Scotty reached over and tugged Nathan into his arms. “You are there for him. You’re fixing his house. You’re taking care of the contractor. You’re doing a lot for him.”
“It doesn’t feel like it. He wouldn’t even tell me what they were testing for.”
“And what could you change by knowing?”
“I could research things. Look stuff up. I could be there for him.”
“The doctors will know everything there is to know about what’s going on with Reggie. There’s no need for you to turn into doctor google. You’re too hard on yourself, love.” Scotty brushed his fingers through Nathan’s hair. He liked the way the endearment rolled off his tongue.
“I feel helpless.”
“Everyone does when someone they care about is sick. I imagine it was the same way when Christian started having seizures.”
Nathan sighed and leaned against Scotty. “I hate feeling like this.”
Scotty kissed the top of Nathan’s head. “When Dad left, Mom went through a few hard months. I tried everything to make her happy. I wanted her to cheer up. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the perfect son.”
“You’re already perfect.”
Scotty poked Nathan’s stomach. “Hush, liar. Anyway. It turns out the only thing I was succeeding in doing was driving her insane.” Scotty thought back to the day his mom sat him down. He could still smell the hazelnut coffee she made. He knew she meant business because she had also baked a batch of cookies for him.
“I had a lot of guilt over my dad leaving. I wasn’t the only reason, but I was one of them, and it was enough. I took on a lot of baggage I didn’t have to carry. Do you know what my mom told me?”
“Knowing your mom, it was something sassy,” Nathan chuckled.
“She told me if she wanted my help, she’d ask for it. She promised me if there was anything I could do, she’d let me. But sometimes, the only way a person can get through something is on their own terms. My constant effort to cheer her up was exhausting her. She didn’t want to have to worry about her own emotions and mine. She didn’t want to let me down or make me feel my efforts weren’t appreciated.”
“So basically, she told you to butt out.”
“Pretty much.”
“It’s hard.”
“Oh, it’s excruciating. But if Reggie wants to keep things from everyone until he’s ready to deal, then you have to be okay with it.”
“You’re too smart.”
“Only on days that end with Y. Can you stay and watch a movie? Linda should be back in a couple hours.”
“I’m not leaving without you.”
Scotty handed the remote to Nathan and scooped up a fussy Mason. The three of them got comfortable on the couch and watched The Fast and the Furious. By the time Linda came home, Mason was happily drooling all over himself while Nathan used Scotty’s lap for a pillow.
“You three look cozy,” Linda whispered.
Mason, upon seeing his mother, let out a high-pitched baby squeal which roused Nathan so quickly he nearly rolled right off the couch and onto the floor.
“I’m awake,” Nathan said, still groggy. He sat up slowly. Scotty watched him rub the sleep from his eyes and he was filled with quiet affection for the man who’d confided in him, then curled up against him and fell asleep. Nathan was so in control of everything. He shouldered so much for everyone else and Scotty loved being able to be there for him.
“Your devious mother has set up a whole schedule, did she tell you?” Linda said as she plucked Mason from Scotty’s arms and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“She did?” Scotty asked.
“Yeah, apparently she caught wind that you were going to dedicate yourself to being Mason’s babysitter when I go back to school.” With one hand Linda pulled her phone out and brought up the group chat. “She had literally everyone in there. You’ve been given one day every two weeks. The other days have been distributed throughout the family, with your mom being the emergency sitter, who will take any shifts no one else can.”
Nathan put his arm around Scotty’s shoulders and tugged him close. “Your family is amazing.”
Scotty blinked at the phone, then at Linda. “I’m impressed.”
“Mason is a lucky kid.”
Linda laughed. “You mean spoiled.”
“That too.” Scotty agreed and stood. He gently pinched Mason’s chubby cheek. “We should go, but we’ll see you later.”
“Thanks for looking after him.” Linda walked them to the door.
Scotty walked Nathan to his truck and pinned him to the side. He caged him in with his arms and kissed him.
“Did you want me to come over?”
“Unless you have somewhere better to be?” Nathan cocked an eyebrow at him.
“There’s nowhere on Earth better than where you are.”
“You’re smooth.”
Scotty laughed. “That’s one thing to call it.”
“What would you call it?” Nathan rocked forward, pressing their burgeoning erections together. Scotty hissed at the delicious frisson of pleasure that shot through him.
“I’d call it being horny.”
“Well, I can take care of it.”
“I’ll follow you there,” Scotty kissed him and pulled away before his dick could get too hard. “Drive safe. I want you in one piece before I take you apart.”
Scotty followed Nathan back to his grandpa’s. He wasted no time in claiming what was his. The minute Scotty walked through the door he pinned Nathan to the wall. They shared a feverish kiss and Scotty snaked his hand between them. He reached for Nathan’s zipper and the distinct, and annoyingly ill-timed vibration of Nathan’s phone interrupted their moment.
“Do you have to get that?” Scotty asked. His lips skated over Nathan’s jaw.
“No.”
“Good.” The phone stopped vibrating and Scotty tugged Nathan out of his shirt. He yanked the zipper of his pants down.
Nathan’s phone started vibrating again and Scotty pulled away, arranging his cock in his pants so it wasn’t pinched. “Answer your phone, Nathan,” Scotty said even as Nathan reached for his phone.
“Hello?” Nathan answered without buttoning his pants and Scotty took that as a good sign. Until Nathan’s face went white. His grip on the phone tightened. “Is he okay? When was this? No, yeah. I’m on my way.” Nathan ended the call and looked at Scotty. “Christian’s hurt. He took a bad blow to the head. Mom says he’s in the hospital.”
“You need to go.” Scotty’s heart constricted. If Nathan left, he wondered if he’d be back.
“Yeah. Fuck. The contractor.”
“I’ll look after it.” Scotty bit back a bubble of emotion. He didn’t want to stay behind, but Nathan hadn’t asked him to go with him. He could offer, but he wondered if that would be overstepping.
“I can’t ask you to do it.”
“I offered.”
Nathan zipped his pants. “If I leave now, I can beat the traffic.”
The drive was only four hours, but if traffic hit it could take up to six. Scotty tried to control his emotions. His heart crumpled and any of the joy he’d felt in the past weeks had faded into nothing but a memory. A reminder of what he’d never have.
“I’m going to miss the fuck out of you.” Nathan’s voice was hoarse.
“Call me when you get there. Let me know how Christian is.”
Nathan exhaled and stepped closer to Scotty. He let his head rest on Scotty’s shoulder. “Fuck. I wasn’t ready to do this yet.”
Scotty let Nathan cling to him. He wished he could roll time back five minutes, then freeze it and keep it there forever. It wasn’t fair. Scotty could fall for Nathan, over and over again. As a kid. A teen. Then as an adult. It wasn’t fair that he finally had everything he ever wanted and now it was being torn from him before he was ready. He knew Nathan said he cared about him, but Scotty had hoped for more time together. He’d wanted to talk to Nathan about how they were going to con
tinue their relationship once Nathan went back home. He was supposed to have time.
Nathan slowly extracted himself from Scotty’s arms. “I have to go.” Nathan pulled the key for Reggie’s house off his keyring and pressed it into Scotty’s hand. “I’ll call you.”
“Drive safe.” Scotty clenched his fist around the key and watched Nathan climb into his truck and pull out of the driveway. He stood there for a long time afterward, the steel in his hand the only thing he had left of Nathan, and it wasn’t his to keep.
He should’ve known Nathan wouldn’t be, either.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Nathan
Nathan white knuckled it all the way to the hospital. His mother texted him almost non-stop. She only quit when he pulled over and called her from the road. He was abrupt with her, but unless she wanted two kids in the hospital, she needed to leave him alone to drive.
The lack of texts from Scotty made his chest ache. He didn’t have time to stop and sort the mess out and he fucking hated it. He wasn’t mad at Christian, or his mother. Or maybe he was. His hands shook when he climbed out of his truck. He stretched his legs and his spine and took a deep breath. A knot formed in his stomach and he swallowed down a mouthful of bile. He remembered this feeling all too well. Every time Christian went into the hospital, every set back with his medication, it took a toll on Nathan. The helplessness Nathan felt was probably a byproduct of his Mother’s neurotic control issues.
It hadn’t started until they moved closer to a major hospital. Without the support of Tod’s family, and with his dad away at work to keep the insurance they needed, his mother grew to depend on him. He shouldn’t resent her for it, and he hadn’t. Not yet. But that was before Nathan had found Scotty. The thought was in Nathan’s mind now and he knew he wouldn’t be able to shake it.
Christian was up in room two-fifty and Nathan made his way there on shaking legs. Gratitude swelled up in him for his grandpa who had chosen to deal with his issues on his own and hadn’t leaned on Nathan. Truth be told, he hated hospitals. The stench. The sounds. The morbid knowledge he was surrounded by the dead and the dying lingered and the guilt that he’d rather be anywhere but here stained his soul.
Nathan pushed the door open and his stomach clenched.
“I’m eighteen. I’m fine. It’s a bump. The CT scan came back all clear.”
“You sliced your head open Christian. You’re not fine. And eighteen or not, you’re not ready to move out.”
Nathan braced himself for the coming battle and cleared his throat.
Christian’s gaze found Nathan first and rather than being happy to see him, he turned his gaze back to their mother. “You called him? I told you not to call Nathan.”
“He needs to be here for you. I have work tomorrow and when they release you someone will need to be with you.”
Christian rolled his eyes. “Mom. I told you. I’m moving in with Brandon. He has room to spare, and he’s a responsible adult. I’ve already paid first and last month’s rent.”
“I’m sure when I explain your condition, he’ll let you out of the agreement.”
“Mom.” Christian snapped. He looked run down and defeated. Nathan’s old habits had him wanting to jump in and fix everything so Christian would stop butting heads with their mother, but he held his tongue.
“Mom,” Christian started again. “Brandon knows about my condition. He doesn’t care.”
“Oh, honey,” their mother started in the whiny keen that meant she was dangerously close to tears. “I know you’re a person. I love you. I hate seeing you hurt.”
“You hate seeing me physically hurt,” Christian dashed a tear away.
Their mother, to Nathan’s horror, and anger, turned to him. “Nathaniel, talk to him. Tell him that he’s being irrational.”
Nathan looked at his mother and sighed. He could tell from the way he saw Christian wince he thought their mother had won.
“Christian,” Nathan began. “Did you need help moving your stuff?”
His mother gaped at him like a fish. “He can’t.”
“He can.” Nathan offered the rebuttal. “He’s eighteen. He graduated high school on his own. He got into university on his own. He’s smart. He can take care of himself. He’ll check in often, to assure you he’s taking his meds, and you can drive across town and pester him about eating more vegetables.”
“Holy shit, Nathan. I could kiss you right now, but that’s way gross.”
“Nathaniel David,” his mother began.
“No mom. I’m tired. I love you both, but I can’t do this anymore. Christian is old enough to run his own life. You’re young enough to start enjoying yours again.”
“And what are you going to do, wash your hands of your responsibilities?”
Nathan flinched at her question. The tone of her voice was harsh, but Nathan knew she was having trouble letting go. It would take her a bit to get used to, but she needed to loosen the tight control she had over Christian’s life. And his.
“Mom, I’m twenty-eight. Maybe you could guilt me when I was eighteen and we first moved here. You didn’t know anyone to help with Christian and so you depended on me. A lot. And that was fine. But it’s gone on too long.”
“He can’t move out, he’s not ready.”
“You’re not ready,” Nathan said. He’d only been in the room for five minutes but the weight of being there, of being forced in between them to act as their mediator, it was too much. Nathan made his way to the chair beside Christian’s bed and he dropped into it.
You could’ve heard a pin drop, Nathan mused to himself. It was the perfect time for the doctor to come in. He went over Christian’s vitals and told him he wanted to keep him overnight for observation, but he’d be released the next day.
The tension in the room didn’t leave with the doctor.
“Nathan, can you drive me to Brandon’s tomorrow? Help me move? It’ll be the last thing I ever ask of you.” Christian’s voice was close to breaking from the weight of the emotion.
“Yeah. I can do that. I’ll get you moved over there today.” He couldn’t sit in this sterile room all day and trade barbs with his mom. He was too fucking tired for any of it. All he could think about was getting Christian moved, getting a good night's sleep, then getting back to Scotty as soon as possible. Nathan pulled his phone out and frowned at the lack of contact from Scotty.
“Christian, please.” Their mom approached slowly, her arms wrapped around her torso. Nathan could see Christian’s anger fade, but not his determination. Despite her controlling tendencies, she had his best interests at heart.
“Mom, no. You’ve asked too much of Nathan, and too much of yourself. I’m fine. I want a life. I want to bring a girl home. Or a guy. Or a few guys.” Christian’s lip curled in amusement. He’d come out as pansexual a few years ago and though Nathan knew he was a virgin, he knew Christian made it his mission to scandalize their mother.
“Christian,” she rolled her eyes. “You could always hang a sock on the door.”
“Mom!” Christian turned bright red. His plan didn’t always work.
“I worry about you.” She sat on the edge of Christian’s bed.
“I’m fine. Well, I’ll be fine when the roaring headache goes away. I didn’t even fall because of a seizure. I slipped in the fucking shower.”
“Next time sit down when you jerk off.” Nathan grinned at the way Christian’s cheeks turned bright red.
“Oh, fuck you.”
“Boys, that’s enough. We’re in a hospital.”
“You’re okay?” Nathan asked Christian.
“I’m fine. Mom worries too much. I still can’t believe she called you. I told her not to.”
“It’s okay. It’s good to know you’re okay.”
“Yes. I’m fine. Now go move my shit for me and I’ll be even better. I’ll text Brandon and let him know you’ll be around with my stuff. It’s in my room, all packed and everything.”
“I thoug
ht you weren’t moving yet?”
Christian was clearly hiding something, but Nathan knew he’d never get it out of him with their mom in the room.
“Changed my mind. It feels like time, you know.”
Nathan thought of his own living situation. “It does.” He wouldn’t break the news to his mom yet. He’d give her a few days to digest Christian being out of the house before he’d tell her he wanted to move back to his hometown. He missed Tod. He missed being in the city he’d grown up in, and dammit, he already missed Scotty. Leaving him so suddenly felt like chopping a limb off and every minute that went by without Scotty calling or texting drove the knife deeper.
Nathan pushed himself up to his feet and gave Christian’s shoulder a squeeze. “Okay, I’ll get your shit moved today. I’ll be by in the morning to see you. Do you need me to stick around and drive you to Brandon’s?”
“For pity’s sake, you two, I’ll take him to Brandon’s.” She folded her arms over her chest. “I’m not going to kidnap him.”
“Promise?” Christian smiled and Nathan thought maybe everything would work out fine.
By the time Nathan got Christian’s stuff moved into Brandon’s house, he still hadn’t heard from Scotty. He bought a pizza and went home to his apartment. He half sat, half fell into his couch and pulled his phone out.
Scotty answered on the fourth ring.
“Hey.” He sounded… fuck he sounded how Nathan felt. Fucking lost and half heart broken.
All the uncertainty between them gripped his throat. “Hey.”
“How’s your brother?”
“He’s fine. Mom is an alarmist.”
“You sound exhausted.”
“I’m so fucking tired. I wish I was there.”
“I wish you were here too. You should go to sleep. Call me in the morning.”
Nathan wanted to beg him to stay on the line. He’d felt stronger when he was around Scotty. He didn’t feel like he had to shoulder the burden of the whole world when Scotty was with him. He should’ve brought Scotty with him, but he couldn’t ask it of him.
“Yeah.” Nathan said. “Okay. I love you.”
The Sweetest Thing Page 14
