.
Brought back into the present, I gasped for air, wincing in unbearable pain as I dug my nails into my waist as if it would magically make the pain go away, to no avail. My brows dripped with sweat, my hands clamming up and bile building in my throat, making it increasingly more difficult to breathe so when I tried to speak, little more than mouse like squeaks were the only things I could manage at first, slowly finding my voice.
“Daniel, I’m sorry,” I could only manage one word at a time, taking deep breaths in between. Daniel raised my hand up to his mouth, kissing it softly as he told me to save my strength.
As usual, I didn’t listen.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to save you from this hurt. That’s why I tried to push you away.”
He broke down, tears again flowing freely from his eyes as he clung to my hand for dear life, for my dear life.
“It’s ok; I understand why you did it. Honestly, I do. But love, I’ve never felt like this before. No one has ever gotten under my skin the way you do. I’ve always just played the field, never letting anyone get close to me and I know you’re the same. If the roles were reversed I probably would have done the same. But it’s ok; you don’t need to worry about it right now. We can talk when you’re feeling better, ok?”
“No... I need... to get this... out... now. I feel the same way... I can’t... can’t explain it. There’s something about you... I can’t help it... I tried... so hard... to ignore it... but I can’t anymore. If I’m going to die...”
“You’re not going to die, you hear me? You’re going to be fine!”
I coughed hard, gasping for air more and more as my lungs felt like they were filling with water but I had to say it, I needed him to know. Tears ran down the side of my face as I continued,
“Daniel... please... you need to... let me finish. If I’m going to die... I want to make sure... that you know... I’ve never felt... anything even close... to what I feel... for you.”
My body shook hard at the added exertion, blood spilling out of my mouth as I coughed continuously, screaming in pain as the convulsions forced my abdominals to contract and making the bullet rip into my internal organs like a razor blade. The paramedic jumped to the other side of the stretcher, pounding his hand against the partition, demanding the driver to step on it or they were going to lose me. Everything shifted with a jolt as the driver planted the foot down, engaging the sirens along with the lights so that he could gain a clear path to the hospital.
The paramedic took my blood pressure and temperature, neither were positive. Hospital or not, if this bullet wasn’t gone soon, I was going to be. As the paramedic looked me over, checking my lightly patched up wound that had been covered with a gauze patch to stem the bleeding as much as possible, I could hear Daniel praying to a god he didn’t believe in, begging to ‘anyone who might be listening’ for a miracle.
Once the coughing fit had ceased, the paramedic reclaimed his post to make notes in the file that had been made up at the airport to keep track of my condition between the initial assessment and the doctor’s assessment that would be done at the hospital. It’s supposed to help the doctors in cases like this, where the patient can be difficult to get information from for whatever reason, in my case, a bullet wound that I was slowly bleeding to death from.
This was my karma. It was as if every second, every minute that had ever ticked by, between pulling the trigger on a job and the mark’s death, had been accumulated over time to determine how long it would take me to die by the very thing I had used countless times before, to take countless lives. This was God’s way of getting me back I suppose and I deserved it. Their deaths may have been quick for the most part, but mine wasn’t going to be. I had killed hundreds of people in the eight years I worked for Jackson and even if their death takes milliseconds, it still adds up.
The ambulance pulled into the emergency bay and the rear doors flew open to reveal a swarm of doctors and nurses ready to take me straight into surgery. I overheard one of the doctors say that he was hopeful purely because I was still conscious and I wanted so much to believe him, I truly did but I could feel my body shutting down. I’d lost too much blood, my chances of surviving this were getting shorter and shorter with every passing moment.
Holding my hand out to Daniel, he took it in his own as he followed alongside the stretcher down the hall, our fingers intertwining once more, the pain spreading throughout my entire body until I couldn’t feel anything other than the warmth of his hand against mine.
“Sir, I’m going to need you to wait out here. We need to get her into surgery right now. I will come and find you once we are done.”
He leaned forward, kissing me gently on the cheek, his free hand resting against the side of my face as he wiped the tears with his thumb.
I mustered up what felt like the last ounce of strength I had to almost incoherently mutter three words before the darkness began to set in from the sedation the doctor had given me as soon as I was out of the ambulance.
“I love you”
“I love you, too.” He couldn’t contain his breaking heart, his eyes puffy and red from his own pain as the blackness took hold, my eyes closing for what I was certain would be the last time.
As if I was outside of myself, I could see across the room at the doctors and nurses frantically trying to save my life. I screamed at my lifeless body to hold on, but it was too late. My time was up. I watched as my body convulsed, the pain fading away as I faded away with it, leaving nothing but the elongated sound of the ECG machine flatlining.
The blackness surrounded me, taking me to a place so far away that there would never be a chance to come back. The last thing I felt was the surge of electricity that rippled through me for a moment, the ECG line remaining flat and then the nothingness came, wrapped me up in it’s embrace and carried me away. Away from my life, away from my friends, my family and away from Daniel. Life was so unbelievably unfair sometimes.
Chapter thirty-three: (Daniel)
Jumping out of my seat,
I lunged toward the doctor as he approached the waiting area where I sat impatiently with Jackson, April and James, praying for a miracle yet fearing the worst. A fear that was confirmed for all of us before the doctor had a chance to open his mouth, instead raising his hand up to his head to remove his surgical hat.
I’d seen more than enough television shows over the years to know what that gesture meant. He was about to give us some b.s. spiel about how they did everything they could and blah, blah, blah.
“Ultimately the surgery was a success and we were able to get the bullet out cleanly, however during closing she hemorrhaged and after tireless efforts there was nothing more we could do. I am truly sorry for your loss. If you would like to go and spend a few moments with her, that would be ok.”
“Wont there be blood everywhere?” Mack asked, her voice shaken at the loss of her long-time friend and the idea of once again seeing her covered in blood.
“We’ve cleaned everything up and closed her up so it will be fine for you to go in and say your goodbyes. Take all the time you need.”
I sat in the waiting room, eager to see her but reluctant to say goodbye so I let Jackson go in first. James took it upon himself to make the dreaded phone calls to notify both offices that not only was Camille still at large, armed and dangerous but Tamikah was gone. Even thinking the words were like a sword wrapped in barbed wire, plunging into my chest. She told me she loved me. After all the efforts she made to try and push me away, she had finally given in and allowed herself to admit her feelings for me were real. For what? So I could watch her die? Why did the universe have to be so damn cruel.
In that moment, I didn’t know who I was more pissed at. Tamikah for coming into my life and making me fall in love with her, myself for allowing myself to fall for her in the first place, Camille for being too stubborn to just accept defeat or the universe for putting Tamikah in the path of Camille’s flimsy aim and ripping her from my grasp. Safe to say I was a mess of emotions but I had to pull myself together somehow. Not today, not tomorrow, but someday, somehow. I would have to pull myself together enough to find Camille so I could make her pay for the pain she has caused.
