by Bella Grant
Chapter 24
Carter
Ava took a deep breath and tried to suck in her stomach. It was impossible. Each day, she got fatter, rounder, and swollen, and each day, her body seemed to change. The baby kicked inside her. My little athlete, she thought to herself, laying her hand on the bulge where her son liked to kick.
Six months had passed since she’d moved in with Mateo. His roommates had vacated at the end of the semester, and he had decided not to find any others. Ava was still living on the savings she’d collected from working for Carter and was able to cover half the rent. Together, they made it work, and although Mateo never said a word about the stress she caused him, Ava could sense it was there, and she deeply regretted imposing herself on him.
There were nights when she had to lock her phone in a desk drawer to stop herself from texting Carter. She had only once in the last six months. About three months in, delirious with lack of sleep and feeling the hormones flood her body as the baby grew inside her, Ava thought she might not be able to keep going without Carter. But even on the threshold of crazy, she knew better than to tell him about the child. She couldn’t let him know, not if he was the one who did this to her. He might try to take it from her. She didn’t know what to think, and the craziest feeling of all was knowing she shouldn’t trust him because everything inside her wanted to. How could she not know him after all this time?
The text she sent was fairly innocuous, just that she was doing fine and living in Boston, and she hoped he was happy. He had messaged back, asking to talk, but by then, the wave of hormones had passed and she had the fortitude to ignore his message and stay strong.
He hadn’t tried to find her. Although she didn’t like to admit it, Ava was hurt that he’d stayed away, though she wasn’t surprised. A man like Carter didn’t grovel. He was a man, and he respected her wishes. None of it made sense. How could a man like him have done something so underhanded and manipulative? How could he have sabotaged the condoms, hoping to get her pregnant?
She had never considered having a baby, but she loved the feeling of Carter’s child growing inside her. Some days, it made her cry knowing this beautiful experience was so tainted, wishing the child had been conceived knowingly. She probably would have consented to it, too, if he’d asked her. Or told her.
She’d never felt so horny before, either. The pregnancy made her go wild with desire, and when Mateo was away at law school, she would wrap herself in the lace robe Carter had given her, her body familiar and normal except for the seductive curve of her swollen stomach, and lie down on her bed to pleasure herself. Closing her eyes, she pictured his face and his hands, his thick cock and the hungry look on his face as he took her. And she imagined him impregnating her, telling her she would be a mother.
Ava, you’re going to have my child, he whispered in her ear, holding her down hard on his cock. She imagined her hands cuffed behind her back, unable to resist, unable to protest what he wanted. Begging was an option, pleading with him not to leave his seed inside her, but she didn’t want to beg him. She didn’t want to stop him at all.
She imagined riding him, bouncing up and down, his hands holding her small body firmly in their tight grasp, lifting and dropping her in a steady, rhythmic motion. And she imagined looking into his face and seeing he meant it, that he would give her a child, and she trusted him that it was the right thing for both of them. I’m going to come in you, Ava, she imagined to herself, trying to remember his voice. I’m going to make you orgasm so your cervix is open and aroused, and then I’m going to come in you. You will have my child.
As she touched herself, Ava imagined his fingers instead of hers, and his cock buried deep inside her, thick and swollen with desire, ready to come. Just as her fingers pushed her body over the edge and she lay quivering and shaking on her small mattress in her cheap apartment in East Boston, she imagined him coming in her, his cock pressed against her cervix, and she ran a hand over her belly, knowing what was growing inside.
Ava felt conflicted and raw with hurt. She would have carried his child if he’d asked her. She would have done anything for him, if he’d asked her. She had been ready to give all of herself to him, to be his to use as he wanted, to care for and love, to mold into the woman he wanted her to be. But instead, he had lied and manipulated her, and now, she was pregnant and alone, and he was a million miles away.
The first and second trimester passed before Ava hardly had a chance to reflect. Now she was solidly in her third and last trimester, and her body was swollen with Carter’s child. Days were filled with awkward naps and food cravings. Two months before the baby was born, Ava received a cardboard envelope in the mail. She looked at it, confused, before tearing into, pulling out her diploma.
The paper in her hand felt unreal. She had satisfied her final courses and applied for graduation shortly after moving to Boston, although she decided not to attend the ceremony. Mateo took her to dinner to celebrate her achievement, but the pregnancy messed with her taste buds and she couldn’t enjoy most things on a menu anymore. Still, she had her college degree, and that was the biggest thing she’d done in her life so far. At least she’d be able to provide for her child once it arrived.
Chapter 25
Carter
Carter had hoped life in Boston would be a good distraction, but he was overly optimistic. Yes, work was all-consuming, and that helped. Moreover, the townhouse he’d rented had no trace of Ava in it, so he was able to move about it without bumping into her ghosts. She was inside him all the time, though, everywhere he went, so it didn’t matter where he tried to run. She was with him always.
The store had hit a few snags—permitting and licensing. Carter was trying to add a bar to this one, a new addition to his business model, creating a transitional space that functioned both as a coffee shop and a lounge with a kitchen in the back. It was the first time he’d added booze to his shops, and he needed to make sure that all his liquor permits were in place before moving forward. The vendors in this city don’t know their ass from their elbow, he thought to himself, and even the little jobs seemed like a struggle.
Still, his location on Newbury Street was prime real estate, and he had a great artist working with him on the café design. A mixture of old leather furniture, brightly woven Persian rugs, and brass fixtures offset the antiqued brick and mortar and the signature mahogany counters he put in place at each location. Carter especially enjoyed the bright light that poured in through his office window and the fiddle leaf fig tree that stretched its leaves out in the morning sun as he sipped his cappuccino and planned his tasks for the day.
Picking up his phone, he had the urge to text her, an urge he often had and which struck him at any random hour. He’d come to expect it, and he did what he always did. Opening a text to her, he typed,
Ava, I miss you. Can’t we please talk? I don’t know what happened, but I want you back. I’m half myself without you. Call me.
He stared at it a moment before holding his thumb on the delete button and watched his words disappear one by one, letter by letter, until he was able to put his phone back in his pocket and go about his day.
Since he’d been in Boston, he’d called Michelle once. The things he used to talk to her about seemed so trivial in this new reality, one where he’d lost the thing that was most important to him and had to cope with that, one day at a time. Her advice was good, but he felt the need to go it alone.
As the months passed, winter turned into spring, and the flowers bloomed and pedestrian traffic picked up despite the blustery weather and the occasional snowstorm. His grand opening approached, and the staff had been hired. His mind was focused on the marketing and publicity opportunities for the restaurant and the expansion of his brand. He’d hired a talented young chef to run the kitchen, a new element in this restaurant. This one was a spin-off, and if it was as successful as the coffee shops, he’d have a whole new direction to take his business.
On opening night in early May
, Carter looked around the open room in hopes of spotting her face, despite knowing that the chance of her being there was highly improbable. He managed his disappointment and recovered swiftly, moving gracefully amongst the crowd of newspaper food critics and curious diners.
As he moved to the back of the room, he noticed one face that was familiar: Ava’s friend and a young woman he didn’t know. When they made eye contact, Mateo looked as uncomfortable as Carter felt, but neither had a way of escaping, so Carter made his way casually over to their table.
“Hello,” Carter greeted him, extending his hand. “Mateo, right?”
“Yeah, that’s right,” Mateo said stiffly, adding, “I didn’t know this was your place.”
“It’s true,” the young woman interjected. “I dragged him out tonight after hearing about the grand opening.” She seemed friendly and outgoing though totally oblivious to the tension radiating between them.
“Ah. Well, it is,” Carter said politely. “I hope you’re enjoying everything.” He turned to leave but couldn’t stop himself from pausing and asking quietly, “How is she?”
“She’s fine,” Mateo answered succinctly. “She doesn’t know you’re in town.”
“I see,” he nodded. “Thank you.”
It took Carter a moment to gather his thoughts before moving on to the next table of diners to thank them for their support. His mind was awhirl with thoughts of Ava and what it meant that she didn’t know he was here, and whether she was actually fine. Mateo had given him the impression he was to stay away, and Carter struggled to do so. He wanted nothing more than to speak with her, expect perhaps to honor her wishes. If she came back to him to truly be his, she needed to do it unprompted. It had to be her decision.
After opening night, the restaurant maintained a considerable amount of new business and the house was packed on a regular basis. Working long hours and getting hardly any sleep left Carter with little time for a social life. Despite his sexual appetite, he’d found little enticement in women lately—or, rather, in any woman other than Ava.
At work, Carter settled into his office to put together the supply order and go over projected monthly earnings. As he laid out his nightly earnings report to review, the phone rang, destroying his concentration.
“What is it?” he barked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“I’m sorry to disturb you, Mr. James,” said the bartender, “but there’s a very insistent man on the phone who wants to speak to you.”
“Transfer it up,” Carter replied. “Thanks.” The call came on the line and he heard a familiar voice. “Hello? Who is this?”
“It’s Mateo, Ava’s friend,” the voice replied.
“What’s going on?” Carter asked, his heart beating rapidly.
“Ava’s in the hospital. She’s asking for you. Can you come?”
“What’s wrong with her?” he replied, his voice fast and anxious. “Where is she?”
“She’s fine,” Mateo answered. “But you need to get down here. Mass General.”
Carter grabbed his coat and called an Uber. There was one on the street a minute from his restaurant, and as it pulled up to the curb, Carter leapt inside. “The hospital,” he said, “As fast as you can.”
They arrived in fifteen minutes and Carter bolted inside, looking around wildly. He was about to approach the nurses’ station when he saw Mateo.
“This way.” Mateo gestured to him, and when the nurse tried to stop Carter from entering the hallway, Mateo reassured her. “He’s the father.” Carter stopped dead in his tracks, and Mateo turned around. “Come on,” Mateo said, beckoning him down the hall.
The words rang in his ears, and he moved in a daze, one foot stumbling in front of the other without any mental awareness of how he moved down the hallway after Mateo. How could this be possible? He hadn’t seen Ava in months. How long had it been? Six and a half months? And now she was having his baby? It made no sense whatsoever. There must be some mistake, he told himself. This cannot be happening.
Each step he took down the hallway echoed in his head, and Carter grappled with the tidal wave of emotions that crashed over him and sucked him under. He could hardly breathe, so he reached up to undo the top button on his shirt collar and loosen his tie. His face felt hot and damp, and when he wiped the sweat from his brow beneath the bright fluorescent lights, he realized he was angry.
He was fucking pissed, actually. How could she have done this? Carter couldn’t wrap his mind around it—the thought of his beautiful Ava running away from him, pregnant and keeping his child a secret. How could she have betrayed him like this? And worse, why hadn’t she trusted him to do right by her? He could have helped. He would have been there every step of the way if she’d let him. But she hadn’t let him. The woman in the hospital room he headed towards was a stranger to him, and he’d wasted months thinking of no one else.
As rapidly as the anger has filled him, it dissipated, washing away with each step and each new thought. So she hadn’t told him about the baby. Perhaps she had a reason why. What possible reason could she have for keeping this from me? he wondered, but the thought was unproductive so he tried to push it aside. Instead, he focused on the new thought that bubbled up inside him. He had a child.
This morning, he’d woken up a sad, single man who threw himself into his work as a way of hiding from his demons. Now, he was moments away from meeting his child, a baby he had somehow created with the woman he loved. He had a family. It might not be the most conventional family at the moment, but it was more than he’d dreamed for himself. And with each new thought, the happiness buoyed him.
Outside the door, he paused and took a deep breath, trying to steady himself before entering this new reality. There was no time to prepare, however, as Mateo urged him to come in. Crossing the threshold, Carter felt transformed. Lying on the bed, silhouetted by the light from the window, was Ava. My god, she’s stunning, he thought. His tongue felt dry and his throat fought hard against the lump of emotion he tried to swallow. In her arms, she cradled a small bundle, speaking softly to it.
She didn’t notice him at first because she was so entranced by the mess of blankets in her arms. Carter couldn’t see the baby, except for one wayward hand that had escaped its swaddling and waved around absently, as if to greet him. She laughed and bent low over the child, cooing to it.
“Ava,” Mateo said softly, trying to pull her attention away from the infant. “You have a visitor.”
Carter’s heart beat fast, and he held his breath as he waited for her to recognize him. She looked up, a smile on her face and her mind clearly somewhere else. As the recognition dawned on her, he saw her face change, her features hardening a little, masking the openness that had been there moments before.
“Carter,” she said quietly, and he couldn’t tell what tone was in her voice. “Hello. Come meet your son.”
It felt like a daydream to him, his feet barely making contact with the floor as he floated towards her, his head disconnected from his body. She smiled at him and he felt his heart beat double-time. When he reached her bedside, she tilted the bundle in her arms towards him, and Carter looked down upon the sleep-drunk face of his newborn son.
“Ava,” he whispered, his eyes filling with tears. “He’s beautiful.”
“He looks like you,” she smiled. “He has the same eyes.”
“How old is he?” Carter asked.
“About ten hours,” she said. “And he’s already eating and sleeping like a champ.”
It was too much for Carter, and he sat down in the chair beside her bed and sobbed. When he finally looked up, he saw Ava watching him, confused. “What is it?”
“How can you ask me that?” he said, his voice filled with reproach. “You summon me here to tell me I have a son and you’re asking me why I’m losing it? My whole world just turned upside down. It’s a lot, Ava. I haven’t seen you in months, and then this? I need a minute to adjust. And what does this mean for us? Why didn’t you
tell me?”
“Tell you?” she asked, her voice low and hard. “How could I tell you? You did this to me! You sabotaged the condoms, Carter. I saw them. There were holes in them. You might not have known this was coming, but you certainly wanted it to happen. So how could I tell you? How could I trust you at all, the way you deceived me and manipulated me into having your child? And you know what the worst part is? I would have done it if you’d asked.”
“Ava, you must be exhausted, because you’re making zero sense right now. I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about. Holes in the condoms? Are you insane? Why would I do that? Who does that?”
The baby let out a tiny squeal and squirmed in Ava’s arms, and she kissed his forehead and soothed him with soft words. As he watched her, a sickening realization settled on him. Holes in the condoms? Who does that? He knew the kind of woman who did that, and he’d taken her to his house one time, on a sad, desperate night when he wasn’t thinking clearly.
“Ava, I didn’t do this,” he whispered, crouching next to her bed and looking up into her face. “You have to believe me. I would never violate you like that.”
“Then how did it happen, Carter?” she asked, her voice still hostile.
“I was seeing a woman before I met you, and she tried to get her hooks into me. She was obsessed with finding a rich man to knock her up, you know? She never wanted to use a condom, and I didn’t trust that she was on birth control so I always insisted, but I left her alone in my bedroom once and I… I don’t know. I guess she took a safety pin to them or something.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Ava said, the exhaustion evident on her face. “I’ve spent months hating you, thinking you betrayed me. I guess I’m having trouble shifting gears. But I do believe you. I trust you.”
“I love you, Ava,” Carter said, unable to filter the words tumbling from his mouth. “You are my everything, and the past six months have been hell without you. I can’t believe I didn’t know. I thought you left me because things were moving too fast. I mean, I guess they were…” He gestured to their newborn son sleeping in her arms, and Ava smiled wryly at his poor attempt at humor.
