by Jo Davis
At the clear dismissal, Emma filed out after Willis and Ozzie, determined to catch her friend and give him hell for throwing her under the bus. Her plans were thwarted by her ex-lover, however, who gently grasped her arm.
“Hold up, tiger. We have a file to memorize, and I’m hungry. Let’s pick up some dinner and go back to my place—kill two birds, so to speak.”
Bracing herself mentally, she turned to face him and barely restrained a grimace at the sight of the small bandage gracing his temple that she’d ignored during their meeting. The patch of white gauze served as an unwelcome reminder of just how close he’d come to having his brains splattered all over the Tennessee countryside. She squirmed under his golden gaze, struggling to keep her composure.
“I don’t think going to your place is a good idea. We can grab something from the cafeteria here and study in my office.”
He made a face. “All night? Because that’s what we’re facing if we hope to have the info in that file down pat by tomorrow. No, I’d rather be home where we can get comfortable, or even at your place. Anywhere but here.”
Well, she didn’t really want to stay at the compound, either. It was putting herself in an intimate situation with her ex, which she had qualms about. Which was ridiculous now that she thought of it, since she was going to have to get real intimate with the man again, very soon.
“My house it is, then,” she said. Better the illusion of control, even if it was only that. She was damned good at illusion, after all.
“I’ll drive.” His grin sent a thrill up her spine.
“I’ve got my car.”
“I’ll bring you back tomorrow, honey. No worries.”
“Should you even be behind the wheel? I heard you’re still having headaches.”
“McKay says they’ll last a few days and then fade. Nothing I can’t handle.”
She sighed. Really, arguing with the man was like pulling hen’s teeth—impossible. “Fine.”
Irked, she did her best to ignore him as he followed her while she locked her office and classroom. But it didn’t work. His presence was like a beacon of light on a bug zapper, with herself starring as the bug. Why the hell couldn’t she stay away from something she knew would only gain her more heartbreak?
Shouldering her purse, she trailed him across the parking lot, unable to stop herself from sneaking peeks at his ass. And what a fine ass it was, high and tight, hugged to mouth-watering perfection in those jeans, the denim faded in all the right places. She remembered well the smooth tanned globes hidden underneath the material, the way they fit her palms just so as he drove himself—
“Emma?”
She blinked at him. “What?”
“Um, the car is unlocked, darlin’.”
So it was. Somehow they’d reached his vehicle, and he was smirking at her across the roof from the driver’s side, waiting for her to come back from dreamland. Her face heated, and she scowled. “I was just thinking about the assignment.”
“Uh-huh. I’ll bet,” he drawled.
Arg! Arrogant man. Not giving him the satisfaction of a reply, she slid into the passenger’s seat of the low-slung Viper. The second he joined her, she felt trapped, being shut into the small space with him, closer than she’d been in months. His spicy scent, his unique blend of light cologne and earthy male, filled her senses and caused a stab of longing. He’d been hers once, or at least she’d believed, and she’d lost him.
The pain never went away.
“You’re thinking too loud,” he said, driving through the gate with a wave to the guard on duty.
“I have a lot on my mind.”
“Care to share?”
She studied his handsome profile and reached out to finger a long, silky strand of dark hair. Time for a diversion. “About changing our appearances. We’re going to have to cut this.”
“What?” Shooting a look at her, he laughed. “No can do. You’re not getting near my head, or any other part of my body, with a pair of scissors.”
“Oh, don’t worry. If I haven’t sneaked up on you and chopped off something vital by now, I probably won’t,” she said dryly.
“Not taking any chances. You’ll have to come up with a different way to alter me—sorry. The hair is off-limits.”
She was kind of glad. She loved his hair long, not that she’d admit it now if the world was about to end. Which it might soon, if they failed in their mission.
“Okay. How about highlights, maybe to lighten the color and streak it with autumn tints. And blue contacts for your eyes.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“I can pull rank on this one if you want to make it an issue,” she reminded him. “Disguises are my area of expertise, and I’m in charge.”
“So you are.” Those sexy lips quirked upward. “I do love a take-charge woman—in every way but one.”
Her libido did a happy dance without her permission. He infuriated and aroused her by turns, as no man ever had. “So I recall.” She hadn’t meant to snap, but dammit, he made her nuts.
“Do you?” His voice lowered, and he reached over, one of his big, calloused hands covering hers. His thumb stroked the soft skin on the back of her hand, the contact radiating pleasurable signals to the rest of her nerve endings. “Do you honestly remember how much I enjoyed taking you to your limits, how badly I craved finally pushing you beyond them?”
“Blaze, I don’t want to talk about this.” The statement would’ve been more convincing if her voice hadn’t quavered.
“Oh, I believe you do. You came to me that night to tell me you were ready to take the next steps, to give my world a try. You wanted it, wanted me.”
“That was before . . .” She couldn’t finish.
“Before you saw my cock sliding down Caitlin’s pretty throat?” he asked, voice husky with remembered pleasure. “Before you spied me helping Ryan master his eager sub, and enjoyed every second of it? Because I believe you did enjoy it, and that’s why you got so angry. I know you, Emma. You liked what you saw and it didn’t fit into your black-and-white worldview, so you lashed out in confusion. Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re so wrong.” But the words held little or no conviction without the power of anger to fuel them. He’d hit her inner struggle dead center, and she had no clue how to rally.
“You’re lying. Tell me how long you stood there, watching.”
Much too long. “I’d just arrived.”
“Right. Baby, we have to get this settled before we go undercover, or else the tension will endanger our mission.”
She stared at him. “That’s all this is about? Our assignment?”
“Of course not. It’s about us and the fact that I gave up too soon.” He shook his head. “This isn’t the ideal place to talk things over. Let’s wait until we get to your house.”
“You’re the one who brought it up—and besides, I’m not sure there’s anything of ‘us’ left to discuss.”
A black brow rose. “You blew that theory the second I woke up to find you at my bedside, and reinforced it when you refused to allow another agent to work undercover with me.”
Wasn’t much she could say to refute him, so she gave him that round. And she noticed that except to pay for their Chinese take-out, he didn’t let go of her hand the entire half-hour drive to her house.
Beautiful son of a bitch.
From the start of the meeting in Michael’s office and on every point since, Blaze had expected more resistance from Emma. More fight. Not that she hadn’t put up some, but he’d seen the woman at her glorious, raging best, and he didn’t know what to make of her now. This softer, more thoughtful Emma was new to him.
And, he had to admit, very welcome. She’d never be a pushover—and he definitely didn’t want her to be—but he could tell she was wrestling with her moral compass. Questioning her choices, past and present. The old Emma had marched down the straight and narrow path, looking neither left nor right, and had missed a ton of fantastic scenery
on her trek.
The new Emma was beginning to wonder what she’d overlooked along the way.
Could it be that he hadn’t totally ruined things between them? He’d give anything to salvage what they’d had, build on their fledgling love, make it stronger than before. Able to withstand the tests to come. And there would be plenty of those.
He turned into her driveway and couldn’t help but smile at the flowers next to the house and lining the sidewalk. Their colorful heads bobbed in precise little rows, like soldiers ready to do battle. He envisioned Emma as their general, whipping them into perfect formation, making certain their tiny uniforms were matching, spit and polished.
“What the heck are you smiling about now?”
“Just admiring your flowers,” he said innocently, which earned him a narrow-eyed look of suspicion.
“What’s wrong with my flowers?”
“Nothing! Can’t a man compliment a lady on her garden?” Killing the engine, he grabbed the file they needed and opened his door.
“Well, sure, if you’d said it like you meant it. Never mind.” She rolled her eyes and got out of the car with the take-out bag, shutting the door behind her.
He fell into step with her, gesturing to the flower beds as they stepped onto her front porch. “Have you ever thought about throwing out some wildflower seeds? By this time next year they’d be gorgeous, spreading all over the pl—”
“I knew it! We’re not even inside yet and you’re already planning how to improve my life, just like you always do!” Fishing her keys from her purse, she stabbed the correct one into the lock and let them inside.
“That’s not fair,” he called after her, glancing around her tidy living room. Tidy, hell. The garden outside was a great indicator of the interior—everything in its place and so clean a man could eat off the floor. Nothing had changed. This might be a tougher job than you thought, Blaze old boy. “I’m only talking about flowers, for Christ’s sake.”
“Sure, sure. Today it’s my blossoms, tomorrow my boobs. You’ll want me to get enhanced or something. In that, if nothing else, you are entirely predictable, Blaze Kelly.” She plunked her purse, the food, and the keys onto the table and faced him, hands on her lush hips.
“You’ve got me all wrong, sweetness.” His gaze traveled upward, over the curve at her waist to the full breasts pushing at her blouse. And on to her striking face composed of a high forehead and model cheekbones, set off by huge blue eyes. Completing the picture was the short, soft blond hair sticking out in tufts and framing that wonderful face with a wispy fringe. A style that might look way butch on anyone else, but on Emma simply complemented her strong, fine features. Very feminine.
“I don’t think so.”
He stalked closer, invading her space. “I happen to cherish every single thing about you, including your breasts. Always have. So what if I like my garden to grow a little . . . wild?”
She stood her ground. “Nothing, except you want to change me. Fix me as though I’m broken when nothing could be further from the truth.”
“No. I want to broaden your experiences, put you in touch with a sensuality you never knew you possessed. That’s different.”
“I’m not sensual?” she challenged.
“I didn’t say you weren’t. On the contrary, we’re good together, always have been. And you have all this untapped passion bubbling under that beautiful surface, so potent that it makes me crazy wanting to be the one to unleash it. Give me the chance, Emma. You won’t be sorry.”
And yeah, he was close to begging. Because he wasn’t bullshit-ting her in the least. She was his idea of the ultimate woman: smart, confident, alluring.
Mine.
“I guess I don’t have a choice, do I? I mean with our assignment looming and all.”
Her words deflated him some, but he pushed down his disappointment and gave her a cocky grin all the same. “I’ll take that for a start because you know there’s always a choice. When Michael presented you with another option, you chose not to let another female agent work with me, even knowing what the job entails.” Or perhaps because she knew what it entailed, but he wisely refrained from saying so. He preferred his balls to remain in their current location.
He was standing so close to her that he felt her heat radiating right through his clothing to his skin. The warmth drew him in and he reached for her, smoothed a finger along her jaw, traced her lips. Her eyes darkened; whether in lust or in wariness, he couldn’t tell. But she didn’t move away, and he took that as a positive sign.
“I don’t understand why you did it,” she whispered. “Was I so easy to forget?”
He didn’t have to ask what she meant—her quiet pain spoke volumes, wrenched his heart. He took her face in his hands, brushed at a tear that escaped to roll down one creamy cheek, cursing himself all over again. Was there any possible answer that wouldn’t land him in deeper hot water? “No, sweetheart. I was in agony over losing you, and I took refuge in what I know best—being a Dom. Exerting control. It’s what makes sense to me—it’s who I am.”
“Sounds like a line of bull.”
He shook his head. “No. It’s my lifestyle.”
“So you’ve said.”
“I’d never use sex as punishment, or to make anyone else feel bad, especially you. How do I explain?” He sighed. “Sex is natural, baby. There’s nothing shameful about two or more consenting adults taking pleasure in each other’s bodies. I’m not sorry you saw what you did . . . I’m only sorry about the circumstances surrounding it. Given the chance, I’d bring you into every scene as my sub. My partner, and not because of some damned job. You’d never be on the outside again.”
Her eyes widened, her expression so vulnerable it shook him to his toes. “What if . . . what if I’d come inside that night? Joined the three of you instead of running away.”
He could’ve shouted in joy, and barely restrained himself from doing so. This was exactly the path he’d hoped she’d eventually wander. Gently, he brushed a kiss across her lips. “You would’ve been welcomed with open arms,” he said quietly. “I would’ve taken great pride in introducing you as mine, in showing you a world steeped in passion and mutual pleasure. A world in which jealousy has no part, and sharing is perfectly acceptable.”
“So it’s one big free-for-all where you get to do whatever you want. Sounds nice for the Doms, not so much for the subs.”
And therein lay her fear. His heart lightened because this was a big sticking point of hers, one he could answer honestly to her satisfaction. “Not at all. The D/s community, at least the one I’m involved in, runs by a set of strict rules, set in place for everyone’s safety. Number one, a Dom’s sole responsibility is to see to the happiness and well-being of his sub, above his own desires. The rest flows from that rule.”
While she wasn’t yet convinced, she was becoming interested. “So your role is to make me happy first, then yourself.”
“Yes.”
“Okay. Then what if I’m never able to go as far as the . . . sharing thing? I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to participate in something like what I witnessed. Outside our undercover job, I mean.”
“Part of my role is to push you past your boundaries, help you discover what works for you and us. If sharing truly makes you unhappy, we don’t participate whether we’re undercover or not,” he said seriously. “You are my priority, Emma.”
“I believe you mean that now, but I know you’d miss the freedom of being with whoever you wanted.”
“Believe it. If I’ve learned one valuable lesson, it’s that sharing—hell, my whole life—is empty without you at my side. I need you, baby. Please give me another chance.” He ended the statement in a hoarse whisper rather than the strong, manly tone he’d been going for. Fuck, he sounded like such a sap. This woman could have anyone, so what did she need with his shit?
She reached around his neck, pulling his head down so his lips were almost touching hers. “Just when I think you’re s
o macho everything bounces right off—even the damned bullets, for cryin’ out loud—you go and get all mushy on me. Do you have a clue what that does to me?”
“I might need a demonstration.”
Oh, God, please show me. I’ve missed you so much I can’t breathe.
Whether she heard his unspoken plea he couldn’t say, but she took his hand and led him down the hall to her bedroom. Turned and placed her palms on his chest, their warmth branding him through his T-shirt.
“Make love to me, Blaze. I’ve missed you so much.”
She’d plucked the words right out of his heart. One day he’d get through to her that making love took on many forms. For now, he let the words soothe his lonely soul, shine a bit of light into the dark corners.
“Anything for you.”
She tugged at the bottom of his shirt and pulled the material up, over his head. He helped her, smiling as she tossed it aside and went for the button on his jeans. She unzipped his fly and parted the material, pushing at the denim and his boxers until his erection sprang free. As she knelt he doubted she realized the submissive position she’d assumed. No, the move was too automatic on her part. Spontaneous.
That knowledge thrilled him almost as much as her tongue flicking out to capture the tiny bead weeping from the slit of the spongy head. He groaned as she took him in her mouth, surrounding him with wet heat. Threading his fingers through her hair, he fed her his cock, guiding the length down her throat, watched it disappear between her plump lips.
“God, yes,” he breathed. “I’ve missed this. Missed your mouth on me. I could fuck you like this all day.”
Well, not really. The pure pleasure was too electric, zinging little shocks of delight to his balls, through his belly. He wouldn’t last long this way, but he wasn’t ready to give up the feeling just yet. With her on her knees, sucking him and taking his less-than-gentle thrusts with obvious enthusiasm, he had no trouble believing he was right about her untapped sensuality.
