by RJ Moore
That was when Scarlett found out that I was pregnant; apparently Lloyd and Jane already knew, they were just waiting for me to say something. I wasn’t sure what to make of Scarlett at first. She was very nice, but not as talkative as the rest of the family. The more I got to know her, the more I thought she just seemed a little guarded, even sad. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. She insisted that I come see her to check everything over with my baby. Before I sit down for breakfast, I call her office and make an appointment for Friday.
As I pour my cereal, my thoughts drift to my own parents. Will they still be mad at me? Will they talk to me or even acknowledge me? Maybe I should write them a letter and explain my actions. Being around Lloyd and Jane really makes me yearn for a relationship with my parents. Wouldn’t they want to see their own grandchild? They probably think I’m failing at life right now. Getting a job is going to be my next priority. Once I get my feet more firmly on the ground, I’m going to reach out to them.
Today, however, is all about me. I need a little relaxing and pampering for myself. I get dressed in a simple red t-shirt tucked into my jeans with flats. Not bothering with washing my hair, I simply throw it up in a messy bun on top of my head. I quickly put some mascara on, adding some blush to my cheeks for a little color. Stepping back, I look myself over in the mirror. I actually look like I belong here, out in the country. I smile, rubbing my stomach. Each day I’m here, I fall more in love with this place. I can’t wait to raise this baby here, filled with so much love.
It’s still quite early in the morning so I start washing the dishes before vacuuming the floors. Weird as it may be, I kind of enjoy doing these petty chores. It’s something I’ve never done, as we always hired people for that. I feel like a kid again, getting to try something new. I turn Pandora on through my phone, attaching the earbuds while I continue to vacuum. It’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I sing out loud, dancing while pushing the vacuum throughout the house. People would think I’m crazy right now if they saw me having so much fun vacuuming, but I don’t care. I’m in a good mood today and nothing is going to kill my chirpiness.
I drive into town, parking in front of the salon I’ve been dying to go to. I walk in, setting my eyes on a little girl in the styling chair getting her hair cut. She’s adorable and I don’t think she can be much older than six, but I haven’t been around children much so I could be wrong on the age.
I haven’t really put much thought into what gender my baby will be. I always just refer to it as my baby. Watching this little girl get her hair cut, I can’t help but think how much fun it would be to have a little girl. Of course, I will love this baby no matter if it’s a boy or girl, but the thought of doing all the mother-daughter activities together makes my stomach flutter with excitement.
“Hello, what can I help you with?”
I look up to a really pretty girl with bleached-blonde hair. She has it cut shorter in a pixie style with violet tips. If I was that brave, I might want to try something like that, but I’m still a chicken when it comes to cutting my hair.
“Hi, I’m hoping to get a haircut today if you have any openings?”
“Of course. If you follow me this way, I’ll take care of ya.”
We walk past the little girl as I’m seated in the next chair down from her. She puts the cape around me, introducing herself as Linda then turning my chair slightly toward the little girl. “And this little princess there is my Abby. She’s donating her hair today so I’m one proud momma. Of course, this is her first haircut, so she wanted it to feel like she got a real professional to cut her hair and not just her mom, so Karin got the honors today.”
I look over to Abby and see her giving me a huge grin. “Yup, now I can tell all my friends that I went to a real salon and got my hair cut!” We all laugh and I tell her how wonderful it is that she’s donating her hair.
“So, what do you want to do to your hair today?”
“I want something a little different. Maybe some highlights, layering, and shorten it up a bit.”
“You got it!”
It takes a little over an hour to finally finish, but the end result is amazing. I have side bangs and some shape that accentuates the structure of my face. It’s a couple inches shorter than I’ve ever had it, and the highlights really make my blue eyes pop.
“It’s amazing, I love it!” I thank Linda, making sure I include a huge tip. I walk out of the salon with a little swagger in my walk. I get in my truck, thinking about what I should do next. I decide to go to the bookstore to grab a coffee and see Helen. Last time she was out for lunch so I couldn’t thank her for the recipes she gave me.
As I walk in, I see a newspaper stand and grab one. It’s time to maybe start looking for a job. I’m not sure if I will get hired on if they know I’m expecting, but it’s worth a try. I want to prove to my parents that I can make it on my own. I want them to be proud of the person I am becoming, what I’ve accomplished on my own. I spot Helen walking back to the front desk, so I wave to get her attention.
“Hi Helen! I wanted to stop by to thank you so much for the recipes. I’ll probably mess it all up trying to cook them, but I appreciate it nonetheless.”
“You should go over to Mrs. Masters’ cooking class she’s putting on this afternoon. She’s doing spaghetti today. It would go perfectly with the meatball recipe I gave you.” A few more people walk in and wait behind me, so I figure I better cut the conversation short.
“Oh, I forgot all about those classes. I think I’ll do that! Thank you so much for your help.” She gives me a hug before I make my way over to get a drink. I don’t want to be drinking too much caffeine so instead of my usual white chocolate mocha, I opt for a non-caffeinated green tea. As soon as my order is up, I sit at one of the tiny round tables, opening the newspaper up to the job section. Right as I take a sip of my tea, a shadow appears behind me.
“Howdy Eve.” I instantly recognize Quinn’s voice and swivel around in my seat. He’s wearing a plaid button-down shirt with dark blue jeans, and his wavy black hair makes his light grey eyes stand out that much more. He goes around the table, sitting down across from me. He looks at me for a few seconds then smiles. “New haircut.” It comes out more of a statement than a question. “I like it, it suits you.”
Smiling back, I say, “Thank you. Most guys don’t notice if a girl cuts her hair, especially when it’s not a drastic change.” I run my fingers through the new layers, loving the feel of it.
“Well, I’m not most guys.” He winks, leaning back in his chair while crossing his ankle over his knee. “So what are you doing today?”
“Right now I’m looking over the job section—”
Quinn quickly sits up, interrupting me. “You’re looking for a job?” He leans forward. “What kind of job are you looking for? What kind of skills do you have?” He looks so eager, I have to wonder why he is taking such in interest.
“Um, I’m not entirely sure. I’ve never really had a real job before, but in college I took business classes. I loved marketing and I’m okay with recordkeeping. My dad used to show me how he ran things in that aspect of his business. So, I guess I was hoping there were some openings that were in need of someone with those skillsets.”
At that, he leans back in his seat, one side of his mouth turning up in a half smile, showing off his dimple. He slaps his thigh, suddenly becoming very businesslike. “Well…” He pauses as if thinking, making me squirm with anticipation of what he is going to say. “If you’re up to it, not that you have to, but if you want…” He scratches his nonexistent chin hair. “I might have something for you, not saying that you have to take it, but…”
I slam my palms down on the table. “Quinn! For goodness’ sake, just tell me already!”
He lets out a belly laugh then holds his hands up in surrender. “All right, all right, keep your panties on.” He chuckles again at the glare I send his way. “You’re too easy to mess with, I couldn’t help myself.”
I can’t believe he put me through all that just to mess with me. I’m so mad that I’m about to get up and leave. He has no idea what I’ve been through these last few weeks, how serious I am about finding a job.
At seeing me starting to rise, he quickly grabs my hand. “Eve, whoa, I’m completely serious. I’m contracted on with Ian’s construction company doing landscaping. My dad recently retired so all the bookkeeping and pretty much all the desk work needs some rescuing. I’m horrible at that stuff. I like to stick to the hard labor area. If you’re willing, I will hire you on. I may not be able to pay you enough to make you super rich but…” He shrugs his shoulders, giving me the most pitiful look.
“Are…are you serious? This isn’t a joke?” He looks so sincere that he has to be telling the truth. I can’t contain my excitement as I stand, bouncing up and down. “Yeah, absolutely! And don’t worry about the money, whatever you can pay me is fine.”
Quinn chuckles and stands up, accepting my excited hug. “So, Monday sound good?”
I can hardly believe I got a job. Everything is falling into place so perfectly. I only hope I can keep up my good luck streak. “Monday is perfect! Thank you so much.” We part ways and I go down the street to where Jane is putting on her cooking class. I’m a few minutes early but when I walk inside, the room is already really full.
“Eve! I’m so glad you could make it.” She embraces me in a tight hug. “There’s a spot open right over here.” She walks me over to the far side of the room, in the front row. Jane turns out to be a wonderful teacher. She is so patient. I follow her instructions very carefully so I don’t miss a thing, and it turns out spaghetti is very easy to make. I am able to boil water without throwing it all over the floor, though I blame my previous failure on the mouse and not my own abilities.
The end result turns out amazing. Jane comes over to inspect my final product. I may not be a world-renowned chef yet, but the fact that I couldn’t even boil water yesterday and today I made this amazing dish makes me feel like I’m on cloud nine.
Jane takes a bite, smiling. “Eve, you did wonderful!” She continues her way down the row—it’s mostly women but, surprisingly, there are a few men as well—sampling each person’s food.
I have the biggest, cheesiest grin on my face right now but I don’t care. I start cleaning up my mess, realizing that a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m actually doing this, living how I want, all on my own. I came here all alone, without a clue as to what I was doing. Now I have made the most incredible friends, acquired a job, and just cooked an amazing meal. I actually feel as if I’m becoming my own person. No more following around narcissistic people, pretending to be someone they would approve of.
I have never felt so accomplished in my whole life like I did yesterday. I stretch my arms over my head, taking a deep breath. I forgot how wonderful it feels to sleep in a bed. I stretch out in a starfish pose, arms and legs spread wide, taking up the whole bed. Today is the day I get to hopefully see my little one.
I shoot up in a sitting position. I get to see the baby today! Oh no, I have to be prodded in my girly bits! I struggle to untangle my limbs from the sheet as I run to the bathroom. I thought I was getting a handle on this morning sickness thing, but apparently nerves bring it on full force. I start giving myself a little pep talk to try to gain some of my composure back.
Breathe. In. Out. In. Out.
Damn Lacey for putting crazy images in my head.
Standing up from the toilet, I look in the mirror, thinking only positive thoughts. I can do this. I smile back at my reflection as my anxiety turns to enthusiasm. I get to see my baby today! I quickly brush my teeth then take a shower. I only have twenty-five minutes before I have to leave for my appointment. I put my lotion on before drying my hair as fast as I can.
I pull up to a charming little office that reads Caring For Women on the front. When I walk inside, I look around at the soft yellow and lavender walls. There are couches and chairs along the walls with tableside lamps between them. It almost has a spa feel to it, making it very relaxing. I walk up to the front counter where I tell her my name and who I have an appointment with. No more than three minutes go by before Scarlett opens the door, calling my name to come back.
I take a deep calming breath as I follow her back to her office. She takes my weight and my blood pressure, which are both good, to my relief. I watch as Scarlett takes a seat on her round chair, writing something down in my file. I look around the small room, stopping to study the Victorian themed photos of beautiful women. I stare at one particular photo of Lady Godiva riding naked on a horse through the townspeople, hidden only by her long brown hair. If she is brave enough to be in the nude in front of hundreds of people, surely I can do this with no problem. I brace myself when Scarlett turns around to face me.
Okay, this is it.
“So have you decided where you want to have your baby?” She stands up, making her way to a machine that has a little screen on the front of it.
“Um, no. I guess I always assumed it would be at a hospital. To be honest, I really haven’t given much thought to anything yet. My parents did not approve of the baby one bit so I vamoosed out of there. Since then I’ve been figuring out life.” I give a little half shrug, becoming more and more comfortable with telling my story.
She grips my hand, giving it a little squeeze of understanding. “That’s not a problem. With most people, if their baby wasn’t planned, they typically don’t have everything preplanned. Heck, some people don’t even have a name picked out until the baby is born, so don’t feel bad.” She pats the top of her machine “Well, are you ready to see your little one?”
My heart feels like it’s beating a million miles a minute. I follow her instructions, lying back on the bed then pulling my shirt up. She tells me that usually in the beginning of pregnancy, they use a transvaginal scan. At my wide-eyed look, she says I may be far enough along to see using the standard ultrasound. I prepare myself as she lubes my lower stomach with a handful of warm gel—at least it seems like that much. She pushes the probe to my stomach, moving it around. I see nothing but hear a swooshing sound with a fast-paced thump, thump, thump.
“What you’re hearing right now is your baby’s very healthy heartbeat.” She pushes buttons on the machines, and then an image appears. “And there’s your baby.”
My eyes instantly fill and I have to blink rapidly to keep them from spilling over. It’s one thing to know you’re pregnant, but to actually hear and see the little human being that’s growing inside you…there are no words to describe it.
That’s my baby!
If I didn’t know what love was before, I do now.
One of the hardest decisions in my life just became the best decision I’ve ever made. What if I had simply gone along with what my mom wanted? I wouldn’t be staring at the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world right now. I may not know exactly what I’m looking at on that screen, but I do know it’s all mine.
Try as I may, the tears run in streaks down my face. I raise my hand over my mouth to stifle a sob that is threatening to come out. I’m still in awe of this little bean wiggling around on the monitor.
Scarlett looks as if she wants to cry along with me. She smiles down at me. “There’s nothing in the world like it, is there? I remember the first time I saw Conner; my reaction was the same as yours right now.” She pushes more buttons and out comes a black and white sonogram photo of my little bean. “Now I’m just going to take some measurements.” A few moments later she grins again. “Well, according to these measurements, it looks like your due date is August thirty-first.”
After crying some more, I wipe the enormous amount of goo off my stomach. Scarlett gives me a bag filled with pregnancy magazines and booklets of information. I know nothing of pregnancy or babies so I’m glad I have something to enlighten me. I open the magazine to a random page for a quick glimpse but shut it just as fast upon seeing a close-up view of a woman givin
g birth. The very thought of that sends shivers down my spine. I think I’ll take this one step at a time and not worry about labor yet.
Once I’m back home, I bring everything inside, setting my bag and precious pictures of my little bean on the table. I spread the four pictures out side by side. I’m still in awe that this little miracle is growing inside me. I cup my hands over my lower stomach and say softly, “Mommy loves you, little one.”
An idea comes to me as a stare down at the picture of the side profile. It’s clear that the baby is still very tiny, but the head, body, and legs are clearly defined. It looks like the baby is half an inch long. What if I were to send one to my parents? Would they change their minds? It only took one look for me to have all my doubts and fear melt away.
I grab a piece of paper and a pen, sit down at the table, and think about how I want to start this letter.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I’m sorry I left so suddenly. I want to let you know that I’m doing great…
I scratch that out, starting over. As I sit here thinking on how I’m going to word this letter, my mind wanders to other thoughts. What if they did change their minds, decide that keeping my baby would be fine? Would I move back? Thinking of leaving behind everything I’ve already worked so hard on feels wrong. I think about Lacey, Ian, and a few of the other people I’ve started forming friendships with. I’ve never had friends like I do here. The thought of never seeing Ian again leaves me feeling sick to my stomach. I still haven’t figured out why I feel such intense feelings when it comes to him. I haven’t known him for long, but every time I see him, my heart skips a beat.
It also confuses me because I’m not entirely sure I should be in a relationship right now. I scoff to myself. A relationship with me—why would he even be interested in someone like me?
A knock on the door brings me out of my thoughts. I wasn’t expecting anyone over so I’m a little nervous as to who is at the door. Living alone sometimes puts me on edge, and when an unknown person is knocking on my door, I’m more than a little hesitant to answer it.
