“That’s ridiculous. You’re both adults and you have a child for God’s sake. Besides, it isn’t like he looks a day older than twenty-eight. It isn’t right for a man to be that pretty.”
“I know, right? You should see him without his shirt on. I can tell you one thing—he won’t be seeing this body with the lights on. I don’t know what I was thinking last night.”
“Oh stop. You’re gorgeous.” Jade walked to the counter and read the label on the wine bottle from the night before. “Nice. This is like a seventy dollar bottle of wine.”
Kat almost dropped the dish she was holding. “Shut up! Do you think I should return it to him?”
“No. I think you should put it in the fridge so we can drink the rest of it next time I come over. Relax, Kat. The guy owns his own business. I’m sure he can afford to lose half a bottle of wine.” She rolled her eyes, but Kat was still thinking of returning it to him. Seventy dollars was more than her monthly electric bill.
“Well, I’ve got to take off. Call me if anything happens. I want all the juicy details.”
Jade went into the living room and said goodbye to Mia while she finished the dishes.
Later that afternoon Kat sat at the kitchen table paying bills while Mia played with her new bunny in the backyard. Her gaze bounced from her checkbook to the window.
Running errands that morning had helped restore a sense of normalcy she desperately needed. Following her routine made her feel in control while soothing her frazzled nerves. She needed the structure in her day-to-day life.
At some point while shopping in the dairy isle at the market she made a decision about Tyson. Mia came first and it was in her daughter’s best interest to have a sane mother, so she needed to focus on what kept her sane and avoid everything that left her feeling off kilter. That meant no more making out with her hot neighbor.
It was for the best. She couldn’t give him what he wanted and what he wanted terrified her. A disparaging laugh snuck out. She couldn’t even say what he wanted. The pen nervously twitched between her fingers as she blankly stared at her checkbook.
“Sex,” she whispered. “Tyson Adams wants sex.” Confronting her fears should make her feel better, but it didn’t.
At the top corner of her electric bill she doodled the word LOSER and tossed her pen down on the stack of bills. Sitting back in her chair, she watched Mia bounce Oscar the bunny along the grass as she played and talked to the stuffed rabbit.
Mia’s head turned toward the fence and she smiled. She was so beautiful and carefree. Kat loved observing her play. Her daughter stood up and said something and Kat’s grin faded. She was speaking to someone. Mia took a step toward the fence and out of her line of vision.
The chair scraped along the kitchen floor as she bolted for the backdoor. Every thirty seconds a child was kidnapped and it took less than those thirty seconds for that child to be taken. Statistics were a deadly thing. “Mia!”
Her steps faltered when Mia turned, standing by the fence talking to Tyson on the other side. Her daughter looked at her, probably wondering why she’d snapped her name. Tyson smiled.
“You know you’re supposed to stay where I can see you.”
Mia’s grin slid into a frown. “I was talking to Tyson, Momma.”
Tyson stood there, holding Oscar, his expression blank and his eyes observant.
“You know the rules. Now, go inside and play.”
“But Momma—” she whined.
“Go,” she repeated sternly.
“Kat,” Tyson softly interrupted. “It was my fault. I—”
He was not going to override her authority again. “Inside, Mia.” She pointed toward the house. Mia took Oscar back from Tyson and hung her head as she walked into the house.
When Kat turned back to Tyson he was frowning. Defensiveness rose up inside of her, hot, like a groundless volcano. “I don’t need to justify my parenting to you. She broke a rule and there has to be consequences.”
“Okay.” He nodded, hands raised defensively. “I didn’t know the rule. Now I do. Next time I won’t approach her until you know I’m here. I’m sorry.” He reached to brush a hand down her arm and she stepped away. “What’s going on, Kat?”
She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. “Tyson, I like you, but what happened last night can’t happen again.”
She needed to get this out and then they could both put it behind them. “See, my life took a long time to get to this point. I like things neat and tidy. I have a routine for everything and a structure to our days and weeks that works. It works for me and it works for Mia. My plate’s already full and anything more would just be a complication. I’m not the kind of girl you need in your life.”
“Kat—”
“Let me finish. Please,” she interrupted. “We’re neighbors, Tyson. You’re going to move into that house and make it your home. And even though I rent the cottage, it’s our home, and I don’t want to move. I love it here. We love it here. If we got involved and things didn’t work out, I’d hate myself for having to take Mia away. I have to consider Mia first in all things. She’s my sole purpose on this earth and she wouldn’t understand you being around and then suddenly not being around anymore when things don’t pan out. It’d be confusing and she could wind up getting hurt. Do you understand?”
“Can I talk now?” he asked and she nodded. “Okay, first, I’m not an asshole. I’d never hurt Mia. Second, even if things didn’t work out, I’d never make things awkward enough that you’d have to consider moving. Third, I don’t want to rush you into anything. Things just got a little out of hand last night. I can be a very patient man, Kat. And fourth, you’re lying to yourself if you think last night wasn’t a big deal.”
Eyes darting to the left, she mumbled, “It was just a hook up.”
“I’m not a fool, Kat. I’m also not a teenager. I’m thirty-six years old and I’ve experienced enough to realize when I’m dealing with someone who doesn’t have a lot of experience.”
Her mortification at his words must have been written clear across her face.
“Shit. That didn’t come out right. I meant, last night I realized some things about you that I didn’t know before. The more we got carried away, the more I realized how much your life’s been solely about Mia. You did everything right, Kat. Please don’t think you did anything to disappoint me.” He rubbed his forehead and took a breath. “Kat, there are ways a man can tell when a woman is practically a virgin.”
Her spine stiffened. She was not having this conversation. Not with him. She couldn’t run away without making a complete fool of herself so she put up a defensive front. “I have a child, Tyson. I’m far from a virgin.”
“Tell me you’ve been with someone other than Mia’s father and I’ll admit I’m wrong.”
“It’s none of your business who I’ve been with.”
“I get that, but I’m asking anyway.”
Her chin trembled as she glanced toward the house. “The day I conceived Mia was the first day I ever did anything more than kissing. It wasn’t special and it wasn’t with someone I loved. It was in the backseat of a fucking Bronco and afterward he didn’t even help me find my underwear. But, other than humiliation and a bruise on my hip from the buckle of the seat belt, I did get something out of it. I got scorned, but then I got Mia. So you can judge me all you want, but I am what I am, and my reasons only have to be good enough for me.” By the time she got the last word out she was shaking.
“Do you think I would criticize you for putting your daughter first?” he whispered. “Do you think I was making fun of your innocence?”
Shame welled up inside of her. She wasn’t a nasty person, but she hated feeling cornered. Her frustration was more with herself than anyone else. Being non-confrontational caused more trouble than actual confrontation at times. Her mother walked all over her. Men got the wrong impression. “I don’t know how to do this,” she quietly confessed.
He let out a deep breath. “L
ast night, what we shared, it was something special. It might have been spontaneous and in your kitchen, but it was something intimate that had only to do with you and me. I know you aren’t a virgin, Kat, but you might as well be. I felt you last night. I felt your surprise when you—well, let’s say I understand how unfamiliar this all is to you.”
How was it he saw all of her, no matter how much she tried to hide her flaws from him? She shouldn’t be so transparent. Her insides quivered with every breath. It took all of her strength to stand there while he finished talking and not run into her home and hide.
“Please, Kat. Don’t end this before we can see where it goes. I shouldn’t have let things get so out of hand last night. I’m sorry. We can take things slow. Like I said, I can be patient. Let me take you out to dinner. Mia can come too, if you want, but if you think it’ll confuse her to be there, we can think of another solution. At least give me a chance to take you on a real date.”
She blinked at him as twin tears fell down her cheeks. She wanted to say yes, but she couldn’t. She cared about him too much for her own good. And she barely knew him. What would happen if he broke her heart? She’d be devastated.
She needed to stay firm. She wouldn’t be able to be the strong mother she needed to be if she was moping around distraught with a broken heart.
Men walked away. That’s what they did. Every single one of them, when the going got tough they were gone. She had suffered enough from people turning their backs on her. It was a survivable kind of pain for an adult, but she wouldn’t risk exposing Mia to that kind of hurt. She couldn’t imagine explaining to her three-year-old that, unfortunately, sometimes people were just careless assholes with other people’s feelings.
She knew what she was and what she wasn’t. Dating was something she’d never done and it terrified her. While kids were resilient and Mia would bounce back if things didn’t work out, Kat might not. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just can’t. My life doesn’t allow room for dating.”
She glanced up at him, catching the disappointment in his eyes. “Please try to understand and respect my wishes. You can continue to have a relationship with Mia, I know she adores you, but I think it would be better if you and I maintained a safe distance from each other from now on.”
His head shook in defeat. “No.”
She stilled. “No?”
He shook his head. “No. You go on ahead and lump me in with all the other men and boys who let you down, Kat. I’m not like them. I’m not afraid of taking things slow. I’ll prove it to you. You can’t scare me away with all your ‘my life’s complicated’ crap.”
“My life is complicated,” she said, waving her hands defensively.
“So is mine,” he snapped and she flinched. He held up his palm. “Sorry.”
In a calmer voice, he said, “You think you’re the only one who has it hard? Everyone out there is fighting some sort of battle. It’s all part of being a grown-up. If you’re expecting it to get easier, I hate to disappoint you, but it’s not gonna. Life’s unfair and it’s hard and there are a lot of assholes out there.
“I’m not a liar, Kat, so I’m gonna give it to you straight. So long as you’re sitting here playing the martyr, nothing’s going to change. You can go ahead and think I’m the bad guy, but I would never turn my back on the mother of my children or on my child when she needed me most. I’m not him and I’m not your dad.”
He leaned close to her ear and whispered, “I’m real, Kat. The way I feel about you is real. But that doesn’t matter until you start seeing me and not lumping me in with all the other people who treated you wrong. I get that you’re young, but you’re no kid. When you’re ready to act like a woman, I’ll be more than happy to show you what it is to have a good man.” With that, he turned and walked away.
Shaken, she stood stock-still as he left. He was right about one thing. He was nothing like her father or Mia’s.
He meant what he said. And yes, she was running. So what? So many parts of her life forced her to grow up. Maybe this was a part she wasn’t willing to rush.
Chapter Seven
“Mia, who are you talking to?”
Kat carried a basket of laundry into her daughter’s room and came up short. The blush that worked over Mia’s round cheeks was followed by her little lips drawing into a tight bow. Only a child could form a look of such innocent guilt.
The antique wooden doll table was set with mismatched plastic teacups. Usually Mia filled the chairs with her dollies, but today they were empty. “I was talking to Gorrum.”
“Gorrum?” What the hell was a Gorrum?
“Uh-huh. You can’t see him.”
Wonderful.
“Gorrum, elbows off the table,” Mia softly admonished in a tone that was so familiarly Kat’s. The clink of tiny teacups and soft chatter filled the room as Kat folded little dresses and socks neatly into drawers.
“Can Gorrum stay with us for a while, Momma?”
The drawer slid shut. It looked like she’d be visiting the library in the near future. There had to be some developmental books on imaginary friends. “Sure, babe.”
She left Mia and her invisible friends to their party and went to get the mail. The sight of Tyson’s quiet house drew her attention. No cars in the driveway. No lights shining in the window. No music streaming from the backyard.
A strange sort of emptiness had stayed with her since she and Tyson decided they needed space. Not that it could be called space. Space was something a couple took when they needed time to think. They were not a couple. They weren’t even friends. He and Mia had more of a friendship than she and Tyson had ever shared.
Tyson had kept his word and respected Kat’s wishes to ignore their chemistry for the sake of simplicity. Her life was again uncomplicated and simple. Totally simple. No complications what—so—ever. And she wanted to scream.
She was bored out of her mind. Never before did the idea of going to work, taking care of her home, feeding and tending to Mia, feel so…vacant. This emptiness wasn’t there before the arrival of Tyson Adams and she really wished it would leave.
Envelopes shuffled between her fingers as she scanned for anything good. The soft whoosh of a car pulling down the street mixed with the echo of children playing behind fenced in yards.
Nothing but junk mail and bills. She shut the mailbox and stumbling to a halt. That must have been the car she heard. He looked at her and his hand slowly raised in a sullen sort of wave. She mirrored the gesture. The ache that was becoming so familiar, the hollow feeling of starvation pulling on her heart, returned with a vengeance.
She couldn’t make out the crease of his eyes or the set of his mouth, but his body language said it all. He didn’t like this space in between them. She’d hurt him and hurting others never sat well with her. Especially when the other person was someone she cared about. Maybe she should go talk to—
Shock was a funny thing. It had a way of short-circuiting the brain, but making the eyes keen. Adrenaline let loose in her blood tingling under her skin like little poking pins, as a tall, black woman with long braids down her back stepped out of Tyson’s car.
Fingers trembling, lungs seizing, her eyes stared unblinking. The woman turned and looked at Kat. She was pretty. She was older. She was black. She was everything Kat wasn’t.
Jealousy slithered through her gut leaving a trail of hurt. So much for waiting. The envelopes clumsily fell from her fingers and dropped to the ground. Her gaze ripped away from the two of them as she scrambled to pick up the mail.
Hyper aware of how fast her eyes were blinking, she looked up and they were gone—into his house, a place she’d never been. Not your business. Slow, deep breaths cut to the bottom of her lungs as she quickly moved inside.
The phone rang, but she let it go to voicemail.
She shut her eyes and tried to get a grip. This is why you can’t fool around with the neighbor. The chances of things not working out were too high. There would be hundreds
of women coming and going over the years. The idea of witnessing every date going in and every walk of shame heading out was sickening.
Once her emotions were somewhat under control she picked up the phone and dialed the code for her messages.
“Katherine, hi. Dawson Price. Your mother gave me your number. I’d like to get together with you, take you out to dinner if you’re interested. Call me and we’ll set something up. Hope you’re doing well. Take care.”
He rattled off his number and the message cut off. The pen and notepad sat just next to the stove on the counter, taunting her. Her molars ground tight as she imagined Vivian’s joy when giving Dawson her phone number.
As the polite mechanical female voice detailed the message options, Kat’s thumb slid over the keypad. Without needing to look, her thumb found the number three and pressed. “Your message has been deleted.” She tossed the phone on the counter.
Since she was a child, Kat had been raised to do as she was told and not make waves.
Do as I say, Katherine.
Don’t be difficult, Katherine.
It’s impolite to argue, Katherine.
She had been molded into a proper little puppet, incapable of standing on her own. But when one string started to unravel and she wasn’t so perfect anymore, her parents had cut her down and left her behind.
It became her mission in life to prove her parents wrong and survive without their help. That first week she had been left alone in that scary apartment she decided she was going to be the most competent, careful individual ever. She would never be on the receiving end of trouble again.
The problem was—there wasn’t much to lose when she never took any risks. She couldn’t even put chips away on the shelf labeled cereal without breaking into a sweat. Time had somehow convinced her if everything were perfect, people—her parents—would forget her mistakes. Her life had become one long line of overcompensating.
No matter how much she told herself she didn’t need her parents’ approval, she still hungered for it. But giving Dawson her phone number was going too far.
First Comes Love (New Castle Book 1) Page 11
