by A M Snead
Benjamin gazed at him softly. “Do you dance here, too? Will I see you very much?”
Oh kid, trust me—you don’t want to go there.
♥
Jack hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but the instant he approached the dressing room doorway, his feet had caught on the hard floor and locked, refusing to let him enter. Discreetly observing the exchange between Garrett and the new kid, Jack had watched the somewhat slutty boy from the stage transform before his eyes into a shy, vulnerable and—dammit—likable guy. Jack had managed to bypass the flesh mills, coming straight to Gideon first time around. He could only imagine what the kid—Benjamin—had had to do on camera. And off.
Watching from the sidelines, Jack had also caught a glimpse of the Garrett who had rendered him helpless from the instant they had first met. The caring man who had held him in his arms that night after leaving the club, listening to the tale of Jill’s heartbreak and why Jack was so afraid to let someone in so deeply.
The empty well of emotion inside him refilled without warning and the two young men blurred before him. It hit him hard and sudden how much he missed Garrett’s attention, his care and concern…his simple want of Jack.
Maybe that Garrett had never really existed, and it really was just an act. But Jack missed him even so.
He couldn’t do this, not now. Jack turned quietly from the doorway when the kid’s next words stopped him.
“Who was that guy who came in?” the boy asked Garrett. “When we were onstage? I saw the way you looked at him. Is he your boyfriend?”
Jack pressed his back against the wall and listened, only half aware he was holding his breath, his heart pounding so loud he could barely hear anything else.
“No,” Garrett said quietly. “He doesn’t like me much.”
“Are you sure?” Benjamin asked softly.
“Pretty sure,” Garrett sighed. “Why?”
“I don’t know, I just thought I saw something for a minute…the way you guys looked at each other.” He fell silent for a brief moment. “Did he used to be your boyfriend?”
Jack laid his head back against the wall and stared at the high ceiling, warm tears sliding down his temples.
A long silence followed the boy’s question before Garrett murmured, “For a second…there was something. Then it went away.”
“For you?” the kid asked quietly.
Jack’s chest squeezed, his stomach tightening and throat closing as he was suddenly gripped by the fear of Garrett’s answer. He shoved off the wall and walked away as quickly and quietly as possible, no longer wishing to hear any more of what Garrett had to say.
62 “The Heart’s Inquiry”
“You okay, son?” Gideon squeezed Jack’s shoulder when the boy returned and took the stool beside him. Jack’s red-rimmed eyes were notable, but Jack nodded and ordered another beer.
The beer bottle twisted between the young man’s fingers a few times before he took a drink. “I…I might have done something really stupid,” he mumbled.
Concerning Garrett? Gideon tensed a little. “What’s that?” Gideon glanced at Daniel then back to Jack.
“My dad just called me,” he said quietly.
Gideon nodded. “About the birthday dinner?”
“Yeah.” Jack took another drink then cleared his throat. “They’re here, in Chicago.”
“Right now?”
“Yes.” Jack looked at him and a fresh wetness glossed his eyes. “They don’t even acknowledge that it’s my birthday as well as Jill’s. I don’t know why they’re even including me in it. But I’m sick of them, you know? Sick of the way they try to make me feel about myself.”
“Of course,” Gideon murmured and rubbed his back. “That’s understandable.”
“I never told them that…” He swallowed thickly. “…that I’m doing porn. So, I just thought, if they knew, maybe they would just cut me loose altogether and not bother me anymore.”
Gideon looked at Daniel again, who cocked an eyebrow. “So…you told your dad?”
“No,” Jack said. “He wanted to know where I was, so we could meet and talk about the dinner and…” He met Gideon’s stare. “I gave him the address to the club.”
Gideon stared at him with mild shock. “Your parents are coming here? And they have no idea you gave them directions to a gay strip club?”
Jack nodded. “Pretty stupid, huh? My dad…he’s gonna freak.”
“What do you mean by freak?” Daniel asked, leaning forward on the bar and looking past Gideon to Jack. “Yell at you? Or…worse?”
Jack looked between the two older men. “Probably…worse.”
A knot formed in Gideon’s stomach. “Jack…” he murmured, brow pinching. “Has your dad ever hit you?”
The boy shrugged and averted his gaze. “A few times,” he mumbled. “Nothing major, he never put me in the hospital or anything. Just…bruised me up a little.”
“It doesn’t matter if he put you in the hospital,” Gideon said stiffly. “That’s fucking child abuse. Did your sister know?”
“No.” Jack shook his head. “I never told her. She already worried about me enough. She knew it was going to be really hard on me when she was gone. I didn’t want to cause her more worry by telling her that our dad occasionally used me for a punching bag.”
“What?” Bailey appeared at Jack’s side, a hard frown cutting grooves across his normally smooth forehead. “Your dad beat you?” He took the stool beside Jack, opposite Gideon. “Why? Because he’s just an asshole? Or because you were gay?”
Jack stared at his bottle of beer. “He never touched me before I came out.”
Gideon exchanged a tense look with Bailey. “Are you afraid of him?” Bailey asked, his voice dropping. “Of what he’ll do when he finds out you’re a porn star?”
“Maybe,” Jack murmured. “A little.” He shook his head slowly. “But I don’t care what he does, as long as he just leaves me the fuck alone afterward.”
“Jack.” Gideon squeezed his shoulder and leaned closer. “He isn’t going to lay a finger on you.” He stood up and wrapped his arm loosely around Jack’s neck and kissed his hair. “You’re my kid now. And no one fucking touches my boys.”
“Everything all right?” Garrett approached with the new kid, his question posed with a cautious tone. His eyes flicked between Bailey, Gideon, and Daniel. Jack stiffened but didn’t turn around.
“Yeah.” Gideon nodded and slowly withdrew his arm, resting his hand on Jack’s shoulder. “We were just discussing an imminent visit from Jack’s parents.”
Puzzlement squeezed Garrett’s brow. “Visit? They’re coming…here?” When Bailey and Gideon both nodded, Garrett cocked an eyebrow and murmured, “Should be interesting.” He looked at the boy beside him then introduced him to Bailey and Gideon. “And the one giving us the cold shoulder…is Jack. You’ll like him.”
Gideon half expected to detect sarcasm in Garrett’s words, but there wasn’t a trace as the young man stared at Jack, a quiet ache in his eyes that proclaimed, “I sure did.”
There was reluctance in the shift of Jack’s body as he slowly twisted around and looked at Benjamin, carefully avoiding Garrett’s eyes. He held out his hand politely and spoke quietly. “Jack Heart.”
The boy stared at him as he accepted his handshake. “Benjamin Sweet.”
Gideon couldn’t be sure if the smile that curved Jack’s lips was genuine or just for show, but it was nice to see either way. “You look sweet,” Jack said and gave his hand a light squeeze before releasing him.
Warmth flushed the kid’s cheeks and he shrugged and mumbled with a smirk, “I’ve been known to cause a toothache or two.”
Laughter sifted through the small group.
“I’m kidding.” Benjamin smiled. “I just couldn’t resist.”
“I’m sure it’s true.” Bailey winked.
The kid ducked his head and laughed softly.
“Daniel.” Garrett turned his attention to the other m
an. “I’ve been talking to Benjamin and I was wondering what the chances were of you hiring him on permanently. There’s enough boys around here to help him perfect his routine, teach him some moves.”
Daniel looked at the kid. “You want to work here full time?”
“Yeah,” Benjamin said quietly. “I would like to.”
“What about your other job?”
Garrett shook his head. “There’s no fucking way he’s working for Silver Star Productions.”
“What?” Gideon frowned and looked at Garrett. “Silver Star Productions?” He turned his focus on the kid. “That was your new job?” His head cocked with uncertainty. “Would this be your first time doing porn?” Please say yes. You’re just a baby yet. But the shadow that crossed the boy’s face told a different truth. Gideon ducked his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. Fuck. He looked up slowly. “How long?”
“A year or so,” Benjamin murmured.
Gideon shook his head, face tight. “Garrett’s right. There’s no way you’re working for that shit company.”
“Where were your parents during the last year?” Daniel asked.
“I don’t have any,” Benjamin told him. “I’ve been through a lot of foster homes. Most of them not so good. So, I just took off on my own.”
“Where are you staying now?” Gideon asked.
The kid shrugged. “Just…wherever. I don’t have enough money for an apartment yet.”
“So, you’re basically homeless?” Bailey asked.
Benjamin nodded. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “Basically.”
“Well, not anymore. You’ll stay with us,” Gideon said, without room for argument. “I have plenty of room. Someone will make sure you get in here to the club each day for work.”
Mild confusion filled the boy’s eyes. “Why?” he asked quietly.
“Why what?” Gideon questioned.
“Why…” The kid looked at all of them then met Gideon’s stare. “Why do you care anything about me? You don’t even know me.”
Gideon smiled. “Basic human decency. Believe it or not, some people in this world still possess it.”
♥
Basic human decency. Jack wondered where his parents were the day God handed that one out. Probably at some rally advocating the excommunication of gays from the human race. Jack twisted back toward the bar and finished off his beer. It took too much effort to avoid looking at Garrett, and after just minutes, it felt like it became obvious to everyone around him that he was deliberately not looking at the guy. And the new kid—Benjamin—his steady gaze made Jack uncomfortable. He didn’t care for the notion that someone was seeing more than they should when they looked in his eyes. And this kid gave off that vibe.
Was he sizing Jack up? Trying to determine if Jack was a threat should the kid decide he wanted to make a play for Garrett? No worries, little buddy, he’s all yours. Good luck not getting fucked over like me and Scotty.
The coarse thought didn’t sit well, though Jack didn’t really know why. The last thing he should feel is “guilty” about having such hard thoughts toward the man. Jack slid his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes. If he had any luck at all, the others would connect his dejected mood to the impending arrival of his parents.
“While you’re both here,” Gideon spoke up and bumped Jack’s arm, drawing his stare. “I wanted to let you know I’ve rescheduled your scene for the day after tomorrow.”
Jack frowned, his pulse quickening. “I thought we were doing the ‘Friends’ shoot first?”
“We were,” Gideon said. “But Zachary had some unexpected family stuff to deal with, so I’ve postponed the shoot a few days. So, you and Garrett are up next.” Gideon held his unsteady eyes. “Unless you’ve decided not to do it.”
Jack could back out. It wasn’t as if Gideon would fire him. But refusing to do the scene would only inflate Garrett’s ego, convince him that Jack was afraid to be sexual with him again because he still harbored feelings for him.
Is that what Garrett thinks—or what you know to be true?
“No, I’m good to go,” Jack muttered. “But you may want to double check with Garrett. He may not be up for it.” Jack had no idea why he added that last bit. To annoy Garrett? He wasn’t clear.
“Set it up,” Garrett said stiffly. “Unlike some, I know how to conduct myself in a professional manner on set—and not get caught up in the illusion of the scene.”
Jack slid off the stool and without looking at the guy, muttered—“Fuck off”—and walked out of the club, in need of some air—and distance between him and Garrett.
As soon as his back hit the outside wall of the club, though, he was assaulted with the memory of Garrett’s strong body pinning him to this exact spot the night they had danced onstage. He squeezed his eyes shut, battling the images…the words…the request made by Jack’s own mouth.
“Come closer.”
“Why?”
“I want to kiss you.”
Jack’s throat knotted and ached. He shoved his head hard against the wall, jaw clenched against the sting burning behind his closed lids.
“I hate you, Garrett North.”
“Why do you hate me?”
“I hate you for making me like you so much…I don’t want to like you this way.”
Warm tears pushed out and rolled down Jack’s face.
“You getting sweet on me, Jack? Thinking you might want to give up your heart…Mr. Heart?”
An unexpected and unbidden sob caught in Jack’s throat and he squeezed his eyes tighter, forcing out more tears.
“Take me home…and take me to bed.”
Jack’s throat worked, and he opened his eyes slowly, tears streaming hot paths down his cheeks. “Why did you leave?” he whispered. His chin trembled, breath catching and breaking. “What did I do wrong?”
He ducked his head and covered his hand over his eyes. Sobs piled in his throat, causing his body to shake as they swelled up, threatening to break him down.
Just get a grip. Get a grip.
“Jack?” Mitchel Heart’s deep, slightly coarse voice cut through Jack’s welling emotions.
Jack’s head jerked up and he stared at his dad, standing just a few feet away. The man’s brow was knit tight as he stared at his son’s tear-streaked face. But it wasn’t concern he discovered in his dad’s cool, pale blue eyes. Jack quickly wiped his face.
You okay, son? Words so easily and naturally voiced by Gideon, never found their way to his own father’s lips, didn’t even reflect in his stare.
“What is this place?” Mitchel looked at the building, eyes hard as they cut back to Jack.
Anxiety twisted Jack’s gut. He hadn’t meant to get caught alone with his parents. Especially his dad. Inside, with the others, he had felt a measure of comfort at the idea of facing his parents. But out here, by himself, with his dad’s steely glare shredding him…
“Jack?” Jack’s eyes snapped to the club entrance. Garrett stood half out of the partially open door, his brow tight as he surveyed Mitchel and Darlene Heart skeptically. He met Jack’s stare briefly. “Gideon wants to see you inside.” Rather than immediately disappearing back inside, Garrett waited until Jack was headed his way.
Jack glanced at his dad. “Come inside,” he mumbled. “We can talk in there.” Only when he reached the entrance door did Garrett retreat into the club.
63 “The Helping Hand”
Marcus laughed when Derek scooped him up over his shoulder and swatted his butt. “My prize for winning,” Derek proclaimed and gnawed on Marcus’ rump through his pants. The boy squealed and kicked.
Dropping his pool stick on the table, Mickey shook his head. “Oh no, I didn’t say he was the prize.” He grinned. “Give him back.”
“I won, I get to choose my prize,” Derek insisted and twisted away when Mickey tried to drag Marcus from his shoulder. “My own little wonder twin boy toy!” he laughed, using one hand to hold Mickey at bay.
“Hey, Mick,�
� Lucas chimed in. “What’ll you give me if I help you get your boy back?”
“Anything you want!” Mickey promised.
“Well, hell…” Lucas jumped up from the sofa. The other guys standing back, watching with amusement, began to whoop and holler. “Can’t turn that down.”
“Stay out of this, Lucas, you prick!” Derek laughed. “I won him fair and square.” He clutched Marcus around the back of the thighs, hand gripping his ass, and backed away from an advancing Lucas, kicking at him with his right foot. “Stay back! He’s mine!”
“Save me from the evil ogre, my prince!” Marcus reached for Mickey with one arm, curling the other back around Derek’s throat. Derek’s exaggerated gagging caused Marcus to laugh and squeeze harder.
“I got him!” Lucas caught Derek’s kicking foot. “Grab your fair maiden and I’ll take down the beast!”
“Hey!” Marcus scowled over his shoulder.
“Sorry, babe.” Lucas grinned sheepishly. “Your fair mister.”
Mickey laughed and rushed Derek from behind, grabbing for Marcus’ hands as Lucas attacked from the front.
“No fair!” Derek barked but his arm loosened, and Marcus scrambled over his shoulder, falling into Mickey’s arms as the two boys went down with a grunt and a burst of laughter, Marcus landing on top.
Lucas took Derek down seconds later, pinning him facedown on the floor. The two boys hurriedly joined him, clamoring on top of Derek, the three of them straddling his back and preventing him from moving.
“Hey!” Derek growled. “No fair ganging up on me!”
