Ever hesitantly got up and scooted toward the kitchen. I didn’t wait for her. Instead I moved to go in there first. I went to the cabinet and grabbed the cookies I had stashed there, then moved to grab two glasses, poured milk, and set them on the table while Ever took a seat in front of one of them. “This conversation requires cookies and milk,” I informed her. Nothing. No response. She just sat there with her hands in her lap watching me as I took the seat at the end of the table, putting her to my right-hand side.
I sighed and then looked this little girl in the eyes – those deep ocean-blue eyes that were so much her father’s. “Do you remember how you felt when strangers took you after your mom?” A small nod tipped her head up then down again, but her eyes never left mine. “When they told you that you had a dad, were you excited to find that out?” Her head shook left and right very slowly, but her voice came out as a mousy little squeak when she said, “yeah,” very timidly.
I grinned at her. “It’s okay to tell me the truth. I bet it was exciting and scary all at once,” I encouraged. She tipped her head up and down a little more animatedly this time indicating that I was correct. “It was the same for me,” I explained and watched as her little eyebrows furrowed in to a point on her head. “We didn’t know about you either,” I further explained. “The first time I found out about you was a few minutes before you guys knocked on the door.” Her eyes widened as if realizing what I was saying.
“The way I behaved when I found out,” I started to explain, and hesitated as I gently took hold of one of her hands. “It was not okay, Ever. I was in shock, and when you’re older we can talk about why.”
“It’s because I wasn’t supposed to belong to my dad,” she offered with a wisdom I didn’t think an eight-year-old should be capable of.
“What?”
It was her turn to sigh. “Toby is your son.” It was a statement of fact and all I could do was nod my head. “Anna is your daughter.” Again, it was a statement. “You and my dad must have had a fight for a while, right?” Again, I could do nothing but nod my stupid head. “If you hadn’t been fighting, I probably wouldn’t be here, because my dad never would have met my mom.” God, what was going on right now?
“That’s very true.”
“So, you don’t want me here, because I’m not supposed to be,” she surmised.
I gasped, and then a tear managed to escape, sliding down my cheek. This beautiful little girl leaned in and with the hand I wasn’t holding she swiped away the tear that had tracked so hotly down my face.
“If you need me to go, I think Donna can find…” she started to suggest.
“God! No, Ever!” My voice rose with the demand and it caused her to jump back a little. “Never would I send you away,” I told her.
“But,” she started again and I hushed her.
“Listen to me, okay? Remember how you felt excited and scared to find out you had a dad?” She nodded. “Well, I did too. Only, the scared part hit me first. I was scared of what I didn’t understand.”
“You were scared of me?”
“Not in the way you probably think. I just, I wished I had known a little bit before you showed up so you never would have had to see me when I was scared.”
“You’re not scared anymore?”
“Nope,” I offered up cheerily. “You know what I am now?”
“What?”
“Excited,” I told her.
“Because of me?” She asked hesitantly.
“Yes, because you’re a part of your dad, your brother, and your sister and they’re all a part of my heart. That makes you my heart too, sweet girl.”
“Okay. I like that,” she admitted, and for the first time in so many days, the hurt in my heart eased and it began to welcome the little girl who would come to mean the world to me. Little did I know, though, that I’d just set CJ and myself up for a bit of role reversal.
“Where’s the other princess, today?” PeeWee asked, the sneer in his voice evident. I had walked into the clubhouse with Anna this morning after she asked to go for a ride on daddy’s bike. We had managed to get about half way between home and the club anyway, before our short ride was interrupted by the constant vibrating of the cell phone in my pocket. I pulled over and answered it. Cell phones were great, but I couldn’t wait until the time I could answer it through my helmet so I wouldn’t have to do this shit when they kept calling.
Merc had asked me to stop by the clubhouse so that was how I ended up here with Anna along for the ride, and PeeWee questioning me about Ever. I didn’t bring Ever around much because of the animosity the other brothers felt toward her. I knew there was hostility due to how she came into this world, and I should have quashed it sooner, but honestly, I needed to blow off some steam about Ever too sometimes. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop with Lucy where she was concerned. For some fuckin’ reason that she had yet to explain to me, Lucy did a complete 180 where Ever was concerned and was now all over her like a mother-hen watching her eggs.
Like an asshole, I waited for Ever to screw it up. I waited for Lucy to go back to hating the little girl, and waited for her to run from me again because it was all too much. I hadn’t been blind to the fact that Lucy was incredibly jealous of the fact that I’d willingly been with someone other than her. It was something she had a lot of trouble dealing with over the years despite the fact that I didn’t dwell on the fact she had another man in her life for quite some time. That bastard met his end in prison at the hands of Timeless, my old Prez. The bastard wanted to atone for giving up his daughter to another man, and for forcing the man who stepped in as her father to lie to her for entire life about her parentage. He went down and got himself arrested and convicted of some bullshit crime, and the club pulled some favors to ensure he ended up in lockup with the prick who had put Lucy in the hospital with the beating he’d thrown her. Once he was able to get in close, a home made shank took care of the asshole, and earned Timeless another twenty years on his original five year sentence. Twenty years would end up being a life time for him though, because he was killed in the same prison only two years later. He wasn’t targeted, just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I hadn’t told Lucy. I tried once, but she stopped me the minute his name left my lips. “Maybe one day, but I don’t want to hear anything about him today,” she had told me. I left it at that. We’d had a quiet funeral for him in Florida instead of bringing him home to South Carolina. It had been his last wish to stay there, because he didn’t feel he deserved to come home.
Now, I wondered every day what would happen when Lucy found that out. What would happen when Ever had a bad day, did something stupid, or whatever would trigger a Lucy-meltdown. I realized pretty quickly that anxiety and agitation levels were ramped up pretty high, because all I could think about since Ever’s arrival was when it was going to happen. I didn’t trust this new Lucy. The one who stuck it out, the one who I caught teaching her secret chocolate walnut cookie recipe to Ever two days ago was not the one I expected.
So, to say I’d hashed these thoughts out with my brothers was an understatement. I’d fuckin’ laid my soul to bear and worried about it all over drinks with them more than a time or two since Ever’s arrival. Especially in the first week when I thought Lucy was for sure going to leave – when I had to spend my nights sleeping in the clubhouse because I was afraid to go to her at night. I was waiting for her to tell me to get the hell out with my daughter, or get rid of Ever. That was ultimately what I thought would happen. My brothers new it, and they didn’t blame Lucy for feeling crazy about things. Nope. They placed the blame firmly on my daughter’s tiny shoulders, and because I was a confused, stupid, and frightened asshole I had let them.
Because of that, I made sure not to bring around the clubhouse too much. It was off limits to her unless Lucy was the one to bring her. So, I found myself turning to the sneering face of my club brother as he spat out Ever’s new moniker like it was poison on his tongue. “Wasn’t pla
nning on coming here,” I let him know. “Was out taking my little princess for a ride when Merc kept buzzing my cell.” I bopped Anna on the nose with my finger as I mentioned her being my little princess. I’d been calling her that since the day she was born and nothing was going to change that.
Not even the introduction of a new daughter into the mix could change my baby girl’s nickname. Ever was still standoffish with me, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t put a whole lot of heart into trying to get to know her either. We were basically strangers living in the same house. I didn’t know how to make that connection, because I never had to try with Anna – the connection was there from the first time I talked to her through her momma’s belly when Lucy first told me she was pregnant. I didn’t get that with Ever. I hadn’t had that with Toby either, but we were able to bond anyway, because I became his hero after rescuing his mom from the bad man and taking them somewhere better.
“Need me to keep an eye on her while you see Merc?” PeeWee offered, his tone changing completely as he leaned down to give Anna a piece of the cherry candy he always had tucked away in a pocket for her. Between that man and Crow with his lollipops for Anna, my daughter was bound to have her teeth rot out of her mouth before she could form all the adult ones for herself.
“Nah, if he can’t talk to me with her there, then I’ll just run her back home and head back.” I took Anna’s hand again and headed for the office. The interaction with PeeWee and Anna didn’t sell with me after the way he’d spoken about Ever. They were both my daughters whether I was properly bonded with them in the same way or not. I knew then that I was going to have a talk with the club about Ever. I just needed to wrap my head around her being here first.
“What’s up, Merc?” I asked as I rounded the door to his office. One of the club whores was sitting on the couch across from his desk with her legs spread wide and her skirt lifted damn near to her pussy. I couldn’t see it from my vantage point, but I had no doubt that Merc could and worse, my daughter was definitely at eye level with that shit. I turned abruptly and covered Anna’s eyes. “PeeWee!” I shouted and he was there in an instant.
“Goddamn it,” he hissed as he realized why I’d called him. “Come on, Princess, let’s go get you a root beer float.
Her eyes grew wide now that I’d moved my hand away since she was turned to face the hallway by then. “Can I, Daddy?”
“Sure, Princess, you be good for Uncle PeeWee. Daddy needs to talk to Uncle Merc for a minute and then we’ll go finish your ride, okay?”
The whore on the couch snickered. “I want to start my ride.” I glared over at Merc who had the presence of mind to actually look ashamed.
“Get the fuck out,” I growled at her. “And you can see yourself out the back fuckin door while you’re at it so you don’t run into my daughter again.”
She poked her bottom lip out and pouted it at Merc, as if he would give her different instructions. “Did a club brother just give you an order?”
“Merc, we were about to…”
“We weren’t about to do shit, Sylvie. You were fishing, once again, and I wasn’t biting.”
“Like you weren’t just stroking your hard on while staring at my pussy like a thirsty man whose been in the desert too long.” Jesus. My Prez just called out by a whore. I knew he and Tiger Lily were having problems again. She’d was still dealing her last miscarriage, and he was threatening to get her therapy, because she wasn’t snapping out of the deep depression she’d fallen into. None of that mattered at the moment though, because Sylvie had just challenged him in front of another brother after disobeying my direct order. Shit was about to hit the fan for her, and she was too stupid to realize.
“You have shit here in one of the rooms?” He asked her as he stood and walked around his desk. She shook her head in the negative then reached out and snatched her arm up. “Good, then this will be real easy. You will get the fuck out – through the back door, like you were told – and you won’t even attempt to come back. You are banned. Disobeying a direct order from a member, and directly disrespecting the Club Prez in front of a brother?” He questioned. “How the fuck stupid can you be?”
“But, you… I thought…” She chewed on her lip a moment before her eyes blazed with something that couldn’t be good. “You know what? I hope your dick falls off from lack of use with that crazy, frigid, bitch of a woman you’re married to. We could have been great together. You’re too stupid to see what’s right in front of you though.”
I heard the crack and just stared in disbelief as I watched Sylvie’s head fly sideways as the flat of Merc’s hand came crashing down on her. “You ever speak of my wife again, come near this club, or even think about trash talking anyone involved with us and I get wind of it, they will never find where your body is buried, you got that?”
I had never seen Merc so fired up. I didn’t wait around for any more drama to unfold either. I snatched the whore by her bicep and yanked her out of the room and then marched her ass down to the backdoor. A prospect was standing nearby, painting the back hall wall. “Escort the bitch off the property. Spread the word, Sylvie is no longer welcome here. Anyone caught bringing her, or allowing her entrance to, any club property will face sanctions. I turned and left her in the care of our prospect and went back to Merc’s office.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” I asked as I moved into the room. He just shook his head and then wiped his hands down his face in a gesture of pure frustration.
“I don’t fuckin’ know. She came in here saying she needed to ask me something just after I talked to you, and next thing I know she’s flashing pussy my way. Fuck, man. I haven’t seen pussy in months. When we thought Lily might have caught we stopped having sex. She didn’t want anything to fuck up the pregnancy, you know? Now, she still won’t have sex with me, let alone smile anymore. I don’t fuckin’ know. Moment of weakness, brother.”
I nodded at him, not entirely understanding. Lucy and I hadn’t even slept in the same bed, let alone had sex since before Ever showed up and there’s no way I could even fathom looking at another woman with desire. It would eat me alive inside. Judging from the wrecked look on my friend’s face, that was exactly what was happening to him now. I didn’t envy carrying that weight. Not that he actually touched, but Lily would still see him being here alone with her, watching her naked pussy, and maybe stroking his dick to it as a major fuckup. She warned him back when she was pregnant with Jason if she ever caught wind of him even thinking about being with another woman they would be through.
“She would kill me,” he finally muttered. “Hell, the way she’s been lately, she might take herself out just to spite me instead.”
“You think she needs to be checked in somewhere to get some help?”
“Don’t know, maybe.”
“I wonder if sending my girls over to hang out with her would help. I’m sure she could use the company and Lucy could probably use a break from Ever.”
Merc snapped his head up. “Which girls are you talking about sending over then?”
I realized what I’d just said and felt just as guilty as Merc looked moments ago. I’d completely left Ever out of the equation as being one of my girls. It just didn’t feel as though she was.
“You better wrap your head around that shit quick. You fuck up and say some shit like that around that girl, you’re gonna fuck her head up for life.”
Well, weren’t we just a pair. Me judging him for his almost infidelity and him judging me for being a shit father to one of my kids. “You called me here for a reason?” I finally asked, thinking that since neither of us ready to deal with our own bullshit I would change the subject.
“I need someone to make a run down to Florida. The boys there need some assistance.” He looked me up and down then. “It’ll be two weeks. I wasn’t sure if you would be looking to get away for a bit, or if you wanted to just help pick the team that goes down there instead while you stay back?”
Well, wasn’t th
at a hell of an option. If I went, it would be me running from my situation this time. I couldn’t do that. “I need to get shit straightened out with Lucy. No way can I go on a run that long and have things so up in the air.”
“You forgetting something?”
“No, I’ll help pick out the team depending on Tallahassee’s needs.”
“Nah, man. Lucy ain’t the only part of the equation you need to square away. Maybe you need to take some time to get used to having another daughter around.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I’m sure it will happen in time.”
“Time runs out quickly, my brother,” he called to me as I left his office in search of my little princess. I wasn’t a stranger to the effects of time and waiting too long to get shit done. Missing out on my son’s first three years of life was evident enough that my timing had been all wrong before. I couldn’t help but think that Merc was off the mark this time though. It was going to take a while before I was okay with Ever being around. I would take my responsibility to her seriously, of course, but as far as forming a bond with her… it was probably best to let her have that with Lucy first. If Lucy bonded with her, then there was less chance she’d run again. She’d never be able to leave her children behind if she tried to, and she’d have to leave Ever since she doesn’t actually have any legal rights to her. That got me thinking about maybe having Lucy adopt her somewhere down the road. It would all depend on how shit went down. For now, what I knew was that I would do my duties while they formed a mother-daughter bond. Then I would see if I could get past my own shit and find some common ground with the kid. Until then, I just had to hope for the best.
“Come on, Princess,” I called out as I entered the club’s kitchen. My little girl had ice cream and root beer remnants all over her face. I chuckled as I moved over to the sink and grabbed some paper towels to dampen. I moved back over to her and then playfully wiped her face with exaggerated movements. “Looks like you’re wearing more than you got in your belly. I think we made need to take the whole face and wash it in the dishwasher this time,” I teased as both Anna and PeeWee laughed. I tugged and pulled, albeit delicately, at Anna’s nose, chin, and forehead. “Gah! The stubborn face won’t wipe off!”
A Love So Hard (Aces High MC - Charleston Book 2) Page 20
