“What are you doing?”
The gruff whisper spun me about. Thane scowled at me from the doorway.
“Going to bed,” I whispered.
The man actually rolled his eyes. “Don’t be daft.” He crossed the room and took my hand in his, leading me out.
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t answer. He just dragged me into his room and closed the door. Technically, that was his answer.
“What about the kids?”
Thane removed his borrowed shirt. “I’ll wake you before they wake up.” I opened my mouth to argue as he unzipped his suit pants and he cut me off. “Regan, I need you with me tonight. Please, don’t argue.”
“I have my period,” I told him regretfully.
Thane scowled over his shoulder as he pulled the duvet back on the bed. “It’s not about sex. I just need you close.”
And like that, I melted into a metaphorical pile of goo. He needed me. Hiding my giddy grin, I got into his bed and almost sighed with relief at how comfortable his mattress was.
“I’ll be back in a second,” he murmured before disappearing into his bathroom.
Despite the utter shittiness of the day, snuggling up against Thane’s pillow, inhaling his scent from the sheets, was a fantasy come to life. I was in his bed. Invited.
And then my eyes hit the photo of him and his wife on the nightstand.
Every day I passed the photos on his gallery wall downstairs. They didn’t bother me. They were of Thane’s entire family. And I couldn’t erase his past with Francine without erasing Eilidh and Lewis, and the very thought made me breathless. Besides, even though I had issues with his dead wife cheating on him, I wouldn’t want to erase her. Not just for the kids but for her. Eilidh and Lewis were hers. She lived on in them. And they needed to be surrounded by her memory. I wouldn’t want to take that from her or them ever.
But the photo on his nightstand was different. It wasn’t about Eilidh and Lewis. That was for him.
Even after her betrayal, he obviously adored her. So much so, all these years later, she still slept beside him at night.
Jealousy was an ugly, ugly emotion. Even uglier when you were jealous of a dead woman.
Ashamed, I turned around, tucking my good cheek under my hand and closing my eyes against the reminder that, despite Thane’s need for me tonight, he would never love me like that.
A tear escaped beneath my closed eyes before I could stop it.
“Hey, hey.” Suddenly the mattress depressed, and I opened my eyes to see the blurry vision of Thane getting into bed with me. “I’m here.” He pulled me into his hard, warm body, kissing my tears. “It’s over.”
Realizing he thought I was crying about today was a relief. So I cried harder, clinging to him, hating the voice in my head that urged me in a nasty voice to enjoy his attention while I could.
“You’re killing me,” he groaned, pressing a kiss to my head. “I should have been there.”
More shame flooded me and I shook my head, swiping at the tears. “No, no, don’t do that to yourself. I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just been a long day. And I get emotional when I have my period.”
His thumb pressed gently under my chin, forcing me to tilt my head to look at him. “By all accounts, you were bloody magnificent today … and I’m so grateful for that, mo leannan. But you should never have been in that position. Even not knowing about Sean’s loss, I should have known by his behavior that day in the car park to be on alert. Even the slightest hint of danger to Eilidh or Lewis … I should have been more cautious.”
“How?” I argued.
“I don’t know. Asked one of Lachlan’s security to shadow you while I investigated Sean myself. Instead of burying my fucking head in the sand and hoping it would just go away.”
Even as I pressed kisses to his chest to soothe him, something niggled at the back of my mind, pushing forward, making my heart beat fast.
Feeling me tense, Thane asked, “Mo leannan?”
“I have to tell you something.” I pushed into a sitting position, forcing myself to meet his gaze.
He frowned warily. “Okay?”
Taking a shuddering breath, I hated I had to explain to Thane what an impulsive moron I’d been, but he was right. Burying my head in the sand, hoping Austin would go away, was selfish and irresponsible. There had been nothing in months, and Robyn said Autry was monitoring him periodically … but he … Thane should know about his existence. Just in case.
In hushed words so I wouldn’t wake Eilidh and Lewis, I told him about the backpacking trip, the group of friends, the impulsive one-night stand, and the harassment that followed.
One time, maybe four or five weeks into the job as Thane’s nanny, he’d asked me why he never saw me on my phone, on social media. “I thought your generation couldn’t exist without it?” he’d teased. I’d given him a vague bullshit answer. Now I told him the truth.
“I had to delete all of my socials. My email. Block my number. When I was living in California, I was like a ghost.” I smirked unhappily. “But I don’t miss talking to people who don’t really care about me. Or checking my follows or likes. And not just because it keeps him out of my life, but because … I don’t need the validation like I did when I was younger.” I have everything I need when I’m with you.
Thane studied me, his eyes bright with concern as I went on to tell him about dating Maddox the asshole, and Austin’s return and his creepy, stealthy stalking at the coffeehouse.
“But since I’ve been here, nothing. Robyn knows, and her cop friend is keeping tabs on him.” I reached for his hand, squeezing, hoping he’d forgive me. “I didn’t say anything because of everything that happened with Lucy and Lachlan. It isn’t on the same level, and so I thought it was stupid to worry you. But I see it was selfish to keep it from you. You need to know about these things for the children’s sake. I’m sorry.”
He shook his head, and I sighed with relief as he pulled me into his arms. “It’s fine, it’s okay. At least you didn’t keep it to yourself—you told Robyn. That’s good, Regan. I’m glad. I’m just sorry you had to go through that.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
Thane made a hoarse sound that was half amusement, half pain. “You protected my daughter like she was your own today, mo leannan. You could steal off into the night with all my money and I couldn’t be angry with you.”
God, I loved him so much. He had such a big heart. Caressing his chest where said heart beat a little fast within, I asked, for perhaps the hundredth time, “What does ma le-ow-nin mean?”
He was quiet for a moment as he stroked my upper arm with his fingertips. “Does the meaning matter?”
His question stopped me in my mental tracks.
When he used the endearment I was pretty sure was Gaelic, his voice grew softer, his tone tender.
I smiled at the realization. “No.” I snuggled deeper into him. “It doesn’t matter.”
THANE
* * *
Two hours later, Thane woke up from a light sleep for the fourth time. His heart raced too hard. Regan had rolled out of his arms in her sleep and sprawled on her back, her chest rising and falling gently. Even so, he couldn’t hold back the urge to press his fingers lightly to the pulse at her throat.
Relieved to feel the steady, gentle throb, he slipped out of bed while she slept and checked on Lewis. His boy was asleep, his soft snores music to Thane’s ears. Then he checked on Eilidh. Usually she sprawled much like Regan was right now in his bed. But tonight, as if her subconscious still had her gripped in today’s terror, his little Eilidh-Bug was curled into a protective ball.
Throat thick with too many emotions to name, Thane sat down on the bed and sang softly in her ear. When she was a baby, it was the only thing that would make her sleep. After a while, her little body relaxed and she rolled onto her side, her tiny fingers touching his knee.
He covered her hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss
to the back of it.
Fear unlike anything he’d experienced overwhelmed him.
What if she wasn’t his?
She’s mine, he raged inwardly. No piece of paper could tell him differently. Blood or no, Eilidh Francine Adair was his daughter, and he’d fight to the death for her if it came to it.
A creak near the door drew his head up. Regan stood in the dim light. “Is she okay?” He barely heard her question, it was so quietly asked.
Kissing Eilidh’s hand one last time, he laid it gently down on the bed near her chubby little cheek and stood slowly so as not to wake her.
He pulled her door until it was almost shut and then slid a hand around Regan’s waist. As he led her quietly back to bed, he ignored the feeling of rightness that settled over him.
She wasn’t his wife or Eilidh and Lewis’s stepmum.
She wasn’t permanent, he reminded himself.
And so before he let her drift back to sleep, he rolled her onto her back and kissed her until they were both breathless.
Another memory to keep him warm when she was gone.
24
Regan
Thane didn’t want me to return to the annex. To appease his worries, I moved some of my things into the guest suite. This also reassured Robyn, but I was concerned how it looked to Eilidh and Lewis. They loved the idea of me being so close, but with Thane still keeping his distance whenever we weren’t alone, I wasn’t sure if I should dig myself any deeper into the children’s lives.
Who was I kidding?
I was as deep as you got without actually being married to their dad.
The mere thought made my pulse flutter, so I threw it out of my head immediately.
I focused on the historical romance on my e-reader. For the past week, I’d gone to bed in the guest room, only for Thane to sneak in when he was sure the kids were asleep. I’d still had my period, so we did nothing but cuddle, and when I woke in the morning, he was always gone. While I waited for him every night, I read.
Whenever I was having a strenuous day or week (or month!), I liked to reread my favorite books. There was something comforting not only about a happy ending but also in going through the emotional angst of a couple’s roller-coaster relationship, enjoying their pain and passion, because you already knew how it ended. Romance novels were my version of comfort food, except better because they had hot, fantastical sex.
Well, what I thought was fantastical until Thane came along. I smiled smugly. As I got to a sexy scene in the novel, hot tingles awakened between my legs.
“What are you reading?”
“Oh!” I startled.
Thane stood over the bed, his arms crossed, grinning at me. I hadn’t even heard him come in. “Whatever it is, you’re engrossed.”
I grinned back, happy to see his smile. He’d laughed with the children throughout the week so things would be normal for them, but he’d been gloomy with worry when we were alone.
“A book.” I turned back the duvet on the other side of the bed and patted the mattress.
Removing his T-shirt, Thane rounded the bed, never taking his eyes off mine. Despite the approach of December and this month’s bitter introduction to a Highland winter, Thane’s home always sat at a comfortable temperature. And he always ran a little hot.
In more ways than one.
I missed him.
And my period was over.
But I wasn’t sure anything physical was on the table for us while I was under his roof.
“Is it a historical romance?” He slid into bed beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulder to draw me to his side. All the while he peered curiously down at my e-reader.
I grinned at him. “You remembered I like those.”
He nodded, his eyes smiling into mine. “Let’s have a look, then.”
Feeling mischievous about what he was about to read, I bit my lip and held the e-reader up to him. The tingles between my legs grew insistent as I watched his eyebrows raise as he read. Thane’s hand slid from my upper arm to around my waist, and as his eyes moved over the screen, said hand pressed into my stomach.
Heat licked down my inner thighs, and I swallowed hard, my mouth suddenly dry. “What do you think?”
Thane spoke while he still read, his voice gruff. “It’s … fuck … it’s …”
“Arousing?” I supplied.
He looked at me, his lips quirking. “Very. Is this how you get your kicks?”
I narrowed my eyes at his teasing. “They’re not just about sex.”
“Oh, really?”
“No.” I gestured with the e-reader. “They’re funny and romantic and the heroines are relatable and sometimes they even make me feel like I’m not alone. Romance novels can be witty and emotional and make me cry but in this great, cathartic kind of way.”
He studied me intensely, his gaze probing, sharpening at my words.
Realizing I was veering the conversation away from where I wanted it, I grinned. “And the sex … People call it smut or mommy porn, but there are different kinds of romance. That stuff is great, but I like the ones where the romance, the connection between the couple, is what makes the sex so hot. And it’s sex through a woman’s eyes. It’s the kind of sex we fantasize about.”
At that, Thane’s brow furrowed and he looked back at the e-reader screen. Even through his beard, I could see a muscle tick in his jaw. I smoothed a hand over his face, guessing where his thoughts were. Leaning up, I pressed my breasts against him and whispered near his ear, “You make my sexual fantasies come true.”
He twisted to look into my eyes; his darkened with desire.
I smiled and gestured with the e-reader. “This is just the appetizer these days while I wait for you to come to me.”
“Do you read these every night before I come to you?”
“Not always, but often, yeah.”
His gaze dropped to my mouth and then to my chest. He inhaled sharply at the sight of my nipples hard against the silk, his hand on my stomach clenching the fabric and unintentionally drawing it tighter. “When you say appetizer … do you mean these books make you wet?”
My breathing quickened in time at his bluntness. “Sometimes.”
“Are you wet right now?” His other hand dipped beneath the duvet, and I shivered at the touch of his fingers sliding up my thigh. When he reached my center, pushing past my underwear, his features hardened with want. “That would be a yes, then.”
I arched into him. The e-reader fell from my hand as he played me with precision.
He knew my body as well as he knew his own.
“Mo leannan,” Thane groaned as he kissed me. He rolled into me and I could feel him throbbing with need.
“What about the littles?” I panted as his lips scattered kisses down my throat and he pulled my nightdress straps down my arms to get at my breasts.
Thane looked up at me, his breath on my hard nipple making me thrust against his fingers. “I need to fuck you, or I’m going to lose my mind. We’ll just have to be quiet.”
“I’m on the pill,” I blurted out. “And I … I had a health check a while back. After Maddox … there wasn’t anyone after him, until you.”
Thane’s eyes flashed, clearly happy with the idea of no barriers. “I’m clean. There’s been no one but you for longer than I care to say. So I guess we’re both going to have to try very hard to be quiet.”
I tried. As he kissed and made love to every inch of me, I panted behind my hand and swallowed the cries that wanted to escape. Even with his head between my thighs, his tongue licking and sucking me to orgasm, I clamped a hand over my mouth and muffled my release. Even at the feel of him, heavy and powerful above me, gliding inside, perfect and thick and exactly what I needed, I bit back my gasps.
But when he suddenly pulled out to flip me roughly on my hands and knees, take hold of my nape to whisper in my ear how hard I made him, how he couldn’t get enough of me, using dirty, sexual words he’d never used before, I lost my mind.
As wild and playful as Thane was in bed, he wasn’t a talker.
He was acting out the scene from my romance novel.
Love and passion exploded within me, and I had to bury my face in the mattress, my fingers clawing at the sheets because my scream of release was unstoppable.
“F-f-fuck,” Thane stammered as I came in forceful throbs around him. His grip on my hips turned bruising as he climaxed with a hoarse yell, juddering against my ass even as he collapsed over me. “What the fuck, what the fuck,” he murmured breathlessly against my shoulder.
Blood pounded in my ears as I came down from the release, and I mewled as Thane pulled out. I turned and opened my mouth to speak, but he braced over me and pressed a finger to my lips, his wide eyes on the bedroom door.
My heart stopped as I realized Thane had been loud in climax.
We waited, our ears pricked, trying to hear over our racing pulses.
Finally, his gaze came to mine. “I think we’re fine,” he whispered.
“You were loud,” I admonished, grinning smugly.
Thane grinned back. “Couldn’t be helped. I’ve never felt anything like it when you came.” He fell down beside me on the bed, looking a little dazed as he cuddled me into him.
“I’ve never felt anything like it.” I caressed his damp skin and the happy trail that followed a path to one of my favorite physical attributes of his.
Thane’s hand moved under my arm to cup my breast. “I think you took everything I had.”
I chuckled, settling my chin on his chest. We smiled at each other, giddy with endorphins. “I should clean up,” I whispered.
“And I think I need to tell every man I know to get his partner hooked on romance novels.”
I pushed up and straddled him on my way to crawl across the bed to the bathroom. I paused and leaned down to brush my lips over his. “Most of them would just take advantage of the fact that their partner was turned on … they wouldn’t go out of their way to recreate the fantasy. It was so hot, I’m never, ever going to forget it.”
Something flashed in his eyes, something grim, something I didn’t like, but he hid it as he pulled me deeper into the kiss. At the sudden urge to tell him I loved him, I kissed him harder, drowning the words.
There With You Page 26
