I ran my hand along the bottom of the dress, appreciating each sparkle. “This is the most incredible gift...Thank you, Professor Rose,” I said simply.
“You’re welcome, dear. Now be on your way. I want you to take this straight to your room. I will write you a late excuse for your next class.” She grabbed a pen and a notecard and scribbled down a few words that would easily excuse my tardiness. When other professors saw Rose’s name on something, they did not question it. She handed me the note and, after covering the dress up again, the hanger. I took them both, smiling, and met Lillian outside the classroom.
* * *
The first three days of the week had been blissful for me. I got my dream dress from my most admired professor, and I was spending all my free time with Miles and Lillian. Life could not have been better. Which is why I felt guilty the majority of the time. Around every corner, I was met by a tall, muscular guard that reminded of why they were here in the first place. Laura was still gone. She would never get to attend a Hallow’s Eve ball or laugh with her best friend or kiss the perfect guy. It didn’t seem fair that I was having all of these good days while her friends were missing her. I started spending more time learning about the Divinity. Maybe I was searching for answers I would never find, but some witches, like Professor Rose, found comfort in praying to him.
So, I had been giving it a try. Each night, for the past three nights, I prayed to him. I prayed for Laura’s family and friends. I prayed for protection for the school. I prayed that I would feel less guilty about enjoying my life to the fullest. I even tried praying for my dad one night, but the picture of him sitting in his chair alone sent a pain through my chest that was strong enough to stop me in the middle of my sentence. I wasn’t sure if it was actually helping or if it was more of a placebo effect, but as I got ready for my date with Miles on Wednesday night, I only felt excitement. As I walked down the halls, I made sure to divert my eyes every time I saw a guard. I hadn’t felt guilty yet, but there was no need to push it. I locked my eyes straight ahead the whole time.
I met Miles in front of the main entrance of the school. As I walked down the spiral stairs, I peeked down at him by the door with each rotation. He stood, almost a head above everyone else in the lobby. His dark, curly hair was tied back away from his face tonight. I had never seen him without it being free to fall wherever, and I felt a pang in my heart. I was suddenly terribly nervous. With each rotation around the spirals I noticed something new about him. The first thing I saw was his hair, and I wondered what I would tangle my hands in later if it stayed pin back. Then I noticed his blue sweater and thought of how perfectly it would match his blue eyes. I wondered if he wore it on purpose as I flashed back to the time I had mentioned how the color looked great on him. That was a few weeks before he asked me out. I wondered if he remembered. Finally, I noticed his dark jeans with his hand stuffed into the pockets.
By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs he was pacing back and forth between the students passing by. If I didn’t know better, I would have guessed he was nervous too, which seemed very unlike him.
As I approached him, I was struck with the realization that it may not always be this way. If we continued seeing each other, we would become more comfortable or eventually maybe even grow apart. There might not always be this electricity in the air and my heart might not always double its beating when his lips met mine. So, I paused in the middle of the walkway to enjoy this moment and take every piece of him in. This was a glorious feeling, one I would remember for the rest of my life.
As much as I loved watching him when he didn’t think anyone was looking, I knew I couldn’t stand another minute without his hand in mine. I ached to touch him even though we had spoken just last night. A full day without seeing him was much too long. I took long strides to close the gap between us. He turned to see me coming and his face lit up along with his eyes. Blue, I smiled. I reached my hand out and his fingers filled the spaces between mine. I sighed with relief.
He pulled me in for a hug and buried his face in my hair. “Hey, you,” he whispered.
“Hey,” I said as I pulled away to look at his face again. “I missed you.” Normally I would have been too nervous to tell him such a thing, but tonight I felt braver than I ever had. I knew I couldn’t let these moments pass us by without telling him how I felt. Of course, I held back a little. I could have told him that his face had not left my mind since we parted yesterday or that even my dreams were filled with him and his easy smile, but I thought a simple “I miss you” would suffice for now. I didn’t want to scare him away.
“I missed you, too. You look cozy.” I had on a turtleneck sweater that was two sizes too big for me but kept me very warm. Plus, it reminded me of my dad. It was one of the only things I had that reminded me of him without bringing too much pain. “Which is perfect. I was thinking we could walk down the trail to the ocean.”
I hesitated, thinking of walking alone in the black night. Normally, I would love just the thought of being outside at night with the moon shining bright above us, but things were different now. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? With everything that’s been going on?” I asked, nervously.
“Well, they have guards on the outside of the castle, too, so I figured we’d be just as safe out there as we would be in here,” he shrugged, but changed his tone when he noticed my hesitance. “Unless you don’t feel comfortable. We could do something el--”
“I think a walk sounds nice. Plus, if there are guards around then what’s the harm?” He smiled, relieved.
“Let’s go, then,” he held out his arm and I looped mine through it. “You’ll love this view. It’s even better than the one we saw in the stairwell.” We headed out the front entrance and the cool breeze almost took my breath away. The temperature had dropped drastically since this morning on the balcony. I snuggled up to Miles’ arm to keep me warm.
We crossed the bridge and headed down the trail that was just to the left of the school, and I saw that Miles was right. There were guards outside the school. It was a funny thing now that, despite my hesitation, I felt even safer outside in the open air than I had inside. A cool, fall night was my favorite kind. The stars were twinkling above, and the moon was reflecting on the ocean. The trail was short, and I could already see the waves and smell the ocean air.
There was no actual beach on the island. When you made it to any of the edges, you were met with a steep drop, leading straight down to crashing waves. So, we stopped a short distance from the cliff. The grass around us was tall and thin, and it swayed along with the breeze. I had never been down this trail before and was in awe of the view. The sound of the waves was peaceful, and I squinted my eyes as if I could see where the ocean ended if I looked hard enough, even though that was impossible. It seemed to go on forever.
Miles sat down in the grass and patted his lap. I crawled on it and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my cheek against his as we both took in the view. We were quiet for a long time, just listening to the ocean. Miles broke the silence first.
“Josie,” he said, followed by an audible gulp. I peeled my eyes away from the ocean to gaze at Miles. “I’m really glad I have you.” I smiled and looked down feeling a pitter in my heart. “I haven’t had much of a family these past few years and I haven’t been close to many people...well...basically my whole life. It always kind of felt like something was missing. I thought it was because my mom left or because my dad and I have grown apart, but now I know that it was you that was missing. You’re already such a big part of my life. Like a puzzle piece that fit perfectly. It seems crazy, but I can’t imagine my life without you in it now.” My heart swelled because his words were the same thing I had been thinking these past couple of weeks. I pressed my lips against his for a moment.
“You know I feel the same way, right?” I asked, simply, knowing I would never be able to put it as eloquently as he had.
“I’m in love with you, Josie,” he whispered and I
nearly gasped.
I hadn’t expected him to say that, but when the words left his mouth, I had no doubt I returned the feeling. A smile broke across my face so wide that my cheeks hurt. I giggled and once I started, I couldn’t stop. I was high on life and on this moment and elation filled my whole body from head to toe. Things had never been so perfect. I kissed both of his cheeks in between my giggling and finally said, “I’m in love with you, too.”
Now I wasn’t the only one giggling. Miles couldn’t help himself and I wondered if his heart felt as whole as mine did in this moment. “You do?” he laughed.
“Yes,” I nodded. He rose to his feet with me cradled in his arms and spun me around. He placed me down on my feet and we kissed and laughed so loudly I was sure the guards outside would hear us. “We’re insane!” I exclaimed.
“Yeah, but at least we’re insane together.” Our laughter finally started to fade as I wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his around my waist, pulling me closer. I wasn’t sure how long we stood out there by the water. All I knew is his lips didn’t leave mine the whole time.
* * *
When I got back from my date with Miles, I was on cloud nine. My heart was full. I had no doubts about my feelings for him, but I also couldn’t wait to see what Lillian’s reaction would be. Would she think I was insane? A lovesick puppy? Probably. We had only been together for a short time, which, I have to admit, does sound crazy. But what was that saying Mom used to use? When you know, you know. That’s it. That’s what it had been like for her and Dad. People thought they were rushing when they got engaged after only six months of dating, but they were the happiest couple I had ever seen. None of my friends’ parents held a candle to what they had. Plus, Miles has been my friend for a while, too. For months! See? I thought to myself, already preparing my argument in case Lillian disapproved. Maybe I’m not as crazy as I seem. Even if I was, I didn’t care.
I finally made it back to the room after practicing how to tell Lillian the whole walk there. If I was a crazy, hopeless romantic, then Lillian was a level-headed doubter. I couldn’t blame her for using rationality when it came to relationships. Even though her family was very close, her parents had divorced when she was younger, and her mother drilled it into her head that marriage was a crazy thing that only led to heartbreak. Not the greatest thing to tell a kid when they’re a mere 10 years old, but who am I to judge? Now, Lillian didn’t believe that, but I doubt she would believe I should be saying “love” after such a short time.
I took a deep breath and swung open the door, expecting to see Lillian waiting for me on her bed. But instead I saw an empty room. I glanced towards her closet to see if she was inside searching for some piece of clothing, but she wasn’t there either. Her lamp near her bed was still on, the only light in the room. She must have gone to the bathroom. She hadn’t mentioned having any plans for the night. I guess she could have plans without telling me, but that would be a first. She must just be in the bathroom. I laid in my bed and stared at the ceiling, basking in the high I was still on. I replayed the night in my head while I waited: Miles’ eyes burning through mine. The way his voice sounded when he whispered my name. The way his lips felt pressed against mine. The way his hands shaped my waist.
* * *
I sat up in my bed and let out a whimper. Did I fall asleep? I was still fully clothed and on top of my sheet. I guess so. I looked over at Lillian’s bed and saw that it was empty. Her lamp was still the only light in the room. I peered over to the other corner and saw two lumps in my roommates’ beds. They were there, asleep, but Lillian wasn’t. I looked at the clock, still not feeling too worried. Then, I saw the time read 1:38. In the morning. Where is she? Panic started creeping in.
I reached for my cell phone. The screen only showed the time. No missed phone calls. No texts. I dialed Lillian’s number. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Nothing. I tried again. Nothing. The third time I tried it went straight to voicemail. Weird. Why would it ring the first two times, then go straight to voicemail? Unless she was ignoring me. Why would she do that though? Was she mad at me? Or in trouble? My paranoia felt out of control.
Even if it was the latter, there was nothing I could do. I had no idea where she could even be. The castle is huge. I wouldn’t be able to search for it tonight. I decided to call campus security. They answered on the second ring, obviously not busy with some crisis involving Lillian, which made me feel better right away.
“Hello?” grumbled a deep voice.
“Hi,” I whispered trying not to wake Ava and Daliah. “Um...my roommate has not made it back to our room yet, and I’m getting a little worried. She usually tells me where she’s going, and she won’t answer her phone and it’s really late-” I realized I was rambling so I paused to see what he would say.
“What is your roommate’s name?” he asked in a monotone voice.
“Lillian Bishop,” I answered promptly.
“We haven’t heard anything about any Lillians tonight. You sure she’s not just staying in a friend’s room?” He sounded bored.
“Well, she would tell me if she was staying somewhere else. It’s really strange that I haven’t heard from her…” I trailed off. He did not seem as concerned as me.
“Honestly, kid, we’ve been getting several calls a night like this. A roommate doesn’t come home right away, and kids panic because the...uh, well...recent events, but it always turns out that their roommate is just staying at a friend’s place or out causing trouble. They’re never in danger.”
“Could you at least look around for her or something?” I suddenly felt silly even though I knew my feelings of concern were justified. Lillian wouldn’t be out causing trouble at 1:38 am.
“I’ll take her name down, but we have guys all over the school. If something was wrong, they’d most likely catch it.” That was true. They did have guards all over the castle. I saw them every day. “What’s your name, kid?”
“Josie,” I said simply.
“If I hear anything, I’ll call you, okay?” he grumbled.
“I--” He hung up the phone before I could say anything else. I thought about what he said. There were guards all over the castle. He hadn’t heard any bad news all night. Most people were overreacting. I repeated those things in my head until I drifted back to sleep with a sick feeling in my chest.
Losing My Family
Icould feel the bags under my eyes as soon as I opened them. My dreams had turned to nightmares halfway through the night, but they were foggy. I couldn’t remember what they were about. I stretched and looked at the clock on the wall. It was five minutes before my alarm would go off. I decided to close my eyes and enjoy these last few minutes of peace, snuggled under my blankets before I started the day. I flipped onto my side, facing Lillian’s bed. Suddenly the terrible images in my head from last night came flooding back, crystal clear. I realized only half of them were nightmares.
Lillian’s bed was still empty. She had never come home. All night I dreamt of her being attacked or laying on the floor crumpled like a wad of paper. Like Laura. My heart started pounding and I could feel cold sweat forming on my forehead. I reached for my phone to see if I had any missed calls. Nothing. No calls from Lillian or the security guard. Not even a “good morning” text from Miles. What is going on with everyone?
I hopped out of bed and walked over to Daliah’s bed to shake her awake. “Huh?” she mumbled as she reluctantly opened her eyes.
“Were you two with Lillian last night? Have you heard from her?” I asked urgently.
“No,” Daliah yawned and stretched, obviously not picking up on my tone. “I haven’t seen her since yesterday evening. Why?”
“She didn’t come back to our room last night,” I said. This widened her eyes a little and she finally sat up.
“She’s probably with that dude from the party,” Ava mumbled from her bed. The covers were still over her head.
“Oh yeah! He was totally flirting with her, wasn’t he?�
� Daliah giggled, no longer worried.
“What dude?” I scoffed. Lillian hadn’t mentioned meeting anyone.
“Just some older boy. He wanted to hang out with her, so she probably just stayed the night at his place,” Ava mumbled.
Daliah raised her eyebrows and said, “Go Lillian!”
“Can you please shut up now so I can enjoy these last few minutes of sleep?” Ava grumbled. Daliah obliged and laid back down on her pillow. I was left alone in the silence, knowing Lillian would never go over to some random boy’s room and stay the night. I could see these two wouldn’t be any help. Ava was already snoring again.
Relaxing was no longer an option for me, so I walked to my dresser, grabbed my bathroom bag, and headed down the hall, hoping I could investigate while I got ready for the day. Several girls were already in the bathroom doing their makeup or showering. I asked each and every one if they had seen Lillian this morning or last night. None of them had. That’s when it really hit me. Hard. Something bad happened. I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. A wave of nausea washed over me and I almost ran to the toilet to throw up, but I held it together long enough to get to the shower.
When the water started pouring, so did my tears. It may have been irrational and pointless—my tears couldn’t solve anything—and I couldn’t even explain why I was crying, but I could not stop myself. My mind wouldn’t slow down long enough to take stock of the situation. Maybe if it would, I could make sense of everything. All I knew was that if something happened to Lillian, I would have already gotten a phone call from that guard, right? They would notify her roommates right away. But alone in the shower, I went to the worst-case scenario. The gnawing thought of living each morning without her in the bed next to me was enough to send me into hysterics. I stood under the water until my tears stopped. I hadn’t even bothered to take a proper shower; I only stood under the water for an unknown amount of time. If she was in that room when I got back, I would be seriously pissed.
North End: The Black Forest Page 12
