by Cathy Glass
‘It’s nice,’ Jackie said pleasantly, placing the carrier bags on the bed. ‘You’ve got a lovely home.’
‘Thank you.’
‘It’s a lot bigger than my place. Although now Jade’s gone we’ve got a bit more space. Mikey and Danny are in her room now.’
I knew from the paperwork that Mikey and Danny were Jade’s younger brothers. While I could see the practicality in utilizing Jade’s bedroom straightaway I hoped Jackie hadn’t told Jade, for it seemed a bit insensitive to move them in so quickly, as though Jackie couldn’t wait to get rid of Jade. But Jackie continued: ‘I’ve told Jade I’m boxing up her things and I’ll store them until she has a place of her own.’ By ‘a place of her own’ I assumed Jackie meant a council flat, but this too seemed a little premature, for when Jade left me it would be to go to a mother-and-baby foster home, where she could stay for a year or more while a parenting assessment was completed. Only if Jade demonstrated adequate parenting and was allowed to keep her baby would she be eligible for social housing – as a single mother.
We returned downstairs, where Jade was on the sofa with Courtney still asleep in her arms. ‘Would either of you like a drink?’ I asked Jade and Jackie.
‘Orange, please,’ Jade said.
‘No thanks,’ Jackie said. ‘I’ll need to be off soon.’
I went into the kitchen and poured Jade’s drink, and then returned to the sitting room. Jackie and Jade hadn’t spoken in my absence and although Jackie was sitting next to Jade on the sofa looking at Courtney I sensed an atmosphere.
Presently Jackie said to me: ‘Ty phoned me. I think he might be coming over later.’
‘That’ll be nice,’ I said to Jade. ‘Was he with you during the birth? I saw him arrive as I was leaving the hospital.’
Jade shrugged. ‘I guess so. Sort of. I was out of it with that gas and air.’
‘He was in the room, some of the time,’ Jackie said. ‘Although he wasn’t much use. Just as well you can rely on your mother,’ she added, turning to Jade.
Jade didn’t reply or look at her mother and again I sensed an atmosphere. There was a small silence as Jade drank her orange juice and then Jackie stood. ‘Well, I best be off, then. The bus takes ages.’
‘I’m sorry I can’t offer you a lift,’ I said, also standing. ‘But I wouldn’t be back in time to collect Paula.’
‘No worries,’ Jackie said. ‘I’m used to the buses.’ Then to Jade: ‘See you soon. You know where I live.’
Jade frowned and looked annoyed. ‘I can’t go on the bus yet, can I?’ Which was a fair comment.
‘I could take you to see your mum in the car one afternoon,’ I suggested.
‘Or I’ll get a cab,’ Jade said.
‘We’ll sort something out,’ I said to Jackie.
Jackie said goodbye, kissed Courtney’s forehead but didn’t hug or kiss her daughter. I saw Jackie out and then returned to the sitting room, where I sat on the sofa next to Jade. Courtney gave a little yawn and my heart melted.
‘She’s certainly a lovely baby,’ I said. ‘Do you think she looks like you or Tyler?’
‘Dunno. Can’t really tell,’ Jade said.
‘No,’ I agreed, smiling. ‘People often see a family likeness in a newborn baby but it’s very difficult to tell. I couldn’t see any likeness in Adrian or Paula until they were about three months old.’ Courtney yawned again and then stretched as though she might be waking and I wondered if she was due for a feed. ‘When did you last feed her?’ I asked.
‘Just before we left the hospital,’ Jade said. ‘I’m using bottles. I’m not breastfeeding.’
‘I know.’ I glanced at the clock. ‘Courtney shouldn’t need feeding again until after I’ve returned from collecting Paula from school,’ I said. ‘But if she does, everything you need is ready in the kitchen. If you come with me I’ll show you. I’ve made up some bottles ready, and then later, when we have more time, I’ll show you how to prepare the formula.’
‘All right,’ Jade said without moving, and then suddenly burst into tears.
‘Oh, love,’ I said. ‘What’s the matter?’ I instinctively put my arm around her shoulders to comfort her.
‘It’s her!’ Jade said, nodding towards the sitting-room door her mother had gone out of.
‘Your mum?’
‘Yes. D’you know what she’s done? She’s packed away all my things and given the boys my room. I’m homeless now.’
‘You’re not homeless, love,’ I said, hugging her. ‘Try not to upset yourself. Your mother mentioned to me your brothers were sleeping in your old room. I think she was desperate for the space.’
‘I know but I haven’t got anywhere to go now,’ Jade cried. ‘I bet they’re all a lot happier without me. I always caused them problems.’
‘That’s not true,’ I said, holding her close as she cried. ‘Your mum loves you. And you have a home here with me for now.’ But of course I could appreciate how Jade felt. I’d thought Jackie had acted prematurely and insensitively in packing up Jade’s bedroom so quickly, and having just had a baby Jade would be more emotional than normal and would feel the rejection more deeply.
I comforted Jade and reassured her as best I could, while Courtney, bless her, slept on. I also told Jade that now she and her mother were living separately they would probably get along a lot better, and Jade agreed. After a while Jade wiped her eyes and blew her nose. Then, mindful that I needed to leave soon to collect Paula from school, I took Jade into the kitchen, where I showed her where the made-up bottles were in the fridge and explained how to heat one and test it was at the right temperature.
‘If Courtney needs changing while I’m out, everything you need is ready in your bedroom,’ I said. ‘But she’s fast asleep now, so hopefully she’ll wait until I come home. I’ll be as quick as I can.’
‘Thanks, Cathy,’ Jade said, and gave a small, sad smile. I felt sorry for her; she looked so lost and out of her depth. I knew she was going to need a lot of help and support during the first few weeks.
I was away from the house for only half an hour but as soon as Paula and I stepped into the hall we heard Courtney screaming upstairs, together with Jade crying. Then to my surprise Tyler suddenly appeared on the landing.
‘I’m glad you’re back!’ he cried. ‘Come and help, quick! We need your help.’
Without taking off my coat or shoes I ran upstairs and into Jade’s room.
‘She won’t stop crying,’ Tyler said anxiously. ‘Jade’s tried to feed and change her but she can’t. We don’t know what to do.’
Courtney was lying on her back on the changing mat with her little face screwed up and her mouth wide open in an almost continuous cry. Her nappy was off and Jade was standing at the foot of the changing mat with a nappy in one hand and a full bottle of milk in the other, also in tears.
‘Dear me, what a noise,’ I said gently, going over and stroking Courtney’s cheek. ‘What’s the matter, little one?’
‘She won’t stop crying,’ Jade blurted. ‘She began just after you left and she hasn’t stopped.’
‘Don’t worry. She’s probably hungry,’ I said calmly.
‘I tried feeding her,’ Jade said. ‘But she wouldn’t suck, so I thought she needed changing, but I can’t do the nappy. She won’t stop screaming.’
Clearly Jade (and Tyler) had panicked, which was understandable given the noise Courtney was making and that they were inexperienced parents. My instinct was to pick up Courtney but I didn’t want to take over, as that could have undermined Jade’s confidence even more. ‘Let’s get her nappy on first,’ I said to Jade, as I stroked Courtney’s forehead to soothe her. ‘Open the nappy so it’s completely flat and slide it under her bottom.’
I held up Courtney’s legs to make it easier for Jade, and she slid the nappy into place and then secured it with the sticky fastening tabs, while Tyler stood watching.
‘It’ll be your turn to change a nappy next,’ I said with a smile. Jade sniffed and managed a sm
ile too.
‘Now put her babygro back on,’ I said to Jade. ‘Newborn babies often cry when you change their nappies or take off their clothes. It’s nothing to worry about; they just don’t like the feeling. They soon get used to the routine.’
Courtney whimpered a little but didn’t cry as Jade finished dressing her.
‘Excellent,’ I said. ‘Now let’s wrap her in the shawl so she’s nice and warm.’ I placed the shawl in Jade’s arms and then lifted Courtney off the changing mat and laid her in the shawl; then I helped Jade wrap the shawl around Courtney. ‘Good,’ I said. ‘Well done. Now sit on the bed with Courtney in the crook of your arm so you are both comfortable and you can feed her.’
Jade did as I suggested and I picked up the bottle, checked the milk was still warm and that it was flowing through the teat by shaking a little on to the back of my hand, and then passed the bottle to Jade. She put the teat to Courtney’s mouth but Courtney didn’t take the teat – or latch on, as it’s known – and, frustrated, screwed up her face as though she was about to cry again.
‘See!’ Jade said, immediately losing confidence. ‘That’s what she does!’
I sat beside Jade on the bed and placed my hand over hers and the bottle, as Courtney reddened with frustration at not being able to feed. ‘Try this,’ I said, and I guided the bottle so that the teat brushed against the side of Courtney’s mouth rather than trying to push it between her lips. Feeling the teat Courtney instinctively opened her mouth, searched for the teat and latched on.
‘Success,’ I said as she suckled and Jade finally relaxed. ‘A nurse showed me that trick when I had Adrian. Brushing the corner of the baby’s mouth with the teat, or nipple if you are breastfeeding, seems to stimulate a reflex action.’ I smiled at Jade. ‘Now enjoy feeding her. Hold her close so she can feel the warmth of your body and you can feel hers. I’ll be back in a minute to show you how to wind her. All right?’
Jade nodded and I left her feeding Courtney with Tyler looking on, while I went downstairs, took off my shoes and coat and went to find Paula. She was in the sitting room, kneeling on the floor and stroking Toscha. ‘It’s OK,’ Paula was saying soothingly to our cat. ‘Mummy knows what to do. Baby has stopped crying now.’ I thought that Courtney’s screaming, together with Jade’s crying, Tyler’s panicked shouting and me rushing upstairs, had frightened Paula.
‘Jade and Courtney are all right now,’ I confirmed. ‘Would you like to come up and see Courtney?’
Paula nodded and, leaving Toscha, slipped her hand into mine and we went upstairs. Tyler was sitting on the bed next to Jade as she fed Courtney. They both looked up and smiled at Paula.
‘Hi, Paula,’ Tyler said. ‘How are you?’
Paula nodded shyly.
‘Would you like to see my baby?’ Jade asked, far more relaxed and confident now Courtney was happily feeding.
Paula stood beside Jade and watched Courtney feeding, mesmerized. Indeed we all were, for there is something enthralling about a newborn baby feeding: completely engrossed, Courtney was the epitome of contentment, as all her needs were being met.
When the bottle was half empty I suggested to Jade that she wind Courtney. I showed her what to do: how to sit Courtney forward, support her chin and gently massage her back. I then moved aside so that Jade could do it; here was something else she would become more proficient at with practice. Tyler then had a little go at winding his daughter and laughed hilariously when Courtney burped. It crossed my mind that they were like children playing ‘mummies and daddies’, only of course this was no game – it was for real. I then told Jade she should give Courtney the rest of her bottle, which she did.
‘What time did you get here?’ I asked Tyler as we waited for Courtney to finish the bottle.
‘About ten minutes before you arrived,’ he said. ‘I left school early.’
‘Can he stay for dinner?’ Jade asked.
‘Yes, of course.’
‘I’ll text me mum and tell her I’ll be back later,’ Tyler said.
Once Courtney had finished the bottle and Jade had given her another little winding we all went downstairs. Jade, Courtney, Tyler and Paula went into the sitting room while I went into the kitchen, where I washed the empty bottle and put it in the sterilizing unit; then I began the preparations for dinner.
When Adrian arrived home from school five minutes later it was to a calm and quiet household. He was pleased to see Tyler and the two of them played on the PlayStation while Paula sat next to Jade on the sofa and gazed at Courtney, who slept.
When it was time to eat I suggested to Jade that she put Courtney into her cot to sleep. I went with her and she laid Courtney on her side, as she’d been shown to do at the hospital. Courtney slept until just before eight o’clock, when she woke for another feed. Paula was in bed by that time and I was reading her a story; Adrian was downstairs with Jade and Tyler. I heard Courtney begin to cry and when Jade didn’t come upstairs to see to Courtney I went down and into the sitting room, where Jade was still on the sofa.
‘You’ll need to warm up a bottle now, love,’ I said. ‘Courtney’s ready for another feed.’ I wasn’t sure if Jade hadn’t heard Courtney or had preferred to stay with Tyler and Adrian, perhaps hoping she’d go back to sleep.
Jade hauled herself off the sofa and we both went into the kitchen, where I waited while she warmed the bottle to the right temperature and tested it as I’d shown her. ‘Will you come with me while I feed and change her?’ Jade asked me a little anxiously. ‘I don’t like it when she cries.’
‘Sure. But don’t let it worry you. She’s not crying because she’s upset; babies cry because they are hungry or uncomfortable.’ I smiled reassuringly and we went upstairs and into her room. Courtney was a bit red in the face from having to wait for her bottle but soon settled once she was feeding.
‘She’s going to be a very good baby,’ I said encouragingly to Jade. ‘And you’re going to be an excellent mummy.’ I knew I needed to take every opportunity to praise Jade to build her confidence in parenting Courtney.
It wasn’t until Tyler had gone home and Jade was getting ready for bed, having said she was exhausted and was having an early night, that I thought to ask Adrian if he had any homework. The PlayStation was usually reserved for use at weekends and holidays, but Tyler and Adrian had been playing on it for most of the evening.
‘Yes,’ Adrian admitted a little sheepishly. Then he added quickly: ‘But it doesn’t have to be in until next week.’
I always preferred homework to be done on the day it was set so that it didn’t build up and become unmanageable, which Adrian knew.
‘Adrian,’ I said, ‘while Jade is living with us I think you are going to have to be very self-disciplined and go to your room and do your homework. I know you like Tyler’s company but he could be here most evenings.’
‘I know,’ he said with an embarrassed shrug.
And I left it at that.
Jade was exhausted and was in bed and asleep by 9.30 p.m. I too was tired. I wrote up my log notes, let Toscha out for a run, made up some more bottles for the night and then went upstairs. Before I got into bed I went round the landing and stood outside Jade’s and Courtney’s room, listening. Jade had closed her bedroom door and I didn’t want to risk waking them by opening it so that I could check on them. I couldn’t hear anything so I assumed all was well and went to bed.
Just before midnight I heard Courtney crying for her next feed. I immediately slipped on my dressing gown and went round to Jade’s room to help. Once Jade was in the routine of caring for her baby I wouldn’t get up at night unless I was needed, but for now she needed my help; also I didn’t want Courtney to be left to cry in case she woke Adrian and Paula. I knocked lightly on Jade’s bedroom door, went in and, switching on the light, turned the dimmer to low. Jade was slowly waking.
‘You go and warm up Courtney’s bottle,’ I said quietly to Jade, ‘while I soothe her.’
Heavy with sleep, Jade s
tumbled from her bed and went downstairs to the kitchen while I picked up Courtney. She stopped crying immediately on being held and I gently rocked her. ‘There, there,’ I soothed. ‘Mummy’s fetching your bottle now. She won’t be long.’
I knew from feeding Adrian and Paula that breastfeeding was so much easier than bottle; you just fall out of bed and the milk is ready and at the right temperature. Why Jade had decided not to try to breastfeed I didn’t know and clearly it was her decision. I soothed and gently rocked Courtney until Jade reappeared with the bottle – it took her a while – and once she was seated on the bed I put Courtney in her arms. Jade lightly rubbed the teat against the side of Courtney’s mouth as I had shown her and she latched on. Once I was sure Courtney was sucking I reminded Jade to wind her and told her to call me if she needed me.
Leaving her bedroom door slightly open, I returned to my bed but I didn’t go to sleep. I listened out for any noise that might have suggested that Jade needed some help, but I didn’t hear anything. After about half an hour I went round the landing. Jade’s bedroom door was still open and the light was on low. I crept in. They were both fast asleep, Courtney on her side in her cot facing Jade, and Jade mirroring her position in bed and surrounded by her cuddly soft toys. It was a touching scene – mother and daughter in the half light, relaxed in sleep and without a care in the world – and I hoped and prayed everything would work out well for them.
Just after 4.00 a.m Courtney woke for another feed and I went round to Jade’s room. I held Courtney while Jade went downstairs and warmed the bottle; then as before I waited while Jade settled Courtney on her lap and she was feeding, before I said goodnight again. ‘By my calculations her next feed will be about eight o’clock,’ I whispered to Jade as I came out. ‘She’s doing very well. Night, love.’
I was right: at eight o’clock, just as Adrian and Paula were finishing breakfast, we heard Courtney cry. ‘It’s OK,’ I said to them. ‘Jade knows what to do. She’ll be down soon for a bottle.’
A minute later Jade appeared in her nightwear and, rubbing her eyes and yawning, went to the fridge.
