“I don’t want or need anything from you, Lane,” Xavier said. “Just get out and leave my family alone.”
Lane turned and walked slowly up the drive. As I watched, I realized the drunken weave he’d had in the yard was almost entirely gone. Lane had definitely been playing drunk to lull Tyler and Danny into treating him with less care than they should have. Xavier watched until Lane had turned the next curve in the drive and then pulled me into his embrace.
“I’m sorry, Kerr,” he said, burying his lips in my hair.
“For what?”
“For dumping family junk on you like that.”
I hugged Xavier, kissing him softly and then laying my head against his chest. I listened to his heart thumping heavily in his chest until it slowed to a normal rhythm. “I think my family junk outdoes your family junk, Xavier. If you haven’t run screaming after this summer with the vampires and demons and everything else, why would some normal, human family drama bother me?”
“You do have a point,” he said. He kissed the top of my head. “Your family is way worse than mine.”
“Don’t be a jerk,” I said.
“Wouldn’t dream of it.” I looked up to see him grinning at me.
“Of course not,” I said. “We should go back and let everyone know the drunk guy didn’t beat you up.”
“As if,” he said.
“Well, you never know. You’re getting kind of old now. Seventeen is almost ancient.”
“Bite me, babe.”
“Nah. You’ve got better teeth.”
Chapter 3
Dorothy and Tyler sat on the sofa across from me and Xavier. Dorothy’s face still showed the ravages of the tears she’d shed throughout the afternoon. When Xavier and I had returned from talking with Lane, Dorothy had already retreated to the house. She’d stayed in the house until the rest of the family and all the neighbors had left, too ashamed by the scene Lane’s arrival and declaration had caused to rejoin the party. I’d heard Tyler trying to convince her to come back outside when Xavier and I had returned from talking with Lane, but she’d refused. Eventually, Tyler had come out and explained the situation to the guests. They’d been understanding and gone to their own homes, leaving Xavier’s immediate family to deal with the aftermath of Lane’s visit. Dorothy had stayed in her bedroom for about an hour before Tyler convinced her that the time had come for her to tell Xavier the truth of his birth and his mother’s past.
“You have to understand, I was very young,” she said. Dorothy kept twisting her hands in her lap and glancing at the door as though she expected Lane to come storming through it at any moment. “It was my freshman year of college and your father and I...Tyler I mean...we’d had our first serious fight. I’d come home from school for the weekend so I could get some distance and work out what was going on with me and Tyler. Of course the first person I turned to was Lane.”
She looked at Tyler for a moment before kissing him. She turned back to Xavier and sighed. “You see, Lane and I had been close when we were children. After high school, he was the only one of my friends who had stayed here. Everyone else went off to school or moved to larger cities for better work. I stepped off the bus and went looking for comfort. Lane saw me and could tell I’d been crying. He walked me home so my parents knew I was there and then offered to take me out to the pond where we used to swim when we were kids.”
“Mom, you know you don’t have to tell me this, right?” Xavier said when tears slipped down Dorothy’s cheeks. “Dad’s my dad. I told Lane that. The rest doesn’t matter.”
Tyler smiled and hugged Dorothy’s shoulder, pulling her against him. “I think your mom needs to say it, son.”
“I do. I need you to know the whole sordid thing so you can know what a very good man your father is.”
Xavier held up his hands and leaned back into the couch. He pulled me closer to him and I could feel his heart thumping frantically in his chest. I realized Xavier didn’t want to know the “truth” his mother was intent on telling him. I couldn’t really blame him. Lane was obviously a broken and dangerous man. Any ties Xavier might have to him were tenuous at best. Knowing more about how Lane had fathered Xavier wouldn’t change anything for the better. Learning that his parents were human and had made mistakes with such far-reaching implications might even make things worse for Xavier. The responsibilities of the pride in East Hampton weighed heavily on him and I knew he hadn’t planned on such a deep, family secret intruding on what was normally a week-long recharge for him.
Dorothy began her tale again. “Lane and I sat and talked for a long time,” she said. “That talk meant more to me than coming home had by itself. Here was a boy, a man really, who had loved me for my whole life and who was willing to help me pick up the pieces after I’d been hurt. I was hurt enough and vain enough to be flattered by Lane’s attention and let what I was feeling overrule my good sense. When we were done talking, we started drinking. Lane pulled out the bottle and I thought, ‘What the hell. I’ve already screwed up my life, why not try to forget for a while.’” Dorothy blushed and I could see her debating how much detail to share with us. She sighed and continued. “I’m not proud of what I did, Xavier, and I hope you can forgive me. I was, and still am, a spoiled woman. I’d always been the center of attention. My parents spoiled me. Even Tyler taught me to believe I was the center of his world. That day by the pond, Lane showed me I was the center of his world and I needed that affirmation so much that I never considered the consequences.”
Xavier’s heart continued to thunder under my hand where it lay against his chest. His breath came in tiny hitches and I knew he was wishing he were anywhere but on the couch in his parents‘ living room right then. I’d learned a very long time ago how human my mother was. She’d collapsed after my father was killed and left me and Mairin to our own devices while she wallowed in her grief. Learning that your parents weren’t the super-beings you thought they were was never an easy thing and Dorothy’s insistence on telling this tale wasn’t making the revelation any easier on her son.
“When I woke up the next morning,” Dorothy continued, “I could hear my parents and Tyler screaming my name in the swamps. Tyler had followed me home and gone straight to my parents‘ house. When Mom and Dad told him that I’d gone walking with Lane and hadn’t come back, everyone thought the worst. I didn’t know it then, but Lane had gotten quite a reputation while I’d been away at school. My family worried that he’d done something to me or that we’d been attacked by the panther that had been spotted in the area. A search party had gone out when I didn’t come back to the house at dark.”
“Lane was still sleeping by the pond when I left him. I remember looking at him and feeling such shame at what I had done. I couldn’t bear to wake him and listen to him tell me he loved me, so I left as quietly as I could. I ran until I found Tyler frantically trying to rent an air boat so he could start searching deeper into the swamps for me. When he saw me, he ran to me, begging me to forgive him for what we had originally quarreled about. I was so ashamed about what I had done with Lane and Tyler’s remorse over something as trivial as our original fight made it all worse. I knew I could blame some of my behavior on the alcohol, but I had to take responsibility for all of what I’d done. I begged Tyler to take me home and then I told him the whole sordid story.”
Tyler kissed Dorothy’s cheek. “I never doubted that you would be the blessing you’ve been to us, Xavier. The circumstances of how you were conceived never mattered to me, though I know your mother sometimes cried about it. You’ve been my son from first moment I heard your heartbeat at the doctor’s office, Xavier. You’re even named after some ancestor of mine. My mom insisted.”
Dorothy wiped away the tears that trailed down her cheeks and sat up straighter. “When Lane found out I was pregnant,” Dorothy said, “he came to the school and begged me to leave Tyler and marry him so we could raise you together, but I...I couldn’t do that.” Dorothy looked at Tyler and something passed b
etween them that wasn’t just love. They were hiding something from Xavier, something they’d obviously agreed to keep secret. The seed of fear that had begun as I packed for this trip blossomed into something bigger. If there a secret bigger than who had fathered Xavier, I couldn’t imagine what it might be, but I knew it had to be bad for Xavier’s parents to keep it from him after what had happened at the party today. I glanced at Xavier, but his eyes were closed and he was breathing slowly and deeply, trying to calm himself. I couldn’t break that calm and drag Dorothy and Tyler’s secret out to further torment the man I loved.
“I loved Tyler so much by then and Lane...well Lane wasn’t fit to be a father.” Something in Dorothy’s tone caught my attention. That shadow of deceit was there, telling me there was more to Lane being unfit than the alcohol that had given him the reputation that allowed everyone to believe he’d been drunk today, but Dorothy wasn’t sharing what it was that had made her so certain Lane wouldn’t be a suitable father or husband. “I knew Tyler was the love of my life. When he forgave me for what I’d done and later when we found out you were coming he said, ‘that’s my boy in there, Dot,’ I knew I’d made the right decision for us both.”
“Does Gram know?” Xavier asked. The pain in Xavier’s voice tore at my soul. I knew how close he was to Elise. He was worried that if Elise found out Tyler wasn't really his father, she might reject him. I knew she wouldn’t, but I also knew Xavier wasn’t thinking rationally right now.
Simultaneously Dorothy said, “no,” as Tyler said, “yes.”
Dorothy looked hard at Tyler who shrugged. “She asked me when we came back after...well after the attack when he was seven. I told her the story then. It didn’t matter one way or the other, Dot. She just wondered was all. She loves Xavier, you know that.”
I felt Xavier relax beside me. “It’s better that Gram knows anyway, Mom,” Xavier said. “I hate trying to keep secrets from her. She always knows how to get them out of me.”
“Glad to know I’m not the only one she can do that to,” Tyler said. “I couldn’t get away with anything when I was a kid. It was like she knew before I did something that I was going to get myself into trouble.”
“Yeah,” Xavier said, “Gram knows everything, all the time. I can’t even surprise her at Christmas. She always just smiles and says thank you when she opens the gifts I thought for sure would surprise her.”
Dorothy shook her head. “You’re so much like Tyler,” she whispered. “Can you forgive me, Xavier? Can you forgive what I did and what I didn’t tell you?
Xavier stood and crossed to his mother. “I love you, Mom. Nothing can change that, ever.” He hugged Dorothy and turned to Tyler. “Dad, I couldn’t have picked a better father if I’d been given a choice. You kicked my ass when I needed it, kissed my cuts, and let me live my life when I proved I was able to do it without hurting anyone. I love you.”
Dorothy watched the men in her life, a haunted look still shadowing her eyes. Something told me that Dorothy didn’t believe everything had been settled that day and that she expected Lane to cause more trouble rather than stay away. I thought Lane might find a way to make more trouble for Xavier as well and could sympathize with Dorothy. I wanted to say something, but I was the outsider in the room and just didn’t know how to approach her.
“It’s getting late,” Dorothy said. She’d dried her tears and composed her face into something resembling the calm and happy woman I’d met at the airport. “You kids should go to bed. I want to take Kerry shopping with me tomorrow and give you boys time to do guy stuff.” She smiled at me and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I wasn’t going to let Xavier out of my sight for the rest of the trip. Elise had been right. If we’d been apart much more than we had been, something bad might have happened between Xavier and Lane. I’d seen the threat in both men’s posture and I knew if Lane showed himself again and I wasn’t there, Xavier would let his beast rule his actions.
“The guest room is right across from our room, Kerry,” Dorothy said. “You’ll be comfortable there.”
Xavier’s laughter surprised me and I pitched a throw pillow at him. “Yeah, the guest room is great, Mom,” he said, grinning at me. Though we’d slept in the same bed a few times at Elise’s house, Xavier respected my desire to hang on to my virginity a while longer. He also knew if he took advantage of me in any way, Mathias would literally rip his arms off. I wasn’t sure how I felt about a vampire protecting my virtue, but Xavier respected Mathias enough to let the vampire get away with that kind of thing. I was struck, once again, by the fact that if Xavier and Mathias weren’t natural enemies, they’d probably be best friends. I was grinning over that thought as Xavier walked me to the guest room.
“What’s so funny?” he asked.
“Oh, I was just thinking that if you and Mathias could stop trying to kill each other, you’d probably be best friends.”
“Fat chance.” Xavier laughed. “I don’t think I’m genetically capable of liking a leech.”
“Sure,” I said. I’d seen Xavier and Mathias fight and I’d seen them work together. They were better together, no matter that neither of them would admit it.
Xavier leaned against the doorway while I dug through my suitcase for my pajamas. I could feel the tension rolling off him in waves. “I’m gonna go run for a while, okay Kerr?” he said. “I’m feeling a little restless.”
“Do you think you should?” I asked. “You know Elise wanted us to stay together.”
“I know if I don’t run off some of this energy, I’m gonna burst. I think Gram might be a little more upset about an exploded grandson than one who left you safely in his house with his parents watching you.” Xavier smiled, but I could see the strain in his expression.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Today was an awful lot to take in at once.” I watched him carefully compose his expression and my heart ached for him. He wanted to be the tough guy and pretend that nothing bothered him, but I could see his pain. Xavier might not care that Tyler wasn’t his biological father, but I knew the lies his parents had told or made by omission hurt him.
Xavier nodded. “I’m good. I just need a run to burn off some energy before I try to sleep.” He pinned me into the doorway when I tried to slip past him. His lips were warm and soft and tasted like the cake icing he’d swiped as we’d made our way to the guest room. I smiled and kissed him back, enjoying the normalcy of the feel of his body pressed against mine and the scent of his skin as it filled my senses.
“I love you,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“Love you too, Kerr,” he said. “I’ll wake you when I get back. My room is down at the other end of this hall, in case you decide to look around. Mom and Dad are heavy sleepers.” He winked and kissed me once more before leaving. When I saw him jog past my window a few moments later, I saw the tension in his body beginning to ease and I smiled. Xavier knew what to do to help himself. I just needed to learn to let him do it without worrying so much.
I dozed a time or two waiting for Xavier to come back from his run. While he was gone, I felt a little homesick and thought about calling my sister. I’d never gone away without her or my mom before and I was surprised by how much I missed Mairin. It was strange to think that I couldn’t just duck around the doorway and slip into her room to tell her about my day. Stranger still, I realized how much I depended on those talks to help me sort out the mess of being a teenager and being knee deep in werepanthers and vampires all the time. Mairin was more than my sister. She truly was my best friend and I missed her desperately, even more so when I realized that someday we’d move away from home and lose the physical closeness I was aching for now. When a tear splashed onto the back of my hand, I shook myself and tried to stop feeling sorry for myself. I was just visiting Florida and Mairin would be there when I got home. Mairin would always be there for me. She’d promised.
I was standing at the window, watching for Xavier and debating whether it was too late to call my sister
when I saw movement at the edge of the woods. Thinking only of Xavier and the familiarity of him which would stave off the home-sickness that threatened to make me cry harder, I threw a long t-shirt over my pajamas and slipped out into the muggy night. I was watching the place where I’d seen the movement from my room so when Xavier slunk out of the brush on the other side of the yard, I screamed.
“Dammit, Xavier. You scared the hell out of me,” I said, crossing the yard to where Xavier stood, thrashing his tail. “I thought you were over there.” I pointed across to where I’d seen the movement that had brought me out of the house.
I sank my hands into Xavier’s thick fur, loving the rough yet silky feel of it. Xavier leaned into my hands, a deep purr rumbling up from his chest. He very rarely let me see him when he was changed. I trusted that he could control himself, but Xavier worried about infecting me with the were virus. Touching him as he was now was a rare treat for me. I intended to make the most of it. Xavier lay down in the grass and I curled against him, laying my head against his chest so I could listen to the strong thunder of his heart.
“I love you,” I whispered. The rumbling purr deepened and Xavier rubbed his face against me. I laughed. “Marking me doesn’t make me yours, silly. Your love does.” I stayed curled against him, despite the heat of the Florida night and Xavier’s own high temperature. I loved the smell of his fur. It was grass and mud and cat all rolled together into a scent I felt I could happily drown in.
Too soon for me, Xavier pushed himself up and padded across the yard to the place where he’d left for his run from earlier. I assumed he’d left his clothes there, so I wasn’t watching that spot when movement across the yard caught my attention again. Panic washed over me. Obviously Xavier wasn’t the only creature out in the swamp tonight, but he was the only one from which I was safe.
“Xavier!” I yelled. He ran out of the trees, still pulling his t-shirt over his head.
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