Class passed quickly while I was wrapped up in my own thoughts. Once everyone was dismissed, the class dwindled down and soon Frances and I were the only ones left in the room. I glanced down at my pen and completely blank piece of paper and shoved both into my textbook.
“Have a wonderful day, Headmistress Craw,” Frances cooed as she gathered up her books and turned to walk out. She did not glance in my direction as she left. I remained seated. Headmistress Craw didn’t acknowledge my presence. In fact, she didn’t look up for the notes she was writing for a full five minutes. I watched the minutes on the clock behind her desk tick by silently. When Craw finally did look up, she locked eyes with me for only a moment before walking across the room to grab a book and bring it back to her desk. After a few more minutes of silence passed, I started to wonder if she still wanted me to stay. My face burned as I realized I was already late for my meeting with Professor Howard. It was apparent she did not plan to acknowledge that I was still sitting here. So, I slid my book back in my bag and stood.
“Ms. Parker, did I say you were dismissed?” her voice echoed in the empty room even though she wasn’t yelling.
“Uh...no...I just-” I slowly moved towards her desk. She still hadn’t looked up from her book.
“You just what? You thought it appropriate to have a confrontation with a fellow student during my class?” she demanded, her voice like ice, her milky eyes burning a hole through me. A chill ran down my spine. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what about Craw made a streak of terror run through me nearly every time I saw her eyes. It was probably because of the tales she told in class, the fact that she had witnessed every one of the horror stories she told. The fact that she was an open worshiper of the Fallen Angel. I tried very hard not to have a prejudice against her since a large portion of the witch community openly worshiped the Fallen Angel. Even Professor Howard worshipped him. But there was something about hearing the terrors Craw had witnessed. I could never quite push them out of my mind when I saw her. She lifted her eyebrow, awaiting my response.
“No. It was not appropriate, ma’am,” I admitted.
“And why did you think you could dismiss yourself after I specifically asked you to stay, hmm?” she questioned, peering at me over her glasses. I regretted ever wondering if she was going to acknowledge my presence and wished she would go back to focusing on her book. Silence was much better than this.
“I-I,” I stuttered. I paused to take a breath and collect my thoughts before continuing. Letting her see me sweat was embarrassing. “I thought you may not want to talk to me. I wasn’t sure. And I’m late for my weekly consultation so I…”
As if on cue, the door to the classroom creaked open to reveal Professor Howard standing on the other side. “Ah, there she is!” he cheered. “I was beginning to worry.” He made his way down the aisle to stand beside me, facing Craw.
“Greetings, Professor Howard. Is this your pupil?” she questioned with an eyebrow raised and her lips pursed.
“Yes, she is. I have been waiting for her to show up for our weekly consultation,” he responded, smiling in my direction undoubtedly trying to ease the tension in the air.
“Ah. Well, I needed to speak with Ms. Parker for a moment. She thought it necessary to confront another student in my classroom. Very inappropriate, wouldn’t you agree?” She was no longer looking at Professor Howard. She was glaring at me.
“Really?” Howard asked with a genuinely confused look on his face. He crossed his arms, wrinkling his tight, cream jacket. “That does not seem like Josie. May I ask who the student was?”
“Frances Barns,” Craw said, tilting her head. “I understand she is also another one of your pupils.” Now it was Professor Howard who was in the line of fire. Two students he meets with on a weekly basis exchanging heated words in the Headmistress’ class was not a good look for him. Suddenly, I felt guilty for my outburst. I was not sorry I had confronted Frances but acting on impulse proved to be nearly ineffective anyway. All it did was fluster Frances and strengthen my theory. I still didn’t have any concrete evidence. I should have thought further ahead. Usually I would have talked to Lillian before I did something as big as calling out Frances in a room full of people, but Lillian was in a hospital bed. And now my thoughtlessness was harming Professor Howard.
To my surprise, Howard looked unfazed. “Yes, she is. I am meeting with her later in the day. Perhaps I’ll be able to get to the bottom of this if you would be so kind as to excuse the two of us.” He nodded in my direction.
“As you are well aware, I tolerate no nonsense inside and outside of the classroom, Professor Howard. I also do not tolerate secrets, as you and Professor Rose are well aware.” My heart all but stopped. What was Craw implying? “When, not if, you ‘get to the bottom of this,’” Craw raised her hands to do air quotes, “I expect you will come see me. Since these two young ladies both meet with you, I trust you to sort out this mess.”
Professor Howard shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded, keeping his lips pressed in a hard line. She turned her attention back to me. “Ms. Parker, you are not off the hook. I will speak with you later.”
“Yes, Headmistress Craw. Again, I apologize for my behavior,” I said in a very small voice.
“Do not let it happen again.” Her delicate voice turned demanding. She broke eye contact to look at her book again. She began flipping the pages, so Professor Howard and I took that as our dismissal. We both scurried down the aisle and out the door without another word.
Hallow’s Eve was in full effect as we entered the garden. I was not feeling very festive at the minute, but the decorations covering every inch of the garden were hard to ignore. Orange and black lights twinkled in rows hanging above our heads. Jack-o’-lanterns with the school’s logo carved in the front were lit up and sitting on every bench. It was a gloomy day, the sky filled with dark, looming clouds, so you could see the light from them illuminating the garden despite it being midday. I wasn’t sure if the grim weather was natural or if a spell had been placed on the clouds surrounding the island. A sunny day wasn’t suitable for Hallow’s Eve. We passed by Laura’s memorial, the flowers still in full bloom and I sighed.
Professor Howard and I walked side-by-side in silence. I wondered if he was embarrassed by the mention of his relationship with Professor Rose or if he was just contemplating what to say to me. Maybe he was angry I got him scolded.
When we reached his office, I felt relieved. Despite the figures of the Fallen Angel, which usually made me uncomfortable, I felt at ease. This room felt like a safe haven at the moment. I sat down in my usual chair and waited for Professor Howard to speak. He didn’t for a while. He merely sat in silence at his desk, adjusting one of his figures, even though it appeared to already be in the proper place. I could hear the minutes ticking by on his clock adorning the wall and tried to focus on that sound instead of allowing my thoughts to go wild again.
“So,” he cleared his throat, “what is going on with you and Ms. Barnes?”
“It’s a little complicated,” I stalled, feeling exposed all of the sudden. I acted irrationally and now I would have to explain my thinking to a Professor I respected. The fact that I flipped out because of a name on a paper seemed very silly now. Surely, he would think I was insane.
“I’m sure I can keep up, Josie,” he said gravely. Howard obviously wasn’t going to let this go. “Honestly, this does not seem like you at all. I am concerned.”
“I feel overwhelmed, I guess. I don’t know if you heard, but Lillian was attacked and she’s still in a coma as far as I know.” I looked down at my hands as I spoke, hoping he wouldn’t think I was using Lillian’s situation as an excuse. It was actually true that her attack led to this whole mess. I felt like I needed to defend my best friend. And if she were awake, she would have stopped me before it got too far.
“Ah, yes. I did hear,” he said as if he suddenly understood everything. “I’m sure that is difficult. Especially considering
it is almost the anniversary of your mother’s death.” His blunt statement sent a shock through my spine and my eyes shot up from my hands. He was right. My mother died three days after Hallow’s Eve. But I pushed that out of my mind every year by keeping myself distracted with anything I could find. Lillian usually helped with that.
Professor Howard had never come right out and talked about her actual death this way. He always waited for me to bring it up. I felt unjustified anger. What gave him the right to bring up my mother?
“Like it or not, you come from a bloodline that has some of the most powerful witches of all time,” he continued. “You may not understand this now, but because of that, you always have eyes on you. You need to hold yourself to a higher standard.” I hated him saying this. Not that he wasn’t right about my family, but his cold tone made me feel as if he were saying that my mother wouldn’t be proud of my behavior. And that was none of his business.
“You cannot have an outburst in class,” he said sternly. “Craw will see that as a sign of weakness. She needs to know you are capable of controlling your emotions. If you cannot be trusted to control your own emotions, how can you be trusted to control your remarkable powers?” He nearly rolled his eyes. “You are meant for great things, Josie. Do not throw them away over some disagreement with a classmate.”
He took a deep breath and I felt like the lecture was over. I tried to take in what he said objectively instead of stewing in anger. I guess he had a point. Was I capable of controlling my powers if they were as powerful as he said? I didn’t feel any different than my other classmates, but no adult seemed to think I was average. Miles even said students knew about my family. If they were right and I really was as gifted as people say, then Howard was right, too. I needed to practice control.
“What was the disagreement about, anyway?” he asked, his tone softer now.
“It seems silly now.” I took a deep breath and caved. “I saw Frances’ name on the sign-in sheet at the hospital ward. I wanted to know who she was there to see even though I suppose it wasn’t my business. So, I confronted her. I knew she had to be there for Lillian, and I couldn’t understand why. I reacted without thinking in Craw’s class.” I shook my head, trying to clear the memory of me yelling at Frances out.
Professor Howard immediately transformed his face to stone, attempting to hide any emotions he was feeling, but I could see a glint of rage hiding behind his eyes. My shoulder tensed. He was angry with me. He thought I was irrational and probably immature. I hated disappointing people.
“I see,” he said with clenched teeth. “Well, have you sorted it out with Ms. Barnes?” His voice was controlled.
“I guess so.” I paused. “I know it was foolish to react that way and I’m sorry Craw came after you for my mistake.” He nodded and his face relaxed a bit. Perhaps an apology was all he needed.
“Well, we are running late so we will finish this conversation next week.” He stood abruptly, so I made my way to the door and Professor Howard followed. When I opened it, Frances was biting her nails and pacing in the hallway in front of the entrance to Howard’s office. She stopped in her tracks when she saw us. I expected her to make a snide comment since I had gotten in trouble or, at the very least, smirk, but instead she looked nervous.
Her eyes glazed past me and went straight to Professor Howard. I glanced in his direction before turning to leave. He was glaring at Frances. If looks could kill, she would be long gone. He must be angry with her, too. That didn’t make much sense to me, though. Craw didn’t seem mad at Frances. Why should Howard be? Unless Professor Howard saw through her innocent act just like I did. I tried not to smile when I thought of Howard lecturing her like he had just done to me.
“I’m sorry for my behavior today, Frances,” I mumbled as I walked past her. I didn’t really mean it, but I wanted to put all of this behind me. Frances still didn’t acknowledge my presence. She walked straight into the office with her head hung low. The door practically slammed behind her. I stood in the hallway alone. There were no other students around. No noise. Just me and the silence. In that moment, I knew I had never been more alone.
A Night to Remember
I collapsed on my bed feeling exhausted. My body wasn’t tired, but my mind was. My head had not stopped spinning since I saw that sign-in sheet this morning. I still had so many questions, but no one to talk to. My heart throbbed. I needed Lillian here. I couldn’t make it through without her. She was the only person I trusted without a shadow of a doubt. And probably the only person who wouldn’t think I was absolutely bonkers for being so concerned about Frances visiting the medical wing.
My head started spinning with all my thoughts. Frances had no reason to suddenly develop some friendship with Lillian while she was in a coma. She hated Lillian nearly as much as she hated me. Why was Professor Howard so angry at Frances after our meeting? He basically slammed the door after she stepped inside his office. Why was Miles’ name after mine on the sign-in sheet? Had he simply forgotten to write it down when he arrived? That seemed reasonable to me, but was I just seeing what I wanted to see? My brain was so foggy I wasn’t sure I could trust my own judgment.
At least I knew I could ask Miles about it at the dance tonight. I glanced over at my dress hanging on the outside of my closet. Lillian’s dress was hanging on hers, but she wouldn’t be wearing it. This was too much to process for one day, so I rolled over on my side and closed my eyes. Maybe a nap would clear the fuzz in my head. I fell asleep on a pillow wet with tears.
* * *
I heard a door slam and opened my eyes slowly. My head was still fuzzy, despite the nap, and now my arm was tingling. I pulled it out from under my pillow and it flopped down on my bed limply. I moved it around to try and wake it up but wasn’t having much luck. A nap had not helped at all.
“Oops. Were you asleep?” Ava asked even though she already knew the answer. My hair was disheveled, and I was pretty sure I had lines on the right side of my face from sleeping on my arm. I didn’t answer. I just groaned, looked at the clock, and flopped back down on my blankets. My roommates had obviously come back to get ready for the dance. Miles would be at my door, dressed to the nines, to pick me up in a mere two hours.
I could have spent the full two hours making sure I looked perfect, but I was much too comfy and one hour would be plenty of time to get ready. So, I pulled the covers over my head. I wasn’t ready to stare at Lillian’s dress hanging on her closet, ready to be worn. It wouldn’t be taken off the hanger tonight and it didn’t feel right going to this dance without her. She had been my date for this dance every year since we’d been at North End. This year would have been different regardless since I had a real date, but I wouldn’t have let Lillian feel left out. I would have made sure she made every picture with us. We would have all three danced together on the floor. Lillian would have made sure I had plenty of distractions from the upcoming anniversary I dreaded so much, just like she always did. It would have been fun.
I listened to my roommates gossiping about who was going with who tonight, wondering if anyone would ask them to dance, and comparing their list of girls who had uglier dresses than them. I loved my roommates. They were kind to me and very easy to live with, but their conversations were enough to drive me up the wall sometimes, especially today. We didn’t share the same outlook on life. Their roommate was in the medical ward and this was all they could talk about. If Lillian could overhear this conversation, she would be rolling her eyes just like me.
When I couldn’t stand to hear their blabbering any longer, I crawled out from under my covers, grabbed my bathroom supplies, and trudged down the hall. The bathroom was packed, of course. Girls were running around with dresses in their hands, makeup smeared all over their faces, and rollers pinned in their hair. I squeezed through the crowd to one open mirror on the very end of the row. I splashed water on my face. It was freezing and helped clear my foggy mind a bit. I started putting on my makeup, more than I ever wore on an av
erage day, and listened to the girls beside me.
The one standing up was already in her dress. It was skintight and neon green. And short to boot. I was sure if she turned around, I would nearly be able to see her butt cheeks. She looked good, but I couldn’t imagine the dress would be very comfortable to dance in. Her makeup was already caked on and her hair was in rollers. She was dousing her friend’s head in hairspray and teasing it with a comb. I wasn’t sure what year they were, but I knew they couldn’t be final years. Final years never tried this hard.
“Gracie, you are going to look uhhhh-mazing! Kelly won’t be able to keep her hands off you!” the girl in the green dress exclaimed.
“You think? We might even leave the dance early.” She winked at her friend in the mirror.
“You are so bad!” green dress exclaimed. They both giggled.
“What about you, Sammi? Miles will die when he sees you! He’ll leave that girl so quick she won’t know what hit her! I don’t care how powerful--Hey!” She jerked forward like her friend had elbowed her in the back. Miles. They were talking about my Miles. And her friend must have recognized me. Who were these girls? Interested in my boyfriend. The girl in the seat must have realized her mistake because I heard her mumble “oops” under her breath.
I felt the anger building up inside my chest, rising like bile in my throat. I felt the same way I had when I confronted Frances this morning. I opened my mouth to ask the girls why they were talking about my boyfriend but stopped before anything came out. I remembered what Professor Howard said. I needed to keep my emotions in check. I could not lash out on others because I was going through something terrible. Normally, a small comment from some random girl in a bathroom wouldn’t cause me to bat an eye, but I was seriously on edge. I counted to 10 in my head and took three deep breaths.
North End: The Black Forest Page 14
