As she unlocked the door to the room where her sister had been abused every day of her marriage, and where she herself had been raped, she had never felt so clear-headed in her life. She was going to the slay the beast for her sister, and for those little girls upstairs.
37
Emer
31st October 2011
Henry had been right. It was perfect walking weather. A crisp, bright fall day, not a breath of wind.
‘I’m off out for a hike again this afternoon,’ Emer told Susannah as she brought her breakfast. Now her patient accepted it in bed every day. No comment made.
Susannah pushed around her toast and jam. Looked up at her.
‘You’re not going for a big long hike on your own are you, Emer? That’s not wise.’
‘No, of course not.’
‘Who are you going with?’
She thought about telling her the truth, but Henry had been adamant this would be a bad idea. She didn’t want to upset Susannah, and besides, she needed to meet him right now, before things went any further. Tell him that in fact they were not dating.
‘Shirley from the diner,’ she said quickly, because she couldn’t think of anyone else on Vinalhaven apart from Peggy Steel, who was in the library all day.
‘Shirley?’ Susannah looked at her in astonishment. ‘She doesn’t strike me as much of a hiker. Where you going?’
‘Don’t know.’ Emer shrugged her shoulders. ‘She’s surprising me by taking me to her favourite place on Vinalhaven.’
‘Okay, well, be careful of the ticks! Don’t go off the trail.’
As soon as she got in his pick- up, Henry gave her a big kiss on the lips. It took her by surprise and his mouth banged against her teeth.
‘Ouch!’ He grimaced.
‘Sorry,’ she found herself apologising to him. Then was immediately cross with herself. Why was she saying sorry to Henry for giving her an unwanted kiss?
Before she had a chance to say anything, he was speeding off down the road, chattering away about the place they were going to.
‘Okay so, my number one place on Vinalhaven is Big Tip Toe Mountain,’ he told her as they drove along the island roads. ‘It has the most fabulous panoramic views of the whole of Penobscot Bay. You’re going to love it.’
He put a hand on her thigh, gave it a squeeze. She began to wish she’d arranged to meet him in town in the diner.
‘Henry, you know I had to take the morning-after pill yesterday?
‘But why did you do that, baby?’ he asked her as he parked the pick-up, turning off the ignition and looking at her with concern. ‘You didn’t tell me.’
‘I texted you, and you texted back! Although I suppose you didn’t respond about that in particular.’ She wanted to say, You sent me all these lovey-dovey gushy messages, but stopped herself. That would be mean.
‘I didn’t get any texts from you,’ he said. ‘God, I’m so sorry, because you didn’t need to do that.’
He took a breath, looked out of the windshield. Took one hand off the steering wheel and held her hand.
‘One of the reasons Mandy left me is she wanted kids,’ he sighed. ‘We tried for years. Had tests. My sperm count is non-existent.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ Emer said, colouring and feeling immediately awful. ‘But at your place, you were talking about wanting to have lots of kids?’
‘It’s just a dream,’ he said. ‘But you know, I want to adopt when the time is right.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘When I meet the right lady.’
She didn’t know what to say. Guilt washed over her. She should have trusted him.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she whispered.
‘It’s okay,’ he said, turning to her. He leant over and kissed her on the cheek. ‘Let’s not talk about it any more. Let’s just have a good time, right?’
They set off on the trail, bypassing Middle Tip Toe Mountain, and scrambling over rock ledges to reach the top of Big Tip Toe. She found herself slipping in her old boots, and Henry took her hand, helped her up to the top. It was worth the climb. He was right, the view was panoramic. She could see the whole of Penobscot Bay, the islands and the ocean from the northwest all the way to the east. Henry walked right over to the edge of the summit, and she followed him tentatively. It was a vertical drop all the way down. She stepped back, feeling a little dizzy.
Henry took off his rucksack and started taking things out. Much to her consternation he’d brought a picnic – sandwiches, cake and chips – and now he spread them out on a gingham cloth, with two bottles of beer. He really had gone to a lot of trouble. Which made the task of telling him there was no hope for them even harder.
‘Oh shoot,’ he said, looking embarrassed. ‘I don’t know how I forgot you’re vegan; I made egg sandwiches.’
‘That’s okay,’ she said, picking up the beer and taking a swig to fill the emptiness in her stomach.
‘Will you not have one anyway?’ he asked. ‘The eggs are free range.’
‘No, I’m fine,’ she said, although she was starving. She took one of the packs of chips and ripped it open.
‘I won’t tell anyone,’ he said, winking at her. ‘Maybe you should? I mean, you’re very thin.’
‘I don’t want one,’ she said tersely, offended by his comment.
‘Suit yourself,’ he said, biting into his egg sandwich and munching away happily.
She drank the whole bottle of beer quickly, which she knew was stupid on an empty stomach, but she needed some Dutch courage. Henry finished his sandwich, and put his arm around her shoulder. She could smell his eggy breath as he leant in and tried to kiss her. She pulled away, wriggled free from his embrace and stood up.
‘Hey, sorry,’ he said, looking up at her. ‘What’s up?’
‘I’m not in the mood for kissing,’ she said.
‘Is it the sandwiches, honey? We’ll go. I’ll get you some fries at the diner in town.’
She shook her head.
‘It’s not that,’ she said, taking a breath. ‘I’m sorry, but this whole thing is going too fast.’
He stood up and walked over to her. Took her hand. ‘I know, it’s scary, but what we have is so powerful – why wait?’
‘But what is it we have?’
He looked genuinely surprised. Picked up her hand and kissed it, looking into her eyes.
‘I’m in love with you, Emer,’ he said, to her horror. ‘It’s the real thing.’
‘Henry,’ she said, pulling her hand away. ‘I’m so sorry, but I don’t feel the same way.’
He stared at her, the smile slowly fading from his face.
‘But we made love all night,’ he said. ‘What was that?’
Emer tried to speak as kindly as she could, although all she wanted to do was get away from him.
‘I know, I was drunk and stoned, and so sad about my sister…’
‘You used me?’ he asked her, coldness creeping into his voice. ‘You still in love with your ex?’
‘No,’ she lied, shaking her head. ‘It’s nothing to do with him. You’re just—’
‘What am I?’ he interrupted, an edge to his voice she’d never detected before.
‘Too much,’ she said, emphatically. It was time to be clear. ‘Too soon. I feel suffocated.’
Henry’s face coloured. He looked angry.
‘She got at you, didn’t she, that old lezzy bitch?’
‘What are you talking about?’ Emer asked, confused by the dramatic change in tone of his voice.
‘You know what I mean. Susannah Olsen. Lying, conniving old cow.’
Emer felt as if she’d been smacked in the face, she was so shocked. ‘This has nothing to do with Susannah.’
‘Of course it does! She broke me and Lynsey up, and now she’s getting in the way of us.’
‘No, Henry, Susannah doesn’t even know I’m out with you.’
The charming, chilled-out man of the woods had been replaced by a jilted lover, angry and mean. ‘Everyone on the island kn
ows what she really did,’ he said. ‘They all kept quiet because you never tell on another islander, but we all know.’
For the first time all afternoon, Emer didn’t feel safe. She must have been crazy to put herself in this position.
‘I want to go back now,’ Emer said, in a quiet voice. But Henry ignored her. He kicked her rejected sandwich off the side of the hill and she watched as it fell through the branches of the trees.
‘I’m going, then,’ she said, trying to stay calm and making for the trail. As she began to clamber down, her heart was pounding in her chest.
‘Ask her about what really happened to her sister’s husband!’ Henry called out to Emer.
She stopped walking, turned around, feeling her breath tight in her chest. She knew she should move on, ignore his taunt, but her curiosity got the better of her.
‘How do you know about all of that?’
‘Matthew was my uncle. My father was his brother, Silas Young,’ he said, taking a step towards her. ‘That’s why she put an end to Lynsey and I. Sent her off to stay with old friends of hers in Florida, just to stop us being together.’
Emer had frozen in her tracks. A part of her was screaming – was it Orla? – Don’t listen to him! Go now!
‘Susannah always claimed Uncle Matthew ran into the sea after Kate died. Killed himself,’ Henry continued, ranting. ‘But my dad told me he didn’t mean to hurt Kate. He loved her. It was an accident. That’s what my daddy said.’
Henry had almost reached her now. Emer began to back away. There was a look in his eyes completely unfamiliar to her.
‘My Uncle Matthew loved his girls more than anything in the world. He wouldn’t have drowned himself. Not Uncle Matt, he wasn’t a coward.’
A murder of crows took off from the tops of the trees, cawing loudly. Emer edged away again.
‘It was Susannah who killed Uncle Matt. In revenge for what happened to Kate. She’s the murderer, not him.’
38
Susannah
September 1966
The body was so heavy she had to get her mother to help her. She put every ounce of strength into dragging it across the garden as quickly as she could. Her brother-in-law hadn’t been a big man, but he was all sinew, apart from the beer gut. She tried not to look at his face, nor to think of him as a human being as she and her mother flipped him over and into their small row boat. The horror of the last hour seemed surreal, but she was only too conscious of the fact that Silas might turn up any minute wondering why his brother wasn’t at The Sand Bar. For once, her mother was speechless, working almost as a machine as she helped Susannah weigh the body down with granite rocks. Once Susannah was ready to launch the boat, she gave her mother quick instructions.
‘Go back to the girls,’ she said. ‘Give them some lunch.’
‘But Kate?’ Her mother pointed to the still form beneath the white sheet. Her face was pale with shock, and she was shaking non-stop. Susannah wanted to scream again with loss, but held it in. It helped to remind herself of what this monster had done to her sister. He deserved to be dropped to the bottom of the ocean and eaten up by fishes.
‘When I get back, we’ll get the cops,’ she said. ‘But wait till I’m back. ‘
She pulled the outboard and it sputtered to life. Praying none of their neighbours were looking out of their windows, she sped out of their small cove to sea, bumping up and down on the choppy water in her haste.
The official story went like this: Susannah had arrived on the morning ferry to discover her mother and nieces cowering upstairs in terror, her sister murdered in the garden and her brother-in-law gone. The boat had still been there, so all she could assume was that after he’d killed his wife, his shame had driven him into the ocean and his own self-inflicted end.
For days after they’d taken Kate’s body away to the mainland for an autopsy, Susannah had sat staring out of the kitchen window at the sea, half-expecting to see her brother-in-law emerge from the ocean like a sea-monster and come to wreak his revenge on her family. Silas visited often, and was all over her. Constantly questioning her about where she thought Matthew might have gone. Implying Kate’s death had been an accident. Susannah knew that Matthew’s family didn’t believe her. Especially Silas. Every time she went into town to market, she felt the eyes of the whole island on her. They were a spectacle. She couldn’t wait until the cops had concluded their investigation and they were free to leave.
When she’d sent Ava a telegram with the news that her sister and brother-in-law were dead, Ava had immediately offered to come get them all in the Ford. But Susannah had stopped her. She didn’t want Ava to be dragged into anything on the island. She’d sent a hasty telegram back. They would come soon. If not her mother, then she and her nieces. She was going to take the girls as far away as she could from the island. Rebecca was so little that hopefully she’d remember nothing of the night of the storm. But she was worried about Lynsey. She kept asking for her mom. And crying when Susannah tried to explain she’d gone to the angels. Some days, it was hard even to get up. Susannah would curl up in bed with Lynsey and Rebecca. The three of them under the sheets.
As for her mother, it was as if the events during the storm had dislodged something in her mind. She kept asking Susannah where Kate was. Or even calling her Kate, sometimes. And every day at three, she’d run into the kitchen and start boiling a pot of water.
‘Better get the potatoes on, Kate,’ she’d call out to Susannah. ‘He’ll be back soon.’
‘Mom, it’s Susannah,’ she’d reassure her, taking the pot out of her hand. ‘He’s not coming back. Not ever.’
Her mom would start to tremble as she remembered the night of the storm.
‘Oh, Susie,’ she sobbed, ‘he killed our Katie.’
The two of them would embrace. In the losing of her mother’s mind, Susannah had never felt closer to her.
Finally, six weeks after the murder, the case was closed and they were allowed to bury Kate. There had been no sign of Matthew Young since the night of the storm. A national manhunt had been set up, but seeing as he had not been seen on the ferries that day, nor had he taken his boat, it was assumed he’d committed suicide by walking into the ocean.
Ava drove up all the way from New York for the funeral. Susannah fell into her arms in relief. She’d been holding it together for her mom and the girls for so long. To see Ava broke her.
‘It’s gonna be okay,’ Ava kept saying, stroking her hair.
But nothing was ever going to be okay again. Susannah had to carry a deep, dark secret to her grave. It would eat away at her own life, and it would shadow the lives of all around her. No matter how much she wanted to, she could never tell Ava what had really happened to Kate’s husband.
A storm blew up the day of the funeral, but it didn’t stop the islanders coming out to show their respects. Everyone had loved Kate. Matthew’s family stood a little apart, Silas and Rachel, pregnant again, with three small children hanging off her. Rachel was sobbing but she didn’t go over to Susannah and speak to her. Just kept staring at the coffin, devastation etched on her worn-out face. Susannah didn’t want the Youngs there, but she couldn’t be bothered with Silas’ antagonism if she told him to go. As it was, Silas was giving her dirty looks, especially when Ava put her hand in hers. But she didn’t care. She was leaving Vinalhaven soon, and forever. She and Ava would raise her sister’s girls in New York and ensure they would never become the victim their mother had been.
As Kate’s coffin was lowered into the ground, the rain lashed into them and their neighbours cowered in the downpour. The deluge mirrored Susannah’s sorrow, extreme and intense, biting her with icy cold down to the bone.
That night, Susannah and Ava’s love-making was the most intense surrender Susannah had ever experienced. Without words, Ava took her loss into her own heart, and held her. Susannah sobbed in her arms, wishing she could tell Ava the truth. But she knew she never could.
The next morning, after brea
kfast with her nieces, Susannah announced to the girls they were going on an exciting journey with Aunty Susie and Aunty Ava to the great New York City.
Rebecca didn’t understand what was going on, but Lynsey frowned.
‘We can’t leave Mom,’ she said, a fierce expression on her face.
‘We’ll come back and visit her once a year,’ Susannah lied. She had no intention of ever returning to Vinalhaven.
‘But what about Granny?’
‘She’s coming with us,’ Susannah reassured her niece.
Her mom turned from the sink, her arms covered to the elbows in suds. ‘We’re not going anywhere, Susie,’ she said, her mouth set in a grim, determined line.
‘I told you, Mom,’ Susannah said patiently. ‘It’s for the best for the girls. You don’t want this hanging over them for the rest of their lives.’
‘We belong here.’
Her mom looked quite lucid. But last night, after the funeral, she had agreed wholeheartedly they should pack up home and go to New York. It would be a squeeze in the little apartment in Brooklyn, Ava had said, but cosy, and they’d find something bigger soon. Ava’s job was going well. It would only be a matter of time before she was promoted, and Susannah had her lectureship in Columbia starting when she got back.
‘I’m staying here. With Katie,’ her mom said, adamant.
‘But you said it was a good idea last night,’ Susannah told her as Ava locked eyes with her in alarm. They needed Susannah’s mom to come with them to mind the girls while they were both at work. Besides, no matter how mad Susannah was with her mom, she really didn’t want to leave her alone to deal with the Youngs.
‘We’re island women,’ her mom said. ‘You, me, Katie, Lynsey and Rebecca. But she don’t belong here.’ She pointed at Ava. ‘Get her to go!’
‘Mom, stop it, you’re not making sense,’ Susannah said, getting up from the table. But her mom pushed past her.
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