They held each other for a moment longer before pulling back and smiling softly at one another. Karen walked with her to the back door and hefted it open.
“Let me know if you find anything else out.”
“I will,” Sarah promised, hesitating in the doorway. Cold air blasted through the opening and played with their skirts. The skies looked like they were getting ready to drop another powdery layer at any moment.
“You know,” she added thoughtfully. “The strange thing is that I mentioned it to Damien, and it really seemed to ruffle his feathers. He was pretty concerned for my safety when I brought it up, which made me think that your suspicions aren’t too far off. Something’s definitely up; we just have to figure out what it is.”
Karen nodded, though a shadow seemed to pass over her features. “I’ll work from my end too, but be careful, Sarah. If Damien knows something, then his concerns are probably well-founded.”
Sarah nodded. “You do the same.” She turned around, and her eyes caught on the partially built house. She pointed it out to Karen. “Do you know who your new neighbors are?”
Karen squinted of into the distance. “Oh, no, Seth is building that. He told his parents he wants to be independent and bought that portion of land from them until he can find his own.” Her vision clouded, and she smiled sadly. “He’s moving out soon. Guess I better work quickly.”
Sarah tipped her head to the side, studying her friend’s face. “You move at the speed you’re comfortable with. And remember what I said about Seth. Don’t let your fears get in the way.”
Karen grinned playfully. “I won’t if you don’t.”
“Okay, I’m going now.” She smiled at Karen to let her know there were no hard feelings before dashing across the frozen lawn. She threw a final wave over her shoulder, which Karen returned. She closed the door behind her and then ran in the direction of the house. To go find Seth, Sarah hoped.
Focusing her eyes on the tree line, Sarah picked her way through the snow, tamping down the stirrings of jealous despondency that was trying to take root. She couldn’t be happier for her friends and was ecstatic that Karen was going to get her fairytale ending, her happily ever after with the man she had given her heart to years ago. It was the perfect romance.
But no matter how excited she was for them, it was all a little hard to swallow when Sarah remembered that she would return home soon, giving up hope of any relationship between her and the only man with whom she’d ever pictured a future.
****
She had just made it to the trees when she heard the wagon coming down the path. The road was rarely traveled, since it led only to the Joneses’ property and to the dense woods skirting along their land. She released a breath, relieved that she had beaten Damien to the trees before he got anxious and came looking for her. That would be an interesting exchange after her conversation with Karen, one that she didn’t intend to witness anytime soon.
Rounding the bend where the density of trees and low-hanging branches forced the road to curve sharply to the left, Sarah spotted the wagon rolling along a ways off, the horses being urged a little faster than was necessary. Clearly, Damien was in a hurry to see if she had been abducted while he was away.
Sarah began jogging toward him, and he glanced up at the sudden movement, doing a double take when he spotted a girl running his way. Damien narrowed his eyes to see through the cold haze, and his face lit with a smile when he realized who it was.
The trees became a blur as she ran, and Sarah forced herself to slow her pace—she didn’t want Damien to see how anxious she had been about him coming to search for her—but it was difficult to look composed when she was gasping for air and had to grip the side of the wagon to keep from doubling-over.
Damien jerked back on the reins to halt the wagon before it took her arm with it. Scooting across the seat, he jumped down on her side, concern evident in his features. “What happened? Is something the matter?”
Sarah shook her head, fighting for breath. Each gasp of frozen air burned her parched lungs, and she gave a wheezing cough, which seemed to heighten Damien’s worry. Swallowing thickly, she shook her head before he became frantic. “I just didn’t want to keep you waiting.”
His shoulders visibly relaxed. “I thought perhaps something was wrong.”
Sarah managed a reassuring smile. Nothing except for how out of shape I am. And the high altitude didn’t help matters.
He helped her onto the seat, and she sank gratefully onto the thick wool blanket that covered the wood. Damien ran around and hopped up beside her, arranging another blanket around her shoulders. He started to pull the other end around himself and froze. Looking up at her, his eyes went a little wider than normal. It looked like their situation had just dawned on him.
“Oh, er . . .” Damien began to remove the warmth from around him as subtly as possible.
Sarah tried not to grin at his sense of propriety, but the self-conscious embarrassment on his face was endearing. And it was too cold out for him to have the wind on him while she had all the warmth to herself.
Holding one end open, she said, “We can share. I don’t mind.”
Damien looked reluctant, but he nodded his gratitude and wrapped the blanket around himself again. Sarah was glad that the wrap was large enough that she could maintain a safe distance from her driver. Snuggling up together under the blanket, in the snow, in a horse-drawn “carriage” would be just a little too intimate for her comfort.
“Did you have a pleasant visit?” he asked as he got the horses turned around on the path.
Sarah smiled, though she was confused over the way her heart felt both lighter and heavier after having talked with Karen. “It was great. So what did you have to do, anyway?”
Shrugging, Damien guided the horses around an uprooted tree partially blocking the road. “Nothing of great import.” He shot her a smile, and that dimple appeared in his cheek. “It wasn’t nearly as entertaining as your visit, I am sure.”
Sarah could tell he was evading her question, trying to pacify her and return the conversation to her outing. She tried not to be bothered by it; she knew it wasn’t customary for men in this era to discuss business in the presence of a woman. Damien had been brought up with this ingrained into his thinking, and she couldn’t fault him for that, however much it irked her to be kept out of the loop.
They returned the wagon and horses to its owner in town, with the welcome addition of a heavy coin pouch from Damien as payment, and then walked back to the castle in silence—Damien’s gaze was thoughtful, and Sarah didn’t feel like engaging anyone in conversation.
She hugged the coat around her as the twosome passed through the gates, feeling the oppressive heaviness of her confinement wash over her the moment they stepped inside the walls. It sounded fanciful even as she admitted it to herself, but there was something dark that lurked within the confines of the castle, and she felt it every time she stepped inside.
Damien escorted her up the flights of stairs and walked her to her room. Holding the door open for her, he smiled sheepishly. “I realize that I was not very good company on our return trip.”
“That’s all right. You looked like you had a lot on your mind.”
His smile relaxed. “Thank you for your company. It made hardly tolerable errands quite enjoyable.”
Sarah’s lips pulled into a smile. “I had fun, too. Thanks for sneaking out with me.”
Damien placed a finger to his lips and scanned the empty hallway in mock-nervousness. “We mustn’t let our delinquency be revealed.”
She pretended to seal her lips and then proceeded to toss the invisible key over her shoulder. Her eyes moved to her empty room, and she paused as an idea occurred to her. “Can I make I request?”
“I am at your beck and call.”
Sarah grinned. So theatrical and sarcastic, this one. “Well, I was hoping that I could have a maid brought up to take care of me personally.”
His brows dre
w together. “Is there an issue with the woman selected for you?”
She hurried on before she got the girl dismissed. “Not at all. It’s just that the maid who stitched you up earlier is a friend of mine. Her name’s Edith.” Sarah realized that she didn’t even know her last name and felt a quick stab of regret over that fact. To seal the deal for Damien, she threw out, “I would be so much more at home here if I could have her with me.”
He appeared surprised, but he nodded quickly. “Of course. You should have said something sooner. I will make the request that she be your permanent maid, if it will make you more comfortable.”
“It will,” she replied eagerly, her face splitting into a smile. “Thanks, Damien.”
Those two words looked like they were all he needed. Taking her hand, he pressed his lips to her knuckles. Sarah dismissed the tingle of pleasure that shot up her arm. Still bent over her hand, Damien smiled up at her through a veil of thick lashes, and the torchlight danced across the gold-flecks in his eyes.
“My pleasure.” His voice was smooth like honey. Sarah couldn’t ignore the way her breath momentarily hitched in her chest, and she was sure he saw her surprised and dumbfounded expression before she found her head.
Pulling her hand free, she backed into her room. “Okay, well, thanks again for the favor. And for this afternoon. It was super.” Super? Her hip bumped into the door as she retreated into the safety of her room. “We should probably change your bandages later, but I’m beat right now.” She considered stretching her arms over her head and feigning a yawn, but thought that might be overkill.
Straightening, Damien shot her one of his trademark grins, but this one was different—knowing. “Until then, my lady.” He gave a quick bow before walking across the hall to his own room.
Sarah slowly closed the door until the latch caught and then pressed her back against the wood. She closed her eyes and let her head bang against the door. What was wrong with her that she went weak at the knees when a man kissed her hand? She felt humiliated for behaving like those giggly, starry-eyed girls she wished would have some pride. It was painful to watch them get tongue-tied over the slightest sign of affection.
Shame washed over her as she realized that she had nearly succumbed to such an idiotic display. She was stronger than that. What had happened to her resolve?
Suddenly remembering the warm look in Will’s gaze as they stood in the alley, she squeezed her eyes closed, trying to hold on to that brief moment and pretend that everything was right with the world. The picture of Damien’s face, cast in warm light, as he kissed her hand unexpectedly overcame the image of Will. As reluctant as she was to admit it, Sarah was fairly certain she had seen awareness in his brown eyes, and that scared her more than she cared to admit.
Her heart sped up, traitorous thing that it was, and her eyes snapped open to dispel the image of Damien’s slow, knowing smile laced with . . . affection? That couldn’t be right, though. But all the arguments she tried to line up in her head appeared useless in the face of what she knew she had seen.
Sinking to the ground, Sarah dragged her back down the door and rested on the balls of her feet. Affection? That was no good.
Surveying the lifeless room, she was once again overcome with sadness. Was her heart so unfaithful that one moment it could melt at the thought of Will and race madly in Damien’s magnetic presence the next?
The joy from her outing with Damien and her talk with Karen fell to the stones in a noiseless heap. It was easy to be happy outside the castle when she was distracted, but far harder to find happiness in the silence where her dark thoughts multiplied.
It looked like the barely blossoming start of her tortured excuse of a love life was beginning to wither at the same time that Karen’s was blooming into something beautiful. Her lifeless quarters offered Sarah some clarity into the jealousy she had tried to ignore.
Yes, she was incredibly happy for her friend’s budding romance and couldn’t be more excited for Karen. But in the total silence enveloping her, Sarah realized that it was Seth she envied. With her other relationships falling apart around her, it felt like a tragedy that Seth should steal away one of her closest friends, leaving her with no one in this place.
As it should be.
~Chapter 22~
A nap didn’t help to improve her mood. Sarah was too alert and moody to sleep, and she lay awake for over an hour, forcing her eyes shut only to have them open a moment later to stare blankly at the tapestries above.
With her thoughts loudly crashing together in her head, Sarah knew it was useless to try and rest. She sat up with a huff. Throwing the covers aside, she padded across the room in her stocking-clad feet, shivering as the floor’s cold seeped through the thin fabric and immediately chilled her toes. She really needed to make a fire, since the fruits of Damien’s labor had turned to ash and barely glowing embers in their absence.
Adjusting the rumpled coat she had been too lazy to unlace before her sleepless nap, she pulled out the desk chair and plopped down in the seat, folding her feet beneath her to warm them. Sarah reached for a blank piece of parchment, determined to keep her mind occupied with letter writing.
But to whom could she send it? She didn’t have anything new to report to Karen, other than a quick “Hi, I’m depressed and confused—please help me.” She could send an apology note to Will, but her mind drew a blank on what she could possibly say to right things. And Damien was around all the time, so she didn’t need to write him a letter.
She stared at the empty page, feeling herself sinking deeper into her current forlorn state as she became fully aware that these were her only options.
Sarah put her head in her hands and leaned her elbows on the desk, suddenly filled with an aching desire for home. Tears burned the back of her throat and pressed against her palms, but she didn’t care, nor did she try to stop them. You can’t have the best of both worlds, she chastised herself, even as her heart warred within her to have her family close by as she fought beside Karen for justice here.
Knuckles rapped gently against her door, startling her. Sarah’s hands fell away from her face as she snapped upright. The sudden release of pressure on her eyes caused a few half-hearted tears to slip down her cheeks. Hastily swiping a thumb under each eye, she brushed her hands on the sides of her dress and hoped that she looked presentable. Maybe it was Edith coming to make a fire. The thought sent a jolt of hope through her, and she flung the door open in anticipation. Her face fell.
Damien’s expression melted into one of concern when he saw her bedraggled appearance. “Whatever’s the matter?”
“Nothing. I’m just tired.” That much was true: Her heart was weary in ways she hadn’t thought possible.
He looked hesitant to take her word for it, though he nodded slowly. A moment of silence passed before he asked, “Would you like me to return later?”
Sarah shook her head. “No, we’ve waited long enough to take care of your arm.” She motioned him inside. “Have a seat.”
He entered reluctantly, his eyes flickering watchfully to her face every few seconds. Sarah grabbed a stack of fresh bandages and the pouch of salve from the trunk before having him sit down on it. She dragged the chair over to him in silence, feeling his eyes on her. She made a conscious effort to avoid his gaze.
Feeling awkward and reticent in his presence in light of what she thought she’d discovered about his affection for her, Sarah wasn’t sure if she could ever feel completely comfortable with him again.
“I requested that your friend be assigned to your room,” Damien supplied when she sat down.
She met his eyes for the first time since he’d entered her room. “Thank you.”
His head dipped to the side, his expression earnest. “Would you like to tell me what plagues you?”
Considering her current problems concerned him, she decided to keep it to herself. It was sweet of him to ask, though, and it only made her like him more. Sighing, Sarah shook her head. �
��No, but thanks for the offer.”
Damien nodded, pausing thoughtfully. “Do you wish me to leave?” he asked again. This time he looked reluctant.
Sarah found she couldn’t lie to him. “No, I’d like you to stay.”
****
As she cleaned his wound—which she concentrated very, very hard on to avoid looking at his well-toned arms—Damien regaled her with happier tales from his childhood, of he and Isabella’s silly adventures in Spain. Sarah was immensely grateful for the distraction and already felt her mood lifting in his presence. He seemed to subdue her sullenness, and she was able to put her troubling thoughts aside for the time being.
Damien suddenly smacked his thigh with the palm of his hand, eyes bright. “I have a wonderful idea to get your mind off your morose state.”
Morose? “Okay,” she said slowly. “What is this brilliant epiphany?”
He stood, slipping his shirt over his head. Sarah averted her gaze until the fabric slipped down to cover the lean muscles on his stomach that his undershirt had hiked up to reveal. Damien grinned, and she wasn’t sure if it was in light of his grand idea or because he’d caught her flustered aversion of his bare skin.
“Ah, that shall remain my secret.” He placed his hands in front of him to get her to stay in her seat when she began to rise. “I will be back in five minutes.” And then he breezed through the doorway.
Sarah waited, her curiosity eating at her, but it was also keeping her mind off of the darker thoughts she had been entertaining before he arrived.
As promised, he returned a few minutes later dressed in a heavy black coat, his expression schooled into a gentlemanly mask as he offered her his hand. “Shall we?”
Sarah glared at him suspiciously as she accepted his help. “We aren’t going to rob a bank, are we?”
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