“So that if anything else happens …” I trailed off, shuddering at the thought of anything else happening.
“Nothing is going to. He can’t get to you here. I need you to be brave one more time, Regan, and do this, not for me or your dad, but for yourself.”
Even though the thought made me want to puke, I knew I couldn’t run from it anymore. “Okay.”
Satisfied, Robyn gave me a nod and a look that said she was proud of me, and I had to admit, it felt great to make her proud.
After she made the coffee and slipped onto a stool next to me, she said, “I need you to do one more thing for me.”
“And that would be?”
“I need you to consider talking to someone. Professionally.”
Stiffening at a comment that seemed to come out of left field, I bristled. “You think I need to see a therapist?”
“Don’t say it like that.” She glared. “I went to therapy for months after I got shot.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Well, I did. I couldn’t cope with it all on my own. I had nightmares about killing Eddie Johnstone.”
Eddie Johnstone was the drug dealer who’d shot my sister. She’d fired back in self-defense and killed him.
“It all kind of snowballed. The shooting, my unhappiness with my job, why I became a cop, Mac’s abandonment. Therapy was the reason I came to see my dad in the first place. I realized that I’d never have any sense of closure until I knew why he’d left me. Unfortunately,” she said, heaving a sigh, “that opened up a whole new can of worms with Mom, but she and I are getting there. At least, we were getting there until I realized how much she’d screwed with your head over the years.”
“It’s just mom-and-daughter stuff,” I assured her. “At least she loves us. Other people have it way worse in the parent department.”
“True.” Robyn nudged me with her shoulder. “My point is, therapy helped.”
“And you think I need therapy?” The thought scared me.
As always, my sister read me like a book. “It’s not a shameful thing to need, Regan. And you have a terrible habit of either physically or mentally running away from your emotions. You ran away from me because you couldn’t deal with how frightened you were at the thought of losing me, and you ran away from your own memories of that night in Vietnam because you couldn’t deal with the trauma. And I’m so afraid that you’ll repeat it. Anytime life gets really hard or really sad, you’ll push everyone away and lock your shit down so tight that one day, it will all explode out of you, and the results could be devastating.”
I breathed a little harder because I knew she might be right, though at the same time certain she was wrong. “I won’t run. I didn’t run when McClintock tried to kidnap Eilidh. I’m not running now, even knowing Austin hasn’t backed off like I’d hoped. I’m in love with a man who sees me as something temporary, and it hurts like hell, but I’m not running away.”
Robyn’s expression filled with sympathy as she squeezed my hand. “That’s good. That’s great. I’m proud of you, and I hope that doesn’t come across as condescending.”
“It doesn’t.”
“I still would like you to see someone. I won’t pressure you. You have to make that decision on your own.”
Covering her hand with mine, I nodded. “Then I promise I’ll think about it.”
We fell into silence and sipped our coffees while I pondered the huge conversations that had taken place between us in less than twenty-four hours.
Robyn looked at me. “You’re in love with Thane?”
I grimaced. “I tried not to be.”
She huffed, “Oh, sweetheart, I’ve been there. Those damn Adairs.”
I snorted. “I know, right?”
We shared a commiserating look.
30
Regan
To distract us, Robyn joined me while I went Christmas decoration shopping. I’d discovered Thane put up a real tree every year, and it was a tradition for them all to go pick one. However, I’d also learned that he only had one box of ornaments and another with some knickknacks. It seemed Fran hadn’t been Christmas crazy like I am. But a large house like Thane’s should be covered in festive cheer, so I bought more decorations.
By the time I hauled it all into the house, I was a little worried Thane might be irritated with me for taking it upon myself to buy holiday décor. However, when Thane stormed into the house five minutes after I’d hauled in all my purchases and half an hour before I needed to pick up the kids, it wasn’t me he was angry at.
“What are you doing home early?” I tripped over a bag of tree baubles as I hurried out of the sitting room to meet him in the kitchen.
His scowl was as deep as a scowl could be, and it reminded me so much of Eilidh, I wondered how anyone could think he wasn’t her dad. And then, like he’d plucked the thought from my mind, Thane barked, “Sean has demanded a DNA test.”
Anxiety gripped me. “What?”
Thane waved a piece of paper at me. “From his lawyer. They’re taking me to court to acquire a court-ordered paternity test to determine if Eilidh is his daughter.”
“What?” I yelled now. “After what he did? Are they crazy?”
Thane threw the letter at the island and it fluttered onto the floor. I picked it up, smoothing it out to read the words written by McClintock’s lawyer.
“I spoke with my lawyer on the drive home.” Thane exhaled slowly, his hands to his hips, agitation vibrating from him. “She said that due to Sean’s erratic behavior, it is unlikely Eilidh would ever be taken from my custody in the immediate future.”
“Immediate future?”
That muscle ticked in his jaw as he tried to control his building fury. “Never mind the unbearable fucking idea of losing her later on down the line … what do I tell her now, Regan? She’s five years old—how do I explain this to her? Even if Sean doesn’t get custody, what happens if legally she’s not mine?”
His chest was heaving, and I could see he was panicking.
Our roles had flipped. Over the weekend, he’d calmed me down. Now it was my turn to be cool and collected and support him.
“Hey, hey, hey.” I gripped his arms, forcing him to focus on me. “This will take weeks or even months to get to court, okay, so let’s beat the bastards to it.”
Thane stilled in my hold. “What do you mean?”
“We’ll do it now. Under the radar. We’ll take hair from Eilidh’s hair brush, and we’ll run our own DNA test. The results don’t take long, and finally you’ll know one way or the other and your lawyer will help you with a plan. Grief does not give him the right to come into your lives and hurt this family.”
“No, but being her birth father does.”
“Does it?” I snapped angrily. “Because where was he before this? I am truly devastated for the man that he lost his wife and child. It’s horrifying … but Eilidh isn’t anybody’s replacement. If he wanted her, then he should have tried to claim her long before this. She’s claimed now. She’s a goddamn Adair, and she isn’t going anywhere.”
Thane suddenly broke his hold, but only to haul me against him so he could crush my mouth beneath his in a devastating, hungry kiss. I was breathless when he finally released me. Thane pressed his forehead to mine and said, his voice thick with emotion, “Thank you, mo leannan.”
His kiss, his words of gratitude, made me feel a thousand feet tall.
All I could think about over the next week was that damn DNA test. Thane had ordered the test online. It arrived the next day, and we’d surreptitiously collected the sample from Eilidh’s hair brush and sent it off, along with Thane’s. My worries about Austin were shoved to the back of my mind, and my plans to tell Thane pushed aside too. He already had too much on his plate. I didn’t want to bother him with this.
We had lots to distract us. Well, at least, lots to try to distract us. Thane was bemused by my Christmas décor shopping spree, but when I dressed the house (leaving the tree fo
r the children to decorate), he was more than happy with the results—especially with how excited and content it made Eilidh and Lewis.
“It’s so beautiful!” Eilidh kept shouting as she wandered from room to room.
“I need to pay you back for all this. It must have cost a fortune,” Thane had said, grinning as Eilidh tried to make Lewis as delighted over every little ornament as she was.
“It’s my Christmas present to you all.” I shrugged, staring around at my handiwork.
“You should do it professionally. Lachlan’s decorator at Ardnoch couldn’t have done a better job.”
I smiled at the compliment, and even more so when he broke his own rule and pulled me into his side to kiss my temple in thanks.
That Wednesday was Robyn’s birthday, and we had everyone over for dinner, which the kids always loved. Eilidh adored making people laugh, and she did it without even trying, so nights like that pushed the memory of Sean’s attack further and further away. Robyn, much like her fiancé, was not a birthday kind of gal, so she confided she was glad Ardnoch’s annual Christmas ceilidh fell on the weekend of her birthday week, foiling anyone’s plans to do anything more than a dinner.
The ceilidh was at the Gloaming that Saturday night. Robyn had insisted I needed to experience it. As worried as Thane was about the results of the paternity test, I knew he wasn’t in the mood for celebrating, so I told him to stay home with the children. However, he wanted to escort me to my first ceilidh and Eredine volunteered to babysit, along with two of Lachlan’s security guys. They sat outside in their car so as not to freak out the kids.
Thane didn’t want to drop security now that Sean had made his intentions clear. Lachlan, enraged as I’d ever seen when Thane told him about the paternity test, had kept security on the children. He’d also vowed to “crush any fucker who tries to mess with this family.” Not gonna lie, it was hot. A completely inappropriate thought considering the subject matter, and that he’s my sister’s fiancé and my lover’s brother, but I couldn’t deny it.
As for the Christmas ceilidh, I didn’t know how to feel about it. Robyn had waxed lyrical about her first one (I later found out that was where she and Lachlan had sex, so no wonder she had fond memories). I think if I’d been drunker and knew the dance steps, I might have enjoyed it more. The beginning was enjoyable when everyone was sober and willing to teach me the folk dances. But the drunker everyone got, the wilder it got, and the more of a crush it became. It was sweaty and crowded; the accordion started to grate on my nerves after a while, and I took an elbow to the temple about five times.
On the plus side, Thane was in a kilt. As were Lachlan and Mac and all the men. But only Thane made my belly flip at the sight of him in his traditional clothing.
I decided after seeing all the village men in kilts that a kilt was like a suit. Some guys wore it, and other guys were worn by it. And Thane could wear a kilt.
All three of the men wore a matching kilts of dark green plaid with red, black, and white accents that Thane explained was the Sutherland tartan. While Clan Adair was actually from the Lowlands of Scotland, their particular offshoot of the Adairs had migrated to the north and broken away from the clan. They became more involved in the politics of Clan Sutherland, and their ancestors had opted to adopt the Sutherland tartan in lieu of the tartan worn by Clan Adair. Which was Maxwell tartan. Confusingly.
Thane tried to explain about the clans and allies and dependents but I lost track.
His long story shortened was that his family wore Sutherland tartan in their traditional attire. And while Mac wore a black suit jacket, matching waistcoat, and white shirt, Thane and Lachlan’s kilt jackets and waistcoats were a dark gray. They wore matching sporrans over their kilts, long knee socks that shouldn’t have been hot but really showed off Thane’s muscled calves, and dress shoes with laces that wrapped around said calves.
So Thane was sexy as hell and definitely fun to look at, especially when he took off the jacket later on.
Also, he got to hold me in public for the dances. He made me laugh, and I made him laugh as I cursed the Gloaming’s owner who clapped in my face and shouted the steps like a drill sergeant.
We’d commandeered a round table at the back of the large hall. Mac, Arro, Lachlan, Robyn, Thane, and me. And when I wasn’t being hauled around the dance floor, I sat at a table laughing and joking with Robyn’s other family, feeling like maybe—just maybe—they were my family too.
Later when we got home, Thane insisted that Eredine sleep in the annex rather than drive all the way back to her cabin, but she refused. I worried about her. Robyn did too. She said that since Lucy, Eredine seemed like she was slipping further away. I’d been so consumed with my own mess, with Thane’s, with my feelings for him, that I hadn’t given her enough of my time. I vowed when things calmed down a bit to do that, to make an effort, to bulldoze where Robyn refused to bulldoze because it wasn’t in her nature to push people. Other than me.
It was definitely in my nature. And sometimes, people needed it.
Lachlan’s security guys promised to escort Eredine home, and with the kids asleep long ago, Thane dragged me into his room. He shoved me toward the bed. A little rough, a lot exciting. “I’ve wanted to kiss and lick and suck every inch of you from the moment you walked downstairs in this bloody dress,” he growled.
To be fair, I had bought it to drive him crazy.
It was a departure from my usual preppy style. I’d chosen a calf-length, silk jersey blood-red dress that had a demure neckline but sculpted (like, painted on!) to my body. It left very little to the imagination, despite very little skin showing. However, it was probably one reason I didn’t enjoy the ceilidh dancing so much because I couldn’t stretch my damn legs in it.
“And I’ve wanted to put my hand up your kilt since I came downstairs.”
Thane grinned wolfishly as he coasted his hands over my ass. “Nothing stopping you now.”
Remembering he’d had more to drink than me, I glanced back at his closed door. “You need to remember to be quiet.”
“I’m not the one who’s going to need to be.”
I understood that comment seconds later when he pushed me down on the bed, shoved my skirt up to my waist, ripped off my underwear, and settled his mouth between my thighs to satisfy his hunger.
Three days later, I was loading the laundry at around ten in the morning when I heard the doorbell. I hurried to answer it, greeted by our local postal worker, Pauline. She had a few parcels in hand.
“More Christmas presents?” Pauline smiled as I signed for them.
Probably. I thanked goodness our mail always arrived when the kids were at school or I’d never be able to hide their gifts.
“Some mail too.” She handed over the envelopes as I struggled to hold on to all the boxes.
“Thanks so much,” I said, trying not to drop the parcels.
As I was closing the door with my foot, I looked down at the top envelope, and my heart stopped.
Oh my God, it was here!
Hurrying into the kitchen, I dumped the packages onto the counter and rushed for my cell on the dining table. Hands shaking, I dialed Thane and hoped he wasn’t in a meeting, that he’d pick up.
He did on the third ring. “Regan, are you okay?”
Hearing his concern, because I never called him at work—he was always the one ringing me on his lunch break—I blurted out, “It’s here. The results just arrived.”
Thane hesitated a moment. “Give me a second.” I heard some muffled talking on the other end, and I slumped into a dining chair, clutching the envelope. My knee bounced with nerves.
“Right, I’m back,” Thane said a little breathlessly. “What does it say?”
Surprised, I replied, “You want me to open it?”
“I can’t wait the hour it will take me to get back home. So yes, open it.”
Shocked and humbled that he trusted me with this, I switched my cell to speaker, took a breath, and ripped into
it. I almost dropped the damn letter I was trembling so hard.
And there it was.
Tears flooded my eyes and I sobbed, “She’s yours! She’s yours, baby, she’s yours!”
I heard the choked noise he made down the line, the sounds of him trying to catch his breath, and I suspected my big, brave Scotsman was crying.
Aching to be with him, I let him take his time to process.
Finally, in his voice gruff, he said, “Thank fuck, mo leannan. Thank all the fucks in the world for that.”
I gave a bark of laughter through my tears. “We knew it. We knew it in our guts.”
“Aye, but now I have a piece of paper I can give to my lawyer so she can tell Sean McClintock he can go rot.”
“Yes, you do.” Relief melted through me. Now Thane could just enjoy Christmas with Eilidh and Lewis without this cloud hanging over his head.
“I need to phone my lawyer. Can you send me a photo of the results?”
“Of course.”
“Then I need to let Lachlan know.”
“Good. Yeah, he’ll be so relieved.”
“And then I’m coming home for lunch so I can celebrate with you. In my bed.”
Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes but grinned. “It seems to be your favorite form of celebration these days.”
“Oh, it absolutely is. And be prepared. Good news makes me energetic.”
“Is that a promise?”
“You fucking know it, mo leannan.”
And three hours later, I discovered that wasn’t a false promise.
31
Regan
The Tuesday before Christmas, I got my first taste of what living in Ardnoch would be like during the summer. While I’d caught only a few glimpses of famous actors in the village over the past few months (and it was never not weird!), Robyn had warned me that summer and Christmastime were when the paparazzi arrived because that was when a lot of members descended upon the club.
There With You Page 30
