“Wait until you see this, Mom.”
Using both hands, holding on to the thin straps, Jason lifted the sheerest, slinkiest, blackest nightie Charlotte had ever seen.
Charlotte forced a smile but she felt as though the older woman had slapped her in the face.
Charlotte knew better than to even try to sleep.
The next morning she’d walk down the church aisle and pledge her life to Jason Manning. She would vow to love and honor this man who’d come to mean so much to her.
To love him….
What would happen if she couldn’t love him properly? What would happen when he realized she was incapable of satisfying him sexually? Would he claim he’d been cheated the way Tom had? Would he seek out another woman who’d give him the gratification she couldn’t?
Oh, please, not that, not again—she couldn’t bear it.
Charlotte didn’t know how Jason would react, but she knew she’d find out soon.
She stared at the bright green numbers on her clock radio as one in the morning became two and then three.
The alarm was set for six. Charlotte’s stomach tightened and a cold sweat broke out on her forehead. Her happiness had been supplanted by her fears, her anxieties and the certainty that her heart would be broken once again.
She’d made an effort to talk to Jason several times, she reasoned. It wasn’t like she’d planned it this way. In the past week alone she’d called him three times, but he’d been so busy with his practice, tying up the loose ends so he’d have two uninterrupted weeks for their honeymoon in Hawaii.
The honeymoon terrified her even more than the wedding.
What was she supposed to do? Wait for Jason to say “I do,” before she whispered in his ear that she wasn’t sure she could satisfy him? Or should she say something before he slipped the ring on her finger?
It seemed cruel to wait until they got to their honeymoon suite. How could she possibly tell him something like that wearing the sheer black nightie Mrs. Bondi had sent?
The tightening in her stomach grew worse, until she thought she might actually throw up.
She shouldn’t have left it to the last minute like this, but she’d had no other options.
She’d tried to spend time alone with Jason, to talk to him, but they hadn’t connected all week. Whenever she saw him, there were other people around. She’d decided to demand time with him after the wedding rehearsal. They had to talk.
Only that hadn’t worked, either.
They’d sat next to each other at the rehearsal dinner, but before she could say more than a few words, his brothers had spirited him away for a bachelor party.
Although she hadn’t been in any mood to socialize, Charlotte had pretended to have a good time with Leah, Jamie, Jason’s two sisters from Montana and her future mother-in-law. If any of them noticed how distracted she was, they must have attributed it to nerves.
By now the bachelor party would be over, probably had been for hours.
What was she going to do?
Her dinner, what little she’d eaten, soured in her stomach and she thought she might be sick. Tossing back the sheets, she climbed out of bed, waiting for the nausea to subside, then wandered aimlessly into the living room.
Dragging the afghan from the back of the sofa, she wrapped it around her shoulders and huddled in the recliner, the dog at her feet. Carrie and Mandy, Russ Palmer’s half sister, were in the bedroom down the hall sleeping soundly, unaware of her torment.
Jason knew so little about her first marriage. He hadn’t asked for information, and she’d volunteered even less. Instead, he’d cautiously tried to learn the details, but she’d put off explaining, afraid she’d lose him.
Soon, within less than twenty-four hours, Jason would know for himself why Tom had gone to another woman. Charlotte would have to face her inadequacies all over again.
As she sat in the dark, the shadows from the street danced against the walls, taunting her, jeering, shouting that she was a fool to believe she could ever satisfy a man.
Another hour passed and still the trapped, restless feeling refused to leave her; if anything, it became more intense. If only she could sleep. If only she could disappear. Vanish. Go someplace where no one would find her.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to force her body to relax, but closing her eyes was just one more mistake. In her mind, Tom rose, scorn engraved on his handsome features. A cocky smile lifted the edges of his mouth, as if to tell her this was exactly what he’d been waiting for. As soon as she tried to make love with another man, she’d know everything he’d told her was true. He wasn’t the one to blame for the failure of their marriage; she was. Charlotte—a woman too cold, too stiff, too lacking in sensuality.
Her eyes shot open and hot tears dripped down her face. A series of sobs racked her shoulders and took control of her body until she was trembling from head to foot.
She couldn’t bear it, couldn’t deal with it. Tom was right, he’d always been right. She was a fool to believe that a sexual relationship between her and Jason would be any different, any better. They could kiss without a problem, but after the wedding, he was going to expect a lot more than a few kisses.
Panic filled her lungs, and it was all she could do not to scream in sheer terror.
Jason was wrapped in a warm cocoon of blankets, but the irritating noise refused to go away. He reached out his hand to turn off the alarm, fumbling with the dials before he realized it wasn’t his alarm.
Opening one eye, he read the digital readout and discovered it was only four. He was entitled to another couple of hours’ sleep. His head throbbed. Who’d come up with the bright idea of a morning wedding, anyway? No one had asked him about it.
The noise increased. It was now a steady pounding.
Someone was at his door. If this was one of his brothers’ idea of a joke, he wasn’t amused. He’d only gotten a few hours’ sleep so far. If anyone in his family was involved in this, he’d make his displeasure clear in no uncertain terms.
Apparently whoever was at his door wasn’t leaving. Jason struggled out of bed, pulled on a pair of pants and walked blindly through his apartment.
“Who is it?” he demanded irritably, wiping a hand down his face.
“Carrie.”
“And Mandy.”
The two vaulted into the room as he opened the door.
“You’ve got to do something!” Carrie cried.
Although his vision was a bit fuzzy, he could tell that she’d been crying.
“We didn’t know what to do,” Mandy wailed.
“About what?”
“This.” Carrie handed him an envelope with his name written across the front. He recognized the handwriting as Charlotte’s, but her usually smooth script was jerky and uneven.
Puzzled that she’d resort to writing a letter and having it delivered in the wee hours of the morning by two worried teenagers, he removed the single piece of paper.
He read it quickly.
Jason,
I’m sorry seems so inadequate, but I can’t go through with the wedding. Please, if you can, find it in your heart to forgive me.
She’d signed it with her name.
It was a joke. Not a very good one, but he’d laugh over it in a few minutes.
“Who put you two up to this?” he asked, using his sternest voice.
“No one!” Carrie sobbed. “It’s true. I got up to go to the bathroom and Mom’s bedroom light was on, so I went in to see what was wrong and she wasn’t there. She wasn’t anywhere.”
“The car’s gone, too,” Mandy added.
The words galvanized Jason into action. He shook the hair out of his face.
“What are we going to do?” Carrie asked, still crying softly.
“We aren’t doing anything,” Jason answered firmly.
“But someone has to do something!”
“I’ll take care of it,” he assured them. “Don’t breathe a word of this to anyone, understan
d?”
“But…”
“Just do as I say. There isn’t time to argue. If I’m not back with Charlotte before the car comes to take her to the church, tell everyone she’s with me.”
“What are you going to do?” Mandy asked, her eyes following him as he trotted back to his bedroom. He turned back and grinned. “Do?” he repeated. “Find her, of course. She’s got a wedding to attend.”
Twelve
Jason couldn’t even guess where Charlotte was. He finished dressing, grabbed his car keys and took off, determined to find her.
He drove around for an hour, considering various possibilities. He tried to think like she would. If he were a bride running away from a wedding, where would he go? But that didn’t work; he’d never run away from anything in his life, certainly not a wedding.
Darned if he knew what Charlotte was thinking. He had difficulty enough understanding women under normal circumstances. Still, he’d thought Charlotte was different. He’d thought—he’d assumed, erroneously it seemed—that Charlotte was as eager for their wedding as he was. He was shocked that he’d been so blind to her doubts. She must be terrified to have run away like this. Terrified and alone.
He should’ve known something like this would happen. He’d backed her into a corner, pushed her into this wedding. He’d allowed his own needs, his own desires, to overrule hers.
As dawn streaked the horizon with lavender and pink, he found himself growing ever more concerned.
Where could she be?
His driving became increasingly reckless, his speed gaining as he raced desperately from one possible location to the next. Checking the time, he was nearly swallowed by panic.
There wasn’t much time left. They were both supposed to be at the church in a couple of hours. The thought of hurrying back to his family and having to announce that Charlotte had run away filled him with a sick kind of dread. He wouldn’t return, he decided, until he’d found her. Until he’d done whatever he could to calm her fears, to reassure her, convince her how much he loved her.
Jason wasn’t sure what led him to the beach where he’d proposed to her.
When he saw her car parked haphazardly along the side of the road, he nearly collapsed in relief. A calmness took hold of him and his pulse slowed to an even, steady pace.
He parked behind her and rushed out of his car. The sound of the door closing must have been carried away with the wind, because she didn’t turn around or give any indication that she realized he was there.
He paused for a few seconds, looking at her, his heart swelling with gratitude at finding her safe.
Charlotte sat on a log, facing the water. The same log he’d knelt in front of to ask her to marry him. He felt a stab of pain as he remembered that night and how ecstatic he’d been when she accepted his proposal. He didn’t expect to feel that good again until they shared in the birth of a child.
Charlotte’s shoulders were slumped forward and she seemed mesmerized by the gentle lapping of the water. The wind whipped her hair, which flew wildly about, but she didn’t appear to notice. She wasn’t wearing a sweater. She must be half freezing, Jason thought, peeling off his jacket.
He watched her for another moment, wondering exactly what he’d say. He’d had hours to prepare for this, hours to come up with the words to tell her how much he loved her and how sorry he was for the way everything had gone. Now he found himself speechless.
She didn’t see him until he was almost upon her. When she happened to look up, he saw that her face, ravaged by tears, was as pale as moonlight. She blinked, then frowned as though she couldn’t quite believe he was really there.
“Jason?”
“Funny meeting you here,” he said, placing his jacket around her shoulders.
“I…How did you find me?”
“It took some effort. If you had any doubts, Charlotte, I wish you’d talked them over with me.”
She frowned again. “There wasn’t any time…I tried, honestly I did, but you were always so busy and the time went so fast, and now…” The rest of her words faded into nothingness, her gaze avoiding his.
“There’s time now,” he said, sitting down on the log beside her.
Her eyes widened. “I…can’t go through with it.”
“Why not?” he asked calmly.
She answered him with a wrenching sob. “Please…I can’t. I don’t love you…”
Jason tensed. “I don’t believe that, Charlotte. There’s something else.”
“There is…I realize now that it’s your family I love. I never had one of my own and it came to me that I was marrying you for all the wrong reasons. I…can’t go through with the wedding…I just can’t.”
Jason felt as if someone had punched him. Hard. “My…family?”
“Yes,” she cried. “They’re all so wonderful and I…got carried away, thinking that if I married you…Carrie and I would be part of a large, loving family. Then I saw how unfair I was being to you…marrying you when I didn’t love you.”
A cold anger took hold of Jason. An anger rooted in pain and disillusionment.
“It’s too bad you didn’t think of that sooner, because all this soul-searching is a little too late.” He grasped her arm and pulled her to her feet. She sagged against him, but he tugged at her and she straightened.
“Jason, please…”
“Shut up, Charlotte. Just shut up before I say something I’ll regret.” It was no comfort realizing she was the only woman who’d ever brought him willingly to his knees. He’d gone to her in love, a love so strong it had swept away his loneliness. Charlotte was throwing it all back at him now, rejecting his love, betraying him with her last-minute revelations.
Walking out on him at the eleventh hour like this couldn’t be considered anything less. Nothing she could’ve done would have humiliated him more than to leave him standing at the altar.
“I can’t be your wife…Don’t you understand?”
Her voice was so weak he wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly. Not that it mattered; nothing she could have said would’ve had any effect on him after her confession. It didn’t matter if he could hear her or not. She was mumbling, pleading with him, but he closed off his heart the same way he had his ears.
When they reached his car, he opened the passenger door and deposited her inside. He ran around to the driver’s side, not knowing if he could trust her to stay put. He was mildly surprised that she didn’t try to escape.
He started the engine and turned on the heater. A blast of warm air filled the car. She didn’t seem to notice.
Neither spoke until they were close to the freeway entrance.
“Why are you doing this?” she demanded.
“I don’t know,” he answered. “But I do know you’re going through with this wedding, if it’s the last thing either of us ever does.”
“But how can you force me to marry you, knowing what you do?”
“It must have something to do with saving my entire family from humiliation,” he continued with the same chilly irony. “That family you claim to love so much. Maybe it’s because I don’t want my mother—who’s worked day and night on this wedding for the past three weeks, who’s looked forward to this day for years—to become an object of pity among her friends. Maybe it’s because I’d have trouble looking my two sisters and their husbands in the eye, knowing they rearranged their entire summer, gave up their vacations, to fly out here for our wedding. Just maybe it’s because I have an aversion to being ridiculed myself. I can’t really tell you what else would reduce a man to drag a woman who’s rejected him to the altar. But make no mistake, Charlotte, you will marry me.”
“It isn’t that I don’t care for you,” she whispered through her tears.
“Right. You care so deeply that you decided to go into hiding on our wedding day.”
“I know you’re angry…”
“You’re damn right I’m angry.”
“We can’t go through with the we
dding, Jason! We just can’t.”
“Oh, but we are, Charlotte.”
“What will we do afterward? I mean, once we’re married and—”
“Somehow we’ll find a way to miss our flight to Hawaii, then, first thing Monday morning, I’ll file for an annulment.”
“But it doesn’t make sense to go through with the wedding—”
“Yes, my darling Charlotte, it does. It makes a whole lot of sense.”
Charlotte was determined to survive the day, although she wasn’t sure how she’d manage. She’d been a fool to run off the way she had. A fool and a coward. She was an even bigger fool to think she’d appease Jason’s anger by lying.
When she’d left, she hadn’t thought about what she was doing to Jason or his family. She hadn’t been thinking at all, overpowered instead by her own fears.
On the way back, she tried to tell Jason she was sorry, to apologize for the hurt and humiliation she’d caused, but each time he cut her off, saying he didn’t want to hear it.
The ride back to her apartment was like living through the worst nightmare of her life. Jason was so cold, so furiously angry.
He dropped her off at her apartment, took her arm, leveled his steely blue eyes on her and said, “I’ll be by to pick you up in forty minutes.”
“I can’t possibly be ready by then.”
“You can and you will. And, Charlotte, don’t even think about running away again. Do you understand me?”
Charlotte nodded and almost told him it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. Then she remembered the whole wedding was a farce, anyway.
“Fine. I’ll be ready,” she assured him calmly.
She showered, brushed her hair and dressed, but she wasn’t conscious of doing any of those things. Carrie was with her, and Mandy, too, both silent and pale. Worried. What she’d done to them was terrible, Charlotte realized. They were both too young to carry this secret, too young to bear the burden of her foolishness.
The Manning Grooms Page 16
