by Tara Lynn
I hung up and headed for my saddle. With each step, the decision burned brighter and brighter until it blew away all my cobwebs. I needed my own place to hatch plans. Freemont was cheap. Lorne would be fine with it.
And maybe with some breathing room, the spark between me and Christina would have room to burn a bit more.
I tried to hide it from myself but the last one was the biggest reason. At least I wasn’t thinking only with my dick.
I spent the afternoon riding around, looking for “For Rent’ signs. Things weren’t as cheap as I remembered, but I found a deal by the time the sun fell. People said things moved slow in small towns, but cash always talked, and you needed a lot less to have a voice in Freemont.
When I ground up to Lorne’s house, all cars and bikes were accounted for. It was time for another family dinner. Time to see Christina for the first time in days.
I went in and peeked hopefully into her bedroom on the way to mine, but she wasn’t there. Someone had cleaned up my bed though, and I thought I could smell a bit of her in the air.
I washed off the dust and grime and made myself as presentable as my old clothes would allow. All I had here was the shit from when I was a teenager, but the T-shirts at least fit.
Christina was in the living room, watching TV. Just the sight of her dark hair over the back of the sofa and that soft glowing skin made my brain numb. When she looked up and gave just the smallest of smiles, my heart nearly burst out of my chest.
“You’re back,” she said, equals parts joy and whisper.
My tongue caught a few times, but I managed to say: “Miss me?”
Her gaze descended my body, slow and warm. “Yeah,” she said. “I really did.”
“Damon, you’re back.”
I snapped to the voice, and noticed that Jason was sitting in plain view on the other end of the couch. His grin punctured all the inflation that his sister’s had produced.
“Hey, little man,” I said. “What’s up?”
“Not much bro, not much. How was your job. Did you kill anyone?”
“Jason!” Christina hissed, but her eyes turned to my face as eagerly as her brother’s.
“I did not.”
“Aw, man.” Jason said.
Christina sank with relief. I was beyond grateful that it wasn’t at a lie.
“That’s not what this life is about,” I said. “Hell, death shouldn’t even show up in the equation if things are going right.”
“Yeah, of course, of course. I just wanted to make sure you’re safe, you know?”
I chuckled and eased around. Christina was huddled into the couch with a small blanket over her lap. I wanted so much to ease into it with her and find the treasures buried underneath. For that reason, I plopped down next to Jason instead.
They were watching something with a heavy laugh track. I glanced at it for a bit, but once Jason started laughing, I shifted my attention to the girl at my side. Her amber eyes already fell directly on me. We watched each other with blank faces, and then hers crept up in a smile. It cut off all of a sudden, like it were afraid of itself, but I didn’t mind. I was too drunk off its brief appearance.
There were so many ways I wanted to make her happy. I couldn’t wait to have her alone.
A commercial break started, and I took the opportunity to tell my news.
“I’m moving out this weekend,” I said. “Just got my own place.”
Christina looked shocked. “You’re moving out?”
“I’ve played guest enough. Living here’s not the ideal situation for my needs.”
I thought this would send my message, but her eyes flickered with bad things. “You have money?”
“I do.”
“From this job that you just did?”
It was my turn to be annoyed. “I’m an adult. I can earn a living.”
“Doing what?”
I shook my head. Why was she focusing on the wrong thing?
Jason cut in. “Aw man. I liked having you around. There’s so much I can learn from you.”
I knocked the guy’s slender shoulder. “I’m not leaving town. We’ll still be able to hang. ”
His eyes radiated the excitement that I had expected from Christina. I knew I was walking a fine line here. I couldn’t pull this guy into the club with it as it was. But if I truly did what I set out to do, he could be one of the first of a new generation of Liberated - a biker boy who brought his town wealth and freedom instead of plunder and danger.
Christina didn’t look like she’d be ok with either at the moment.
“Dinner’s up guys,” her mom’s voice floated down the hall.
The conversation took a merciful time out.
The food was good as usual. Lisa was a fine chef and apparently a fine wife. It was better than Lorne deserved, and a better meal than I deserved. But Lisa and Lorne chattered through dinner even as the three of us mostly kept quiet. It would have been nice if they were miserable as the circumstances that brought them close, but life didn’t tie up so neatly.
Afterwards, Lorne had me and Jason watching a wrestling match on TV. I’d done this with him plenty in my own childhood. Now he pointed stuff out to Jason instead. They groaned and swore together at all the right moments. It was bizarre how perfect a dad he could be here, while still farming out death and worse through his drug empire. Then again, presidents and mafiosos did the same thing all the time. Lorne was nothing if not the head honcho of central California.
I cut out early and found Christina before she slipped out to The Last Stop. She had on drab black garb - just a t-shirt and jeans - but boy did she fill it out.
She noticed me as I came in, but kept gathering things. I took her by the shoulder and spun her face to face.
“Hey,” I said. “What was the deal back there? You know I’m half moving out just for us.”
She peered up sullen and strangely defiant. “What’s the other half?”
“To get out of Lorne’s shadow.”
“I thought you needed to stay in his shadow for a while.”
“In the club, yeah, but not at home. I need a place that’s mine. Where I can do the things I want to do and plan for things I can’t do yet.”
I squeezed her shoulders as I said this. She looked over my body again, but it wasn’t as tender as before. I felt like produce at a supermarket.
“What did you do for three days?” she asked.
I sighed. “Not the things I want to do in the future. I promise that.”
“Yeah, but you might have to anyway, right?”
“I might, but that doesn’t have to affect us.”
She smiled sadly. “That’s far from the only thing that’s between us. It’s just the one thing under your control.”
I wanted to hug her so tight, but something between us didn’t feel whole. I didn’t want to crowd her.
“Having my own place away from watchful eyes is another thing I can control,” I said.
“We’ll see.” She glanced over my shoulder. “Either way, you don’t have your own place just yet. So you can’t do the things you want just yet, either.”
I would have stood there all night, but footsteps hustled up the hall. I released her and she edged out of my grip as I backed into the hallway.
“Sorry man,” Jason said, edging past me on his way to the living room.
Christina tipped her head sheepishly. I flashed a smile and slipped off into my room. I should have guessed that I wouldn’t be seeing what I wanted tonight. Christina wasn’t the type to make mistakes when she still had her head about her.
But now I wasn’t sure what the mistake was.
Being with me in my room?
Or simply being with me?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Christina
Ruby had her old Ford rattling and roaring on my driveway when I stepped out the front door. The air glowed golden with the new morning and dew still pebbled the grass. I turned around to lock the door, but she honked her ho
rn.
“Jesus, Ruby,” I yelled at her, slamming the door shut.
“Come on,” she yelled.
I finished, grabbed the bag of junk food I’d set down, and ran over to her car before she could make more of a racket.
“Do you realize that there is a biker druglord living in there?” I asked, buckling. “You really want to wake him up early on a Saturday?”
“Why not? Let them see us drive off for once.”
She checked the rearview again and patted down her sky blue sundress. It was too frilly and covered too much to be fashionable, but her chest thrust out quite nicely. I doubted her new guy would mind too much with that on display.
“Padded out your bra, huh?” I said.
“No,” she protested with a look that would have convinced no jury.
“Well, you don’t need it. You look great.”
“Thanks. So do you.”
Again, her looks betrayed her. I had on the same washed jeans and wrinkled dark t-shirt I normally wore at the bar. They’d been on my chair when I went to sleep the other night and I had just gone for them.
Actually, there’d been a moment with me in my bra, holding the shirt and thinking I should really primp myself a little bit. But this trip was for Ruby right? I wasn’t looking for attention.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with the attention I already had. Damon and I had barely passed words for days, and even sitting there watching TV next to him was excruciating. I’d had to tell him again that I didn’t want to do anything more in the house, but that made talking about anything else difficult. Instead of feeling relieved to see him back, I was more wound up than ever.
Was attraction all we had to hold us together? There was way too much at stake if that was all we had for each other.
Spending a weekend away in Santa Cruz was exactly the space I needed to think this all through.
“Everything good?” Ruby asked, peeking at the bounty of snacks I’d tossed into the back seat.
“Perfect. Let’s get out of here.”
“Ok, we’re rolling.”
We blew through the town with the windows cracked, savoring the sweet morning quiet. Not much stirred before noon on a Saturday in Freemont, not even any shady business. This was the middle of the night as far as bikers were concerned. I was almost sad when we passed The Last Stop and rushed on into the highway.
The windows rolled right back up after we got the first hit of diesel from the trucks chugging along the right lane. I coughed and set the air to circulate inside, but some weird musky straw smell spilled out of the vents.
“Did you crash into a corn maze or something?” I asked, sputtering and pinching my nose.
“There’s just moisture trapped somewhere it shouldn’t be,” Ruby said, tweaking all the air. “It gets like that if I park in the garage after I run the A/C. I don’t want to take it to the repair shop for that and have those bikers ogling me.”
“Ugh, it better not smell this funky when we ride out of Freemont for good.”
“It won’t,” Ruby promised. “Honestly, I don’t think the car will last that long.”
Right then, a creaking started up that kind of killed the ‘fleeing Dodge’ mood I usually got. It was one thing leaving Freemont with somewhere else to live, but today wasn’t that day. We’d still have to find a way back home.
Ruby hooked up her phone to the radio and drowned it all out with music. She tried to get me singing, but I yawned halfway through the first Taylor Swift. My nights were still littered with dreams - more the stressful kind now than sexy.
I lay on the glass and let Ruby hum her own merry soundtrack. The land outside was all rolling greens for miles and miles, with blurred brown mountains far back. My mind dimmed out and I just took it all in between overlong blinks. We spent an hour going north, cut west towards the coast, then joined with the Pacific Coast highway.
This far north, the highway was already inland, away from the famous coast side curves and cutting through thick old-growth forests instead. It was just as well. I felt this creeping nostalgia every time we came here. Seeing the coast from the cliffs would just trigger it more.
Dad used to drive me and Jason out to the coast every few months during the endless California summers. We’d wind up at one of the countless isolated beaches and cook and play and swim in the surf until sunset.
Mom never came. It’s hard to wear heels in the sand. Lorne preferred comforts too, and he didn’t do picnics. The memory was mine and Dad’s to share. Even Jason might be too young to remember it.
The part that always made me warm and fuzzy was the ride home. Freemont hadn’t felt like a jail cell before Dad died. It had been a warm place waiting for me - a place you could return to after your time in the sun.
Military life could hardly be fun, but I wondered if Damon felt that same thing. Even if home was with a bunch of amoral outlaws, it still must have some hold over his heart. Maybe it was the outlaw part that he enjoyed. It would be nice if he could fix the broken morality bit. I might even look forward to coming back once in awhile.
I must have dozed off for a bit. It felt way sooner than two hours when the car started to slow. I sat up and saw the low blocks of housing sprawling out before me. In between were scattered crab shacks, B&Bs and surfshops, all with calm colors like teal or adobe. Farther down the street, the Pacific Ocean shimmered.
“Take her out captain.” I pointed straight down.
“We’ll get to it. Now help me find Sadie’s apartment.”
Ruby surfed through the lanes around the town. The city was actually pretty sprawling, not to mention crowded. Half the people must be down from the San Fran valley. Ruby’s creaking ride felt even more ancient as we passed by supermarket lots full of BMWs and those electric Teslas.
I had a sudden fear that I didn’t belong here. I’d never felt it before. There were swarms of college kids walking the streets outside and I’d always pictured myself easily in a hoodie. Now…I felt like this was a vacation, not my future.
Only one thing had changed in my life. I thought coming here was time to put some space between me and him. Instead, my mind still lay back in Freemont.
I focused back on something solid, like the directions. We drove up and around the hills by the UC Santa Cruz campus. Sadie lived just nearby, between the hiking trails on campus and the beaches just a couple miles south.
I texted her after we found street parking. Ruby handed me sunscreen, which I overdid. Whatever meager looks I had going, I looked like a Goth zombie by the time Sadie came out of her small condo.
She squealed and bounded over. She had on a pair of khaki shorts that barely hid her long legs and a tight navy UCSC t-shirt. She wrapped me, then Ruby in tight hugs.
“You look gorgeous,” Ruby said.
“You look like a goddess,” I said.
Her arms and legs and face were bronzed, and her lean runner’s body had somehow gotten even more toned. She was what people thought of when they heard about California, not us in Freemont.
“You guys ready to party your Beverly Hillbilly butts off?” she asked.
“Hey, you’re not that far from hillbilly yourself,” I said.
“Uh, it’s a joke,” she said. “You know you two are gonna be here soon enough.”
I sighed. “Not that soon.”
I should have felt relief, but I just felt jealous. Sadie fit in so well. She’d been a Freemont girl just a year ago, until she got out with an athletic scholarship. We’d planned to leave together, but Ruby and I had to save up to pay.
I could have taken Lorne’s money. He had offered to pay every dime. But I thought it would have given him some hold over me. Loans would have been fine, but I couldn’t get a dime of student aid on his income, even the tip of the iceberg bit he actually reported.
I planned to emancipate, but it wouldn’t count for loans until I hit twenty. It hadn’t seemed so far away back then. But maybe I’d waited too long. Looking at Sadie, I co
uldn’t imagine ever feeling so free.
“You guys should just visit way more,” she said. “Come on, you’re in Santa Cruz now. Leave all that Freemont junk behind.”
I nodded, and forced myself to chill. It wasn’t hard once I found the waves again in the distance.
“I’m ready,” Ruby said.
“Yeah, so am I.” I said. “What’s the plan?”
“Well,” Sadie said. “We’ve gotta get Juliet to her Romeo first.”
“I don’t need an entourage to meet him.”
“You asked me to be here,” I said.
“I was being stupid.” Ruby warded off any protest. “We’re gonna meet on the pier for lunch. What can go wrong?”
“Nothing,” Sadie nodded vigorously. “But pier sounds pretty good for lunch. None of the stuff I was thinking about is until the evening.”
Sadie drove us over to the pier, gabbing the whole way about the phonebook of guys she’d been through since she got here. We’d visited once before, and she had me blushing inside a minute. Now, it just seemed kind of interesting. At least, I didn’t have zero experience anymore.
“Did any of them write you love letters?” Ruby asked at one point.
“Most of them barely even called the next day.”
“Hmph,” Ruby sat back smugly.
“Easy, pumpkin,” Sadie said. “Let’s see if he writes cause there’s nothing else to bring to the table.”
“I’ve Skyped with him.”
“You guys have Skype in Freemont now?”
I helped Ruby slap her in the shin. Sadie just cackled.
We strolled up the pier to a place called Lulu’s Crab Restaurant. The inside was surprisingly dark and Sadie and I separated off. Ruby went and sat nervously at a window table across from a guy in a wrinkled green polo and jean shorts.
“He’s not bad,” Sadie said. “A little bit doughy.”
The guy looked pretty plump to me. He had Ruby laughing already though. Maybe my physical standards had just been set too high.
“At least, he’s nice,” I said, trying to convince myself that was enough in a guy.
