“What should we drink to?” he asks, holding up his glass as he angles his body toward mine.
“Not sure.” I hate how stupid I sound but lord help me this man has me feeling all sorts of jittery and nervous.
“How about to Italy?” he suggests.
“How about to not dying in a horrific plane crash,” I counter.
“Yeah, that’ll work too.” He chuckles, raising his glass.
Without a word I lift my glass and lightly tap it against his.
I watch as he brings the glass to his lips, tipping it back, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows down the whiskey. I’m completely transfixed by the sight, still gawking at him when he sets the glass back on the bar and eyeballs the drink still in my hand.
“Are you going to drink that?” He grins, eyes going to the glass and then back to my face.
I smile like I’m not completely losing my mind before tipping the glass back, the third shot warming me even more than the first two.
“Better?” he asks, taking the empty glass from my hand and sliding it to the edge of the bar.
“Much actually,” I admit. A slight buzz runs through my veins as I finally feel the effects of the first couple of drinks.
“Good.” He smiles and for the first time I realize just how different his smile is than Kam’s.
Don’t get me wrong, they look very similar, but when I’m not so focused on Kamden, I can see that they don’t look nearly as much alike as I had originally thought they did. And oddly enough that doesn’t disappoint me like I thought it would.
“We should probably get going. Getting through security can be pretty time consuming sometimes,” he suggests, standing.
“Okay.” I nod. Sliding off my stool, I grab the handle of my suitcase, dragging it behind me as I follow Kane out of the bar and through the airport.
I’ve heard horror stories about getting through airport security but surprisingly me and Kane pass through without an issue and reach our terminal in less than thirty minutes.
By the time we board the plane a few minutes later, I’m feeling much more relaxed, thanks in a large part to the whiskey, but also thanks to Kane. For being a little intimidating, he really is pretty easy to talk to once you let your guard down a little.
Kane leads us to our seats, which thankfully are next to each other, and insists that I take the window seat. As much as I appreciate the gesture, I almost think I’d rather sit toward the middle of the plane but, of course, I’m not going to tell him that.
I look out the window nervously as several other passengers file on board. The closer we get to taking off the more anxious I become.
“You okay?” Kane asks, pulling my attention from the window to his face.
“Yeah, fine.” I force a smile.
“You sure?” He gives me a lopsided grin. “Because you kind of look like you’re about to vomit all over the seat in front of you.”
“I’m not going to vomit.” I shake my head, wondering for a brief moment if maybe I am going to be sick.
“Seriously, Elara. You look terrified.” He reaches into my lap and takes my hand, causing my heart to race even faster than it already was.
“I didn’t think being on a plane would be so scary,” I admit.
“Wait. You’ve never flown before?”
“No.” I shake my head back and forth.
“How is that possible?” he questions. “I would think a little daredevil such as yourself would love flying.”
“I am not a daredevil,” I interject. “Yes, I love the rush of doing something exciting… living on the edge if you will. But I am always, always, in control and that’s the big difference here.”
“So you’re a control freak.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m a freak. Just that I like to be in control of my own body. In here, I’m at the mercy of the pilot and the plane. Two things that I have zero control over. I don’t like feeling like I’m powerless.”
“I guess I get that.” He squeezes his fingers around mine, his thumb tracing slow circles across the back of my hand.
What is it about him touching me that makes me feel so…fluttery? That’s not even a word and yet it’s the only thing I can think that describes the way I feel right now.
“I just can’t believe you agreed to this trip having never been on a plane.”
“No time like the present I guess.” I shrug, a small smile pulling up the corner of my mouth.
“Well I’ve flown hundreds of times and I can assure you that you’re perfectly safe,” he says, finally releasing my hand as he sits back in his seat.
“So we will be in Chicago until tomorrow?” I clear my throat and straighten my posture, praying he doesn’t see the glimpse of disappointment that I’m sure flashes across my face at the loss of contact.
“Yes.” He swallows and the action draws my eyes to his throat.
Without even realizing what I’m doing, my gaze slowly descends past the v-neck of his white t-shirt to the cut of his broad chest, the definition of his muscle clearly visible through the light, thin fabric. I have to physically fight the urge to reach out and touch him.
Finally snapping out of my fog, I turn my gaze upward to find him watching me intently. Heat immediately rushes to my cheeks and I quickly look away, knotting my hands back into my lap.
God, I can’t even sit next to him without getting all squeamish. How the hell am I going to last a month in Italy with him?
Before the thought has time to fester, the captain’s voice comes across the intercom announcing that we are about to take off. In an instant, every other thought comes to a screeching halt. The earlier tension and anxiety I felt returns with full force as I grip both of the arm rests.
“Hey.” Kane’s voice is soft, pulling my gaze to his. “Deep breaths.” He coaches me as the plane starts to move – taking a deep breath in and then waiting until I do the same before slowly letting it out.
I follow his lead, pulling in air when he does and then releasing it at the same time.
Just as I feel myself beginning to relax, the plane starts to lift and in that instant my stomach feels like it turns completely upside down. Pushing my head back against the seat, I turn to watch the ground disappear below us from my view out of the window.
I don’t even realize I’ve grabbed Kane’s hand until I’m squeezing it so hard my own begins to throb.
“I’m sorry.” I finally let go as the plane levels out and I no longer feel like I’m seconds away from dying.
“It’s okay.” He offers me a reassuring smile. “You should have seen Kamden the first time he flew.”
At the mention of his brother’s name the nauseous feeling from earlier returns. It’s not that I don’t want to talk about Kam, of course I do, but there’s so much guilt that comes along with every conversation we have about him.
“Oh yeah?” I push past the knot in my throat and force a smile.
“He threw up before we even made it down the runway.” He chuckles, losing himself to the memory.
“He didn’t?” I find myself suppressing my own laughter, somehow not all that surprised by what he’s telling me.
“Oh he did.” He nods. “All over my mom’s shoes.”
“Oh god.”
“It was pretty funny.”
“How old was he?”
“Eight or nine maybe.”
“Poor kid.” I try to imagine Kam at that age but for whatever reason I can’t seem to picture it and the thought bothers me more than I expect it to.
“He got over it. He never really took to flying but he wasn’t scared after that. I think it was the unknown that got to him.”
“I can understand that.”
“Can you?” He studies me for a long moment before finishing his thought. “Because I have a hard time picturing the girl who dove off Viper’s Cliff being anything but intrigued by the unknown.”
“God, did Kam tell you all the stupid stuff I did?”
“Pretty much.” He smiles.
“Well, I’m not that girl anymore.” I shake my head, my eyes going back to look out the window.
“That’s a shame,” he says after a long moment. “I think I would have liked that girl.”
“You wouldn’t have. She caused more problems than she was worth.”
“My brother didn’t seem to think so.”
“Yeah, and look where he is now,” I snip. In an instant the realization of what I said hit me like a ton of bricks. “I’m so sorry.” I turn to meet Kane’s dark gaze. “I don’t know why I said that.”
“It’s okay, Elara. You’re allowed to be angry.” His understanding and patience is both reassuring and frustrating.
I don’t want him to be understanding with me. I want him to lash out. Tell me how everything is my fault. Blame me the way I know he should.
“Do you ever talk to him?” He rests his head back against the seat, his eyes never leaving mine.
“All the time,” I admit.
“Me too.” He smiles to himself.
“What do you talk about?” I mirror his actions, resting my head against the seat, turning toward him.
“Now that I can’t tell you.”
“Why? Because you’re talking about me?” I tease.
“Maybe,” he admits, not an ounce of humor on his face.
The flutter hits me hard and it’s a wonder that I don’t melt into a puddle on the floor right here and now.
“What do you talk about?” He quirks a brow. “Me?”
“Maybe.” I play coy, offering him only a smile before turning my gaze back out the window.
The flight to Chicago is quick. We’re only in the air a little over an hour before we are landing. I didn’t expect it to be quite so smooth but with the easy small talk stretching between Kane and I paired with the effects of the whiskey, which have since passed, it was a very enjoyable experience.
“First time in Chicago?” Kane asks as we sit in the backseat of an Uber, weaving in and out of downtown traffic.
“It is,” I say, keeping my eyes out the window as I try to take it all in. I’ve never been to a city this big before. “It’s a lot,” I admit.
“Yeah, certainly isn’t what you’re used to.”
“It’s beautiful,” I acknowledge. “But I still think I’d choose the beach.”
“You and me both.”
“Then why do you live here?” I ask curiously, turning toward him. “You said you’re barely ever home anyway. Couldn’t you get a place on the beach and stay there when you’re not travelling.”
“I could I guess.” He thinks on that for a moment. “But city life is easier, more convenient for work. It gives me more networking capabilities.”
“I think if I had the opportunity to do what I love and still live where I love, I’d make it work regardless.”
“Yeah, well.” He shrugs, falling silent for a long moment. “I love North Carolina. But for the longest time I didn’t feel like I really belonged there. Hell, I’m still not sure if I do.” His gaze goes toward the window so I’m unable to read his expression. “I think that’s probably the biggest reason I stayed in the city after graduation. This place feels more home than Baybridge ever did.”
“See, that’s the way I felt about Baybridge. It always felt more like home to me than Arkansas. Especially after my mom died.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” He turns back toward me. “Losing your mom,” he continues. “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.”
“It was rough,” I agree. “But I had Kam who refused to let me wallow in my loss. I still miss her every day but in some strange way I feel like she’s been beside me since the moment she left. I’m sure that probably sounds crazy.”
“Not at all. I feel the same way about my brother.”
I have to resist the urge to reach across the middle of the seat and take his hand. I’m not sure if it’s because I sense he needs that reassurance or if it’s because I do. Either way I decide against it. Touching Kane does weird things to me and right now I’m attempting to keep a clear head.
I’m still trying to figure out how to respond to his comment when the driver slows to a stop outside of a building that has to be at least twenty stories tall.
“Ready?” Kane asks as he pays the driver.
“Yep.” I quickly climb out of the back of the car, crossing around to the trunk to retrieve my suitcase. Kane joins me at the back of the car, grabbing his own luggage before leading me toward the front door of the building.
After crossing through a small lobby that reminds me more of a hotel than an apartment building, Kane leads me to the elevators that sit just off the right down a wide hallway.
For having such easy conversation on the plane and car ride over, you would think things wouldn’t feel quite so tense when the elevator doors close behind us. But tense is the only way to describe how I feel at this very moment.
I swear I hold my breath the entire sixteen story ride up.
“How long has it been since you’ve been home?” I ask, feeling like I need to say something as I exit the elevator and follow Kane to the end of the hallway. I wait behind him as he fishes out his keys and unlocks the door.
“I flew directly to my parents’ from L.A. so I guess it’s been a while.” Pushing the door open, he waits until I’ve stepped inside before following me in, locking the door behind him.
“It’s not a ton of space but it suits my needs just fine,” he says as I look around the gorgeous apartment.
I don’t know what I expected but I can tell you that this was not it. I think I was imagining something more dark and brooding – like Kane himself – but this is anything but.
The entire room is light and airy with off white walls and light blues and grays accenting the open space. There’s a decent size kitchen on the far right of the room with gray countertops and white cabinets. The kitchen flows directly into a small dining space that houses a round glass top four person table with a French door directly next to it that opens up into what appears to be a small balcony.
The room bends in an L-shape. The living room sitting in the far left curve, decorated in theme with the rest of the apartment. There’s a two piece gray couch and loveseat in the center of the room accented with blue pillows, a large fireplace along the back wall with a television mounted above it, and another French door that opens up to the outside making me realize that the balcony is much bigger than I had originally thought.
Kane gives me a tour, taking me down a small hallway where the guest bedroom and bath are housed. After depositing my suitcase on the queen bed and taking a quick look at the space I’ll be staying in for the night, I follow Kane next door into the master suite.
Stepping into Kane’s bedroom feels oddly personal. While every part of me wants to stand here and study every detail of the space, after staring at the large king bed for several long seconds, imagining what it would feel like to be wrapped in the sheets with Kane’s body hovering over me, I find myself muttering how nice his apartment is and quickly backing out of the room.
There may be a lot of baggage surrounding Kane and me, but the fact still remains that I’m only human. And being in such close proximity to a man like Kane Thaler is definitely a testament to my will power.
“Are we able to go out there?” I ask, gesturing to a set of French doors as we reenter the main living space. I feel like fresh air might help clear my mind a bit.
“Of course.” He waits until I step out onto the balcony before following me outside.
The temperature here is warm but it’s nothing compared to the Arkansas heat and I take a moment to appreciate the breeze as it whips through my hair. The view is astounding. I swear you can see most of the city from up here.
The balcony is long and narrow, stretching the entire length of the living and kitchen space. There are a couple outdoor chairs and a small table in the middle but other than that it’s compl
etely bare. Though it makes sense why he wouldn’t keep anything outside considering he’s barely ever here.
“This place is incredible, Kane,” I tell him, needing to reestablish the comfortable existence I felt between us earlier.
“It’s good for what I need.” He shrugs, leaning against the railing next to me.
“I can’t believe this place sits empty all the time. If I paid for a place like this I’d probably never leave.”
“I prefer to be anywhere but here most days,” he says, his dark eyes locked on the city below.
“Why? I thought you liked the city.”
“I do. I just, I don’t know.” He shakes it off, not finishing his thought. “You must be starving.” He turns toward me, completely shifting gears.
“Now that you mention it, I am a little hungry.” I let him get away with the change of subject because eating right now sounds too good to pass up.
“You feel up to going out or would you rather order in? I would offer to cook but I don’t have anything here to make.”
“You cook?” I raise a questioning eyebrow at him.
“Is it that hard to believe that I would know how to cook?” he questions, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
“A little, yeah.” I laugh.
“I happen to be a very good cook.”
“Well I guess you’ll have some time to prove it to me,” I point out, remembering that Kane will be my traveling companion for the next four weeks. Another excited burst of energy flutters through me and I find myself smiling even though I don’t mean to.
“You should do that more often,” Kane says, uncrossing his arms.
“Do what?”
“Smile,” he says, wearing a pretty fantastic smile of his own.
I want to say something, come back with some witty comment or joke that shows I’m completely unaffected by his admission. When in reality I feel like my heart is about to beat out of my chest, and I come up empty handed.
“Come on.” Kane turns, pulling open the door, essentially saving me from myself. “There’s quite a few places that deliver so you can pretty much have any kind of food you want.” His hand grazes the small of my back as I step past him into the apartment.
The Road to You Page 9
