by Jamie Summer
My throat dried up, not even a sip of the beer in my hand helping the matter.
Six years. That was how long it had been since she walked out. Six years since I lost her to some unknown force. An invisible enemy that still bugged me to this day.
“Gavin, do you want—” Devon started. I felt him turn around in order to talk to me more easily. “Holy shit.”
“What is it?” Tyler asked, oblivious.
“It’s her,” Devon whispered. Tyler’s cursing let me know he had noticed her, too.
I wanted to avert my eyes and focus on my beer, but I couldn’t. The pull I’d always felt toward her was back. Not as forceful as it was back then, but it was strong enough to make it impossible for me to take my eyes off her.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t alone. Jones was with her.
I hadn’t even seen him come in. Or Betty, for that matter. When did that happen? How could I have missed it?
“Just turn away and drink your beer,” Tyler advised, and I wished it were that easy. “Gavin, come on. It’s not worth...whatever you’re thinking about.”
Truth was, I had no idea what I thought about. My mind was blank, its sole focus being Betty sitting on the other side of the bar, deep in conversation with Jones. Part of me wanted to go over and get him away from her, while the other simply wanted to leave, to avoid all emotional drama I didn’t need in my life.
I should have chosen option two. That would have been the smart move. But smart decisions really weren’t my thing.
I was about to stand when I felt Devon’s hand on my shoulder. “Don’t. Nothing’s happened. She is out drinking, having fun. There’s nothing wrong with what she is doing over there. Or what Jones is doing, for that matter. Sit back and relax. That’s an order.” I hated how he was always the reasonable, rational one.
Sighing, I turned toward the bar, downed my beer and ordered another.
I was going to let loose tonight. And I would stay here until it happened.
Betty
I had no idea what had made me come out tonight. Or any of the other nights. Nick was nice, attentive, but it hadn’t clicked. I could tell he was getting impatient with me. Was I stringing him along?
We had gone out on a few dates, none of which probably ended the way he had hoped. I just wanted to talk. He had given me a few kisses on the cheek and tried to actually kiss me, but I had moved my head away before it could get that far.
I wasn’t ready yet. If he were serious, he needed to accept that.
Tonight was our sixth date. Wasn’t there a maximum number of dates before you needed to take it one step further? Was tonight going to be that night? I had no idea.
What I did know was that I owed my mom for watching Trevor. I thanked her more than once, but she usually waved me off, telling me that after everything, all those years I spent focusing on Trevor, it was finally my time to live life. Trevor didn’t seem to mind, reveling in the attention he got from his grandma. Whenever I tried to explain to him why I was gone, he merely waved me off and told me I deserved it.
He was way too smart for a kid his age.
“What can I get you?” Nick asked.
I turned to him with a wide smile. I was definitely overthinking this. If he was still willing to go out with me, he couldn’t be that bad. Right?
“Can you get me a gin and tonic?”
He nodded. “I don’t see why not. Give me a minute,” he said, then left to walk over to get the drinks. We had found one of the only empty seats available at the far end of the bar. We had waited for the bartender to come over, but since it was only the one woman, I couldn’t blame the lack of service.
I liked the place overall. I had never been here before, so when Nick mentioned us meeting here tonight, I agreed. I was all for finding new spots to have a drink. You know, for when my life actually started up again.
I watched Nick try to get the bartender’s attention, waving and snapping his fingers at her, but she merely passed him repeatedly, rolling her eyes. I wasn’t sure whether to be offended on his behalf or amused at the fierceness of the bartender’s attitude. It clearly showed in the way she got one drink after another, put it down in front of various patrons and had something snarky to say to all of them.
I envied her a little. She seemed to have found her place in life, while I was still adrift in a sea of nothingness.
I hate it.
“Hey, pretty lady,” I heard from behind me.
I turned around on my barstool. The training jacket the man wore identified him as a soccer player, but I couldn’t place the emblem. It knew it wasn’t West Ham United...and I hated that I did.
“Hi.”
“Are you here all by yourself? Doesn’t seem like the kind of place for a single lady to hang out,” he said, his face coming a bit too close for comfort. The smell of beer washed over me, almost making me gag.
“I’m actually here with someone. So thanks for worrying about me, but there’s no need.”
He moved back a little, as if my words had shocked him. Five seconds later, he composed himself again.
“Ah, not to worry. If he leaves you alone like this, he’s a loser, right?”
I noticed the slight slur to his words. It wasn’t too bad yet, but he clearly had one too many already. I had my fair share of run-ins with drunken guys, but never in a foreign country. Was it the same everywhere?
“Look, I appreciate the concern, but I’m fine. Merely waiting on my drink, nothing else.”
“I can keep you company while you wait,” he offered, leaning forward. The stench of beer was worse this time around, so I turned my head in order to get some fresh air. If that were possible in a pub.
“No, thank you. Maybe you could keep someone else company,” I suggested, hoping he would take the hint and leave.
“Nah, I’d rather keep you company.” He pushed forward even more, pressing against my knees. His face came down. I knew what was he intended, and I wasn’t going to have it.
“Move!” I yelled. When I pushed against his chest, it was like shoving against a brick wall.
“Oh, sweetie. You want it. I saw the way you looked at me.”
Was he serious?
“Does that line still work? It’s way too old-fashioned and not a nice thing to say when the woman in question clearly isn’t interested,” I pointed out, but with his slightly intoxicated state, I doubted he saw my reasoning.
“Come on. Just one kiss. I have been thinking about this for the past twenty minutes,” the guy said, his eyes already closed and all ready for the kiss he wouldn’t be getting.
“Please, get off me,” I tried again, but instead of moving away, he came closer.
“I can make you forget whomever you’re here with. I’m really good at making people forget even their own name.”
There was so much innuendo in that sentence, a shiver ran down my spine. I tried to remember I was in a bar full of people. Nothing was going to happen to me here.
He smirked. “Come on. Don’t be such a prude.”
I was about to yell at him a third time when I heard a voice.
“I believe the lady said no.”
I whipped my head around and met his eyes for the first time in six years. They were the same steel gray, as alert as I remembered whenever he was on a mission.
“And I believe this is none of your business,” the guy in front of me said. I tried to get farther away from him, but with the way my barstool was right by the wall, I didn’t have a lot of room to navigate.
“I believe it is when you’re harassing a woman who isn’t interested,” Gavin said, his voice calm and collected, though I heard the edge in it. While he tried to keep his cool, the anger bubbled just under the surface.
How is it possible I’m still able to read him like an open book after all these years?
I would have been a fool to believe it was because of me. Gavin Michaelson didn’t care about me anymore. He cared about justice, about free will, about women
being treated right.
“Man, can you get out of here? We were having a moment. Weren’t we, sweet cheeks?”
I recoiled at the nickname and shook my head. “I don’t think we were having any moment. In fact, I’m pretty sure I made it clear I wanted you to leave.”
“Is everything okay over here?” The red-haired bartender stood behind the bar, her eyes focused and sharp as she watched the scene in front of her.
“What the heck do you think you’re doing, Hank?” It was Nick’s voice this time. The guy in front of me turned toward my date.
“Nick? What are you doing here?” He suddenly sounded more sober, which made me arch a brow. How exactly did that happen?
“I’m out on a date, thank you very much. Are you harassing her?” Nick asked, disbelief coloring every inch of his face. When Hank didn’t answer, Nick cursed under his breath. “Get off her. Or I’ll forget we were ever friends.”
Hank hesitated only a moment before moving away, giving me back my personal space. I watched him retreat, not quite believing the situation was over.
“Are you okay?” Nick asked. I felt not only his gaze on me, but also the gazes of most of the people in the vicinity.
Great. Attention. Just what I need.
“I’m fine,” I assured him, smiling to prove my point. But the truth was, I actually wasn’t.
I still felt his eyes on me. Gavin hadn’t moved, staying quiet through the last few moments.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded, but couldn’t help looking at Gavin standing behind Nick. He saw it and turned, his face turning red in an instant.
“Michaelson, what are you doing creeping up to my girl? Did you want to be the next on my shit list?” If possible, Nick’s voice had taken on even more of an edge.
Gavin kept his eyes on me. “I’m already on your shit list, so what else would be new? Are you all right?”
The question seemed ten times more important than when Nick had asked...and I hated it. I wanted it to mean nothing. I wanted it to be like any other conversation I had with people I met for the first time.
But Gavin and I weren’t meeting for the first time. Hell, it wasn’t even the second, third or sixth time. We had spent the better part of our lives together. It was hard to completely block out something like that.
“I’m okay,” I told him, hoping my voice sounded more confident than I was. I wanted to tell him exactly how I felt. Scared, exhausted, ready to go home. I didn’t voice any of that, though.
Gavin watched me for a few more seconds before nodding. “You’d better take care of your date, Jones. You’ve done a poor job of it so far.” And with that, he walked away.
“Asshole,” Nick muttered. I wanted to jump to Gavin’s defense, but kept my mouth shut. No doubt that would lead to questions I didn’t want to answer.
“I’m sorry about this. Here. Your gin and tonic.” Nick held out a glass.
“I’m not thirsty anymore. I think I’m going to call it a night. I’m sorry, Nick.” And I truly was.
“It’s okay. Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Maybe. I’ll text you, okay?”
“Okay.”
He sounded defeated, and I felt bad for the way I was going to leave things. I should have told him this wasn’t going anywhere. That I wasn’t ready to date.
“I’m truly sorry, Nick, but after this, I just want to go home and sleep. Plus, I think that I’m not exactly what you’re looking for. I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve had together, but that’s about as far as we can go. If you want to be friends, I’d like that, but I don’t think it’ll go further. I’m sorry.” I waited a few seconds to see if he would respond, but the shock on his face quickly turned to anger.
“Seriously? I save you from that ass and this is the thanks I get? I went out on several dates with you in the hopes of it going somewhere. Now this?”
“I’m sorry.” I had nothing else to offer.
“Nick, keep it down. Let the lady leave.” I had completely forgotten about the bartender, but she was still behind the bar, watching us. “I think it’s best for everyone.” Her gaze turned to me, a soft smile spreading on her face.
I knew I liked her.
Before Nick had a chance to reconsider, I brushed past him and made my way out of the bar.
I didn’t look for Gavin again. I couldn’t. Because if I did, I might realize that all this time hadn’t done anything to lessen the feelings I still had for him.
And that my reasons for telling Nick I couldn’t see him anymore were completely different than what I led myself to believe.
Gavin
The anger rushing through me at the sight of that jerk forcing himself on Betty last night was unlike anything I had felt in a while. I had wanted to go over and pummel him into the floor, not giving him a chance to fight back.
As much as I hated to admit it, it was good Jones showed up when he did. Five more seconds and a fight would have been inevitable.
I kept my eyes on Betty afterward, not surprised when I saw her leave. She avoided looking at anyone and was out the door before I could make sure she was okay.
I wanted to. Badly. Tyler and Devon had kept me from running after her like some lost puppy. I started to argue with them, but stopped myself at the last second. They had a point. I needed to stay away from Betty. Far away.
I hated the way she still made me feel, even after all these years.
We left the bar soon after, my mood having turned sour. Jones hadn’t approached me again at the bar and had stayed away from me during practice today. Sure, he shot me death glares, but I could ignore those.
“Michaelson, great job today,” the coach complimented, and I felt the smile tug on my face. I played better, the passes coming more easily, the goals happening faster and with more precision than the previous few weeks. “Whatever you did to get your head back into the game, it worked. Congrats. Don’t let it go to waste, okay? It doesn’t help to have just a good few days. You need to have a good season.”
I nodded, knowing full well one good practice wasn’t enough to get me back in his good graces.
“Is it the anger at what happened or the fact you’ve finally seen her again that gives you wings today?” Devon came up beside me as I made my way to the changing room. I wanted nothing more than to shower and just go home.
“Dev, shut it. I don’t want to talk about it.”
He nodded. “Anger then. Okay. Works for me. But does that mean in order for you to actually play your usual game, we need to find you situations where you can be the knight in shining armor for your long-forgotten girlfriend?”
“She’s not my anything and hasn’t been for years. I’m okay. Nothing’s changed. All right? She left, I moved on, end of story.” I clenched my fist, the lies coming from my lips as easily as the goals came to me during practice today.
“Yep. You seem cool, calm and collected. Isn’t that how the saying goes?”
I rolled my eyes, not even having the slightest idea what Devon was talking about. “Look, I saw someone who clearly needed help and I was there. Nothing else.”
“And the next thing you’re gonna tell me is you would’ve done it for anyone. While I know that’s true, it was still different. Do you think we’re stupid? I know you well enough to see the signs. You were seconds away from a brawl. Seconds. I don’t think Betty would’ve appreciated it, to be honest.”
“I don’t care. The situation was cleared. That’s all that mattered.” Reaching my locker, I unlocked it and threw it open so forcefully, it slammed against the one next to it.
“Yep. I can tell you don’t care at all. You probably also don’t care about the fact that Jones was at Macy’s on yet another date with her. Not that I think there will be more. It sure looked like she gave him the pass. I wonder why.”
Devon was starting to piss me off. I grabbed my towel and shower gel, then slammed the locker shut and turned to him. “What do you want, Devon?”
; “Nothing. I got everything I needed.” I narrowed my eyes at the smug smile on his face. The same anger from last night came back, directed at my friend this time. He held up his hands. “You wanted to go shower, not hit me. Remember?”
It took some mental talking to myself, but I finally left Devon in front of his locker and went over to the showers, making quick work of my routine. The hot water didn’t help in keeping my thoughts from Betty. Quite the opposite. Being under the spray gave me way too much time to think about last night. And that was the last thing I needed.
I dried off five minutes later, thankful when I saw Devon’s locker closed and his clothes gone. Some of the players were still around, but conversation was mostly non-existent, and I welcomed the quiet.
I got dressed in regular clothes for a change, packed my stuff and walked out. The afternoon sun greeted me, something I hadn’t seen often in this country. The days mostly consisted of gray clouds and rain. Not that I minded too much.
The day before games, Coach usually gave us the afternoon off to recharge. I used the time to do the things I didn’t get to do during the week. Usually grocery shopping and whatever other errands I needed to run. Today’s agenda was the store and the bakery. My eighty-six-year-old neighbor, Mrs. Sampson, needed another loaf of bread. I tended to help her out and get her groceries since she didn’t have anyone else around. She lived right next door and was one of the first people to greet me when I arrived, which I was thankful for. Getting groceries for her seemed like a small price to pay.
I made my way home, my apartment about a fifteen-minute walk. The guys and I had considered sharing a place, but we all wanted our own space. However, we didn’t live far away from one another. It was the perfect situation. Especially today, when I truly didn’t want to see anyone. Except maybe Mrs. Sampson.
I went home, threw my bag down in the hallway and grabbed my wallet. With a quick look in my fridge, I noticed there was nothing but emptiness. It was truly time for a shopping trip.
