by E. K. Blair
Candace stands when Ryan and I get up to toss our bottles in the trash. She walks over to Mark when he heads to the door, and we join them as I hear her ask him if she can stay over. He tells her it’s cool and draws her in for a hug as she looks over his shoulder at Ryan, and he’s staring back at her.
Not too comfortable with what’s happening, I say, “Okay, I’m ready. Let’s go,” and open the door. I give Candace a kiss before the three of us head out.
I’ve been uneasy since we left my place, so after Ryan racks the balls on the pool table, I ask, “So when did you see Candace?”
Chalking his cue, he says, “What?”
“When you mentioned our hike.”
“This morning.” He lines up the cue ball and breaks. “She left her scarf at the concert. I stopped by her work to drop it off.”
He looks at me while I stand there, and I’m curious about how she handled that.
“You’re up,” he says.
Lining up my shot, I hit the five into the side pocket.
“You guys want another bucket of beers?” Mark asks us, and when I look up at him and nod, he heads over to the bar.
“So, what’s her story?” he asks, as I line up my next shot.
Being cautious and territorial, I leave it at, “No story.” Distracted, I miss my shot and watch Ryan as he walks around the table. I wanna know where his head is at and what he’s thinking when it comes to Candace. I’m not nervous about him as a person; he’s a good guy. I’m nervous about what his intentions might be.
He continues and asks, “You’ve known her a long time?”
He’s obviously interested, so I just come right out and let him know, “She’s not like that, man. Not even close.”
Leaning over the table about to take his shot, he peers up at me, and I tell him, “She’s like a sister to me.”
Mark walks over, setting our drinks down on the table, and Ryan takes his shot, knocking his ball into the corner pocket. He doesn’t ask any more questions, and I’m relieved. I like Ryan, but he’s older and used to getting what he wants out of women, at least from what I’ve heard, so I wonder if he is looking for something quick and easy with Candace. I hate having the feeling that I would need to protect her from a guy who has become a pretty good friend.
We hang out for several hours, drinking and playing pool, but we decide to call it a night when Ryan gets a call from his bar, and has to run up there. Mark and I leave, and instead of dropping him off at his car, I ask him to come home with me.
“I told Candace that I wasn’t going to stay and that she could,” he says.
“I think we should tell her about Ryan. He was asking a lot of questions about her earlier tonight, and I’m just worried.”
“You weren’t the other day. What happened?”
Turning into the parking garage, I tell him, “I don’t know, but I can tell he’s into her. He stopped by to see her at work this morning.”
“How do you know that?”
“He told me. He invited her to go hiking with us on Saturday.”
When I park the car, he questions, “Is she going?”
“Yeah.”
Shifting in his seat, he asks, “I thought you liked Ryan?”
“It isn’t that, but I know how Candace is with guys. Hell, man, she’s practically a virgin. I don’t want her to get hurt, and after everything that’s happened, I just—”
“I think you need to relax. If she’s as closed off as you say, then I wouldn’t worry. I mean, the girl never goes anywhere aside from school and work. I think you’re stressing over nothing, but if you want to talk to her, then you should.”
I lean over and kiss him before getting out of the car and heading upstairs. When we walk in, we make our way into my room to see Candace curled in a ball in the center of the bed. Stripping down to my boxers, I lean over and whisper, “Hey, sweetie, Mark’s staying the night with us.”
Keeping her eyes closed, she nods her head.
“I just didn’t want you to wake up and be scared,” I say, and I slide into bed at the same time Mark does.
The following morning, we sit around and drink coffee before we have to get ready for class.
“You guys have fun last night?” Candace asks from the kitchen as she’s refilling her mug.
“Yeah. Why didn’t you tell me that Ryan came to see you at work?” I question as she walks back into the living room and sits at the corner of the couch.
“I don’t know.”
“Well, what happened?” I pry, wanting the answers I didn’t feel like I could get from Ryan last night.
Taking a sip of her coffee, she says, “He had my scarf that I had left at the concert. He just returned it, and then Roxy, being Roxy, told him that I would have a drink with him when he asked me.”
“So you guys hung out?”
“Yeah. It was fine though. We just talked about school, and then he invited me to go hiking with you guys.” Staring between Mark and I, she shakes her head and asks, “What?”
“Jase is just being protective,” Mark answers.
“I thought you’d be happy that I agreed to go with you guys,” she says, a little confused.
“I am,” I try to convince her and then Mark takes over. “Jase is just worried about some stuff we heard about Ryan.”
“What stuff?”
“He has a reputation for sleeping with a lot of women. But ever since I’ve known him, I have never seen him be that way. At all. So, I’m not sure how much truth there is to it,” Mark tells her.
“You don’t need to tell me this. I have no interest in him. In anyone. Why would you even think that?” she states, clearly bothered with what we are insinuating.
I don’t tell her that I think Ryan feels differently because it might freak her out, so I just let it go for now. “I don’t. It’s just me feeling like I need to protect you.”
She looks at Mark and he tells her, “Ryan’s a good guy. Jase is just worried, that’s all.”
I reach over and pull her down on the couch with me as I lean into Mark behind me. Wrapping her arms around me, she says, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have that.”
“Have what?” I say and then kiss the top of her head.
“Feelings like that.”
Letting out a deep breath, I tell her, “You will. One day, you’ll get everything you deserve.”
“I feel weird about leaving Candace all week,” I tell Mark as I pull a few t-shirts from my closet to throw into my suitcase.
“Isn’t she going home tomorrow?”
“Yeah, but that’s what I’m worried about. They have a horrible relationship.”
“Jase—”
“I know,” I say when I turn to face him. Mark has been pushing me to take a step back. He thinks she depends on me too much, and I know she does, but I like being that for her.
“She’ll be okay. I mean, she was completely fine getting out with us on Saturday and being around Ryan,” he says, and it’s true. “Hell, I think she actually enjoyed herself for a change.”
Mark made sure that I gave her space when we went hiking. When I wanted to stay with her, he dragged me ahead, leaving Candace to spend most of the time with Ryan. And he’s right; she was fine. Spending the whole day together, seeing Ryan with Candace, actually settled some of the feelings I was having about wanting to protect her from him. I don’t really think there is much to protect her from. If anything, I like the fact that she could possibly see Ryan as another friend, or at least open herself up to that idea.
“Did you talk to your mom?”
“Yeah, I feel bad that I waited so long to tell her I wasn’t coming home, but she had to know that it probably wasn’t going to happen anyway,” I say as I toss the last of my things in my bag and zip it shut. Mark grabs it off of the bed and takes it into the living room while I finish shutting everything off before we leave.
“What did she say?”
“Not much. She’s upset, but
she’s always upset. A part of me feels guilty that they will be alone for the first time this year, but if I went home, it would just be a disaster.”
Turning off the lights, Mark steps in front of me and says, “I’m sorry,” as he wraps his arms around my waist.
“Don’t be. Honestly, I don’t see them moving past this, and I just have nothing left to say.”
I cup his jaw in my hands when he kisses me. This fracture in my family would hurt a lot worse than it does if it weren’t for the solidity Mark gives me. Somehow, it makes up for all the other crap going on.
“You ready?” he asks when he pulls away.
“Yeah.”
Grabbing my things, I lock up and we head down to Mark’s car. I’m nervous, and this drive to the airport is becoming unsettling. A thousand different scenarios are running through my head, and none of them are good. As he reaches over to hold my hand, I continue to stare out the side window.
When Mark turns into the parking garage and parks, I turn to look at him as he shuts off the car. He’s staring at me, still holding my hand.
“Tell me what you’re so scared of,” he demands softly.
“What do you mean?”
Shaking his head, he sounds irritated when he says, “You don’t think I know you well enough by now to read you? Just be honest. What are you scared of?”
I lean my head back on the seat and exhale before admitting, “Everything. Everything but you.”
“Then trust me enough to know that I would never put you in a situation with my family if it weren’t anything but safe. So whatever has been consuming you since you got into this car, let it go.”
Eight and a half hours later, we land in Cleveland, Ohio. I know that Mark’s mom will be the only one meeting us here at the airport. He called her to tell her a bit about my family, and that it would be best if everyone wasn’t here to meet us.
We make our way down to baggage claim, and my heart is racing with nerves. I don’t know what to expect, and I shove my hands in my pockets to keep myself from fidgeting too much. When a woman with shoulder-length, dark brown hair walks towards us, he quickly pulls her into his arms.
“Hey, Mom.”
“I’m so glad you’re here,” she says as they hug. “I’ve missed you so much, sweetheart.”
“I’ve missed you too,” he says as he steps back to introduce us. “Mom, this is Jase.”
“Please, call me Andrea.” She walks straight to me and gives me big hug.
I laugh lightly at her affectionate demeanor when I say, “It’s great to meet you.”
Loosening her grip, she looks at me with a big smile. “Well, I am so glad that you came. Mark has told me a lot about you. How was the flight?”
“Long,” I say as she hooks her arm through mine, and we head to the carousel to get our bags. I instantly feel my nerves calm with Andrea’s relaxed nature. Mark walks ahead of us, as she continues, “Have you ever been to Ohio before?”
“No, I’ve always stuck to the west coast. I grew up in California,” I tell her.
“Are you boys hungry? We had lasagna for dinner, and there are plenty of leftovers. Or we can stop and pick something up.”
Mark grabs the last piece of luggage off of the tether and says to his mom, “We can eat leftovers.”
I take my bag from him as we walk out into the dark, snowy night. The chill hits me hard, and Mark turns and laughs at me.
“It’s freakin’ cold,” I chatter out.
Andrea shoots me a smile, and we load our things into her SUV. Mark hops in the back, and I sit up front with his mom. I look at her in surprise when she turns the car on and ‘Neon Lights’ by Demi Lovato blasts through the speakers.
“Good Lord, Mom!” Mark shouts over the music from the back seat.
She quickly turns it down, and I start laughing as she claims, “Your sisters were using the car earlier.”
Calling her out, Mark says, “That explains earlier, but you drove here—alone.”
“So what?” she teases and turns it back up, but not nearly as loud as what it was. “Jase, Mark tells me you like to cook.”
“Yeah, I’ve tried teaching him a couple times, but all he seems to be good at is setting off my smoke detector.”
“All my kids are worthless in the kitchen, so I hope you don’t mind, but you are stuck with me cooking on Thursday.”
“Not at all,” I say with a smile. I only hope that the rest of his family is as laidback as she is.
It’s a little before eleven o’clock when we pull into the driveway of a large two-story home. Everything is covered in snow, but you can see the lights are on through the big windows. Suddenly those nerves that Andrea had so easily erased are back.
Walking in, the house is quiet. I follow Mark as he leaves his bag at the foot of the stairs, and I toss mine next to his. Rounding the corner, his father walks up. My chest tightens but only for a second before he says, “Son, come here,” and gives Mark a quick hug.
“It’s good to see you, Dad.”
“Same here. Your mother and I have missed you,” he says, and then turns to me. “And you must be Jase?” He reaches out and shakes my hand, “I’m Ben. Glad to have you.”
He catches me off guard. My father is a stern, quiet man, so to see Mark’s dad come across so opposite, takes me a second before saying, “It’s good to meet you, Ben.”
“I’m going to go heat you boys up some dinner,” Andrea tells us as she walks down the hall.
“Well, come in. You want anything to drink?” Ben asks as we follow him and Andrea back to the kitchen.
“Just some water,” I reply.
Closing the fridge, Mark’s mother says, “The cups are in that cabinet over there,” as she nods her head towards the sink.
Mark takes a seat at the table as I get my drink. I like that his mom didn’t get it for me, that she would treat me as if I’ve been in this house a hundred times before. She turns and smiles at me as I walk over to the table and sit with Mark and his father.
“The weather is supposed to turn bad this weekend, so your mom is insisting that the Christmas lights go up tomorrow.”
“Great, I’m back for all of five minutes, and you’re telling me I have to freeze my ass off all day tomorrow?” Mark says as he laughs.
“Blame that woman over there,” he says as he points to his wife, who is taking a plate of food out of the microwave. “I have to freeze my ass off too.”
“Oh, please. You men are pathetic.” She sets down a plate of lasagna and salad in front of me as she adds, “There are three of you; there is no way it will take you all day.”
She hands me a fork, and I thank her when Mark looks at her and says, “Then I demand steaks for dinner.”
I laugh and shake my head when Ben slaps his shoulder in approval, and clarifies, “Ribeyes.”
“Fine. No more complaining,” she tells the two of them and hands Mark his plate.
The both of us eat as Ben starts talking and asking Mark and I about school. My father and I haven’t spoken since I told him I was gay, and I can only imagine how skittish he would be around me, now that he knows. Although I’m feeling comfortable hanging out here with Mark and his parents, the idea of Mark touching me in front of them makes me anxious. It’s almost like I’m a college buddy of his spending the holiday with his family, not his boyfriend. I guess I’m waiting for the look. The freak-out. The ‘oh my God, he’s gay’ reaction.
We finish eating and clean up our mess before saying good night to Mark’s parents. Grabbing our bags, we head upstairs to Mark’s room.
“Come on,” he says. “I’ll introduce you to my sisters. Fair warning, they have no filter.”
We walk down the hall, and when Mark opens the door, the first thing I hear is a high-pitched, “God, Mark! Knock much?”
I can’t help the burst of laughter that comes out of me as I step into the room. The two girls are lying on the bed, huddled over a laptop, looking at us.
“Whatever. Jase, this is Emily and Erin.”
I knew that Mark’s sisters were twins, but they seriously look just alike. Both with long, straight brown hair and the same bright, green eyes that Mark has.
They clamber out of bed and not only give Mark hugs, but me as well. Mark has told me that he’s really close with his sisters, but seeing them now, I can’t help the twinge of jealousy that creeps in, only wishing it was my own sister I was hugging. He’s lucky to have them.
“When did you get here?” he asks them.
“After finals last week. The dorms emptied out, so we went ahead and came home a couple days early.”
“So . . . Jase . . .” Erin says as she shoots me a flirty wink.
When I cock my head at her, slightly amused, her eyes begin to pan down the length of me in a dramatic fashion. I laugh at her blatant nature as Mark says with annoyance to Erin, “You’re seriously messed up.”
“This is almost too much,” I chuckle out when Emily breaks out into a fit of laughter as well.
“Yeah, I agree. We’ll see you two in the morning,” Mark tells them, and when we walk out, the two of them burst out laughing. I can’t help but do the same as Mark looks at me with an apologetic look on his face.
We head back to his room, unpack, and get ready for bed. It’s a bit odd to be sleeping in the same room as him in his parents’ home, but I try to shake off my insecure feelings for the sake of Mark. Sliding into bed, it feels so good to finally be lying down. It’s been a long day, and I huddle down under the blankets, wrapping myself around Mark.
I close my eyes, and I’m about to fall asleep when we hear squealing from the next room where his sisters are. Mark sits up and looks down at me for a second before shifting to his knees and placing his ear on the wall.
“What the hell are you doing?” I ask.
“Shhh.” He stays there, eavesdropping for a moment, when he whispers, “I can’t make out what they’re saying.”
“Oh my God, you are just as crazy as they are.”
We hear another squeal, and Mark jumps out of bed.
“What are you doing?”
