by A M Snead
Jack wrapped a towel around his waist and returned to the bedroom. A low throb pulsed in the center of his forehead and began to spread back into his brain, causing a more prominent ache. He could have said it was a hangover, but that would be a lie. It wasn’t the alcohol. It was his racing pulse surging blood through his veins that was causing the growing pain in his head.
Just let it go. The guy isn’t worth the headache.
He drew in a deep breath, trying to calm his heart rate. Get a grip. That’s what he needed to do. Just not give a shit about any of it. He needed to feel nothing about what Garrett had done, feel nothing about Garrett. His own indifference would be victory in itself.
Jack approached the bureau and stopped. His fingers rested on the small, round wooden knobs of the top drawer, his eyes sliding down to the drawer below. Concealed inside was Jill’s box of hearts, waiting for Jack to retrieve his heart of the day.
Not today, Jilly bean. I’m not up to it. He continued to stare at the drawer. What tiny control he’d gained over his racing pulse was lost and his heart began to pound again. “You don’t understand, sis,” he whispered. A strain of emotion pinched his words. “Sometimes it’s all just easier when…” His throat worked, and vision blurred. When you just embrace the pain and let it turn your heart to stone.
Leaving that drawer closed, Jack opened the one above and grabbed some clean clothes. He was dressed in moments, but he couldn’t prevent his gaze from returning to the bureau. Guilt chewed at his gut, poked at his heart until it began to bruise. Jill had always put him first, all the way till the end. Her last wish was that he adhere to the conditions of the paper hearts project. He hadn’t been able to stop her heart from being broken. He couldn’t save her life. But he could do this. So, what if he didn’t feel like completing whatever task the next heart held for him? Jill hadn’t “felt like” dying young.
He sank down on the end of the bed and stared at the heart drawer. “I’m sorry,” he choked softly. “I won’t punk out on you, I promise.” His eyes burned as tears slowly welled. “I’ll do it, for you.” He swallowed hard and blinked quickly, pulling back the dampness starting to seep into his lashes. “I’ll try, anyway.”
♥
Breakfast and lunch meant an open kitchen in Gideon’s home. He had a cook come in to prepare the evening meal, but all else was a do-it-yourself deal. Of course, it seemed like certain boys got roped into cooking for the others, with promises of “gratification” later. Gideon didn’t interfere in their little bargains and certainly didn’t ask the boys to explain themselves.
“Hey, boss.” Lucas winked at Gideon when he entered the kitchen. The young man was spreading strawberry jam on slices of toast.
“Morning, Lucas.” Gideon smiled, waiting for the cocky remark that inevitably leapt from the boy’s mouth first thing every morning.
Lucas grinned and held up the jam-covered knife. “Want me to…” His gaze swept over Gideon. “…jam your toast?”
“Thanks,” Gideon chuckled. “But I’ll do my own jamming.”
“Don’t see how,” Lucas sighed with a smirk and capped the jam jar. He slowly sucked a smear of the sweet spread from his finger in a slow, provocative manner. “Yum.” He held out his wet finger to Gideon. “Wanna taste?”
The guy was hopeless. Gideon shook his head and laughed softly as he stepped around Lucas and headed for the coffee maker. “I’m not sucking your finger, Lucas.” He held up his hand without looking at the younger man, blocking his next anticipated remark. “Don’t even say it.”
“What?” Innocence dripped from the single word.
“You know what.” Gideon chuffed and filled a cup with hot coffee.
“Jeez,” Lucas grumbled and cast a smirking grin at Gideon. “Just trying to play with you.”
“Mm-hm.” Gideon sipped his coffee and leaned against the counter. “I’m not a puppy.”
“Aww but you’re as cute as one.” Lucas winked. When Gideon just looked at him and sighed, Lucas shook his head. “You’re no fun, pops.”
Gideon smiled dryly. “I just love how you call me pops. Makes me feel so…young and vibrant.”
“Well…” Lucas gazed at him with sultry eyes. “Play with me and I’ll make you feel all kinds of vibrant.”
Clucking his tongue, Gideon smiled. “You’re way too much for me, Lucas. I couldn’t handle what you bring to the table.”
“Fuck,” Lucas snorted and opened his mouth to say more but halted abruptly when Jack entered the kitchen. Lucas grinned. “Hey, you beautiful, sexy thing. You’ll play with me, right?”
Jack’s eyebrow slid up doubtfully.
“Just say no comment,” Gideon chuckled. “Trust me, it’s your safest bet.” Jack smiled and nodded, but his eyes looked heavy. Gideon sipped his coffee and looked at Jack closely. On closer observation, Jack’s eyes looked slightly puffy and red-rimmed. After their little stage show, Jack and Garrett had been inseparable and had, in fact, left the club together. It didn’t take a genius to know where that was headed. The idea of it all had filled Gideon with anxiety, and now that knot tightened and pinched a little more. Maybe he’s just hung over. Gideon could hope that’s all it was.
Lucas sidled up to Jack and slung an arm around his shoulders, crushing the young man against him. “Yeah, we’re gonna be great playmates, aren’t we, Jack?”
Lucas teased a lot, but Gideon wasn’t fooled; Lucas was anxious about his scene with Jack.
“Uh, sure.” Jack shrugged and nodded.
“Of course, we are,” Lucas chimed, then suddenly hugged him tighter with mock possessiveness as Garrett walked into the room. “We’re gonna be much better playmates than you and Garrett.” He kissed Jack’s cheek, eyes on Garrett, grinning darkly. “I’m gonna steal this one from you.”
Garrett cast Lucas and Jack a dull look and shrugged, without comment, then went about casually preparing a cup of coffee. Jack went still beneath Lucas’ arm, his stare drilling into Garrett’s back for a fleeting moment before he twisted around, and his entire countenance shifted from heavy to light-hearted and playful.
“We are going to be fantastic playmates,” he murmured with a sexy smile and ran his hands up Lucas’ chest. Jack pushed his body against Lucas invitingly. “In fact…perhaps we need to do some rehearsing before our skit. We want everything to be perfect, don’t we?”
“Mmm.” Lucas grinned and grabbed Jack’s ass, squeezing hard. “Indeed, we do.”
Tension was suddenly palpable in the air. Gideon looked at Garrett. The young man maintained an outer casual demeanor, but Gideon didn’t miss the stiffness of his slight movements as he finished fixing his cup of coffee. When he turned around, his expression was indifferent, but Gideon wasn’t fooled. Garrett walked to the doorway with his steaming mug, sipping the hot drink as he went. “Knock yourselves out.”
Gideon’s gut twisted painfully as he watched Jack shoot Garrett’s back a very quick, icy glance.
This wasn’t good.
Fuck.
27 “The Watcher”
“So, did you mean it?” Lucas walked with Jack up to his room. When he had left the bedroom earlier, Jack hadn’t touched the heart box nor chosen his heart of the day. He knew that Jill’s prodding voice in his head wouldn’t cease until he completed the ritual.
“What?” Jack entered the bedroom and went to the bureau. Lucas dropped down on the end of the bed, leaning back on his elbows.
Lucas chuckled. “About rehearsing for our skit.” Jack sensed the smirk on his face as he stood with his back to the guy. “Or was that for Garrett’s sole benefit?”
“What?” Jack opened the bureau drawer, his fingers tense on the knobs. Had he expected Lucas, of all people, not to pick up on the friction between him and Garrett? “What does Garrett have to do with it?” He could play oblivious but he hardly expected Lucas to fall for it. Lucas didn’t.
“Come on, Jack,” Lucas chided. “I nearly got frostbite when Garrett walked in the kitchen.”<
br />
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jack murmured and opened the box of hearts. “I told you before; there’s nothing between us.”
The bed protested quietly as Lucas sat forward. “I’m guessing there was nothing between you and Garrett last night,” he chuffed. “Namely—clothing.”
Jack exhaled hard and turned around, momentarily abandoning the heart box. “So? Yeah. We fucked. So what? It didn’t mean anything. We were drunk and horny. So, sue us.”
A slow nod rocked Lucas’ head as he eyed Jack skeptically. “So, if it meant nothing…why the frigidness this morning?”
“That’s all in your head,” Jack told him. He turned his back to Lucas again and plucked a folded heart from the box.
Lucas clucked his tongue. “You’re a terrible liar, Jack. Anyone ever tell you that?”
Yeah. Jill. All the time. Jack wished he’d change the subject. He didn’t want to talk about Garrett, or anything pertaining to last night. He grunted a reply and carefully broke the clear tape holding the paper heart closed, unfolding it.
Flirt with a cute, sexy stranger.
Surely some of the guys around there still qualified as strangers. Should be simple enough. At least it wasn’t telling him to forgive an asshole for using him. That was a relief.
“What’re you doing?”
Jack folded the heart and stuffed it in his pocket then closed the drawer. “Nothing. Just had to grab something.” Opening up to Garrett about Jill had been a mistake. He didn’t mean to repeat it with Lucas or anyone else.
“All right then,” Lucas said and stood up. “If you weren’t saying that stuff in the kitchen for Garrett’s sake, then”—he slid his hands around Jack’s waist and pushed up against him from behind—“you must have meant it.” He wriggled his lips against Jack’s ear. “Am I right?”
Jack covered Lucas’ hands and moved them down to his crotch. “Yes, you are.” He leaned back against the man, doing his level best to ignore the ache that squeezed his heart. Lucas gripped his package and sucked his neck. Jack moaned and closed his eyes but snapped them open again when a sudden image of Garrett’s face—straining with sexual ecstasy—jumped up behind his closed lids.
“Gideon gives us creative freedom,” Lucas murmured. “He wants the videos to have a natural feel and flow to them. So, we don’t have any actual lines to learn, but it’s still good to rehearse a little and get an idea how we’re going to play it out.”
“Makes sense.” Jack swallowed hard and groaned from the firm squeeze by Lucas’ hand. “So what, exactly, is the skit about?” He smiled. “Other than two guys fucking?”
Lucas chuckled. “Well, Gideon likes to add a touch of honest emotion to his videos. So, it isn’t just about us fucking. I’ll play the hot, sexy ‘closeted’ son of a prominent rich man. I’ve been very adept at hiding my gayness, until I see you at the country club.” He grinned and nuzzled Jack’s neck. “You play the guy I had a secret crush on back in high school. We were of different social statuses—you being the typical sweet boy-next-door type. I’ve been abroad, gallivanting all over the globe, rarely coming home. So we haven’t really seen each other since high school. But back then, you used to give me a look now and then that said you might be into guys, even though neither of us were out. So…” He pushed his crotch firmly against Jack’s ass and his cock was already hard. “It should be an interesting reunion. Extra hot because we have to hide our passion for each other and try to get in some nookie when no one is looking.”
Jack pursed his lips and nodded slowly. “That’s pretty detailed,” he mused. “How long have you been cooking up this skit?”
“A while now,” Lucas chuckled. “But it had to be played out with the right guy. And I knew you were him the second we met.”
“Uh-huh,” Jack murmured. “But Gideon had already suggested we do the skit together before we even met?”
“He just wanted something that involved the pool,” Lucas said. “If you had just been another typical boy, I would have proposed something simpler and continued to save my idea for the right guy.”
“So, I’m not a typical boy?” Jack twisted his head around and grinned at Lucas. “I’m special?”
“Indeed,” Lucas confirmed and kissed him.
Jack licked his lips. “What makes me special?” he prodded with a teasing bat of his eyelashes. “I don’t feel special.”
Lucas smiled and gave Jack’s cock another squeeze. “You feel pretty special to me.”
Jack turned around and grabbed Lucas’ ass. “So, let’s get up close and personal.” Lucas had a strong presence. If anyone could provide a sufficient distraction from Garrett—it would be him.
“Let’s.” Lucas dragged his fingers firmly up Jack’s back and pushed closer to him. The corner of his mouth twitched with a crooked smile that was really quite sexy and alluring. He rubbed his hands slowly over Jack’s shoulders then up the sides of his neck, his thumbs stroking each side of Jack’s jaw. For such a “come-on” kind of guy, Lucas had a surprisingly sensual touch. “Remember,” Lucas spoke low, a sexy murmur to his voice. “We’re supposed to be long-lost lovers, so to speak. We don’t just want the sex…” He laid a soft kiss on Jack’s mouth. “…but the romance as well.”
A pleasant shiver ran through Jack and his heart was pounding before he could think to control it. At first, this unexpected reaction startled him, even scared him a little—but then he realized it was a good thing. He had reacted similarly to Garrett and thought it meant he was falling for the guy. But if Lucas was having the same effect on him, then it wasn’t “love” or anything serious. It was just pure physical, sexual attraction and nothing more. Relief rushed through him on the tail of the shiver and he relaxed, letting himself go with it.
“Romance can be fun.” Jack smiled and pushed gently into another kiss, allowing it to deepen as their tongues slowly invaded each other’s mouths. Jack moaned and urged Lucas back toward the bed, but it was Jack who ended up on the bottom, on his back, beneath Lucas.
Memories of last night tried to flood in but Jack blocked them in a hurry and focused on Lucas’ hand slipping under his shirt, caressing his stomach.
“You know,” Lucas said quietly as his mouth sought out Jack’s throat. “I’ve played out this scenario in my mind a thousand times over.” His warm lips massaged Jack’s tender skin. “Two wannabe lovers from back in high school…finally admitting their passion for one another a few years down the road, but still having to keep it secret.” He groaned and sucked Jack’s neck, inspiring Jack’s current erection to harden some more. Lucas rubbed his hand further under Jack’s shirt and dragged his thumb over a very stiff, erect nipple. A soft moan pushed up Jack’s throat. “How do you think two such lovers would react to one another?” Lucas’ mouth was on Jack’s ear now, his breath unsteady, heated. “Repressing their passion for years, and now finally just letting go and throwing off all inhibitions?”
The mere thought of it caused Jack to tremble and made him wish he had a long-lost lover to reunite with. “I think”—Jack swallowed hard—“that their first time would be very intense, and hot…maybe a little wild, after holding back for so long.”
Lucas raised his head and gazed down at Jack. “See?” He smiled. “You get it.” He exhaled slowly, heavy desire smoldering in his eyes. “Think we can pull off hot and romantic at the same time?”
“Well.” Jack slowly tugged up the hem of Lucas’ shirt. “That’s why we rehearse, isn’t it? To make sure we…get it right?”
“Indeed,” Lucas murmured and smiled. He kissed Jack again as his hands began moving over Jack’s body in sensual caresses. Jack gasped softly into Lucas’ mouth when the guy palmed his crotch and began rubbing, squeezing.
“Fuck, that feels good,” Jack murmured against Lucas’ lips.
“Get into your role,” Lucas whispered. “What would you say to a guy you’ve been in love with since high school?”
♥
The low voice
s and moans drew Scotty like a moth to a flame. He hadn’t really meant to stop at Jack’s partially open door and watch him and Lucas, but the scene on the bed captivated him. Of course, they were acting—everyone knew about the upcoming skit Jack and Lucas were scheduled to shoot—but they were convincing nonetheless. The sensuality in their kisses and caresses seared Scotty’s heart with envy…jealousy. No one ever touched him that way. Not even when he had been doing scenes.
No one but Garrett. The way Garrett had touched him, made love to him that first time on camera…it had been too real to be pretend. How could someone fake that kind of passion?
He stared at Lucas and Jack. Aren’t they faking it? Yet making it look pretty damn real? But Garrett hadn’t been just playing a role. If he had…why would he have hooked up with Scotty off camera?
An unpleasant pinch twisted his stomach. The scene in the bedroom blurred before him as he watched Lucas and Jack exchange tender caresses, passionate kisses. His arm began to throb beneath the long sleeve of his thick shirt, the cuffs squeezed in his fists. The harder his heart pounded, the more he could feel the pain trying to push its way out.
He still loves me. He does. But the hurt remained, pulsing through his veins. Soon…he would have to let it out.
“Scotty?”
Scotty jumped at the sudden voice and turned quickly. He stared at the young man, not much older than himself, twenty-two, yet appearing much younger. His blond hair was trimmed a bit shorter than the first time they had met. Scotty shied away from that memory; it was unpleasant and thinking about it devastated him. It wasn’t good for him to feel “devastated.”
He swallowed thickly and averted his eyes, absently drawing his arms behind his back. “Bailey, I…” He glanced at Jack’s bedroom door, the scene on the bed in plain view. He suddenly felt embarrassed and a little humiliated to be caught in the act of “peeping” on Jack and Lucas—especially with Garrett standing right there next to Bailey. “I didn’t know you were back.”
