Heinous Habits!
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Heinous Habits
Corsario Cove Cozy Mystery #3
Anna Celeste Burke
Copyright © 2017 Anna Celeste Burke
http://www.desertcitiesmystery.com
Heinous Habits, Corsario Cove Cozy Mystery #3
Published by CreateSpace
All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced without written permission of the publisher except brief quotations for review purposes.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Cover Design by Anna Celeste Burke
Photo by © Konstanttin | Dreamstime.com
ISBN-13: 978-1530845781
ISBN-10: 1530845785
Books by Anna Celeste Burke
Cowabunga Christmas, Corsario Cove Cozy Mystery #1
Gnarly New Year, Corsario Cove Cozy Mystery # 2
Heinous Habits, Corsario Cove Cozy Mystery #3
Radical Regatta, Corsario Cove Cozy Mystery #4 out late 2017
~~~~~
A Dead Husband Jessica Huntington Desert Cities Mystery #1
A Dead Sister Jessica Huntington Desert Cities Mystery #2
A Dead Daughter Jessica Huntington Desert Cities Mystery # 3
A Dead Mother Jessica Huntington Desert Cities Mystery #4
Love A Foot Above the Ground Prequel to the Jessica Huntington Desert Cities Mystery Series
~~~~~
Murder at Catmmando Mountain Georgie Shaw Cozy Mystery #1
Love Notes in the Key of Sea Georgie Shaw Cozy Mystery #2
All Hallows’ Eve Heist Georgie Shaw Cozy Mystery #3
A Merry Christmas Wedding Mystery Georgie Shaw Cozy Mystery #4
Murder at Sea of Passenger X Georgie Shaw Cozy Mystery #5
Murder of the Maestro, Georgie Shaw Cozy Mystery #6 out late 2017
DEDICATION
To discovering the truth behind secrets—old ones and new ones!
Table of Contents
1 Radical Proposals
2 The Package
3 The Prodigal Dude’s Return
4 A Monk’s Plea
5 The Kook Factor
6 Mitchum’s Missive
7 Remains of a Day
8 Ruined Ruins
9 Stirring up the Past
10 Opie’s Ghost
11 Father Bede?
12 Flipping for Elvis
13 A Dead Monk
14 Invasion from Down Under
15 A Bro Goes Missing
16 A Hail Mary
17 Bernie’s Update
18 A Treasure Not Easily Won
AUTHORS NOTES
Fact or fiction?
COOKIE RECIPES
Triple Ginger Snap Cookies
Mexican Hot Chocolate Cookies
Caramel Stuffed Chocolate Snickerdoodles
Pecan Pie Cookies
Mexican Wedding Cookies
Sunflower Sugar Cookies
Chocolate Almond Crunch Cookies
About the Author
Acknowledgements
I am fortunate to have a husband who loves to read, although his preference is for nonfiction rather than fiction. Still, he’s the “first reader” on every one of my books, patient with messy versions that I sling his way as I go. I love it when I hear him laugh, since I’m always looking to portray the humor in our mad search to uncover the truth behind events as they unfold in our lives—whether mundane, sacred, or profane.
Thanks, again, to Ying Cooper for proofreading with her usual keen eye, flexibility, and quick turnaround.
Gratitude, too, to feedback from readers of Advance Review Copies: Denise Austin, Peggy Hyndman, Doward Wilson, Bev Smith, Valerie Bargewell, Andrea Stoeckel, Andra Weis, Jeanine Bevacqua, Bonnie Dale Keck, Michele Hayes, Jeanie Whitmore Jackson, Karen Vaughan, Donna Wolz, Tara Brown, Kay Sarginson, Karin Tillotson, and Michele Bodenheimer. You all keep me going!
1 Radical Proposals
Maybe we should never have answered the doorbell or should have refused to accept that package. Brien and I still had a few more weeks before we had to say yes or no to the proposal made by the management at The Sanctuary Resort & Spa in Corsario Cove. A few more weeks—days even—would have made a big difference. After all, timing is everything, isn’t it?
Our previous efforts to help capture what Brien refers to as “heinous dudes” running amok in Corsario Cove had resulted in the offer of jobs for both of us. “Rad” job proposals, according to Brien, as in “radical,” meaning awesome. Heinous and radical are words my hunky surfer dude husband sprinkles into conversations on a regular basis. I’m pretty used to it now, but I find myself acting as a translator when Brien lapses into an extended episode of surfer lingo.
I must admit those job offers are “rad.” For Brien, the offer was to join the resort security team. A natural fit given his exploits at Corsario Cove and his “most excellent” training at a high-end private security firm here in the California desert near Palm Springs. Brien’s boss, Peter March, possesses a fondness for him although I couldn’t see that at first given how exasperated he can get with Brien. Peter took a personal interest in Brien’s training. Peter’s influence has been almost as positive as mine has, even if I do say so myself. To his possible future coworkers, Brien’s a phenom. Of course, it might have something to do with the fact that he resembles Chris Hemsworth in his Thor movie star days. One way or another, Brien makes an impression on you.
In addition to my training as a legal assistant, I’ve developed skills in investigative work. Those include a talent for electronic snooping. I’m good at digging up the dirt buried in data mines like the ones our law firm uses to run background checks. You almost don’t even have to resort to hacking. So much of a person’s life is out there if you know where to look.
I try to stay on the right side of the law, but those boundaries are hazy in cyberspace. It could be those lines are blurry because I picked up some bad habits while working too long for a sleaze ball music producer in Hollywood before the court system put “The Mr. P,” as he often referred to himself, behind bars. I prefer to believe I’m able to think like a criminal without becoming one, thanks to my apprenticeship with Mr. P.
Most of my investigative skills aren’t relevant to the position offered to me in Records Management at The Sanctuary Resort & Spa. Their data records are mostly related to guest profiles, reservations, activities and special events, supplies, and other mundane subjects involving the operation of an exclusive resort. I do have a knack for organizing and working with data, so maybe I could get used to working with boring stuff. Boring’s not always bad, right?
Anyway, it wasn’t just the intriguing contents of the package that dangled as a lure to draw us back to Corsario Cove, Management had made us another offer—an all-inclusive, totally free do-over of our honeymoon vacation. That proposal was one we couldn’t refuse even if we decided not to take the jobs. Before the doorbell rang, Brien and I had already planned to try to settle on a date to return for a second honeymoon so we could work things out with our current employers.
There’s something special about The Sanctuary Resort & Spa at Corsario Cove. The blue Pacific Ocean called to Brien. "Primo” surfing is part of the allure for him. I’m still somewhere between a “Barney” and a “Betty.” A Barney’s a borderline hopeless beginner, while a Betty is a girl who can surf.
More than its physical beauty, Corsario Cove has an allure that captivates and then bores into you. I couldn’t keep the vision of that place out of my mind even after all the trouble we’d encountered there.
After dinner, the evening had begun as a cozy, relaxing one. Lazing around at home after a busy workweek, we had focused first on an old proposal, not a new one. It had been my idea to play a version of Truth or Dare.
“Okay, Brien, we’re going to play a game of Truth or Dare only without the Dare part. More like Truth or Chore. I’m going to ask you questions, and you can choose to tell me the truth or do an extra chore, and I get to pick the one you do.”
“I guess that’s okay. Why?”
“A married couple should know things about each other, shouldn’t they?”
“Sure, but I know things about you already, or I wouldn’t have married you when you suggested it.”
“I suggested it? As I recall, you’re the one who said we shouldn’t keep driving back and forth from Palm Springs, where I live, to Indio where you lived.”
“Yes, but that’s when you said, ‘are you asking me to marry you or do you just want permission to move your surfboard onto my patio?’ I got the message behind the sarcasm, Gidget.”
“Oh, Moondoggie, it was romantic when you got down on one knee in the moonlight, with the palm trees swaying, and The Ventures playing in the background.”
“Yeah, just like a scene from one of those old beach movies you love. Except for the part about the beach since we were in your backyard in the Cali desert instead of on the beach.”
“I know what you mean, Brien. You don’t always have to explain yourself to me.”
“A lot of the time I do.”
“Ah, that’s part of your charm and only one reason I love you. You’re one of the first people I ever met who cared as much as you do that I understand you. I was surprised when you pulled out that ring! How did you know I was going to bring up the topic of marriage that night?”
“Uh, okay, so here’s the truth—no extra chore. I had been carrying that ring around for a month since Peter went with me and helped me pick it out. I just couldn’t work up the courage to ask you right away. A couple of times I came close, but I wimped out on you.”
“Geez, am I that scary? Truth or Chore, remember?”
“You can be scary. Not so much anymore because I get that it’s a mechanical defense. You get snarky when you’re scared.”
“I could be wrong, but I think you mean defense mechanism, don’t you?”
“Could be, but see? That’s what I’m saying. I got too close to the truth, and it scared you. Are you sure you want to play this game?”
“Yes. My turn to tell the truth. The way I said that it did sound snarky, didn’t it? I do use sarcasm, even when I don’t mean to do it. It’s a reflex. And scary? Yeah, I get that. Sarcasm is a shield I put up, and sometimes it comes across more like a sword than a shield.”
“You don’t need shields or swords around me. I won’t ever hurt you.”
“I want to believe you. But old habits are hard to kick.”
“That’s why they say, ‘old habits die old,’ Kim.”
“They don’t say that, but I get it. So, am I the only one who didn’t know you had bought that ring a month before we got engaged?”
“The truth, again—yes. I wanted to make sure you’d like it, so I checked it out to make sure it was cool enough for you. Remember when Bernadette baked those Mexican Wedding Cookies?”
“No way! She said she was testing them out for Tommy’s wedding. I’m going to have to play Truth or Chore with her, now, too.”
“Uh, you might not want to do that. Bernadette's had lots of practice making people do chores. She was my boss when I was the pool guy, remember? Bernadette could give you some bogus ones. Jessica could too.”
“I figured Jessica was in on it. She had gone around for a couple of weeks with that ‘I-know-something-you-don’t-know’ look on her face. Now, that expression on her face when we showed up, and I was wearing that ring, suddenly makes sense. So, no one was surprised by our announcement? They sure seemed surprised.”
“When I first told him my plans, Peter was speechless. He hardly said one word the entire time it took us to drive to the jewelry store to pick out the ring. Bernadette, not so much. You know how she is with her special powers. Betsy’s like that, too. When Peter got home and told her the news, she just smiled and nodded. Spooky. Tommy and Laura almost hit the floor, though. That night when we gave them the scoop, they were surprised, alright.”
“Why?”
“Because an awesome babe like you said yes to a regular dude like me. You know?”
“You want the truth, Brien?”
“Of course. You know what Bernadette says: ‘Even the worst truth is better than the best lie.’ Let me have it.”
“Brien Williams, there is nothing ordinary about you in any way. You are the sweetest, hunkiest dude I have ever met in my entire life. When you flashed that ring, I was totally stoked! You’ve changed my life forever, Moondoggie. You’re right that love is the most excellent adventure of all.” I leaned over and gave him a kiss that had “most excellent adventure” in it!
“I like this game. Your turn.” Before I could say another word, that doorbell rang.
“Who could that be? Are you expecting anyone?”
“Not me, Babe. You neither?”
“No. Jessica doesn’t have a dead family member on her hands, right?”
“Nope. No friend with a dead husband or sister. No client with a dead daughter, mother, or any other family member. Nada. At least we don’t have to worry that it’s some cop or another creep stalking us because we are working on a case for her.”
“You don’t have to worry about that anyway. I’m a trained security associate, now! Let me answer that, though.” Brien was up on his feet in a flash, springing from the floor without even using his hands.
“Show off!” I said as I struggled to get up off the floor. The couch cushion I was using as leverage was squishy and not working.
My hubby of fewer than three months is a hunk who loves to work out. That’s a good thing since he's a die-hard devotee of fast food, eats nonstop, and enjoys washing his food down with cold “brewskis.” Nowadays, thanks to me, my “vociferous” eating machine as he referred to himself at dinnertime, includes fruits and veggies in his diet. By vociferous he had meant voracious. Brien carries little cards around with him with big words on them to help improve his vocabulary. He doesn’t always keep it straight during the learning process.
“I can handle your teasing, but you’d better be more careful what you say around our detective friends. Hernandez and Mitchum wouldn’t think it was too funny that you included cop as ‘another creep’ in that sentence. More sarcasm, right?” He leaned over and offered me a hand. I was on my feet a split second later.
“Yep, old habits are indeed hard to break, and I am a creature of habit. That’s why I’m so totally stuck on you though.” I leaned in and kissed him again.
“Lucky for me.” Brien needed no encouragement to return that kiss. My toes curled. Maybe my straight, black hair, too since my scalp was tingling along with the rest of my body. The doorbell rang a second time. Brien slung a lock of blond hair out of his face and beamed a smile that added to my breathlessness in the wake of that kiss.
Then he took off, sprinting to the door with surprising speed for such a muscle-bound dude with the ambition to have a “bodacious” physique. I just hope I can help him become as bodacious on the inside as he looks to be on the outside. Then I flashed on that image of myself a moment ago floundering to get up off my behind after sitting on the floor.
“Maybe I should be more worried about my physical condition, inside and out,” I muttered.
“You’re getting better. I’ll have you cranking out monster workouts before you know it.”
“You heard that?” There’s nothing wrong with Brien’s hearing or his eyesight, either. “Dream on,” I added under my breath lowering my volume to a level I hoped registered below what he could hear.
I shuddered at the very thought of participating in anything resemb
ling a monster workout. Before I got involved with Brien, my idea of a workout was wrestling into my skinny jeans. I promised to go to the gym more often, and I was doing that, but not on a regular basis. The doorbell rang a third time as Brien peered through the peephole. That's when a sudden urge had come over me.
“Don’t do it! Don’t answer the door!”
2 The Package
Too late!
“Can I help you?” Brien shouted.
“Courier service.”
“At this hour?” I asked as I joined Brien at the door. Dark out, but it wasn’t that late. It still gets dark early in March. My brain was floundering for some way to stall long enough for that guy to leave.
Brien took another look through the peephole and then opened the door. A young man in a hoodie, shorts, and tennis shoes stood there, bathed in light from the fixture above the small slab entry at our door.
“I need a signature, Sir.”
As Brien took that package from the baby-faced delivery guy, I signed for it on a tablet device.
“Thanks, dude.” Brien took a couple of bills from his wallet and handed them to the courier. “There’s no reason to call me sir. I’m in security now, but I used to deliver packages. I’m still just an ordinary guy, so…” The young man must have been eighteen or I doubt anyone would have hired him as a courier. Still, he could have passed for a high school kid standing there hanging onto what looked like a bicycle helmet. He interrupted Brien.
“Hey, no problem. Uh, I gotta run, er, um, dude!” With that, he snatched the money from Brien's outstretched hand, tucked that tablet device into a backpack slung over his shoulder, and took off. A bicycle was leaning against a lamppost near our car in the apartment complex parking lot.
Brien shut the door. He looked puzzled as he examined himself in a mirror hung over a side table near the front door.
“Do I look old enough to be a sir? I’m putting you back under the Truth or Chore rules. Be honest.”