by Anna Collins
Robert
It didn't matter anymore if my eyes remained open or closed because the view never changed.
The allure of darkness and the sound of the mystic waves was all my sense organs could take in. No, that was not all, I was also getting the faint smell of rust, or was it dried blood? I had no idea.
They said that one must have an exceptional inner strength to break their own heart. But what about me? I was the one to both break my heart and inflict unbearable pain on myself. I hit myself mercilessly until every muscle of my body became worn out like the broken pieces of glass. My back became stiff with pain, I could no longer feel any movement in my hand and warm drops of blood arrived to shower my bruised and tired body.
But I didn't do this because I had some kind of exceptional inner strength or something, nor I wanted to test the verge of my masculinity. I liked to torture myself because pain was the only thing that made me feel like I was alive. It was the only thing that somehow lessened the huge burden of guilt that was lying in my heart for years.
If anyone came to know about this, they would categorize me as maniac or psychopath but no one would ever realize what is going on inside my heart. I hated myself, I hated myself to that extent that I wanted to vanish my presence but again, I was not strong enough to do that. It was true that I hated myself but I could not bring it within myself to end my life. And secondly, I was not a quitter, I wanted to punish myself and death would have only made the punishment easier. And easy was not the word for Robert Hudson. I liked it hard, I liked it painful, I liked it brutal.
The arms of darkness used to make me feel safe. It didn't ask me any questions just entrapped me within itself and I didn't even realize when it overtook my senses. Everyone used to say that my heart was made of darkness. Well, they were right about the darkness part, but my heart was not made of darkness, it was the consequences of some events that sucked out all the light from my heart and left nothing but guilt, pain, sadness and darkness in it. That was ‘the done' thing, right? Why would someone get anything else from the heart of a... killer?
Freya
The sodium gleam of the street lamps, or the flickering strip light from a sleepy minicab stand, offered little consolation to the ominous nature of darkness. The night was moving ahead in all its glory, spreading black, jinxed smokes off darkness all over. I stared through the plain glass window of my bedroom, as usual, the darkness was trying it's best to intimidate me. But something had changed, the scary beams of darkness failed to raise any kind of emotions in me. It felt like their presence no longer affected me. In fact, it seemed like nothing was affecting me nowadays. I could feel nothing except for emptiness; if felt like a part of me was lost and would never be found again.
How could he do this to me? How could he leave me alone like this? But again, this was my fate. I knew that whenever I got attached to something or someone that thing would be taken away from me; the experience of losing my loved thing was not something new for me, then why did I let him touch my heart? Not only he touched my heart but also he had the audacity to crush it into pieces.
That's how it all had started, it was supposed to be a fake play, I decided earlier that I would not let anyone play with my feelings, on top of that I never really believed in love, then how did I fell into his trap?
That bad-ass billionaire, I despised him from the very first sight. His boyish charms and good looks never affected me. I never went ga-ga for him. But there were some unspoken emotions in his ocean blue eyes, the emotions were so pure that it overshadowed his dark nature. His actions had all the rigidity in the world but his eyes, those eyes had all the softness and innocence in them. While my mind was busy in hating him, his eyes tricked my heart into falling for him. I had no idea what love was, and I was not sure if the emotions that I felt for him was of love or not but a part of me was continuously yearning and aching just to get a sight of him.
I sighed and a drop of tear rolled down from my cheek. Shit! I was crying, what the hell was wrong with me? I held my head and instructed myself not to cry.
"Are you done?" Kate's pinching voice almost startled me.
I turned around in a jolt and there she was standing in a pink knee length dress, with her hands on her hips. She made that you-are-so-lame face at me.
I looked down and cleaned my face.
"Seriously Freya, I thought you were a smart and independent girl but you proved me wrong, just look at you. You are crying and wasting yourself, that too for a man? Yeeks, look out, a girl you will find hundreds of men standing on their knees for you" she shrugged shaking her head.
"I don't want anyone. Just leave me in my state. I can handle myself" I uttered and turned around to the gloomy view that my window was offering.
"No. I won't. I know I am a bad friend but I don't have it in me to leave you alone like this. By the way, where are your best friends? The little one and the big one? Your ‘team'. Whenever the little one needs you his mouth doesn't get tired from chanting sis. And the big one, who always keeps saying “Freya, I got your back”. Where are they now? Ahh let me guess, must have been sleeping around with some whores" Kate mocked and sat beside me at the window plane.
"Don't say like this. They care for me a lot, it's just that nowadays they are swamped with work" I protested.
Kate shook her head "ya, ya I know that. Danny just called me to check on you."
I looked at her in disbelief "what? Kate, you are impossible" and hit her.
She wrapped her arms around my shoulder "Freya, I know I can never be as good as them but trust me I do care for you and I can't see you like this. It has been a month since he left you and this city too. No one knows where he is! Just forget him like a bad dream and concentrate on your life. Now you have even got back your old job, think about your dreams, your happiness" she uttered.
"I want to, but I just can't get him out of my head. That guy has buried a thousand pain in his heart" I sighed.
"That doesn't mean that you will cry a thousand tears for him. He is bad Freya, don't fall for his pain, the pain that he is suffering, he has earned them. That guy can only play games and I can't let him treat you as his plaything" Kate announced.
"Something doesn't feel right Kate; his sudden disappearance is raising lots of questions in my head," I said.
"Ugh! Freya, get over him" she shook me by the shoulder.
"Now get ready, we are going out for dinner" she stood up and announced.
"I thought you were going out on a date with your boyfriend" I raised an eyebrow.
She frowned "we broke up; he was not into me.”
I remembered the conversation that I had the other night with her boyfriend. Oh God! Did he break up with her for me? Then I shook away those thoughts thinking that I was just being paranoid.
"Kate, I am not feeling like going out" I leaned on the window.
"You don't have a choice darling; Danny is coming to pick us in five so better get ready or else I will ask him to carry you around" she warned.
That forced me to smile "yes, seeing the size of his muscles, he will be able to carry me around with ease. Okay, I will get ready" I said, feeling defeated.
"Good, girl. Wait I will pick out clothes for you" Kate said and happily roamed around my room to get some clothes and accessories for me.
"You said Kate is coming after us in her car but I can't see her anywhere," I asked Danny while turning back again and again to spot Kate's silver Toyota Allion. I didn't know why but the idea of being alone with Danny never seemed good to me. Ya, he was my buddy, but sometimes I did notice a strange glare in his eyes, and that made me feel uncomfortable.
He was a handsome young guy, well a bit too muscular and heavily built for an average guy. Back in high school, I used to have a crush on him too, but I was very chubby at that time, maybe that's why I felt uncomfortable to make any kind of interaction with him. I was glad that I controlled my feelings if I had spilled them out then he would have laughed at me. I was the
girl with whom no one wanted to go out. I sighed deeply, thinking about the miserable state of my childhood days when the sky and the stars were my only best friends.
"Hey girl, are you even listening to me? It's tough to catch your expressions in darkness and when I am driving" Danny poked me with his elbow.
"Um...what?" I asked, feeling clueless.
He laughed "nothing, I just said that something came up and Kate won't be joining us tonight, so it's just you and me baby" he winked.
I forced a smile. Shit! I should have known it, Kate was always planning to set me up with Danny. Apparently, she could see something else when I and Danny interacted with each other. That bimbo! Her mind was too complex to understand the true bond of friendship.
"Frey, are you still upset about your thingy with Robert?" Danny asked softly.
What did he say? "thingy"? Robert and I...well...we had nothing. But then why did it feel so bad when Danny addressed our relationship with that silly word?
"I'm sorry, did my words offend you. Don't mind Freya, please, you know I would never want to upset you" he said.
I looked away, off course I was offended. How could he say like this, in spite of being my friend, in spite of.... wait...all I ever told them was how much I hated Robert. Well, that's what I told myself as well, I didn't realize when he broke down those walls of hatred and gained entry into my heart.
Danny brought the car to a halt. "Frey, please look at me. I'm sorry" he touched me by the shoulder and I looked at him.
"See Freya, you know me, I never dress up this much for anyone. But today I'm wearing this white dress shirt and blue jeans because you said you like to see good-looking guys in white" he blinked.
That made me smile "oh it means, you are trying to announce that you are good-looking?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Do you have a doubt on that?" he asked in disbelieve.
"Maybe a little. I think you are overestimating yourself" I teased.
A frown became apparent on his face, "really? Then what about the girls who go all ga-ga over me?"
"Umm...maybe they are blind" I pursed my lips to stop myself from smiling.
He furrowed his eyebrows as he caught me laughing then he too smiled and kept looking at me.
"What? Now don't tell me, I look bad because that's not going to offend me" I pouted.
"I can never say that, because you are breathtakingly beautiful" he whispered in a trance-like manner and the intensity of the moment almost caught me.
What the hell was that? Was he trying to hit on me?
I shook my head and the next moment I stepped out of the car. Jeez! how much I needed that fresh gust of air.
Oh, that's why he had stopped the car, we were right in front yard of Tipple Apple Restaurant. I was standing on the grass carpet, surrounded by trees that had twinkling white star-lights on them. The unruly gusts of wind felt a bit rough against my bare arms. And I cursed myself immediately for wearing this half-sleeved bottle green dress, at least it went below my knees. Seeing Danny's weird behavior, I regretted getting out of the home in the first place.
Did he know that the sizzlers of this restaurant are my extreme favorite? Ahh! Kate! That bitch might have given him a full list of my likes and dislikes. At that moment I just wanted to punch her right on that makeup covered face of hers.
"Frey, is everything okay?" Danny asked while locking the car.
God! This was super awkward; I didn't know what to say to him. Freya, relax. You are just overreacting, maybe you are getting it wrong, Danny can't hit on you. I took few deep breaths and decided to follow the suggestion of my inner voice.
"Hello, Freya, you were never so dull like this. Man! I'm feeling like I'm hanging out with a lifeless dummy. You used to be so fun" he shook his head.
Whoa! Now he is acting all casual and friendly? Ugh! Guys, when will I ever understand them. I shook my head.
"Now don't give me that you-are-mad-Danny look. I just lose my track around you. I can't control my feelings anymore" he held my hand and looked deeply into my eyes.
No, Not again.
"Feelings? What feelings?" my eyes popped out in shock as I almost jumped.
"Cool down, your face is scaring me" he gulped.
Really? Then what about your words?
It was so damn uncomfortable. I kept looking here and there to avoid his please-love-me face. Ahh, I so wished Robert was here if he was here he would have pulled me into his arms by wrapping his hand around my waist and his claiming eyes and lethal attitude would have given Danny the perfect answer.
But then again, it was nothing but a segment of my imagination. My life was not a fairytale and neither was Robert Hudson a prince charming. He was the villain of my life, the blood-sucking Dracula.
"Freya!" Danny shook me by the shoulders.
I looked up to him "Danny, this conversation is getting too heavy for me" I blurted out.
He sighed and left my shoulder, then looked down. "I know, and I am sorry. It was not my plan to blurt out my feelings like this. But you are looking so beautiful and it seemed like a perfect chance as you might need a shoulder to cry on" he said and then shut his eyes tightly as if he had regretted his last words.
Shoulder to cry on? Was he even for real? Now this was a direct hit to my self-respect, what did he think of me? Was I the kind of girl who kept smearing her mascaras by crying on the shoulders of guys? And on top of that, he thought that I would take him as a rebound?
My fist clenched, enough of politeness, now I needed to show him a hint of Freyaness. I rolled my eyes "cry on your shoulder? And then? What else have you planned for this night, Danny?" the tone of my voice raised automatically, some people who were around us and were entering or leaving the restaurant, we attracted their attention.
"Hush, Freya. People are looking at us" Danny whispered, gripping on my wrist.
I jerked away his hand "I don't care" I uttered.
"Please Freya, don't react like this sweety. This is totally new for me. You know what, just forget everything I said. Frey, I'm your friend, I'm your old brainless Danny. That's what you used to say me right?" he touched my face.
"God! Freya, you look hotter when you are angry" he said in almost in a trance-like manner.
I slapped on his hand "don't you dare try these silly pickup lines on me" I warned and instead of getting angry he laughed.
"Okay, I will do everything you say, but please don't go away from my life. Slap me, abuse me, yell at me, but don't ever hate me Freya. Please," he urged.
A part of me was almost touched by his sweet recitation but again, none of my parts were working properly, Robert had damaged them already.
Maybe my emotions got mixed up or something like that but I just wanted to cry loudly, like a baby. Everything just looked so messed up, my emotions, my life, and my existence.
"Danny don't behave like this, you are my friend. You, Kate and Rick, are everything I have. Everyone abandoned me and I can't bear the burden of any more broken relationships" I sighed, feeling extremely tired.
The people who were staring at us were bored and got busy in their own works.
"I am sorry" he held both his ears.
"Let's just forget that this conversation ever took place. Okay?" I asked, removing his hands from his ears.
He held my hand and smiled "great now can we go and eat something? I am starving" he made a puppy face.
I smiled and nodded my head in yes.
The glowing embers leaped and twirled in a fiery dance; flickering, weaving under the spell it was sparked into. Soon the blazing fire transformed itself into a big hexagon which got brighter and brighter with every movement of her blood- red lips.
The foul Smell of rust drifted through the house like incense. The powerful smell and the dense puff of white smoke almost made the scene look like a dream. Any normal person would have gotten senseless and not to mention extremely weak in that ominous environment, but again Rebecca didn't fell under the general defi
nition of a human being.
Rebecca closed her eyes and it seemed like she was listening to something very carefully.
"Master is very upset and this can only mean disaster for us" she murmured to herself.
Then she opened her eyes and looked around as if trying to find something. When she saw no one, a slight hint of disappointment became prominent in her dark eyes.
"I will try again" she announced and got back to her ritual.
Then all of a sudden a puff of black smoke formed at the very end of her hexagon. Soon the shapeless smoke started taking a shape, Rebecca looked at it carefully as the black smoke transformed itself into the figure of a woman.
Rebecca looked at the figure in a way as if she was trying to recognize it. Her forehead was wrinkled too, then the next moment her lips curled into a devilish smirk "I knew it! it is the time to get you a new bride, I was just waiting for your indication, I have the perfect girl for you. Very soon you will be married again."
As soon as Rebecca said it the flames of those thousands of candles started dancing, and the yellow color of the flames showed all the seven colors of the rainbow. It looked like as if the flames were dancing. Rebecca smiled for a moment but then a sign of agony appeared on her face as she murmured to herself "how will I convince Freya? What if my spell of hypnotism doesn't work on her?"
"You were so right. These sizzlers are to die for" Danny said chewing on his piece of meat. He was so messy.
"Hmm," I said.
I couldn't wait for this evening to get over.
"Hey look, the channel is showing some news about Robert Hudson," said a girl who was sitting on the table next to us.
The sound of the name Robert Hudson immediately made my heart skip a beat and I turned my head to the flat screen TV.
I was disappointed again, they were not showing Robert on TV, it was a casual interview of Joe Hudson, Robert's uncle. Everyone had their eyes fixed on the TV, it was clear that they were anticipating for a news about Robert.
The reporter: Joseph Hudson. First of all congratulations for being the 'whole and soul' of Hudson Industries. It has been one month and you are handling everything on your own. Is the absence of Robert Hudson bothering you?
