I can’t wait to make love to you.
But first, you’ll get the punishment fuck you think you escaped. I’ve been imagining it over and over in my head. I want it to hurt so you can feel my pain. God, it makes me so hard just thinking about it.
You see what you do to me?
I love you. I love you so much, Regan. You’ll see it too. Soon.
All my love,
Austin
Remembering that morning in my motel room in California when I’d opened that email, my nausea intensified. At the time I’d thrown my phone across the bed, hurried to the bathroom, slammed up the toilet seat, fallen to my knees, and gagged.
Nothing came up.
I’d dry heaved over it for what seemed like ages. Shuddering, tears had rolled down my cheeks, and I’d swiped angrily at them.
Just remembering that morning still made me furious and sick to my stomach.
I’d leaned against the dirty tile wall and hugged my body, trying to hold in the sobs that wanted to break free.
I’d never hated anyone before.
Not until Austin.
I hadn’t known a person could so entirely derail a life. That their harassment could take over everything. Shape your decisions. That was when I’d decided enough was enough. I returned to Boston. I thought he was out of my life.
Then he came back.
Scotland and Robyn were a fresh start, though. I left that shit behind in Boston.
I stumbled into the swank adjoining bathroom (all marble tile and fancy fixtures), and then slowly returned to the bedroom. The view outside distracted me from dark thoughts of the past.
“Holy...” I walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the sea. Yesterday had been a bright, sunny day. The morning was a little gray, a mist hanging over the water. But it took nothing away from its beauty. If I were a painter, I’d sit at that window all day putting color to canvas.
Unfortunately, my painting phase had lasted exactly three days before I realized I had zero talent and I was trying to force the interest.
Movement outside caught my attention, and I saw my sister in her workout gear walking toward the house from the west. Perhaps from the beach? It wouldn’t surprise me if she’d been up at dawn running along the seafront. Probably because of me. Robyn was a runner because it helped her center her thoughts.
Thinking of my strong sister, I glanced back at the phone on the bed.
When she was fifteen, a date sexually assaulted Robyn.
She didn’t let him win. Didn’t let him make her feel weak. Instead, she empowered herself.
Robyn trained in mixed martial arts.
I’d never been interested in sports. I liked yoga and Pilates, but that was as far as I’d ever taken enforced physical activity. To be honest, I’d rather be running around, staying active in a natural, day-to-day manner.
However, eight months ago I’d begun to understand Robyn’s need to be able to defend herself.
“Morning,” I called gaily as I strolled into the kitchen.
I’d showered and dressed, hoping to catch my sister and her fiancé before they left the house.
Thankfully, they were both sitting at the island sipping coffee.
“Morning.” Robyn moved to slip off a stool. “Let me get you a coffee.”
“I can do that.” I waved her away as I maneuvered around the fancy kitchen. “I thought you might train me in MMA.”
The silence at my back made me turn around.
Robyn gaped over the brim of her coffee mug while Lachlan watched her closely.
“What?” I asked a little defensively, afraid she was already suspicious about my motives.
“You want to learn MMA?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged like it was no big deal.
“You hate martial arts. And sports in general.”
“Well,” I said, leaning against the counter, “I thought it would be a nice thing for us to do together, to spend time together.”
“That’s the only reason?” My big sister frowned, her expression concerned.
I veered just close enough to the truth that it would stall the questions. “While I was in Asia, I got cornered by this guy. If it hadn’t been for this other guy showing up, I’d hate to think what might have happened. And then seeing you reminded me you’re a badass. Just got me thinking that I should learn to defend myself.”
Robyn was already making her way to me. “Are you okay? Are you sure it wasn’t worse than what you’re saying?”
I reached for her, squeezing her hand while I smiled. “You’re such a worrier. It was just as I said.”
She studied me. “Something is off. I can tell.”
I released her hand. “Things are just weird between us, that’s all. I’m trying to move us past it. I thought spending time together would help.”
Suddenly, a coolness entered Robyn’s eyes, and she crossed her arms. “How long are you planning to stay?”
“As long as I’m legally allowed, I guess.” I glanced at Lachlan. “If that’s okay?”
He looked at Robyn. “As long as it’s okay with your sister, it’s okay with me.”
Before Robyn could respond, I hurried to say, “I’m going to get a job while I’m here, find somewhere to rent, so I’m not in your hair and, like, mooching off you and your boyfriend.”
“Fiancé.” She scowled. “And you wouldn’t be mooching. I want you here.” Where I can keep an eye on you, she didn’t say.
“Then I’ll pay rent. Once I find a job. Know where I might get one?” I queried. I wouldn’t lie, I was kind of hoping Lachlan might offer up a server gig at the estate. Or anything, really.
Instead, he said, “I’ll ask around the village.”
Did he really not have an available position?
Or did he not want me working at his elite estate?
If it was the latter, which I suspected it was, it meant he didn’t trust me.
Great.
I really had my work cut out for me.
4
Thane
As he followed Gordanna Redburn through the bifold doors at the back of the house and onto the decking, Thane wondered who was interviewing who here.
“The children being abed at this hour will not do,” she commented as she walked down the steps into the back garden. “We’ll keep school hours at the weekends too.”
“I don’t need you at the weekend.” Or at all. He glowered at her back.
The young woman was buttoned up so tight, it was difficult to believe she was only twenty-three. And it wasn’t her conservative clothing or the prim bun she wore; it was her pinched mouth and militant demeanor.
Thane groaned inwardly in despair. Gordanna had come all the way from Cornwall for this interview. She was the tenth person he’d interviewed for the job of live-in nanny housekeeper, and she was the tenth person he was going to have to reject. It was incredibly difficult to find someone who wanted to live in such a remote part of Scotland, and Thane was quickly losing the luxury of being picky.
He’d never considered Caelmore that remote, considering Ardnoch was right next door and was a famous village. But to those used to large towns and cities, the Highlands were somewhere you visited for the scenic beauty, not a place most would consider settling down. Most people needed to be near large hospitals, vet services, shops, restaurants, and convenient amenities, not to mention excellent Wi-Fi and phone signals. Those weren’t bad here; they just weren’t the best.
Living somewhere that required patience and effort in exchange for the stunning surroundings? That compromise wasn’t for everyone.
Including decent nanny housekeepers. This one hadn’t referred to Eilidh and Lewis by anything but “the children” since her arrival.
Thane was screwed.
“But … I thought this was a live-in position?” Gordanna frowned at him.
“Yes, it is.” The guest annex was perfect for whomever got the position because it even had its own kitchenette. �
�But I don’t work at the weekends and would like to spend all that time with Eilidh and Lewis, which means you’d have your weekends to yourself.”
Her perturbed expression was almost comical. Apparently, it had never occurred to Gordanna Redburn to have a social life.
She harrumphed and turned on her heel again, marching toward the cliff’s edge. “This fence will never do!” she called over her shoulder to be heard against the wind. His agitation grew. Already this interview was taking twice as long as he’d hoped, and he’d told her taxi driver to wait on her. The meter was ticking—the meter he was paying for.
“Excuse me?” he said as he neared. “What about the fence?”
Gordanna scowled at him as she gestured at his safety fence. “It’s ridiculous to have something so flimsy as a guard between young children and a cliff’s edge.”
Thane narrowed his eyes at her scolding tone. How dare a young woman barely out of school reprimand his parental skills? “I’m an architect, Ms. Redburn. Trust me when I say this is a sufficient safety fence.”
From the moment she’d arrived, she’d picked apart his house, ordering all the changes that would need to be made to make it safe for the children who had lived in it their whole lives without it ever harming them.
“He’s right, you know,” a familiar voice said.
Both he and the annoying candidate turned to see Regan Penhaligon standing on Lachlan’s lawn. The American and her attractive dimples had appeared as if out of nowhere. “About the fence being safe,” Regan continued. “I tried to throw myself over it last night, and it morphed into a Transformer that saved me and then offered a therapy session.”
Trying not to laugh at her utter weirdness, Thane chanced a glance at Gordanna. She looked far from amused as she ran her eyes over Regan and raised an eyebrow. Regan wore a dress much like the one she’d worn yesterday. Conservative neckline. Not very conservative hemline.
Just like yesterday, she was barefoot, her toenails painted a bold red.
Regan’s amusement fled at Gordanna’s perusal, and she crossed her arms and glowered at the young woman as if to say, “Problem?”
“You are?” Gordanna asked, as if she had the right to know.
“Thane’s going to be my sister’s brother-in-law.”
“And do you have a name?”
Good Christ, this woman was a trip.
“Regan. Yours?”
“I’m Gordanna Redburn.” She held out a hand to Regan. “I’m the children’s nanny housekeeper.”
Uh, what? Thane turned to her, clearing his throat as he prepared for the coming awkwardness. “Ms. Redburn, there seems to be a misunderstanding. This is just an interview.”
She dropped her hand before Regan could take it. “I assumed since I’d traveled all the way from Tintagel that this was all just a formality.”
“No. It’s an interview. And I paid for your travel expenses and accommodation.”
She drew herself up straight. “Mr. Adair, I assure you, you will not find a better candidate than me to look after the children.”
“Eilidh and Lewis,” he said, his irritation building. “My children are called Eilidh and Lewis. Not ‘the children.’ And I’m afraid I haven’t made a decision yet regarding the position.”
Understanding what that meant, she sniffed haughtily. “Well, thank you for wasting my time. I’ll see myself out, and I’ll invoice you for the taxi fare!”
Before Thane could say anything else, the woman marched down the side of the house.
“What on earth did I just walk in on?”
The wind blew Regan’s copper-red hair off her face, revealing her elegant bone structure. While Thane could absolutely see what Lachlan found attractive in Robyn, his soon-to-be sister-in-law wasn’t a classic beauty. Her half sister, however, was. She had high apple cheekbones, those disarming dimples, warm, oval-shaped, chestnut-brown eyes surrounded by thick, dark lashes, and lips that were neither too thin nor too full. A resemblance existed between the sisters, but where Robyn’s nose was a little long, Regan’s was dainty.
Overall, the younger sister had the style of someone who cared about her appearance. Robyn didn’t and somehow was more attractive for it. Lachlan’s fiancée had a certain charisma that was far more appealing than any physical perfection could ever be.
“Well?” Regan pushed.
Thane scratched his beard and sighed. “I’ve been working as a freelance architect, but the jobs just aren’t coming in. To run a business, you need time to advertise it, and I don’t have time, what with juggling full-time childcare. So I’ve had to return to my job with a firm in Inverness. Between the commute and the work, I’m looking to hire a live-in nanny housekeeper. We had one when Eilidh was little, but she left for a position in the States.”
“And fence lady was the best you could get?” Regan screwed up her face.
Irritated by her blasé attitude, he bit out, “You try finding a nanny who will leave their life behind to live in the Highlands.”
Her eyes grew round. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be flippant. But honestly, I only met her for five seconds, and she’s not good enough for Eilidh and Lewis.”
Remembering how well Regan had gotten along with his children, a smile prodded his lips. “No, she isn’t.” He looked beyond her to his brother’s house. “Where are Robyn and Lachlan?”
Regan shrugged and stared out at the water, not meeting his gaze. “They went out.”
“Without you?”
She shrugged again. “They had stuff to do.” Finally, she looked at him, grinning as if she hadn’t a care in the world. But he saw shadows in the back of her eyes. “I turned up out of the blue. They had plans.”
Something was going on with Robyn’s sister. He couldn’t imagine Robyn hadn’t noticed it herself. Behind the smiles and carefree attitude was sadness and something else. Desperation?
Remembering the last redhead with shadows in her eyes who got past his defenses, Thane promptly ignored his growing curiosity. “Right. I better get back inside. Eilidh and Lewis will wake any second.” He took a step toward the house as he realized, “You’re up early.”
“Jet lag. And stupid automatic blinds in the guest room.”
He chuckled. “Ah. I see. Well. I better go.”
“Wait.” She stepped toward him, her short dress fluttering a little dangerously in the breeze. “I was actually coming over because I promised Eilidh I’d braid her hair.”
“Right.” He remembered. Part of him wasn’t too sure about Regan spending time with his children. But last night she’d been brilliant with them, while he was constantly doing and saying the wrong things. It was the first time in weeks both Eilidh and Lewis had laughed that much. Well, not Eilidh. His Eilidh-Bug found many reasons to giggle. But Lewis, his serious wee man, had been too broody for a little boy since Lucy. Thane had a terrible feeling he’d bungled that entire conversation.
“Eilidh’s not even up yet.”
“Then maybe I can come over to talk with you.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Regarding?”
She grinned. “The genius plan that just occurred to me.”
He waited.
Regan threw out her arms as if to say, “Voila” and continued, “Meet your new nanny housekeeper.”
Confused, he shook his head. “What?”
“I’m staying here for the six months I’m legally allowed, and I need a job. Like Robbie said, I am amazing with kids and have lots of experience as a nanny. And I know I don’t look like it, but I can clean, I can cook, I can do laundry. Six months gives you plenty of time to find a perfect and permanent nanny housekeeper.”
Thrown by the offer, Thane tried to think of a polite way to say “no way in hell.”
“Regan … I just don’t think it would be a good idea to hire a family member. And for all intents and purposes, that’s what you are now.”
There. That was diplomatic. And reasonable.
Her face fell. “Oh.”
Guilt suffused him, which irritated him. “I’ll keep an ear out about other jobs that might work for you, though.”
“Right.”
“So … I’ll see you later, then.”
“But what about Eilidh?”
He sighed. “Some other time.”
“But I promised her today.” Regan crossed her arms again and tilted her chin stubbornly. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t break my promises.”
“That’s not what I’ve heard.”
He cursed himself as soon as the words slipped out.
Regan stepped back as if he’d punched her in the gut.
The remorse he’d experienced earlier was nothing compared to now. “Regan—”
She held up a hand, cutting him off. “I have no idea what my sister has told you about me. And I don’t care. I love her dearly. In fact, she’s the person I love most in this world.”
He heard the sincerity in her words, but it confused him, considering she’d abandoned Robyn when she needed her little sister the most.
“But Robbie and I are different people, and with a little distance, I realized our parents kind of turned us into exaggerated versions of who we really are. I think that made her see me in a way that wasn’t reality. I’ve got this wild reputation that I don’t deserve, like I’m not someone a person can count on. But I am.”
He gave her a flat smile. “Regan … when you don’t answer your sister’s calls or emails after someone almost murders her—twice—that is the very definition of someone a person cannot count on.”
Tears brightened her pretty eyes, but Thane refused to be moved by them. He’d fallen for pretty, false tears before. A redhead who liked to play the victim.
However, Regan swallowed hard, blinked rapidly to push back the tears, and threw her shoulders back. “Yeah, I guess that’s true. I’ve made a lot of mistakes when it comes to Robyn, but I’m here to do better. To be better for her. And I don’t need anyone to believe that. Words are just words. My actions will speak for themselves.” Her eyes narrowed. “So this is me. I don’t break my promises. And I promised a sweet little girl I’d braid her hair today.”
There With You Page 4
