by V J Lee
“I’m sorry, Rissa, it just happened, and I need to …” He couldn’t say the words, but Rissa could.
She turned around to face him, saying, “I know you need to be there for your son and his mother. You need to take care of your family, and I respect that. That’s why I love you so much. It’s easy to walk away from a situation like yours. What’s hard is sticking it out and being a father, being a family and working hard to make that family work. No one is going to be mad at you for that, and if they do, I’ll kick their ass. I’m just surprised it didn’t happen sooner. You cost me fifty bucks in the pool.”
Trevor’s guilt turned to anger. Rissa had expected him to cheat with Petra? “You thought I would cheat? And you bet against me in one of those stupid fucking office pools?”
“I prayed you wouldn’t. I hoped it would never happen. But you have a history with Petra—she breaks your heart, you go back to her. She leaves, and you wait for her until she comes back. This has been how your relationship with her has gone, so it was inevitable.” Rissa crossed her arms over her chest. “I wanted to be enough for you. I hoped that I was your one true love, like you are mine. But as soon as Petra walked back into your life with that perfect little boy, I knew we were doomed.” She sadly shook her head. “I know I should have let you go right away, but I was selfish, keeping you just one more day, wanting you to make love to me just one more time, and getting to spend more time with Jacob. So, I knew it wasn’t a matter of if you went back to her, just a matter of when.”
He moved to touch her, but she backed away from him. He rubbed his hand back and forth across his jawline instead. “Riss, I will always love you.”
Rissa made a disgusted noise in the back of her throat. “Please don’t say that to me right now. I’m doing everything in my power to be strong, and that just makes it harder. You may think you love me, but you can’t have a life with anyone else, until you get her out of your system. Maybe she really is the one for you. I can only wish you and her the best. Your son is very lucky to have a mom and dad who love him so much, not to mention how lucky you two are to have a wonderful son like him.” She shrugged. “As for the pool, they kept it away from me as long as they could. But once I found it, I put my name on three weeks. Jock won. He said if anyone could change the way you felt about Petra, it was me, but that six months was as long as you could resist her. He was right.”
“I know there is nothing I can do to make things better, but what can I do to make things easier? I do want you to stay in the house.”
“Thanks for that. I will pay rent. How much is a fair price?”
“Are you kidding me? No fucking way are you paying rent to me for your home, our home! It’s paid off in full. You stay here as long as you want. Take care of it like I know you will.”
Shaking her head made her ponytail bounce around her face, when she said, “No. It’s not our home anymore. I will take some money and put it away for Jacob if you won’t accept rent. Which brings me to the only thing I want from you … I just want to spend some time with Jacob. I would like to be able to see him every once in a while. I want to keep his room just as it is, and I want him to stay with me now and again. I love him so much and would be missing a piece of me if I couldn’t see him.”
Then she looked down to her right ring finger at the smoky quartz and rose gold ring trimmed in diamonds—the ring he gave her when he told her he would love her forever. He was too chicken shit to ever buy her an engagement ring like she deserved. Maybe part of him knew he would end up with Petra.
Trevor followed her eyes, understanding where her mind was going. “Please keep it. It’s yours.”
“The promise is kind of gone now, though.”
“I’m so …” She just shook her head and he couldn’t say the words. “Riss, I would never take Jacob away from you. He loves you as much as you love him.” She just nodded her head, then turned her back to him. She was done talking.
When Trevor went home and told Petra it was done, he had never seen her look happier. The next day on the way to work, all she could talk about was how shocked everyone would be that they were back together—and about how horrible Rissa would look with swollen eyes, dark circles and a red nose. She even asked if he thought she would call in sick to work.
No one was shocked. Everyone knew. Rissa looked gorgeous, as usual. She even brought in homemade cupcakes. He was the only one who knew how she baked when she was happy, sad, mad or pissed off. The scene of Rissa looking fresh and beautiful with delicious cupcakes stuck in Petra’s craw. She wanted to affect her. She wanted to win. But Rissa wasn’t playing.
“I want you to cut all ties with her completely,” Petra scolded. “That means even the ones with Jacob. If you don’t, you will never see either one of us again. It’s either her or us.” With that, she turned on her expensive heel and stalked to her office.
So, for the second time in two days, he had to break Rissa’s heart. “Um, Riss? Petra and I have talked about it at great lengths, and we feel that it’s in Jacob’s best interest if you don’t have any contact with him any longer.” Hurt flashed briefly in her green eyes, but then she just patted his cheek, gave him a sad smile, and walked away.
* * *
Trevor didn’t know how long Jock had been gone, or how long he had been standing there, caught up in his own thoughts, reliving his worst nightmare. As soon as he emerged from the conference room, his best bud was there, waiting for him.
“Hey, Stupid. How’s it going? Get laid last night?” Steve always asked him the same question. When he was with Rissa, Trevor would just smile big and say, “The things I did to that woman.” Rissa liked having sex with him. She liked making love to him, and yes, at times she liked fucking. Petra preferred “vanilla” sex. Missionary style. The only time she put him in her mouth was when she wanted something. Rissa used to say that she had dreams of sucking him dry. Now, he just rolled his eyes at the other man. Steve had started calling him Stupid since his break-up with Rissa.
“So, Stupid … tell me, how long do I have to wait, before I ask Rissa out?”
Before Trevor even realized what he was doing, he had the large, muscle-laden blond up against the wall, holding him by his throat. “Never!” Trevor growled. “You can never ask her out. No one had better ever ask her out.”
Steve laughed. “Kind of hypocritical of you, don’t you think? You can go around flaunting your relationship with Petra in her face, but you don’t want her to be with anyone else?”
Releasing his friend, he argued, “I don’t flaunt my relationship in her face. That’s all Petra. She wants to dig the knife in a little deeper every damn day, and I don’t know why. Rissa is nothing but sweet and kind. Never would she say a bad word about anyone.” Trevor shook his head. “She doesn’t deserve the way Petra treats her. She doesn’t deserve how I treated her. But I don’t want someone else to have what I never will again. Yes, that makes me a selfish bastard, but I don’t really care.”
His friend was as tall as he was, if not taller. Trevor was six-foot-two and three-quarters, or six-three, as he told everyone. Steve was a true six-foot-three, so they stood eye-to-eye. Steve’s baby blues bore into Trevor’s hazels with purpose.
“You know I would never do anything to fuck up our friendship. We have been through thick and thin—not to mention your six breakups with Petra. But I can’t say the same thing for the Washington brothers. As soon as they heard you broke it off with Rissa, they both dumped their flavors of the month, so they would be freed up to ask her out.” Steve ran a big hand through his blond crew cut. “You see, if you let me have a crack at her, then you wouldn’t have to worry about anyone else hurting her. I would marry that woman in a heartbeat and give her as many babies as she wanted.”
Trevor knew finding love was hard, but finding love when you were with the Agency was even harder. You couldn’t tell any civilians what you did or who you worked for, and women who did work in the Agency were scarce. Rissa was a catch outside
the Agency, but inside of it, she was the hottest commodity on the planet, and every red-blooded male would be gunning to make a wife out of her. Again, like a reflex, Trevor’s hand rose and tightened around his buddy’s throat.
Chapter 2
Rissa was in the quiet office all alone. The day shift had been gone for an hour and the night shift wouldn’t be in for another two hours. The agents usually sat in the same room with the desks pushed together, so they were back to back. Everyone, that is, except for Petra and Trevor—they had their own private office in the back of the building. Petra claimed she needed quiet to talk to her insiders. Oh yeah, and because she and Trevor couldn’t keep their hands off of each other, so they needed privacy.
The air conditioner kicked on, blowing a cool breeze across her skin, causing goosebumps. The whole office still smelled of stale coffee and dirty feet. Half the agents would take their shoes off while making calls, or checking out facts on the computer.
“Wrissa, Wrissa, wanna kiss ya,” sang a soft young voice, breaking the silence and sending Rissa’s heart fluttering.
“Lobe ya, Jacob Wacob!” Rissa sang in return. Then the little boy flung himself into her lap, as his arms wrapped around her neck in a death grip, surprisingly strong for his tiny frame. She turned her head, so he could kiss her cheek. “I miss you, Wrissa.”
“Oh, little man, I miss you, too. Why are you here?” He shrugged his little shoulders. “Here’s some paper and colored pencils, Jacob. You draw while I talk to Lizzy, okay?” She took out the box of colored pencils she always kept for him in the bottom of her desk drawer and then handed him some printer paper.
Rising from her chair, Rissa came face-to-face with panic in the other woman’s dark brown eyes. Grabbing her by the shoulders, Rissa asked, “What’s the matter? Another threat against Jacob?”
Shaking her head and relaxing her tightened expression, Lizzy said, “Oh, no. Nothing like that. I told Petra that I needed to be out of here by six, because I have a big date.” Lizzy had been an agent who gave up field work to work in the daycare at the Agency.
“With David?”
She smiled, her huge eyes lighting up. “Yes, the one and only. He finally asked me out. I tried calling her, then texting, but she’s not answering me. She and Trevor are probably … uh, never mind. Sorry.”
“No worries, I get it.” Rissa shrugged her slim shoulders. “What do you want me to do about it? I’m not supposed to have any contact with Jacob.”
“I texted Trevor. He said he would be here in like twenty, and that it would be okay to leave Jacob here with you. Is that all right?” she asked, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow.
“Are you kidding? Of course, it is. You go on and get out of here. Get ready for that date. Just promise you’ll tell me all the dirty details later.”
“You are such a life-saver, Riss. I will tell you everything!” Lizzy ran for the door.
Rissa pulled another chair up to her desk, sitting down next to the other love of her life. “What are you drawing, little man?”
“Somptin’ ‘pecial for you to put up.”
“Nice! I haven’t gotten a picture from you in like forever.”
He cocked his little head up at her big brown eyes, confused. “I gibed mom one to gibe you.”
“Hmm, I haven’t seen her in a while. She will give it to me later I bet.”
“Did you know I’m going to get dressed up nice like my daddy?”
“You are, are you? Why is that?” she asked, as she drew a tree on her own paper.
“Ummm, I don’t know how to say it, but after, dere is a party and daddy has to dance wit’ mommy an’ I gonna dance, too.”
“You get to go dancing after you get dressed up like your daddy?”
“Yup! Oh, oh, oh, and dere will be cake at the pardy. So we get dressed nice, den dance and eat lots and lots a’ cake.”
“So, are your mommy and daddy getting married? Are you going to be in a wedding?” Rissa asked, carefully.
He looked at her through the curls that fell over his big brown eyes. “Yes, Wrissa, dat’s it! You know what it is.” His whole face lit up, and he bounced up and down in his chair. “Will you come and dance wit me?”
“I don’t know, sweetheart. I’m working at night now.”
“Is that why I don’t see you no more? I want me and Daddy to ‘pend the night wit’ you again sometime, okay?”
She brushed the blond curls from his eyes. “Well, sweet man, I work when you are asleep, then when you are awake, I’m sleeping.”
“Oh, but maybe for da pardy thing you can take a day off, so you can dance wit’ me.”
“Hey, little man! Whatcha doing there?” Rissa turned to the doorway where Trevor stood. Jeans, green T-shirt, boots, dark brown hair—long in the front, short in the back. Perfect. Painfully sexy. Breathtaking. Like Thor combined with Captain America. Ugh.
“Rissa, I’m sorry you had to find out like that.”
“You were standing there the whole time he was spilling the beans?” she asked.
“Yes. I’m sorry, I wanted to be the one to tell you.”
“You know, Trevor, it’s great when you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. The one person who makes a marriage license feel like more than just a piece of paper … that’s hard to find, so when you do, you need to keep them close and treasure them always.” Rissa turned away.
“Daddy! Daddy! Dad! Look, look what I did!” Jacob threw himself into Trevor’s arms with his drawing in hand. His daddy lifted him up, as if he weighed nothing at all.
“What do you have here, buddy?”
“A picture I drawed of you and Wrissa and me. Dis right here is our house.”
“Nice, little man. What are these?” Trevor pointed to brown squiggles on the page.
“Dem are dogs. So Wrissa won’t be all alone, now dat we are not dere. Dey come around to ‘tect her … watch out fer her.”
Trevor smiled a bit. “Rissa is strong. She can protect herself.”
“Oh, daddy.” Jacob said, exasperated. “She is a girl! She needs to be ‘tected and wiffout you and me, who gonna do it? Her need doggies so dey can ‘tect her.” He pointed a small finger at the paper. “And dis right here in da sky is bats, and dey watch out for her, too.”
Setting his son down on the ground, Trevor said, “Go potty, and then get your bag so we can go. We don’t want mommy to worry, now, do we?”
“Okay, daddy.” And off he ran.
The silence was awkward. Rissa thought they never had a problem with words before, but then again, they really didn’t need to talk anymore, did they?
Trevor started toward her, then stopped himself. “I didn’t want you to find out about the wedding like that.”
Again, Rissa shrugged. “I would rather have heard it from him than anyone else. Really, Trev, I am happy for you. I would never wish you ill will. You deserve to be with whoever will love you and make you happy. I’m glad you found that with the mother of your child. He is a great kid and deserves a great mom and dad.”
“You know I would have married you.”
She made a snorting sound. “Please don’t act like I’m stupid. You were always waiting for Petra to come back. That’s the real reason you didn’t want to marry me, even though it would have meant the world to me. Knowing how my parents felt about us living together was hard on me, but I didn’t care, as long as I had you.” Rissa sighed. “I remember when you gave me the ring … you looked at my face, thinking I was going to assume it was an engagement ring. You said, ‘it’s not what you think … you know how I feel about marriage … this ring means that I promise to love you forever.’ At that moment, I couldn’t care less about a proposal. I just wanted you to love me forever. I was never that foolish before you, and I can guarantee I will never be that foolish again.”
“You’re saying you were foolish with me?”
“I dove headfirst into a relationship with you, knowing fully that she cou
ld walk back into your life at any time and you would be gone. I wasn’t blind to it. I have no one to blame, but myself,” Rissa replied.
“Don’t say that … you did nothing wrong, ever. Any guy would be lucky to have you … fuck it. I was lucky to have you. You made me a better person.”
Rissa smiled sadly. “And you made me a stronger person. We are who we are, because of the trials we go through. Certain experiences make us smarter, and you did that for me. I learned what it felt like to be loved by a man … truly, thoroughly loved … and I will never settle for anything less. I may have known that, the minute she walked back into your life with that perfect little angel on her hip, you’d run to her, but it didn’t stop me from falling for you. And while she was out of the picture, I felt the love you had for me. You showed me every day. Thank you for that, Trevor. I love you too much to hate you for what you did to me, but just like everything else in life, that, too, will fade over time, and I will be a better person.”
He ran his hands through his hair, then over his face, as he took another step toward her. “Why can’t you just yell at me? Tell me what a fucking asshole I am? Hit me? Hell, I would even understand if you shot me.”
“So, me getting mad at you and raging against you would make you feel better, is that it? Do you need to hear how horrible you are to feel better? I’m not saying your actions weren’t wrong, because they were. You emotionally abandoned me the minute she came back. Then you physically abandoned me when you moved in with her. You halted all physical contact with me. You have belonged to her longer than you realize. I have had more time to accept it, and I have now. It is time for both of us to move on.”
Trevor reached out, grabbed her by the arms and jerked her into the hard planes of his body. They were abruptly interrupted by a male voice.
