“It’s not your fault. You should never think that, and you should never ask yourself the ‘what if’ questions.”
“The ‘what if’ questions?” Lyla looked up at him curiously.
“What if you would have come out west? What if you wouldn’t have let her leave in the first place? Those questions don’t help anyone, they just make a bad situation worse.”
Lyla nodded. James was right. She looked down at the patch of dirt where her sister was buried. It had fresh buds of grass growing over it, a sign of new growth from death.
Soon, the plot would be covered and there would be no indication that someone so special was lying under the dirt there. One day, the cross, too, would disappear back into the ground, and there would be nothing left but the memory of this moment that she would carry to her own grave.
Lyla knelt down and, below the cross, laid the wildflowers she had collected on their way over.
After she stood, she looked one last time, committing every detail to memory.
“I’m ready to go,” Lyla told James, at long last.
He nodded and, without a word, led her back the way they had come. Lyla appreciated that he didn’t ask her if she was alright.
He just walked beside her, a strong comforting presence that made her feel like she wasn’t alone. They walked in silence until they reached the wagon, and then headed toward home.
Lyla shook her head. It wasn’t really home. It was just temporary. All of this was temporary, and she had to keep that in mind.
Chapter 18
James glanced up at the sky. It was getting darker and the clouds were swirling together in a worrisome way. He knew what a storm looked like, and it seemed that this was going to be a bad one.
He sighed as raindrops began to pelt down and the wind began to howl. Kansas storms could get bad pretty fast, and with more than an hour’s worth of road between here and his ranch, he couldn’t risk it.
He turned the wagon off the road and into the woods. They were on the outskirts of his land, and he’d built a small cabin out here for ranch hands that he hoped to hire soon.
“Where are we going?” Lyla pulled her shawl tightly around her shoulders and James saw her shiver.
“There’s a place near here where we’ll wait out the storm.” James snapped the reins to move the horses faster. The storm was getting worse and there was a calm crackling feeling in the air.
Tornados were not unheard of in Kansas. He knew they couldn’t get back to the root cellar at the ranch in time. He only hoped that the shelter in the woods would be enough.
When he pulled up to the little structure, he hopped off the wagon and Lyla followed him without being asked. He led the horses and the wagon underneath the lean-to by the cabin. He tied their reins to the post and then guided Lyla around to the back of the cabin, where the door was.
It took a few minutes to get inside, and when they did, they were both already wet.
James sighed, glad to be away from the howling of the wind and the cold of the rain.
“I’ll go and grab some wood from the lean-to and we’ll get a fire started,” he said before heading out once more.
It took some time to find the dry wood from under the lean-to. By the time James got back to the cabin, any part of his clothes that had been dry were now wet.
“What is this place?” Lyla asked. She was sitting on the one bench that was against the wall.
When James had built the cabin, he hadn’t furnished it, since he didn’t yet have any ranch hands living there.
“It’s a cabin that I built for the ranch hands.”
“Aren’t you the sheriff? Why do you want to have a ranch?”
James shrugged. “I guess I don’t like town living so much. I like growing my own things. Besides, I figured I’d get me some cattle and ranch hands and they would practically run the place.” James dumped his load of wood into the fireplace. “As you can see, things haven’t exactly panned out just yet.”
“Well, it’s a good idea.” Lyla shrugged her shoulders and began to pull the bench closer to the fire that James had managed to light.
It hadn’t been easy with the slightly damp wood, but it was beginning to burn bright enough to give off some heat.
Lyla was rubbing her palms together to get warm.
“I’d give you my jacket, but I think it’s too wet to do any good,” James admitted with a laugh.
He sat down on the bench next to her and also began rubbing his palms together. Despite the fire and the structure to keep them out of the weather, he was still cold, and he could tell that Lyla was, too.
“So, do you get storms like this in Merrill?”
Lyla looked over at him. “Sometimes. I mean, not exactly like this. I was also always in town, so I was never out in a little cabin trying to get warm. But yeah, sometimes the storms there can get scary.”
James wasn’t sure if Lyla was amused or miserable.
“Do you miss your hometown?”
Lyla shook her head and a sad look filled her eyes. “Not really. My parents died a couple of years ago, so I live alone for now.”
“What about your fiancé? I mean, you won’t be alone for much longer.” James hunched his shoulders and leaned closer to the fire. For some reason, the idea of her fiancé bothered him.
“Yeah, I suppose I won’t.”
Lyla’s voice didn’t sound excited at all. In fact, it almost sounded to James as if she dreaded the change that was about to take place.
“Why are you going to marry him, if you don’t like him?” James had been wondering the real answer to this question since Lyla had mentioned she was engaged.
“I-what makes you think I don’t like him?” she looked up at him, puzzled. “I mean, I don’t really love him, but no one said I don’t like him.”
“It’s the way you talk about him. I’ve known girls who are getting married for a host of reasons, but none of them seemed to ever have as much dislike for their fiancé as you.”
“He’s rich, entitled, bossy and for some reason, I can hardly stand being around him.” Lyla huffed out a deep breath. “I bet you think I’m a pretty terrible person for marrying someone I can barely stand, don’t you?”
James pondered it a moment, knowing that the way he answered could possibly affect his growing connection with Lyla in a lot of different ways.
“No, I don’t think you’re a terrible person, but I can’t say I understand you. Marriage is to bring two people together forever because they can’t stand to be apart. Why would you marry for anything else?”
“There’s a lot of reasons to marry. No one sees a woman as a successful person on her own. Of course, everyone says the world is changing and there might be hope one day for a woman to make a living by herself, but not right now.” Lyla shook her head and placed her chin in her hands.
“Just because that’s what everyone says, that doesn’t make it true. I’ve heard of quite a few women who have gone out there and made it happen.”
“Really? I haven’t heard of many, besides widowers and criminals. I can’t end up like that, I won’t put myself into a saloon. I figure that if I have to be under a man, married right and proper, I might as well do it on my own terms.”
“Then why not marry someone you love? Someone who you actually want to spend your life with?” James caught her gaze and held it.
“Love is a lie. A man will tell you anything and love you for a day, but when it comes down to it, does anyone truly love anybody, long-term?”
James clenched his jaw. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Lyla’s eyes grew wide and she scooted a little away from him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that about you. I don’t really know you. It’s just… in my experience, men don’t exactly stick around just because they want to be a gentleman.”
“It seems your sister’s husband stuck by her.” The image of Lyla’s sister’s husband clutching his wife’s hand even as he lay dead filled James’ mind.
“Yes, I know. Maybe he was just one in a million. I didn’t know him well. Maybe there was a reason that he needed her. Doesn’t everyone need something from someone else?”
James shrugged. “I suppose that it makes sense that people marry for a mutual benefit, but there is also love. It’s a feeling that makes your heart ache when the other person is upset with you or when you are away from them. There is nothing like it, and you can’t really know what it’s like until you feel it.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Lyla stretched her arms in front of her and then twisted a little so James could see her better. “But I thought I felt love once, and it was a lie. I can’t let myself be fooled a second time.”
Lyla’s hair sparkled from the light of the fireplace and her lips turned upward in a becoming way. James leaned in slightly, liking the closeness he felt with her in this moment.
“I don’t know who hurt you or made you believe that love isn’t possible for you, but they were the dumbest person alive. Any man would be lucky as gold to be with you.”
Realizing what he’d said, James stood quickly and walked across the small cabin to stand by the window. The rain was showing no sign of letting up, and the horses were getting anxious.
After several moments of silence, James glanced back at Lyla, who was still sitting on the bench, her arms wrapped around her like she was hugging herself.
Why was his heart beating so fast? Why had he said that? He believed it, for sure, but he hadn’t meant to say it out loud.
He hadn’t allowed himself to think about the attraction he felt for Lyla. It seemed almost like a betrayal to Alice.
How many times had people told him it was time to move on and find a different woman?
But James had always refused out of loyalty to his late wife. Now, he had started to feel for a woman without anyone’s prompting or anything being ideal.
In fact, Lyla was the last woman on earth he had expected to feel anything for. James shook his head. Even if he really was starting to care about Lyla, he had to keep those feelings locked away.
Lyla was going to be married to another man, and she seemed determined to do it no matter what anyone said. If he let his heart roam free, he was just asking for it to be broken.
Chapter 19
Lyla blinked her eyes, rapidly trying to adjust them to the bright sunlight. She was usually up before the sun. Why was she always so tired lately? It seemed like every day, she had to take a nap.
She had been more and more tired over the last few days, and there were other small things she had noticed, too, like feeling too sick to eat and getting angry at everyone for no reason.
It had been almost three months since she had seen Frank, and she had come to a bitter realization and acceptance that he just wasn’t coming back.
Mary had tried to console her, and the people around her didn’t understand why she was in such a bad mood all the time. Lately, Lyla didn’t know either.
As she stood, the room swam around her and Lyla barely made it to the basin sitting on her table in time to empty the few contents of her stomach.
She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She must have caught a sickness from someone in the market or something.
Lyla groaned. She hated being sick. Maybe she would go and visit Mary. Her mother was going to be busy helping her father with events at church the rest of the day. She wasn’t going to have any time for Lyla anyway, and Lyla didn’t want to worry her with her illness.
Lyla hurried into her clothes and, after saddling up her horse, began the long ride to her sister’s house. Mary lived all the way on the other side of town. Lyla hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast. The thought of food made her feel worse, and she quickly tried to think of something else.
She was going to get through this sickness just like she had gotten through everything else that had happened in her life recently. Then, she was going to make a plan to fix her life. She didn’t need Frank. She didn’t need love.
Soon, summer would start, and she would go stay with her sister for a few months to help them with their crops and to visit before school started again. Her parents would be going on trips to other towns for weddings and special events that required a reverend, and she preferred to spend that time with Mary. She hoped she would feel better before then.
“Is the storm letting up yet?” Lyla asked, realizing she was still in the little cabin with James. She must have fallen asleep on the bench.
She wasn’t sure how many hours it had been or what time it was. She did know that she was nearly dry and was beginning to almost feel warm enough to be comfortable again.
James was still standing by the window, where he had been when she had fallen asleep.
“It’s still going, but I think it’s died down a little. We should be able to get back home soon,” James told her.
A twinge of sadness struck Lyla. It wasn’t her home. Did she really even have a home? She thought of the little room she had at the back of the restaurant back in Merrill. That was the closest thing to home she had.
She blushed as her gaze met James’. She remembered the way he’d leaned towards her and the words he’d said.
Don’t let his kindness get to you. It can’t be for real. He only wants Joey.
Lyla couldn’t let herself feel anything for James. He had made it clear from the beginning that his only goal was to get Joey to stay with him. Maybe he had decided to resort to flattery.
Lyla stood from the bench and stretched, then paced back and forth a few times to get the blood moving through her body.
Soon, she felt quite comfortable and warm from her movement.
“It will be night soon, but the rain is also almost done. We should head back.” James’s voice was low and gruff.
“At least we were able to be warm for a little while.” Lyla looked at the fire longingly.
She didn’t like the idea of going back out into the drizzly wet weather, but at least it wasn’t pouring anymore.
If they stayed here, she might be warm, but it meant spending the night in the cabin all night with James alone, and she certainly wasn’t comfortable with that idea.
She pulled her shawl tightly around her shoulders and stood by the door while James put the fire out.
“Are you ready?” he asked, joining Lyla by the cabin’s entrance.
Lyla took a deep breath when she realized how close they were standing.
Unable to say anything, she nodded and waited for him to open the door. When she stepped outside, a gust of cold wind and little prickles of drizzle hit her face, making her want to turn back to the warm room behind her. The temperature had dropped significantly, and she wasn’t dressed for the cold weather.
It wasn’t nearly as bad as it had been when they had first sought shelter, but it was bad enough to be very uncomfortable.
“Here!” James called loudly over the wind. He reached out and wrapped his large coat around Lyla’s smaller shoulders before she could say anything in protest.
“Are you sure?” Lyla was uncertain. She didn’t want James to be cold, but his coat felt so good despite it being wet. It reached just above her knees and seemed to wrap her body in what warmth remained from the fire. Still, her teeth had begun to chatter in the cold.
A Treasure Brought by Fate: A Historical Western Romance Book Page 14
