by LJ Swallow
I place a hand on his cheek again, and he looks up at me. Hesitantly, I move closer and place my lips gently on his. His lips are soft and the contact feels as natural as if we've done this a thousand times, not just once. Respecting what he said, I draw away again; I won't make this worse for him or more confusing for me. He strokes my hair and smiles at me, eyes shining, before kissing my forehead.
"What's the second reason you avoid me?" I ask.
"Because I don't want to link with the vision about me." He touches the chain holding the Blackwood pendant, like a religious man touching his cross in prayer. "Maybe once you save my life, I'll kiss you until you're dizzy."
"You saved mine, it's only fair I repay the favour." I wrap my arms around him again.
We hold onto each other, two people who share more than their magic, but are united by a life outside their control. Forged by a love for each other that stretches further than a physical desire and into something we don't understand. A piece of my heart belongs to Jamie as it does Ash and Andrei—and that piece is all he wants for now. When the time is right, I hope he wants more.
Chapter Thirty-Six
MAEVE
Andrei's back. When Jamie said the words, they seemed impossible and I didn't fully catch up to reality. They entered my head but wouldn't stick. I didn't want to believe, in case the news wasn't true.
But it is. He's back. Once reality sinks in, I sit cross-legged on my bed, shaking as I type him a text, hoping for a reply. I've learned that this hemia vampire is often awake in the day, even though he can't expose himself to sunlight. I teased him that must be where his dark and depressed look comes from: hiding inside all day. He pulled a face. I can't always tell if Andrei secretly thinks something is amusing, or is genuinely annoyed.
I'm tempted to make my way to Petrescu and see if he's awake, but resist. He may be asleep, or worse, not want to see me. Andrei spent several nights at Ravenhold and the effect this may've had concerns me. How quickly can Ravenhold damage somebody?
No, I can't see him until night falls—if he wants to see me.
Until then, I brace myself for walking into my first public day since my near-death experience.
I'm used to my role as the academy curiosity and the scrutiny isn't unusual, but I hate facing people after making myself centre of attention again. Some Walcott kids asked if I was okay over the last couple of days, but mostly to dig for dirt.
The circumstances surrounding Becci's confession and the truth about Lorna's death is hushed up, apart from on a need to know basis. If someone is feeding information to the Dominion, we don't want to fuel them.
Becci left the academy for the rest of term, the staff citing a nervous breakdown over Lorna's death as the reason. Her parents took her on holiday somewhere for the month—I suspect the family must be in hiding.
Sometimes I wish I'd left for home too. My parents were informed I was sick, but they pay little attention to what happens now I'm out of sight and mind. That hurts, but I feel more at home here than anywhere else, even if my new life frequently almost kills me.
The news about Andrei's return caused a stir and is the sole topic discussed outside and inside the classroom. I sit closer to Jamie than ever in magical history, as the boring lesson and the equally bored Professor Kendal quotes treaties and dates, asking us to make notes.
Others amuse themselves exchanging messages on phones held in laps, beneath the desks, and whispers and looks are thrown my way. In the end, I turn my back and allow my hair to fall like a curtain between me and the others.
The gossip has spread to Amelia's whereabouts too, as her absence becomes focal now the Andrei issue is less interesting. Again, the academy provides a story about sudden illness, and again students don't believe this either. The gossiping reached critical mass—and now Andrei's back.
Each time I think of Andrei, I'm attacked by butterflies—this isn't a fluttery stomach as I think about the guy I've fallen for, but an assault on my emotions. I don't only crave to see Andrei again, a part of me needs him. He can pull me back down from the stage I'm set on, blinded by lights while everybody stares.
We can stand together against everybody else's prejudice and hatred.
If he wants to see me.
After an excruciating hour, I duck out of class with Jamie the moment we're given the all clear. Jamie said little during the lesson, focused on his work. Is that why the guy spends so much time in the library? Because he can bury himself in studies and fill his brain with knowledge to push out the things he'd rather forget?
"I wish we had Mental Magic today," I say as he takes my books from me. "I need to see Tobias."
"I'm sure he'll find you." Jamie's lips purse as he pushes the books under one arm. "I noticed he hasn't been around much while you were unwell. That surprises me."
And hurts. He took part in one bedside visit with Sofia alongside him. I couldn't pick up on anything in my weak state—none of his thoughts reached mine.
"There'll be a reason. Like Ash." I glance in the direction of Gilgamesh house, unable to see due to the wall. "It's crazy they're segregated still."
"Yeah. Theodora won't allow that for long."
"I hope so," I mutter.
As we make our way to the library, I've the misfortune of bumping into Yvette—although I suspect this isn't an accidental meeting. The girl has waited for this moment since I stepped back into academy life this morning. She stands with a group who laugh at something on a phone screen, but Yvette looks straight at me.
"Oh, great," I mutter to Jamie.
"We can go the other way to the library?" he suggests.
"No. She doesn't intimidate me."
Yvette moves too far into my personal space for politeness, but I refuse to step back at her threatening move.
Her frosty blue eyes stare into mine and I refuse to look away from her unsmiling face. "I hope you're happy now. Becci has gone and your evil boyfriend came back." She flicks a look at Jamie. "Or did you find a new one?"
I sigh at her. "I'm happy Andrei isn't paying for a crime he didn't commit."
"Doesn't matter. Nobody trusts him." She waves a hand around. "And where is he? Andrei should be at his lessons if it was so important for him to return to the academy."
"Give him a break," says Jamie. "He spent several days at Ravenhold."
Every time somebody mentions this, my stomach leadens. I've still no response to the text. Knowing he's a short walk across the academy kills me more than when he was hundreds of miles away. He's free to do as he wants now, unlike Ash.
Will he come to me tonight if I wait for him?
"I'd like to know what you did to Becci," says Yvette, shifting closer.
"Nothing. She had some information about the killing and was brave enough to tell people."
Even if I had to half-kill myself to pull the memories from her head.
"Right. And now she's in hiding?" asks Yvette.
"On holiday."
Yvette barks a laugh. "That's bullshit and you know it."
I shrug. "Believe what you want."
"Oh, I do. I believe Andrei will kill again and next time I hope they burn him alive."
How has she become this vicious? But I refuse to allow her to goad me into a fight about Andrei. "Jamie." I pull at his hand and we pass the group, every muscle in my body tense.
"Hang around Petrescu and you'll regret it," Yvette mutters.
I pick up my pace and reach the library in record time, rushing to a quiet corner before I rest against a seat by a window. My breath comes in shorter bursts; I'm not physically or mentally up to this yet.
Jamie strides over. "You're never in a hurry to visit the library. Am I converting you?"
I give a weak smile. We both know the real reason.
"I don't feel safe," I admit. "I hate making enemies for no reason."
He rests on the seat beside me. "Everything sucks, huh."
"Yep."
He takes a deep breath and the
n wraps an arm around my shoulders. I rest my head on his chest, sensing the bond again. "Do you think we'll be able to speak psychically like Matt and Amelia?" I ask.
"Not all bonded witches can. I think your head is full enough without someone else's voice inside there too."
Like Tobias's. "True."
Resting his head on mine, he pulls me into a tighter embrace. "I'm sure Andrei will appear soon. Don't worry."
"I hope so."
But which Andrei will I face when I see him?
Chapter Thirty-Seven
MAEVE
I know where to find Andrei.
Those times I crept around at night fighting with myself whether to talk to him or not seem like a distant past. I never thought I'd sit and wait for him on this bench after days worrying he'll die.
I rub my damp palms on my jeans and take a shuddery breath. What if Andrei closes down again? Recently, he took a step away from believing he'll suffer for who he is, but now he's pushed backwards into a place where he was judged without trial.
I'm also hurt that Andrei never came to me when he was released, but I understand why he's shut himself in Petrescu and cocooned himself from the world. What happened to him at Ravenhold? Several nights in that hellish place would be enough to scare anybody.
Especially if he believes that's his future.
At least he sent a text:
I responded in seconds
I've spent the rest of the day on tenterhooks, stomach churning that he might avoid me tonight too. Everywhere aches to see Andrei, hold him, and tell him how I feel. For his lips to touch mine again, taste the familiar mint and lose myself in a kiss I worried I'd never share again.
But what if he doesn't want that?
Dusk became night a couple of hours ago and Andrei hasn't appeared. I check my phone. No more messages. My fingers hover over the screen, preparing to text him. But to say what? I can't communicate the depth of my emotions in a cold text message.
I wait another half hour, the heaviness in my heart growing as each minute ticks by. Looking up at the cloudy, moonless sky, I fight the tears pricking my eyes. I've been warned about the consequences if we continue along our illicit path. Has Andrei? Is that why he isn't here?
No.
I gather myself and stand, taking a calming breath.
After all that's happened to him, Andrei isn't ready to come back to me yet.
That's the reason he stayed away tonight.
This can't be the end.
The cloisters are darker than usual without moonlight, perfect for another attack from Yvette, but I don't care. I believe I'm safer now and can defend myself. My shoes scuff the pavers as I make my way towards the building.
"Maeve."
Of course Andrei would appear from the shadows, unseen and unheard, but I startle when I see his figure and swear.
Andrei steps in front of me. "Shit. Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
I throw my arms around him and burrow my head into his chest, breath speeding as the held-back emotions threaten to burst. Andrei holds me and kisses the top of my head, squeezing me tightly to him as we stand in a silent embrace. His heart beats faster against my cheek and I grip him closer.
"I didn't think I'd see you again," he murmurs into my hair. "You don't know how good it feels to hold you."
Moving away, I look up at him and reach out to touch his cheek. "I thought I'd lost you."
He takes my hand and kisses the palm. "I heard from Tobias how hard you fought to stop things getting worse for me. Too hard. I'm not worth you half-killing yourself."
Despite his smile, the lost Andrei is in his eyes. I tiptoe and brush my mouth against his soft lips. "Just kiss me, Andrei."
Andrei takes my face in his hands and hesitates a moment as he looks at my lips. Taking a shuddery breath, his mouth closes over mine and the need that's built over the last few days explodes.
He grips my face harder and pushes his tongue into my mouth, backing me against the wall and pressing himself to me. I match the ferocity of Andrei's kiss as our tongues slide in desperate want; the kiss we should've shared days ago.
I'm dizzied by the intensity sending shockwaves through my body. The first time we kissed in this spot, his passion spilled out and I held back, this time there's no chance. Andrei's hand sneaks beneath my shirt, his other on the wall above my head, a light touch running along my side until he cups my ass and drags my hips into his.
Each moment we spend locked together, the heated need for him grows and the desire burns through us both. This was never going to be a gentle reunion and fortunately—or unfortunately—happened outside.
He breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against mine, his lips still achingly close, hand still above my head on the wall. "I need to stop."
I nod at Andrei's hoarse words, but don't let him go, longing to kiss him again.
"I need to ask how you feel about us and what we did," he says.
"Are you asking if I regret what we did?"
"I guess."
His skin is smooth against the back of my hand as I rub his cheek. "No. Not for a second. Even though..."
"Even though, what?" He shifts back and his eyes search mine.
"I didn't realise how wrong this is between us."
"Because of who we are? I don't give a crap about that, Maeve."
"The Confederacy guy made me feel like I'd committed a crime. I thought the races mixed. I've seen them together."
Andrei runs his fingers along my lips, as if he needs to touch me at every moment. "Have you seen witches and vampires together?"
"I don't pay close attention. Witches hang out with vampires, Katherine dates a shifter, I just assumed."
"It's still a taboo. The Confederacy are terrified they'll create hybrids, as I'm sure Tobias told you too."
I shift uncomfortably. "He did and that was a bloody awkward conversation. We're not planning on a baby—we're just kids hooking up."
Andrei crosses his arms and looks at me with a deep frown. "Just hooking up? Is that all you think of me?"
"No! No, I mean—" My protest is met by Andrei's laugh and I poke him in the chest for teasing. "Very funny."
His serious face returns. "I don't care what happens, if you don't care. Our relationship isn't illegal. Yet."
I swallow. "Yet?"
"Who knows? The Confederacy bring in crazy laws all the time, trying to clamp down on dissension, which of course makes things worse."
I breathe out an ‘oh', and Andrei takes my face in both hands again, smoothing his thumbs against my cheeks. "I don't give a shit. Maeve, for the first time ever, somebody looks at me as if I mean something. I finally understand that I deserve happiness, because somebody who's beautiful inside and out wants me. You care about me."
"Love," I whisper.
Andrei's eyes widen and my mouth parches when he doesn't respond. Andrei needs to understand how far into my heart and soul he's buried in such a ridiculously short time.
"What do you mean?" he asks.
"What does that usually mean?" I ask with exasperation. "Andrei, when I thought I'd lost you I felt like somebody had ripped into my heart. I know it sounds crazy because we haven't known each other long, but you deserve to be loved, and I hope you can find some love to give. I believe there's deeper emotions locked inside here."
I place my hand on his heart, and he places his over. "You don't know how hard that makes our future," he says, still staring at me in shock.
"Our future that already has a challenge or two?" I say and smile. "Hey, what's one more to add to the mix?"
Andrei laughs again, the sound welcome after days filled with sadness. "I agree."
He kisses me again, tenderly, his mouth soft against my sore lips, as we step away from the overwhelming passion from minutes ago. Or try to, because our mouths become more insistent with each touch and taste.
Andrei stop
s and strokes hair from my clammy forehead. "I'd ask you to come back to my room, but I think the dust needs to settle first."
"Come inside with me?" I suggest, shocked at my brazen words.
He wrinkles his nose. "I don't like being around the academy just yet. Especially Walcott. You understand?"
"Are we back to secrets in the dark?" I ask.
"No. No secrets." Stepping back, Andrei holds out a hand. "Let's go."
We walk from the shadows and into the dimly lit grounds. The door to the Walcott building is closed and nobody around. Andrei hesitates and pushes his hands into his pockets as he darts a look around him.
"Don't worry, I understand you need to leave," I say.
Andrei chews on his lip and looks at me in the odd way he does, when he's about to say something that he either doesn't want to, or I don't want to hear. "I need to say something first."
My stomach flips over as I wait for the words. The rejection. Surely, he wouldn't. Not now.
"I never finished what I wanted to say by the cloisters. For the first time in forever, somebody means something to me too. You mean something to me." He takes a deep breath. "I don't know what love feels like, but I'm sure this is pretty damn close."
Relief bubbles through me and into a laugh as I drape my arms around his neck. "Don't worry Andrei, I'm not expecting eloquent declarations of everlasting love from you. I'm happy you're with me and you care."
"Love," he whispers echoing my response earlier.
Our mouths meet and his lips move with a teasing softness as we hold each other, knowing we face more challenges yet.
But, for once, everything feels good in my new world.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
MAEVE
I sleep in the next day, as my mind finally relaxes. Seeing Andrei again and knowing he's safe lifted the heaviness and has given me hope, but my worry about Ash remains.
