She was glad that she was staying with her sister for a few months. In less than three months, she would be welcoming a new life into the world, and her parents would just not understand if they knew.
No excitement filled her heart and no smile touched her lips. This wasn’t how she had imagined bearing children. She was supposed to have a loving husband at home.
She was supposed to be living with him in their own little townhouse, with their own parlor and a place prepared for their child. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Lyla looked up as Mary and her husband entered the room. Her sister had a strange look on her face, a mix between excitement and grief.
“We-we’d be more than happy to take the baby,” Mary said with a quick glance at Henry.
Lyla met Henry’s gaze and found only sympathy there. “You know how long we’ve wanted a baby, but we never would have wished this on you…not in a million years. If you want to change your mind and keep the baby, we will support you.”
Lyla’s heart swelled with love for her brother-in-law and her sister, who was nodding in agreement. She couldn’t ask for better parents for her unborn child.
“No, I’ve already made up my mind. I don’t want the baby. I can’t keep it. You know no one would understand.” Lyla couldn’t bring herself to say much more than that for a few moments. She felt as if she would lose control and burst into tears.
“I love this baby already. Every single kick I feel and every time he or she moves in my stomach makes me love it more. But I don’t deserve it. I never should have trusted Frank. What have I done?” Lyla sank into a nearby chair and let herself lean into her sister, who sat down, too, and wrapped her arms around Lyla.
“This isn’t your fault. You should have been more careful, but you didn’t really know better.” Mary shook her head and bit her lower lip.
“We could raise the baby and let him or her know you were its mother. You could still see the baby, have a relationship with it. No one would have to know.” Henry was speaking again now, his voice low and comforting.
“No. I know that what I’m about to ask you is unfair and cruel, but I think it would be for the best,” Lyla began, ready to reveal her plan to her sister.
Mary and her husband exchanged glances and then looked at her, urging her to go on with their silent stares.
“I don’t want to know him. I don’t want to see him grow up. I know that I don’t deserve him. I know that I failed him, but I can’t live with that thought every single day.
“How would I stand it when I hold him, and he calls someone else mama?” More tears poured down her face and her sister wiped them away. “What will I do when I see him growing and I regret giving him up? How will I live with myself when I feel him hug me, and know that I gave that away?”
“Lyla, you deserve to know your son or daughter.” Henry looked as if he disapproved of her plan already, and Lyla’s heart filled with love for him. It seemed her sister had found the one good man on the planet.
“And it’s not fair to the baby, either,” Lyla continued. “He or she will be confused and feel like I didn’t want them. If the baby grows up with parents, he will never feel that way. I need you guys to promise, once the baby is born, you’ll take him or her somewhere far away from here. Take him to a good place where he can grow up and have friends and you guys can live without the shadows of the past hanging over you every single day.”
Lyla looked up to see a relieved look pass through Mary’s eyes. Her first reaction was to feel anger, but she pushed it away. She knew it was for the best—for her, for the baby, and for them.
They should be a family without the fear of her child falling in love with her more than with them. She didn’t deserve a baby. They had tried for seven years, and she had been given one she hadn’t even asked for.
Somehow, in a twist of cruelty, fate had placed a baby in the wrong place—and Lyla could set it right.
Henry sighed. “I suppose we did talk about going west to Missouri for a time.”
Mary nodded. “This is your decision, Lyla, and we will honor whatever you want us to do. You have to know that while my heart is breaking for you, you are giving us the greatest gift there is to give and, for that, I will always be indebted to you.”
Lyla felt as though she’d relived the entire thing while she told James about her past. When she stopped talking, the silence seemed to suffocate her. “Say something,” she practically whispered.
“It’s just a lot to process. It was a tough choice that you made,” James said. “But I understand why you did it. It was the right thing to do at the time. But that time is past.”
Lyla kept her eyes down and didn’t look at James. He must think she was a terrible person. How could he even stand to be in the same room as her?
“Now, do you see how it was my fault? I sent them out here to die. It was the only reason they came out here.”
James shook his head and Lyla gasped as he reached out and gripped her shoulders. “Lyla, listen to me. Your sister and brother-in-law knew what they were doing. They chose to come out here, and they raised a wonderful boy for the last seven years. And now, he has come back to you.”
Lyla raised her eyes to meet James’ gaze. She was surprised to find his were full of compassion.
“If I had been them in that situation, the moment I died I would have thanked God for every single second he gave me with that child, and the only thing I would have regretted was leaving him alone.”
Lyla shook her head. “They shouldn’t have died. They were good people. If anyone deserved to die, it should have been me.”
James’s grip tightened on her and his voice was thick with emotion. “Don’t ever say that about yourself. I don’t know why God chooses to take certain people when he does, but those of us who are left behind have to deal with that choice. It’s not our fault, and there’s nothing we could have done. Do you think your sister would have wanted you to live miserably, destroyed by her death?”
Lyla shook her head reluctantly. How could she listen to the words James was saying? They went against everything that she had convinced herself to believe.
“I don’t know if I can just let it go. They raised him, they loved him, and they wanted him. What did I do to deserve that?” Lyla felt the desire to cry but no tears came. She had already cried everything she had inside of her.
“Lyla, you may not have been ready for a child when you were seventeen, but you’re older now. You know so much more. Don’t let the past enslave you to a miserable future. Joey loves you, my mother loves you, and I love you.”
Lyla drew in a quick breath. Had James just said that he loved her? James looked just as shocked as she felt.
“Do you mean that?” Lyla’s words were shaky.
“I do. I know this isn’t the right time. I didn’t want to tell you and make this about something else, but I wanted to ask you to stay, to stay here with me on my ranch and marry me. Be a mother to Joey more than you already are.”
“I don’t know…I need some time to think about it, to think about all of this.”
James nodded, but Lyla didn’t miss the quick flicker of disappointment in his eyes.
Her heart pounded hard in her chest as he leaned in and gave her a quick embrace. “You’re not alone anymore, Lyla. You need to know that you’re not alone. Think about it for as long as you need and when you want to talk about it, I’ll be waiting.”
Lyla sat there, stunned, as James stood up and left the barn. She couldn’t bring herself to move for several moments. What had just happened? She’d just spilled every single thing that she’d kept locked away for years, and instead of telling her to leave and never come back, he’d professed his love to her and asked her to marry him.
Lyla wasn’t sure whether to laugh or to cry. Instead, she stood up and walked out of the barn. The sun was high in the sky and shinning down brightly, the birds were singing, and the chickens were scratching around in their co
op, unaware of the life-changing things that were happening around them.
As if in a daze, Lyla walked toward the road to town. She wasn’t sure where she was going or why. She only knew that she needed to somehow sort out all the tangled threads of thought that were now tumbling about in her brain.
She tried to focus on one thing at a time. Could she even consider staying?
Keith would be furious. And the idea of Keith furious, realizing she wasn’t coming back, made her smile just a bit. A man like him was used to getting what he wanted. In fact, Lyla wasn’t sure he’d ever had something denied to him in his entire life.
Maybe staying was an option. If she did, should she really marry James? Did he really love her? Maybe he just wanted to marry her to secure that Joey would stay in his life.
The endless circular thoughts overwhelmed her. What should she do? Every potential decision would have consequences. How could she possibly make the right choice?
She imagined, for a moment, heading back on the stagecoach as soon as it came into town, leaving Joey here with James and Bonnie where he would be happy and live his best life.
The idea of abandoning Joey for a second time made her heart physically ache. But she couldn’t take Joey to be with Keith. Keith had made it abundantly clear that if they ever had children, they would have children that everyone would admire and look up to. He wouldn’t like the way a child born out of wedlock from a previous relationship looked.
The idea of marrying Keith made Lyla’s stomach turn. She couldn’t. She knew that now. James was right, and time away had made that abundantly clear. Whenever she thought about returning to him, she felt a stab of fear.
Her breath came quickly, and her heart skipped a beat as she conjured up James’ face into her mind.
He had been so kind to her since she had arrived. She realized with a start that she had feelings for him. Not flighty imagination feelings, or fantasy feelings like she’d had for Frank.
It made her sad to think about being away from him for the rest of the day. It made her feel sick to think of disappointing him. But could she trust him? She’d promised herself that she would never trust another man again.
Lyla suddenly realized that she was in town. She had been so deep in thought that she hadn’t even noticed. Her gaze went to the post office. She knew one thing, and that was that she was not going to be marrying Keith, whether she went back home or not.
She hurried to the post office and asked to send a telegram. While the clerk waited, she scribbled out the words she wanted to send.
She knew that Keith would be infuriated when he read this, but she didn’t care. It felt good to tell the truth, and she was glad that he was far away so she wouldn’t have to face him in person. She really had very few belongings in Merrill. Maybe she would write to her coworkers there and ask them to box them up and keep them for her if she didn’t return. Then, maybe someday in the future, she would get them.
As she paid for the telegram, her hopeful heart leapt for joy. Maybe she had a chance at love, after all. She didn’t have any idea what she was doing or how it would work out, but she was going to give James a chance. Maybe she could still find happiness for herself, despite her past.
She hoped that James was right about her not being the cause of all of her misfortune, because if something should happen to him or Joey, she was going to be devastated.
Chapter 23
James paced back and forth. He had watched as Lyla had walked off down the road toward town, and it had taken every bit of willpower that he had to not go running after her to beg her not to go.
He had told her that she could take all the time that she needed, so he knew it was important for him not to pressure her the moment she left to get some time to think.
And he was still having a hard time wrapping his mind around everything she had told him.
He didn’t see her differently, not in the way she had feared. But of course, he thought of her differently now. How could he not? She was Joey’s mother, not his aunt. That meant something entirely different to him. It was not only what he wanted, but it actually made sense for them to get married and share their lives with Joey together.
James walked with a lighter step and found himself whistling a tune. For the first time, it actually felt as if he might have a chance of having everything he had come to hope for in the past few weeks.
He could hardly believe how much he had changed. A couple of months ago, he had been as low as he had ever been, wishing that he had died alongside Alice. Then, Joey had showed up and turned his life upside down.
James chuckled as Joey came barreling into him, with Sam close behind.
“Hey, little man. What are you up to?” James asked, tousling Joey’s hair. Sam leapt up and tried to lick his face. “Get down, you big brute!” he scolded cheerfully as he wrestled the dog off of him, laughing.
“I’m looking for Miss Lyla. I wanted to make sure she wasn’t mad about earlier.” Joey glanced around with a worried look on his face.
“She’s not mad at you. She actually went on a walk to think about some things, but she’ll be back later, I’m sure. Why don’t you help me fill the wood box in the kitchen?”
Joey nodded eagerly and followed James to the woodpile. Filling the wood box seemed to be something Joey had enjoyed from the moment he’d started staying on the ranch. He had been enthusiastic about it every time James had suggested they do it.
James had to take off a few logs that Joey had struggled to carry. It was admirable how much the boy tried to do. He had a big heart trapped in a little body.
Once the box was overflowing, they sat down on the porch in the shade. A few moments later, Bonnie came out of the house, carrying a pitcher of cool lemonade and three cups. She poured James and Joey each a cup and then sat down beside them on the porch.
“A hot day is perfect for some nice, cool lemonade,” she said with a smile, taking a sip of her own.
James raised his glass in agreement.
“Say, Joey, I saw the wood box was full. Did you do that?” Bonnie asked with a wink at James over Joey’s head.
“James helped me some,” Joey told her with a proud grin.
James glanced at the little boy, who was swinging his short legs back and forth as he gulped down his second cup of lemonade.
He was such an innocent young child, just waiting to get to know the world and experience everything it had to offer.
James hoped he would be by his side to see it. As he thought of Lyla, his eyes wandered to the road to town and his heart leapt when he saw a figure walking along the edge of the road.
She was back.
“Ma, why don’t you work with Joey for a while? Lyla and I have some things to talk about.”
James could tell by his mother’s solemn gaze that she understood. He hopped down, left his empty cup on the porch behind him, and hurried off towards Lyla, ignoring Joey’s protests about wanting to talk to her, too.
As they came within speaking distance of each other, they both paused as if suddenly uncertain.
All of James’s confidence seemed to have disappeared and his mouth felt dry.
“I-um, went to town, while I was thinking.” Lyla said, her hands clenching and unclenching the fabric of her dress.
“Yeah, I was wondering when you would come back…I mean, we don’t have to talk about anything if you’re not ready yet,” James hurried to add.
Lyla laughed a little. “Actually, I think I am ready. There’s only a week and a half left before the stagecoach will be back, so I really don’t have much time to think, anyway. I might as well say what I’m going to say.”
A Treasure Brought by Fate: A Historical Western Romance Book Page 17
