by Laurèn Lee
“In the pouring rain?” I asked, bewildered.
“Yeah, c’mon!”
Zac pulled me out of bed and tossed a hoodie and sweats on over his boxers. I reluctantly followed suit.
“This is crazy!” I shouted above the thunder as we stepped outside into the storm. Rain pelted us sideways, and after a few minutes, our clothes were soaked through to our bones.
Zac jogged away, leaving me to follow him or get left behind. He made his way to the rickety dock on the lake. It was pitch black; not even the moon dared to come out. My hair, completely drenched, stuck to the back of my neck, while strands were glued to my cheeks.
Zac pulled me close and held my cheeks in the palms of his hands.
“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, Elle Dahlia. I want to marry you.”
“Now?” I asked, taken aback.
Zac chuckled, and his smile ignited the sky. “No, not now. But someday.”
He pulled me close to him and kissed me with a desperate desire I’d never felt before. I wrapped my arms around him and surrendered my mind, body and spirit to the man before me. I fell so hard for him that night, more than I already had. He accepted me for who I was, despite my distrust for guys, despite my walls I kept up for as long as possible. He broke them down and mended the broken heart Noah shattered.
He taught me how to love again. How to feel again.
Once we came up for air, Zac, panting, interlaced his fingers in mine and we ran off the dock. Instead of going back to our room, we tore through the night and into the shallow edge of the woods. He leaned against a tree and pulled me into him. Hungrily, he slipped his tongue into my mouth.
My belly roared with lust and love. I wanted him; I needed all of him. Even though it was freezing and raining, we stripped each other’s clothes off and showed one another just how much we needed each other. It didn’t matter that it was the middle of the night or that someone from another cabin could see us. All we cared about was being in each other’s arms.
The next morning, we woke up, hungover and still cold despite the fire we kept going all night. Simultaneously, Zac and I started itching all around our legs up to our private parts. It turned out, the tree where we made love the night before was surrounded by poison ivy.
We laughed all the way to the nearest Urgent Care. Even though it wasn’t the perfect romantic getaway I initially envisioned, it turned out to be so much more. After that, we made it a tradition to always go to a bed and breakfast on his birthday and find a strange place to strip each other’s clothes off.
And, while we made sure never to do it around poison ivy, each year was just as memorable as the first time.
My body shook with grief at the memory of that first birthday. So many years later, we should have been together right now. We should have been intertwined under the sheets. Instead, I lay in bed with a shattered heart. All alone.
I couldn’t stay in this room any longer. I needed a break from the paisley wallpaper and my inner demons. The Hens' Den was only a few blocks away, so I decided to go and continue my binge.
At one time in my life, I would have feared for my safety being out alone in this part of town. But once you were a police officer, there was very little that could scare you. Not to mention, I'd already lived through my worst nightmare: losing the love of my life. Nothing else sent trepidation through me quite like that. I'd hit rock bottom; I couldn't sink any lower.
The stars twinkled in the dark sky. Out here, away from large cities, you could see the constellations. There was no light pollution, and the damp air smelled of rain. As I walked, I breathed in deeply, wanting to capture the clean air inside my lungs for as long as possible.
My flats squished as I stepped out of a puddle I didn't see. It was no bother. I carried a drink in one hand and the promise of a night to myself. The quiet on the streets was almost deafening. Only a car or two passed me along the walk. I wished every moment could be this serene.
I tipped the water bottle back and allowed the mixed drink to course down my throat and into my belly. The vodka overpowered the pop, but that was what I'd wanted. Branches with new leaves rustled in the breeze while crickets danced in the ditch alongside the road.
It didn't take long for The Hens' Den to come into view. I knew they probably wouldn't let me bring in a beverage from outside the bar, so I finished my mixed drink. I coughed a few times after tossing the water bottle onto the side of the road. My body warmed with the fresh flow of alcohol, and the demons inside me dulled to a whisper instead of a roar.
A different bouncer stood outside the front doors. He examined his cuticles and glanced sideways as he opened the door when I approached. Without a word, I stepped into the club, which was becoming all too familiar to me. At least I wouldn't run into anyone I didn't want to see tonight.
I strode to the bar, wondering if Hayden would be here. I didn't care, though. I didn't care much about anything at the moment.
Much to my surprise, Rose stood behind the bar making drinks instead of delivering them.
"Hey," I said.
She didn't look up, but a faint smile crossed her lips. "Well, look who the cat dragged in.”
"You bartending now?”
House music blared from the speakers while dozens of men loitered about. The hazy smoke from the stage meandered throughout the club, leading to a clouded atmosphere. I cleared my throat until my lungs adjusted.
"Just filling in for the night. What can I get ya?”
"A vodka soda with a splash of cran would be great," I said.
Rose nodded. She turned on her very high heels to grab the top shelf vodka, for which I felt grateful. The cheap stuff would only lend to a worse hangover tomorrow. Rose mixed the vodka, soda and cranberry juice in front of me, and then topped it off with a fresh lime.
I pulled out my credit card, but she waved me away. "First one's free.”
"Thanks," I said.
Before I sipped the booze, a man parked himself next to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw he was about my height, handsome, clean-shaven, and had a charming smile.
"I was about to ask if I could buy you a drink, but I guess I’m too late," he said.
I turned to meet his gaze. The stranger smiled warmly at me, and I returned the gesture.
"Who said you were too late? I have another hand," I replied, my belly full of booze and my heart full of drunken confidence.
The man brushed the reddish brown hair out of his eyes and nodded toward Rose. "I'm Nathan.”
I held out my hand to shake his. “Elle."
"Are you, uh, meeting someone here?" he asked, hesitation rippling through his voice.
I shook my head. "Just me tonight.”
Rose handed us two shots, and by the smell of them, I instantly knew it was tequila. Brilliant neon flags flashed in my brain, warning me not to take this drink. But, being the mature adult woman I am, I ignored them.
"Cheers," Nathan said.
“Cheers."
We downed the shots, me with grace, Nathan not so much. His body shuddered while his nose wrinkled. I couldn't help but laugh.
"Damn, you're a champ," he said.
I knew he meant this as a compliment, but if he knew my true drinking habits as of late, he wouldn't be so impressed.
Nathan, dressed in tight denim jeans and a plaid-button up, stood out from the typical crowd at The Hens' Den. He seemed sweet enough, and I accompanied him to a table in the corner of the club. I studied him as we walked across the tiled floor. He didn't gaze at the half-naked dancers once. Why was this guy even here if not to watch the women strip and flaunt their bodies?
We reached the empty table, and Nathan let me slide into the booth first. Unable to control my curiosity, I asked, "So, why are you here tonight?”
He smiled, his brown eyes twinkling in the darkness of the corner. "My brother-in-law's bachelor party is here tonight.”
He nodded toward a crowd of ten or so guys who sat at the tables l
ining the stage. By the way the men hooted and hollered and held dollar bills in their hands, it wasn't difficult to see they were at least half in the bag by now. Not that I could judge too much, as I slid deeper into the drink too.
"I'm the designated driver," he said.
"Ahhhh. But isn't the DD not supposed to drink?”
Even with the club's strobe lights, I witnessed Nathan's cheeks reddening before me. "Well, I just needed an excuse to buy you a drink.”
"You're sweet," I chuckled.
Nathan gazed down toward my left hand. "Are you married?”
I shook my head. "It's a sad story, really.”
The song ended, and the group of girls on stage bowed and collected the money which lay at their manicured feet. Nathan glanced curiously and waited for me to continue.
"Today is my fiancé's birthday," I said after a few more sips of my drink.
He didn't flinch. "Where is he?”
"He's buried in a cemetery about a hundred miles from here," I blurted.
Nathan exhaled and placed his hand on top of mine. "I'm very sorry to hear that."
His touch warmed me to my core, and not in a lust-filled sort of way, but in a comforting manner. I smiled weakly. "Yup. So, that's why I'm here. Trying to forget about it.”
"I hear that. Well, do you mind if I keep you company? Or would you rather have the table to yourself?”
"You can stick around.”
Over the next hour or so, Nathan and I chatted about where we grew up and other miscellaneous things grownups talked about. He was a genuinely kind guy. I didn't even feel the need to refill my drink. The buzz swirling inside me was enough at the moment.
"So, which one is your soon-to-be brother-in-law?" I asked.
Nathan scoffed and nodded toward a man with a crew cut sloppily leaning on the stage. A bouncer eyed him suspiciously.
"He seems to be enjoying himself," I said with a smirk.
He rubbed his temples. "Yeah, he's a character. But his brother is worse.”
"Yeah? How come?”
"They're both kinda sleazy, if you ask me. The bother, Daniel, was dating one of the strippers here.”
I paused, my interest piqued. "Yeah? Which one?”
Nathan leaned in close enough for me to smell his earthy cologne. A slight shiver shimmied down my back. "So, this is going to sound wild, but he was dating the one who died recently. I'm sure you heard?”
"Callie?" I blurted.
Nathan sat back against the booth and rested his hands on his lap. "Yeah, that's her."
"I, uh, knew her growing up," I said, my hands trembling. "They still haven't found her killer.”
He rested his hand on top of mine again. "I know. Danny is a clown, but I knew as soon as I heard about the girl that he wasn’t capable. However, I still asked if he knew anything.”
My heart thudded inside my chest. My breathing turned uneven as my eyesight blurred. I finished my drink and reached for Nathan's water. "What did he say?”
Nathan ruffled his hair with his other hand. "He said they hadn't been seeing each other for a while, actually. That she had a new boyfriend.”
"Another boyfriend?" I gasped. I clung to the booth for support while my foot tapped nervously against the table.
"Yeah, apparently word on the street was that the new boyfriend and her were going to run away to get married, but since the guy was already married, it posed a little bit of a problem.”
I closed my eyes and mentally scanned all my notes and interactions I'd had while looking into Callie's murder. No one said anything about a boyfriend. Even though Rose said Hayden was dangerous, she never mentioned marriage. How many men was Callie seeing?
One thing was for sure, Nathan unintentionally provided me with a new lead, one I desperately needed to find Callie's murderer.
Twenty-Eight
I sat there and chewed my lip, my vision growing spotty by the second as though white bubbles invaded my view.
"Hey, are you okay?" Nathan asked.
I reached for his water, tossed the straw to the side, and chugged the icy cold liquid. My heart raced as my body shuddered. "I'm not feeling so well," I admitted.
Maybe the tequila shot was one too much? No, it definitely was too much. My stomach churned while I felt like my lungs were closing up. I needed to leave and right away.
Nathan scooted closer and put his hand on the small of my back. "Is there somewhere I can take you?”
I looked over to him, wide-eyed.
"No! Not like that. I mean somewhere for you to rest, you know, safely?”
I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding inside my chest. I certainly couldn't walk back to the motel in this state. I reached for my handbag and pulled out my phone. I could order a ride, but as I looked at my phone, the numbers twisted and turned like a kaleidoscope. I'd been so enthralled in conversation with Nathan that I didn't feel the effects of the booze creep in. And now, it had hit me like a freakin' train.
"Well, I did get a room close by."
"Let me take you?”
I craned my neck to look at Nathan's group of guys by the stage. "Won't they want you to stay with them?”
Nathan smiled. "Nah. They only care that I'm giving some of them a ride home.”
Sweat trickled down my back as nausea rumbled in my belly. I needed to get out of here and fast.
"Please take me back?”
Nathan squeezed my hand. "Absolutely. Let's go.”
Nathan and I linked arms as we walked out of the Hens' Den. I leaned on him for support, and he made no complaints. As we stepped out into the brisk night and out of the blasting music and haze of the club, my lungs delighted in heaping breaths of fresh air. The breeze washed over me, cooling me down instantly. While the night brought a sense of clarity, I knew I needed to lie down and sleep.
We approached a black Ford pickup truck, and Nathan helped hoist me into the passenger seat. I didn't care to buckle up, but instead leaned my head against the window, reveling in the coldness of the glass against my forehead.
Nathan hopped in. "Where to, m’dear?"
"Go down the street and take a left at the second light," I whispered. “My room key is in my bag.”
During the evening, the alcohol provided a much-needed comfort, but now? Now, it essentially poisoned my body with toxins. I hadn't felt this drunk in a long time. I could hardly think of the last time. I couldn't think about much except the stiff bed waiting for me in my room.
I must have dozed off, because as soon as I opened my eyes, Nathan was carrying me into the motel room. He nudged the light switch with his elbow. I moaned softly into his shoulder.
"I promise I usually carry my liquor better than this," I squeaked.
He chuckled. "No worries, Elle. You don't have to apologize for anything.”
While I should have been more cautious about letting a stranger take me back to a motel room, a sense of trust flowed through me as I gazed at Nathan. Something about him alluded to an unwavering feeling of comfort.
Nathan unfurled the bedding and helped me slide under the covers. They were softer than I imagined, despite the gaudy pattern. On the nightstand lay a bottle of water, Gatorade and a small packet of Tylenol.
"Where did these come from?" I asked, my mind fuzzy.
"I stopped at a gas station before we came here, but you were out like a light." He smiled.
"You're not going to murder me in my sleep, are you?" I asked as my eyes flickered open and closed.
Nathan brought his hand to his chest in fake outrage. "Me? How could you say such a thing?!”
I chuckled softly. "Just checking.”
"Although," Nathan began, "if I were, I wouldn't tell you I was going to.”
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Sleep lulled me closer.
The soft hum of the mini fridge filled the small room. The breeze slapped a bare branch against the window, which overlooked a set of rusted train tracks. The room smelled faintly of cigarette smoke and fresh l
aundry, but I ignored it. Sleep beckoned to me like a siren taunting a ship of sailors on the high seas.
Nathan stood to leave.
"Wait!" I moaned.
He turned around. His hair was a little more disheveled than before and his shirt more wrinkled. Still, he carried a boyish charm about him.
"Can you stay until I fall asleep?" I asked bashfully.
Even though sleep felt heavy on my soul, I could feel the demons of grief pushing in as well. Even though my whole plan for tonight consisted of being by myself to wallow, suddenly, I didn't want to be alone.
Nathan's lips turned upward. "Of course.”
He kicked off his shoes and cruised to the other side of the bed, where he lay down on top of the bedding. The bed sank as he wiggled to adjust to the firmness of the decades-old mattress. He turned the light off, and then we were blanketed in silence.
"Are the guys going to be mad at you?" I asked sleepily.
"Yeah, probably. But, they'll be fine," he said. "You feelin' okay?”
I pondered the question before I opened my mouth to answer. Was I okay? Today was Zac's birthday, and instead of celebrating together, I was obnoxiously wasted in a motel room after drinking at a strip club. Even though grief wasn't screaming in my ears, I still felt the never-ending tug of its grip upon my heartstrings.
"I'll be fine. Someday," I replied.
Before I drifted off into a dreamless sleep, I realized that I was lying in bed with a perfect stranger. I supposed crazier things had happened.
Twenty-Nine
The next morning, a distinct throbbing in my head roused me as sunshine spilled into the dingy room. I moaned as I reached for the bottle of water beside me to extinguish the cottonmouth. I squinted as I sipped on the water and then tore open the Tylenol packet, tossing at least three or four into my mouth.
Flashes of memory squeezed their way into my mind as I turned over in the bed. The other side was empty except for a note scribbled on the motel's stationary.
"Feel better soon.
X- Nathan”
His number was also written at the bottom, but in a much more careful scrawl. Somehow, I managed to get drunk at a club, have a guy take me home, and not wake up filled with shame and regret. Although, a twinge of anguish rustled within me. I'd shared a bed with another man on Zac's birthday. A single tear slid down my cheek. What I would have given to have Zac beside me in a cheap motel room. I would trade my soul without question.
