I didn’t believe for a second that she was a welcome guest on Parker’s junk.
I knew him.
I loved him.
I trusted him.
The thing that struck home for me was that this was it. It was always going to be like this. If it wasn’t a Malika, it’d be a Tiffany, if it wasn’t a Tiffany, it’d be a Lucy…if it wasn’t a Lucy it’d be an Emily… the list would go on and on.
There will always be someone.
The realisation hit me like a slap in the face.
Parker didn’t belong to me.
Parker didn’t even belong to himself.
There will always be something.
Was this the way I wanted my life to turn out? What kind of future could I possibly have with this man if he would never really be mine?
We couldn’t go out for a coffee… we couldn’t go for a walk in the park… we couldn’t do anything.
He wanted me to live with him… and I wanted to.
God, did I want to…
I was still here waiting to get the hell out of here so I could tell him that I was all set to take things to the next level with him.
But what would my life be like if I lived in his house? Could I walk out the front gate and down the street to go and get a coffee? Or would I have to be driven in a tinted-glass vehicle with my own personal bodyguard?
I’d been making the best of the situation, but it had been wearing me down lately. It was an exhausting life in a lot of ways.
Imagine if we got married…
I couldn’t even imagine what life would be like for our children if we had them.
No playing at the playground…
Second guessing the motives of their friends?
My stomach dropped and my blood ran cold.
I knew that I couldn’t live my life like this, not the way it was now…
Standing here right now, I knew I only had two options.
I knew I couldn’t let Parker give up his career, because I knew he would, if I asked him or if he figured out that that’s what it would take to keep me – he’d give it up in a heartbeat.
I couldn’t do that to him, hell, I couldn’t do that to the world. The thought of being the reason that this immense talent left the industry was unbearable to me – singing was everything to him.
But I couldn’t live like this either.
That only left me with one option.
I approached the table slowly, where Parker was still trying to remove the tramp that was clinging on for dear life.
Parker’s eyes portrayed sheer panic as he saw me approach. “Legs, it’s not what you think.”
I gave him a small smile. “I know… can you just get rid of her?” I was suddenly so bone tired; it was like a switch had flicked inside me and I just couldn’t do this anymore. I sank down on the bench seat next to him.
Malika huffed and stormed off in a rage, fuming that her half-witted plan hadn’t worked.
Keep moving, honey, I’ve got bigger problems.
“Fuck, babe, I’m sorry, she’s out of her damn mind. I just try to be nice to her for Jim’s sake. You know that, right?” Parker brushed off his jeans like she might have left some kind of filth on him. It made me want to laugh, but I couldn’t seem to remember how.
Tears welled in my eyes. “I know,” I repeated.
I lifted my head and met his gaze, letting him see how broken I was.
“Charlotte? What’s wrong?” He slid in closer to me.
The tears fell in slow streams down my cheeks at the sheer concern his voice held for me.
I shook my head. “I’m so sorry, Parker.”
His eyes widened and he reached for my hands in an attempt to soothe me.
“I just can’t do this anymore,” I choked out, pulling my hands away before he could make me tingle with the familiar energy his touch created. “I can’t live my life under this microscope… I can’t deal with the constant stream of women vying for your attention… I just can’t…”
The pain in his eyes stabbed at my heart. “I would never… I love you,” he insisted.
“I know you wouldn’t... and I love you too,” I replied with a resigned smile. “But I can’t live like this anymore, and I’m so sorry… I thought I could do it, but I can’t.” I sobbed.
“Charlotte, please?” Parker begged. “I’ll do better. I’ll…. I’ll step back from the party scene… the performances… I’ll give up all of it… anything… whatever you need.”
The tears fell harder. This sweet, sexy man offering to give up his whole life just like I knew he would, cut me deep.
“It’s not your fault,” I choked out. “But even if you wanted to, you couldn’t walk away from this, rock star, this is your life.”
“Charlotte…” he begged again.
I stood, knowing I needed to get out of there before he convinced me to stay.
I threw him one last apologetic stare and fled toward the exit.
I had no idea if I was making the right decision for my future, or the worst mistake of my life.
Time moved in slow motion as I ran across the room and out the door.
I saw a flash of Hannah and Jasper’s shocked faces and a glimpse of Malika’s victorious smirk before I burst through the door and into the cool night air. I sucked in deep breath after deep breath, but I still couldn’t seem to get enough air.
“Charlotte?” Hannah asked softly from behind me, as she placed a hand on my lower back. It was only then that I realised I was doubled over, crying.
I couldn’t even talk, I was sobbing so hard.
“Honey, what’s wrong? Talk to me…” Her voice was filled with worry. “Did he do something to you?”
I shook my head furiously. The last thing I wanted was anyone thinking that this was Parker’s fault.
I knew he was there the minute he emerged from inside the club; my body was so in tune with his.
“Charlotte!” he called out to me.
On instinct, I looked up at him, right into his light blue eyes that I loved so much. He had liquid pooling in the corners and it took me a moment to realise he was crying.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered as I turned into Hannah’s waiting arms and walked away from the only man I could ever see myself truly loving.
For the second time in my life, I found myself looking at the beautiful girl with the long red hair, with my best friend at my side, as she walked away from me.
“What the fuck just happened?” I choked out, much the same as I had months and months ago when Charlotte had first turned me down.
Only this time, Jasper had no witty remark or laughter and I didn’t have a trick up my sleeve to see her again.
He stepped in front of me and hugged me like a brother as I broke down and sobbed in his arms.
It had been five days and I knew my allocated time for avoiding Hannah was well and truly up. I also knew I had to get out of bed, I needed food, and I really, really needed a shower.
I was twenty kinds of messed up over this breakup… I knew it was all my fault, but that didn’t change the depressing reality of the situation.
I’d broken up with a man I loved more than anything.
Who does that?
Every time his name appeared on my cell phone as an incoming call or text, or I heard him buzzing our intercom over and over again my heart broke in a new spot… his pain caused it to crack just that little bit more.
I was miserable – stuck between a rock and a hard place.
No pun intended.
I still didn’t know if I’d made the right call, but it was done now, and no matter how much I loved or missed him, it didn’t change things.
Parker might have been calling and coming over right now, but that wouldn’t last forever…
He’ll forget about me and move on with his life…
The thought of him forgetting about me caused an intense stabbing pain in my chest. I rubbed at it as I gasped for air and gave myself a men
tal lecture.
This is what you wanted.
He needs to move on.
You want him to be happy.
I knew I couldn’t hold on to him forever – but I wished more than anything that it could be different.
Hannah must have come into my bedroom without me noticing at some stage during my melt down, she touched my arm lightly and I near jumped out of my skin.
“Jesus, Hannah.” I clasped my chest and tried to steady my heartbeat.
“You were having another panic attack.” She frowned as she sat down next to me. “You can’t keep going on like this, Lotte, you need to talk to me… or if not me, then someone, hun, you can’t just sit here.”
I nodded in agreement. “I need to shower.”
It might have been the smallest of confessions, but Hannah’s eyes lit up like I’d just made a huge amount of progress.
She made a show of pretending to sniff me. “Yeah… you’re right, you kinda stink.”
I smiled and it felt weird on my face – wrong somehow.
“I… ah… I brought you this…” She sat the magazine down on my bed.
I knew what it was.
Our interview…
I’d been expecting it earlier.
I scooted further away from it like it was a deadly snake. “I can’t look at that.” I shook my head vehemently.
“Charlotte…” she pleaded. “Just take one look.”
I peered over at the offending object and then back into my best friend’s eyes.
“I can’t look at those pictures,” I whispered, my voice broken.
Parker and I had taken some beautiful photographs together – the photographer had shown us right after he took them – they were the perfect representation of just how much we loved each other.
The thought of them made my stomach churn with guilt.
“Okay.” Hannah held up her hands in surrender before reaching for the magazine. “But you need to hear this one part at the very least.
Hearing anything that came from those glossy pages was about the last thing I wanted to do right now, but Hannah rarely took no for an answer, and seeing as she was at about the end of her patience with me, I doubted she would listen now anyway.
She cleared her throat and I threw my covers over my head in an attempt to hide.
“… I hate to break it to you ladies, but Parker Sloan is very firmly off the market… and I doubt he’ll ever return. Within only five minutes of meeting Charlotte and Parker, I knew I’d never met a couple quite like this before…” she read the words aloud.
“Stop,” I instructed.
“Park—”
“Just stop,” I interrupted, throwing the covers back off me.
“Just talk to me, Lotte,” she begged. “I just want to understand why you left him?”
“I just couldn’t do it anymore,” I replied, my voice empty and hollow. “You see all those women throwing themselves at him… I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
It might not have been all of it, but it was certainly part of the problem.
“You know Parker isn’t interested in anybody but you… he doesn’t want them, he wan—”
“Just let it go, Han,” I snapped. “It’s done. It’s over… just let it go for Christ’s sake.”
I felt the thud of the magazine landing on the bed before Hannah turned and left without another word.
Shit. I’m a bitch.
I had to admit, the shower was a good decision… I’d even washed my hair.
I could hear Han clattering around in the kitchen as I slinked out into the living room with my tail between my legs.
I sat down on the couch and turned the TV on.
Hannah’s head popped around the corner when she heard the noise from the TV. “You’re up,” she stated, the smile on her face showing me that she wasn’t holding a grudge for my earlier behaviour – Hannah was good like that.
I nodded and shot her my best ‘I’m sorry’ look.
She sighed and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.
“Damn girl.” I let out a wolf whistle. “Where the hell are you going?”
Hannah was dressed up sexy as hell. Her perfect figure was draped in a stunning deep-blue wrap dress which she had paired with a high pair of nude-coloured heels. Her makeup and hair were simple, but beautiful.
She looked amazing.
She waved away my comment.
“I’m serious… where are you going?” I did my best to beat down my panic at the thought of being here all alone now that I was functioning a little more normally.
Pull yourself together…
Hannah had been here for me this entire time, she’d cancelled all of my bookings and made other arrangements for the clients…. she’d taken care of everything and I hadn’t exactly let her know how grateful I was for her support. I didn’t need to go making her feel bad for taking some much-deserved time out.
“Umm… I have a date…” She smiled brightly, but I didn’t miss the nervous expression that she’d covered with that smile.
“With who?” I prompted.
“Oh, just this guy I met a while back… it’s just a drink.” She shrugged and avoided making eye contact.
She’s hiding something…
She seemed reluctant to sit – instead choosing to hover awkwardly near the end of the couch.
“So, what’s his name?” I asked her as I tucked my legs up underneath me.
She shifted her weight from one foot to another as she fiddled with the gold bangle she wore on her left arm.
“I don’t think you know him.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Han…” I warned her.
She huffed out a breath. “I can’t say, okay?” She finally met my eyes. “I didn’t expect you to be up, or I would have done a better job of sneaking out… I’m sorry.”
“Why can’t you tell me?” I demanded, feeling tears spring in the corners of my eyes for some inexplicable reason.
Damn breakup hormones…
“I just… can’t,” she finished lamely.
“You’re not going out to talk to Parker, are you?” I whispered.
She shook her head quickly. “No, Lotte, of course not... that’s not my place.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. I didn’t need Hannah and Parker ganging up on me and trying to make me change my mind.
But then who is the guy?
“Oh shit, Han… he’s not married, is he?”
She waved her hands around in front of her. “Oh god no,” she cried. “He’s one hundred and ten percent single.”
Thank the lord for that…
She giggled in embarrassment. “We don’t need that drama again, now do we?”
I grimaced.
We certainly do not…
Hannah was no home wrecker – she’d been as totally in the dark about her boyfriend’s wife as his wife had been about her husband’s girlfriend.
But still… no one needed someone’s crazy wife knocking their door down twice in a lifetime.
“Oh hell… that was baaaad times…” She grimaced. “I promise you, this one’s not married.” She held up her fingers in Scout’s honour.
“Phew.” I wiped my brow in mock relief.
Hannah shifted her weight again and I could tell she was still nervous – she clearly thought I was going to push her for answers.
I wanted to. But I also knew that I owed it to her to back off – she would tell me when she was ready.
Maybe if I give her some slack about it, she’ll return the favour and not grill me about Parker anymore.
“Enjoy your date,” I told her genuinely.
She smiled gratefully and turned to get her clutch off the table. “You’ll be okay here?” she asked as she paused halfway to the door and turned back to look at me.
“I’ll be fine,” I promised her.
She gave me a smile and headed for the door.
“Han?” I called after her.
&
nbsp; She looked back at me.
“You look beautiful,” I told her. “And thank you… for looking after me… I love you.”
“No need to thank me, girl…” She blew me a kiss as she opened the door to leave. “I love you too.”
“I hope you get laid!” I called after her.
Her laugh floated down the hallway.
I glanced around the living room and took a deep breath. I was out of bed at least.
I can do this…
The fact that I heard the front door slam should have been a pretty big warning sign as to just how pissed off he was with me. The beat was so loud I could barely hear myself think.
That’s the whole point.
I already knew it was Jasper. He’d come here every day for the past eight days – that, and he was the only one with a key that was brave enough to use it anymore.
Ever since Charlotte walked out.
I growled at myself and pushed those thoughts back into the dark corner where I kept them. I couldn’t afford to think about Charlotte right now – she wouldn’t come to the door… she wouldn’t take my calls or answer my texts… it was time to face facts.
It’s over.
I pounded out the beat to ‘Rebel Rebel’ on the drum kit.
The music cut off with a screech, but I carried on hitting the crap out of the drums, taking more and more of my frustrations out.
“You’re a shitty drummer,” Jasper snarled, dropping himself onto the couch.
I threw the sticks as hard as I could across the room and flipped him off.
“Fuck, man, you’ve got to stop destroying those classics.”
“Go home if you don’t like it,” I growled as I ran a hand through my hair, now drenched with sweat.
I didn’t have a clue how long I’d been in here, taking out my rage, but judging by the look on J’s face, it’d been too long.
“I fuckin’ have been home, dumbass; you think I can’t hear this shit over there?” He narrowed his eyes at me.
“David Bowie would be turning in his grave,” I mumbled.
“I wasn’t talking about Bowie, I was talking about you murdering those drum solo’s for the past three hours.”
Paper, Scissors, Rock Page 22
