by Rebecca King
Peregrine lifted his brows at him. ‘Do you really expect her to simply sit around and wait for you?’
‘Well, where is she going to go? She has the house to herself for at least another week. I am sure she will enjoy her freedom, but I cannot share it. Not only would it ruin her reputation to have me lingering in the house, or even outside, but it will give her hope for a future that I am not at all sure I can offer.’
‘Marriage,’ Hamish and Peregrine said together.
‘Yes, marriage. I don’t want to marry,’ Ronan protested.
‘Then maybe you shouldn’t have kissed her.’
‘I didn’t mean to.’
‘Yet you kept doing it,’ Peregrine mused.
Ronan glared at them even though he knew it wasn’t their fault. He knew he had been wrong to touch her. He could be conceived as having toyed with her emotions, because he had kissed her while knowing that he didn’t love her and wasn’t sure if he ever could. Love was an emotion he was never going to allow himself to indulge in no matter how pretty Geranium was.
‘We need to go,’ Ronan growled, forcing himself to mount his horse.
‘Is everything secured?’ Hamish asked quietly.
‘Yes, I have packed up everything. The others will come back and fetch their things when they have finished with the search. Let’s go and join them. The sooner it is over and done with the sooner we can leave,’ Ronan bit out, wheeling his horse around to face the entrance of the yard.
‘Don’t you want to stop and say goodbye to her?’ Peregrine asked as they rode past Geranium’s house.
Ronan looked at the spot on the terrace where he had first seen Geranium standing in her pretty pink dress. He grimly shook his head and forced himself to look away. Without saying a word, he kicked his horse into a steady trot and went to help his colleagues close the investigation.
Peregrine and Hamish shared a worried look before following him.
What none of the men noticed was the bed chamber shutter that was slightly open so that Geranium could see into the yard of the safe house. She was pleased that Ronan was fine, if moving a little stiffly as he saddled his horse. What she wasn’t pleased about was that he had left without even bothering to say goodbye to her. He had simply ridden past the house with his colleagues without even glancing her way.
With tears steadily rolling down her cheeks, Geranium slowly slid the shutter closed. It felt like she was closing the door on a chapter of her life; one which had taught her a lot, and one which had a significant impact on her future.
The house was silent around her as she climbed into bed a few minutes later, until it was broken by the soft sound of her quiet weeping.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Three weeks later.
‘My dear, I do wish that you would let me come with you. I don’t know what your father thought he was doing agreeing that you should do this by yourself, I really don’t,’ Regina gushed as Geranium tugged on her gloves.
Geranium offered her mother a brave smile, but it held none of the youthful joy that had been evident on Geranium’s face the morning her parents had prepared to leave the house for their journey to visit relatives.
‘Mother, we have been over this so many times that I am not quite sure what you expect me to say. I need to do this; for me. It is time. I am ready. There isn’t much more anybody can say. I cannot stay here all my life, now can I? Marriage is not for me and, well, it looks a bit unusual that I am still living here. Everything will be fine, you will see.’
‘Kitty, you will take care of her, won’t you?’ Regina gasped, dabbing at her eyes.
‘Yes, ma’am,’ Kitty dutifully replied. She smiled at Geranium when Regina turned to her husband and urged Edward to tell his daughter that he had changed his mind and that she wasn’t to leave.
‘My dear, if this is what Geranium wants to do then it is what she should do. She is old enough to do what she feels is best.’ Edward offered her a sad smile.
He knew that something had happened while he had been away because the villagers had done everything possible to tell him about it just as soon as he had walked down the street the first day he had been back. The entire village was buzzing about the handsome men from the Star Elite who had been in the village, working to rid the village of the criminals who had stolen hundreds of pounds from the workhouse. Further, that Mr and Mrs Unwin had been sentenced to prison for helping a known criminal, Oswalde Gorman, the man responsible for the thefts at the workhouse. Edward also knew that some of the trouble had landed on his doorstep because Geranium had told him about the damage Gorman had done to the house while trying to break in and get to her. Unfortunately, despite many questions, Edward hadn’t been able to get Geranium to tell him everything.
‘You have changed, my dear,’ he murmured quietly to her.
Geranium smiled at him, but it was tinged with sadness. ‘Life has a way of changing people. It is time I grew up and started my own life. I am not going far. Aunt Francine only lived a few miles away. Thankfully, her house is already furnished. It just needs a good sweep out. I can manage.’
‘That isn’t what I meant,’ Edward said softly. ‘Something has changed in you, my dear. You haven’t just matured or grown stronger. Something saddens you.’
Geranium felt an all too familiar ache start to build in the centre of her chest. It rose until it settled in her throat and made her voice hoarse when she said: ‘I just need time to come to terms with everything that has happened, that’s all. It was all very tiring and made me stop and think about what I am capable of. While the silence of the house was often deafening, I enjoyed the challenge of running my own home. I want that challenge to continue now. It is something I am ready for, father.’
They both looked at Regina, who continued to weep into her handkerchief.
‘I am only going to be a few miles away,’ Geranium offered.
Despite her determination to leave, it was a sad day for Geranium because she was moving out of the house that she had lived in all her life. It was the end of an era. However, after spending time in it alone she was now painfully aware that it was her parent’s house. As an adult, she really felt the time had come for her to get her own home.
I just wish Aunt Francine hadn’t died for me to be able to move.
‘I don’t see why you shouldn’t go and find yourself a husband,’ Regina cried. ‘Why, it’s unheard of that a young lady of your age is living on her own. It is going to cause a lot of gossip.’
‘Is that why you are so upset?’ Geranium challenged.
Regina blinked at her. ‘Why, no, dear. How could you ask that?’
‘Because I have told you that I have to do this, for me,’ Geranium snapped with far more force than she had ever used before. It was so bold, so strong, so swift, that it made everyone in the hallway pause and turned to stare at her. With a sigh, Geranium forced herself to calm down. ‘It is just for a short while. Now, does Anton have the carriage packed?’
‘Yes, miss. All of the luggage is in there,’ Kitty offered as she followed Geranium out to the waiting carriage.
Geranium was nervous. Her stomach fluttered and she still battled with doubts but all she could think about was Ronan. She had spent the better part of the last three weeks wondering about him, where he was, what he was doing, which part of the county he was in. She yearned to be able to see him, to talk to him, to ask him questions but he wasn’t there. Before her lay the empty void of her life. While she was determined to make the most of it, she knew that she was always going to feel as if something – someone – was missing. Further, the house reminded her so much of him that she had to leave it for a while, if only so she could find out if she could stop thinking about him.
He can’t be replaced by anybody else.
That made her contemplate whether the feelings she had for him was love. The very idea of it was still preposterous to her because they had spent very little time together. However, nobody had ever made her feel the way R
onan did. Nobody else had ever given her the strength to do something as bold as venturing into the unknown to find a life on her own. Nobody else had ever made her contemplate life and her place in it and have the courage to make the changes in life she felt she needed to make that would bring her happiness.
Knowing Ronan has given me strength.
Geranium squared her shoulders, determined to make the best of what was left of her life.
‘Of course, I won’t ever find true happiness. Any possibility of that went with Ronan,’ Geranium muttered. She knew, deep within her heart, that it was the truth.
‘What was that, miss?’ Kitty asked.
‘Let’s go, Kitty,’ Geranium said.
‘You know where we are if you need us,’ her father offered.
‘Oh, please don’t upset yourself so, mother,’ Geranium urged when she turned to look at her parents only to see her mother still crying into her handkerchief.
Geranium pressed a kiss to her mother’s cheek and climbed into the carriage before Regina could try to talk her out of going again or insist on accompanying her. Closing the door, Geranium pressed a kiss to her father’s cheek and settled back in the seat to wave and smile at her parents as the carriage began to move down the road.
Once the carriage had left the village, Geranium forced herself to shove all her doubts and insecurities to one side. This was what she wanted; a new phase in life; a new chapter. It was too late to change her mind now.
‘For God’s sake, man,’ Roger growled in disgust when he entered the tavern and clapped eyes on the reason why he had been summoned there. He shared worried looks with his colleagues who all ventured closer.
‘How long has he been like this?’ Hamish asked of the tavern keeper.
The man shrugged and kept wiping a tankard as he sauntered across the empty tap room to join them.
‘He came in here the day before last,’ the tavern owner muttered. ‘I can’t get rid of him. Course, I knew he was one of your lot. I didn’t know what else to do with him.’
‘Ronan.’ Roger shook his friend’s shoulder to the point that Ronan, who was lying on his folded arms across the table, slid to one side. Rather than catch him, Roger allowed his colleague to crash onto the floor.
‘Wha’ the hell zat for?’ Ronan demanded as he peered blindly up at Roger. Squinting at his colleague, he shoved himself onto one elbow. ‘Whatcha doin’ ‘ere?’
‘We have come to find out why you aren’t at our base waiting for new instructions,’ Roger replied. ‘Don’t tell me that you are in this state because of Estelle.’
‘Who?’ Ronan scowled as if struggling to remember if he had ever heard that woman’s name before.
‘Your mistress.’
Ronan shook his head. ‘She’s gone,’ he announced with a burp. ‘Good riddance. I say we drink on it.’ Ronan reached out for his tankard only to realise that it wasn’t on the table where he had left it. With a heavy scowl, he started to search for it and peered under the table.
‘Get up,’ Hamish growled, giving him a nudge with his boot.
Once Hamish and Peregrine had hauled Ronan to his feet, Roger nodded toward the door and watched his colleagues drag their friend outside.
‘Make sure that if he comes back in here that he has nothing stronger than water,’ Roger growled at the inn keeper before following everyone to the trough.
‘What do you think this is all about?’ Dean asked as he watched Hamish and Peregrine dump Ronan into the water trough directly beside the tavern’s front door.
Ronan coughed and spluttered as he was deluged in icy water which immediately snapped him awake and chased away the fog clouding his thoughts. Anger immediately replaced his drunken stupor. Without stopping to think about his actions, Ronan surged out of the trough and, dripping wet, rounded on his colleagues.
‘What in the Hell do you think you are doing?’ he snarled, wagging a dripping finger at his boss.
‘Getting you sobered up,’ Roger drawled. He tipped his head and ran a critical eye down the length of his friend. ‘God, you are a sodding mess.’
Ronan’s only response was to sniff dismissively as he began to squeeze water out of his soiled shirt.
‘Sober up. We have work to do apparently,’ Roger sighed, throwing his friend a warning glare. ‘If you think you can get your sozzled head sober long enough to keep you upright, that is. Maybe you would like to prise yourself away from the tavern and get your arse up on your horse, assuming you still want to be a part of the Star Elite that is.’
Ronan stared at him. ‘What kind of damned question is that?’
‘Well, I thought you might be stupid enough to think that you could replace Geranium with ale,’ Roger snorted. ‘That would be a foolish thing for any poor sod to think they could do. I mean, a gorgeous, clever, funny, strong minded woman versus a tankard of watered-down ale.’
‘I am not replacing her.’
‘So why are you drinking to forget?’ Hamish demanded.
‘I wanted an ale at the tavern,’ Ronan announced.
‘So, you haven’t thought of her once,’ Luke challenged.
‘Of course not,’ Ronan snapped coldly, as if outraged by the suggestion. ‘Why would I?’
Roger shook his head and cursed. ‘Why would you, eh? Do you have any idea where you are? Do you have any idea where she is?’
‘She is at Malden with her sodding parents,’ Ronan snapped only to hesitate when Roger shook his head. ‘No?’
‘No. She isn’t,’ Roger confirmed.
‘Where is she then?’ Ronan demanded when he saw the rather stern look on Roger’s face. He looked around each of his colleagues, who were all as grim faced as each other, and began to worry.
‘Gone.’
‘Where?’
‘Nobody knows,’ Roger replied.
‘She has disappeared?’ Ronan’s stared hard at Roger and began to get more concerned at the severity on his boss’s face.
‘Yes. She has gone, disappeared, vanished. We have to find her.’ Roger didn’t dare look at Hamish, who coughed and squinted into the distance.
Ronan spun around only to stumble when is ale-soaked brain refused to move as swiftly as his body. He staggered sideways and found himself teetering precariously over the trough again, this time without the help of his friends.
‘Ronan?’
Ronan turned to look at Peregrine. ‘Before you go anywhere, I think you had better get yourself cleaned up. You look bloody terrifying. I suspect that the sight of you in that state is going to horrify Geranium more than the sight of her captor.’
‘Captor?’ Ronan glanced around worriedly and tried to get his ale sozzled mind to work properly to think of what to do.
‘Face it, Ronan, you are in love with the woman. You haven’t stopped being a miserable bastard since the day you forced yourself to ride out of her life. In all the years we have known you, you have never gotten like this over any damned woman. Geranium is the one.’ Hamish lifted his brows when Ronan whirled around to challenge him. For a moment, Hamish wondered if Ronan was going to swing a punch at him. Outrage was evident on Ronan’s handsome face, but it was dampened by dark shadows in his eyes. While hungover, pale, bleary eyed, soaked to the skin, his hair as unkempt as the rest of him, Ronan looked like a wounded animal. So much so, Hamish wondered if Roger was going to help him recover or just shoot him where he stood and put him out of his misery.
‘If this is some sort of scheme to get me to fall into the Parson’s trap you can bloody think again,’ Ronan snorted, glaring malevolently at his friends. Unfortunately, he then spoilt its effect by belching loudly.
‘Well then stay single, but we have to find her. Her parents are worried about her because she – left – and hasn’t been seen or heard of since,’ Roger explained, more than happy to lie a little if it helped his stubborn colleague realise how much of an idiot he was being.
‘We have a job to do,’ Joshua announced, clapping Ronan on the shoulder.
‘Come on. Let’s get to it. I mean, we don’t know if her captor has plans to force her to marry him.’
Ronan, who had been trying to get his foot in the swinging stirrup, dropped his leg and turned to stare at his friend. ‘M-Marriage?’
‘Well, just because you don’t want to marry her doesn’t mean that someone else won’t. I mean, her captor has taken her for a reason. She is single.’
‘Beautiful,’ Peregrine offered with a sage nod.
‘Funny,’ Hamish added with a smile.
‘Clever,’ Roger suggested, pursing his lips.
‘Headstrong,’ Luke warned, sharing a grin with Roger.
‘Delightful,’ Dean said with unrepentant enthusiasm.
‘Many men would marry her,’ Joshua added.
Ronan struggled not to panic. ‘Where was she when she was last seen? Where did she go? What in the Hell did her parents think they were doing allowing her out alone? How long has she been gone?’
Roger coughed. ‘Go and get changed. Clean yourself up. Then we will have a briefing.’
‘But we cannot sit around a sodding table and talk about things when she is missing,’ Ronan argued. The more he talked the more the fog in his mind cleared, but his head continued to pound so badly that Ronan struggled not to throw up from the strength of the pain.
Deep inside, Ronan was hurting. He hated to feel it. He hated to even put a name to the emotion that caused him to ache so badly that he wanted to weep, but he knew that he had to. Things were changing and there wasn’t a damned thing he could do about it. He had been helpless to stop his life from being turned upside down the second that he had clapped eyes on her. Since that fateful day nothing had ever been the same. Strangely, though, he didn’t yearn to return to the far simpler life he had enjoyed before he had met Geranium. What he had learnt in the tavern was that when he tried to think about his life prior to Geranium he could see nothing but dark shadows, shifting shapes, villages, and passing people, but there was nothing of himself. He had been living life as a ghost, echoing the footsteps of people going about their lives but never really existing.
