by Andi J Feron
“You’ve all lost your minds! We need to get out of this fog!” I yelled at them, but they ignored me.
Half the team was now lost in the fog and it was growing thicker, making it harder to see and even harder to track anyone. Part of the fog opened up, and I saw Allie standing there. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, she still stood there. Next, I saw Seraphine, and Khalbytians grabbed them both and put knives to their throats. I turned and saw the real Seraphine disappear into the fog, still frozen as if in shock. The Khalbytians were fake, Allie was still on Earth, and I was being shown a second, nonreal Seraphine.
The Khalbytians slit their throats, and they both fell to the ground, dead. I simply turned around and began searching for a way out of the fog. Suddenly in front of me was my brother Malcom as he appeared the day he died. He even bore the massive head gash that contained a large piece of glass protruding out of it. This exact image of him was still burned into my memory.
He began yelling all the things that tormented me about his death—“You should have been the one to die. You should have let me sit in the middle. You know I would have taken care of Allie and everything more adequately than you ever did. You’re a failure. You can’t even get yourself promoted above captain. You’ll never touch the potential I would have. If I were alive, Dad wouldn’t have become a depressive drunk. I was his favorite, you and Allie meant nothing. You failed from the start.”
He rambled on expressing every single insecurity I ever pondered, even the ones shelved in the most obscure crevices of my mind. My mother appeared and started expressing even more disappointment at my lack of accomplishments. I walked past them, ignoring them.
I heard strange growling sounds and turned to see zombies limping toward me. They suddenly picked up speed, and I pulled out my weapon, ready to fire. There were dozens of them surrounding me, and it quickly occurred to me—this was a recurring nightmare I used to have. They were fake as well. I walked through them unharmed.
I wandered through the fog, trying to grasp at the scrambled images I was attempting to track, but they became more and more distorted. There was no semblance of direction, and I felt I might go mad from the confusion alone. I saw Seraphine curled into a ball on the ground and I ran for her. The blue brain parasite from the ocean planet crawled into her ear. Jasper stood above her.
“Talon, you have to let your wife die for the greater good. She needs dignity. You deny her dignity. You’re selfish!” He spat his words at me with bitterness spewing from his suddenly toxic-looking mouth. He morphed into a giant snake, like the one that bit me back in Siberia. He struck at me, but I didn’t even flinch. I turned the other way, disappointed that I hadn’t really seen Seraphine.
“Why aren’t you scared?” Malcom was once again in front of me.
“Because you’re not real?” I replied to him.
“Of course, I’m real. Why did you let me die, Talon? Why didn’t you switch me seats?”
“You say I let you die. Therefore, you admit you are dead, which means there is no way you could be here.”
“You should have stayed with me! You should have stayed with Mom! You let us die alone. You took us away from Allie. She would have been better off if you were the one to die. Now they will recruit her, and she will die. Her death will be your fault, too.”
My mother appeared again, “You failed us Talon. You’ll fail Allie and you’ll fail Seraphine. They will die. Then how will you live with yourself?”
“I was nine!”
“Old enough to know better!” My mother snapped.
“You’re not real!” I yelled at both of them.
“Then why are you talking to us?” Malcom cackled loudly.
“Good point.” I turned and walked away from them. Malcom appeared in front of me again.
“You are different. Why are you not scared?” he reiterated his earlier question.
“Because you are not real. None of this is real. You’re bringing out the demons I torture myself with.”
Malcom faded into a woman with sheer white feathered wings, and she was floating a couple feet off the ground. Great, now I was seeing angels, but I couldn’t say they were even a passing fear. She held an eerie beauty, as though she brought on an intense desire for me to look at her. She wore a yellow dress that flowed below her feet, and her black hair spanned almost the same length.
“You are different. You make it difficult for us to trick you. Who are you?” she asked.
“Talon Cooper. I’m a soldier, and I want my team back.”
“Your team is more easily fooled than you. They will wander our fog until they starve to death.”
“Is that what happened to the others that were here before us?”
“Yes. We kill no one, simply drive souls mad until they run out of their energy source and perish. The last group that arrived before you, most are still alive but may have only a short time left.”
“What do you want?”
“We want to be left alone. Long ago we were trusting, and monsters arrived to destroy us. We retreated inward and now use mind games to protect ourselves. We no longer allow anyone the chance to hurt us.”
“We don’t want to hurt you. The people who sent us were interested in your shielding properties, the chemical that masks our sensors every time we pass by this planet.”
She lowered herself to the ground. “We produce that naturally. It is our defense system.”
“We didn’t know. We believed it to be a natural element that we could mine and use for our ships to protect us from aliens known as Khalbytians.”
“We know of Khalbytians. They are the ones who hurt us.”
“They are our enemies, too. We simply wanted to protect ourselves, as you do. We didn’t know the chemical was produced by anyone. Please, let my friends go so we can continue stopping our mutual enemy.”
“How do we know you will not hurt us the second we release the fog?”
“I promise we will leave. Take back the fog, and we will not bother you again, you have my word. If I’m lying, then all you have to do is bring the fog back.”
“Talon Cooper, you are fascinating. Your fears are for other people and about failing them, about them dying. Most are afraid to die; you are only afraid of others’ deaths.”
“The only fear I have of death is not being here to protect my family.”
“You are strange. I have decided I will trust you. You have one chance to collect your people and go. If your species returns, we will not repeat this mercy.”
“I understand. We will leave your planet alone. I promise.”
“You fascinate us.” The woman flew away, and with her, the fog retreated back the way it came. I looked around and saw quite a few collapsed soldiers. Several were clearly dead. Others looked weak, and I figured they were dehydrated.
Petra was sitting on the ground, shaking and, as the fog left, she saw me. “What happened?”
I helped her up. “Long story. Let’s get everyone back to the ship.”
I found Seraphine curled into a ball. She jumped into my arms with tears flowing down her cheeks. As I held her, she relaxed.
“Babe, it’s okay. You’re safe now. I got you,” I comforted her.
She clung to me. We sat there for a couple minutes until Seraphine’s breathing steadied, then I helped her to her feet. Ajax and Fayard walked up, looking shook. I found Elliott and Helen clinging to each other. After everyone took some time to calm down, we gathered the members of the other teams who were still alive. We found all of the soldiers from the team before us alive. Only a couple from the team before that were still living, and all from the first team were dead.
I told them I would explain once we were on the ship, but we needed to remove ourselves from the planet immediately. Once everyone was back on the ship, I debriefed everyone on what really took place. No one said much on the way back. I was sure most everyone was contemplating the experience of having all their fears and insecurities sprung to lif
e.
I was able to convince the higher-ups that it would be best to leave the planet alone, even though I knew at some point that might change. The Loctorians loved to form alliances, and I knew there could be a day they wished to attempt negotiations with the species producing the deadly fog. I knew if that day arrived, it would be a decision they would find regrettable.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Seraphine - December 27, 2010
I didn’t understand what was taking place when the fog first surrounded me. I was a little girl again, watching my father hurt my mother.
“Mommy, let’s hide!” I whispered.
My father was yelling from another room, and I knew he would be coming for her. We hid in the closet. She covered me with a blanket and put her finger to her mouth to show me I needed to be quiet. He found her and pulled her out.
“Where’s the little maggot? Maybe I should beat her too!”
“No, please. I’m sorry about dinner. I’ll cook it better next time.”
He hit her again, and she screamed.
“Shut up or the girl is next.”
After that, she was silent as he hit her. More scenes like this played in front of me. I was a little girl scared in the closet, under my bed, and behind the couch—all of the places where I hid from my enraged father.
The scenes unfolded one after the other. All the trauma I ever endured mixed in with the small pestering of minute apprehensions. There seemed to be no absence of anything I had ever feared or worried about. Everywhere I went teased me to believe there was no escape from the darkest parts of my mind.
When the fog faded, Talon found me, and I realized it had all been some sort of cruel illusion. Talon said the species who did this to us was trying to protect themselves, but I found what they made me relive reprehensible. We made it back to base, but the trauma was impactful.
Our team was sitting in the rec center on the three large brown couches in front of the pool tables. Reality was enough of a nightmare, and we were required to adapt to that. My learned coping skills weren’t helping to eliminate the trauma of our last mission. The fog brought out things I didn’t even know I was afraid of, buried things surfaced that I was finding it difficult to push back down.
Talon was the only one who knew, at the time they were occurring, that the images were fake, but this wasn’t a new ability for him. Mind tricks never worked on Talon, at least not for long. I wasn’t in a hurry to discuss what I saw. Most were deeply personal, and some were even things I had never told Talon.
Ajax was the first to break the silence. “Are we going to go around in a circle and tell what we each saw? You know, maybe get a campfire going or something?”
“I think most of us are good not rehashing that.” Elliott put his arm around Helen.
Even Petra seemed strangely quiet. They gave us a week’s leave to recover from the ordeal, but I wondered about the lasting effect this would play on our psyches. Talon got up and went over to the pool table and began playing. Ajax followed him over and grabbed a cue. The two of them seemed the least bothered by the mission. I watched them play a bit.
I approached Talon. “I think I’m going to go home. Kind of tired.”
“Okay. I’ll go with you.” He started to put his cue back.
“No, really, play. I think I need to clear my head a bit.”
“Alright. I’ll see you at home later.” Talon reached over and gave me a kiss.
Talon was great about giving me space when I needed it. Neither of us discussed what we saw, but I knew we would eventually get there. I opened the door to our quarters, and Shakespeare greeted me. He reminded me that one of the fog visions was him being thrown out of an airlock. “Didn’t know I was that attached to you.” I gave him a pat on the head.
I took a long shower and put on my favorite pajamas. I curled up on the couch to watch a movie. I was halfway through a romantic comedy when Talon walked in.
He went back to get a shower and came back out with only his green boxers on. “Want some dinner?”
“Naw. I’m still full from that big lunch we had.”
My movie ended, and Talon sat next to me on the couch. I shut the TV off to give him my attention.
“You want to talk about the fog?” he asked.
“I don’t know, maybe. Why don’t you go first?”
“Mainly my dead brother screaming at me about everything I think I’ve failed at. A little of my dead mother and a lot of things happening to you and Allie. Also, a few zombies thrown in for good measure.”
“You love zombie movies.”
“Apparently I don’t want to be one,” he admitted with a slight smile.
“There was so much, as though it knew everything that even slightly made me squeamish. Snakes were a big part of it. I guess that cult left an impact on my subconscious.”
“Getting bit wasn’t a fun thing.”
“True. Of course, bad things were happening to you, but there were things I didn’t think about, things from my past that I thought I was over. I think that’s the biggest thing the fog did, it made me confront my past. I never expected to see so much of my dad. He never hurt me, he only hurt my mom, but deep down, he used to scare me. Then there were my foster dads the ones who…” I paused, not sure if I wanted to continue.
Talon knew my past held dark things, but I never gave him details. Talon moved closer and put his arms around me. I relaxed against him, more grateful than ever my story didn’t end with the abuse.
“You don’t have to tell me, Seraphine. Only if it will help and you want to.” He kissed the top of my head.
Tears fell from my eyes. The very fact I could even think about telling him showed how far I had come and how liberated and safe Talon made me feel. “I don’t know what my life would have looked like if you had never walked into the medical base that day.”
“I know, I wouldn’t want to know what mine would be if I’d never seen that gorgeous girl on that stage.”
We spent the next hour on the couch, and I told Talon the secrets from my childhood. He simply listened. When I was done speaking, I felt as though an entire burden was lifted. I finally spoke out loud everything I was ashamed and scared to share with anyone. That was the moment I realized the fog was actually therapeutic, which was obviously not its intent. I looked up at Talon and saw tears falling from his eyes.
“You okay?” I asked him, concerned because Talon rarely cried.
“I don’t know how anyone could do any of that to you. I wish I could take every bit of it away.”
“Talon, you have, you already have. I’m so grateful for you. You brought me out of the abuse.”
“Seraphine, that was you. You said enough when you stabbed your foster dad in the leg and ran. You said enough when you broke things off with Lucius and didn’t accept his apology or his excuses as reasons to take him back. You said enough when you stood on that stand in the courtroom and said what he did to you. You didn’t need me for any of that. That was what was inside of you, your courage and your strength. I was just lucky that this strong, brave woman let me in despite that from her earliest moments of life everyone around her showed her the darkest side of humanity.”
Our team spent the next few weeks slowly coming to terms with the last mission. I met Helen for coffee in the morning before our next mission. Petra would be meeting us for some shopping about an hour later.
“How are you and Elliott doing with everything?” I asked her when I saw her approach.
“We’re doing alright. It’s easier having him to talk about things with. I think overall it gave us a chance to open up about things we didn’t even know about ourselves.”
“I agree. I felt the same way talking to Talon about everything I saw.”
“Elliott and I were wondering if you and Talon wanted to come over for dinner next week? Elliott, of course, will do the cooking. I can’t cook to save my life.”
“Sure, that would be great. Let’s make it a date when we get
back from the mission.”
“Sounds good. I’m looking forward to doing more couple things.”
“Me too. It’s nice having other married friends now,” I said.
We spent the rest of the morning talking about the officers’ ball that was coming up, which was the main reason we were meeting Petra. We needed to find dresses, and I was excited that a new formalwear shop opened up on level one-eleven.
“What do you think?” I walked out of the dressing room with a dark purple dress that flowed to my ankles and had long, lacy sleeves.
“I like it. I think that’s the one,” Helen said.
Petra sighed. “I agree. Out of the fifty others you’ve tried on, that’s the best one.”
“Hasn’t quite been fifty,” I defended my lack of decisiveness.
We purchased our dresses and, after dropping them off at our quarters, met up with the guys for an early dinner. We filled them in on our afternoon of dress shopping.
“I’m glad we have it easy and can wear dress uniform. No shopping involved,” Elliott said, and the rest of the guys nodded.
Petra shook her head. “You men are so boring.”
The night of the ball, Helen came over so we could do each other’s hair. I worked on her hair first.
“Seraphine, Elliott and I have decided that we want to start a family soon. We think we might start trying after our next mission. I know it would mean I would be off active duty for several months, but I would be okay with that.”
“Aww Helen, I would be so happy for you. I would miss you like crazy, but I would get to spoil your baby when I was back on base.”
“Yes, we could still hang out between missions.”
“Definitely. You can let me live vicariously through you since Talon is still not on board with us having a baby yet.”
“I’m sorry, Seraphine. Maybe it was insensitive for me to bring it up.”
“No, of course it wasn’t. I’m so happy you told me.” I hugged her then finished her hair. Helen did my hair in a fancy updo, leaving some curls out on each side in the front. I did my makeup extra well and slipped into the dress I picked up. I walked out of the bedroom and I didn’t even have to ask Talon how I looked.
