“Logan, this is what is best for your career and I am your business manager. The whole bad boy façade is not getting the same ratings anymore, people want romance and to see you are a relationship man. I have done several focus groups on it. So, that is what we need to do. For your career. Really, I don’t think you appreciate how much I do for your brand. The fact that you are even questioning me on this is just self-destructive. Do you want to be a dried up rock star out of the limelight?” Gina scoffed at him, getting into the passenger side of the car as Logan climbed into the driver's seat. Logan shook his head in annoyance and sighed.
“You’re right, I am sorry. I know you do a lot for me.” Logan said, defeated.
He didn’t want to sit here and argue with her for another few hours because he knew the result would be the same either way. Gina just couldn’t understand the difference between business and love.
Until last week, Logan probably hadn’t known the difference either. Then he met Caroline. As he continued driving back towards the penthouse, Gina kept talking about upcoming plans and schedules but Logan had tuned out. He was remembering how beautiful Caroline had looked when he first saw her one week ago exactly and the way she felt so warm pressed against him when he woke up a few mornings ago. Her hair had been a bit tossed about but her face was completely calm and peaceful.
She wasn’t wearing any makeup but she still looked more beautiful than anyone he had ever seen. He felt like she was made to fit him perfectly, carved into his side as if she was that missing piece he had never been able to fill. A place that was now empty again as he sat here with Gina instead.
It had killed him to leave early before she had even woken up, but he didn’t know what else to do. He knew it was cowardly, but he didn’t know what to say to her if she woke up. He knew she wanted nothing to do with him while he was with Gina, and he couldn’t see how he was ever going to get out of that.
When he had pulled his arm out from under her, she had sighed gently and curled up into her pillow. He had leaned down and kissed her forehead, luxuriating in the scent of her hair and the softness of her skin. He hadn’t spoken to her since that night, but he had thought about her every moment, but now he had practically just made out with Gina on national television and he could only hope that Caroline had not been watching. He didn’t know why he hadn’t tried to contact her, only that he didn’t know what to say and he knew that she deserved better than what he was currently offering her.
He was leaving tomorrow morning super early for his six month tour, he dreaded going all that time without seeing Caroline. He knew he wanted to try and see her before he left, but would she even want to see him? And how would he find a moment away from Gina? She had been glued to his side lately in preparation for the tour and every bit of planning that went into it. Logan continued to think this over as he pulled into his parking space below the building where his penthouse was.
The couple got out of the car and rode the elevator up in silence and then went to opposite ends of the apartment, as was the usual routine. Logan was in the bedroom finishing packing up his bags for the tour. A few hours later he placed his bags by the elevator doors and grabbed his paint brush to finish up painting. He wanted to complete this before his tour, hoping maybe it would convince Caroline to see him tonight.
He was almost done with everything except the girl in the window, which was the only unpainted spot so far. He started there first with gentle strokes, creating her figure. There was still a rip in the side of the painting but he had taped the back of the canvas together with strong masking tape which made it less noticeable. With a little paint over the area, it wasn’t too hard to blend it in so it looked like part of the painting. As time slipped past, Logan was so absorbed in what he was doing that he hadn’t realized that Gina was in the room watching him.
“Who is she?” Gina said, standing a ways behind him. Logan wasn’t paying attention and just kept painting. Gina took a few steps forward and to his side, turning to look him in the eyes. He finally noticed her and turned his head towards her.
“What?” He said to her.
“Who is she?” Gina asked again, her hands folded over her chest. Logan sighed and went back to painting.
“Haven’t we gone through this before, Gina?” he said to her.
“She isn’t just an inspiration to you. I can see it on your face while you paint her.” Gina said to him, sadness in her voice.
“Gina. It’s just a painting.” He said slowly, still concentrating on his painting.
She continued to stand there and then just slowly nodded her head and walked away, leaving the room. Logan let out a sigh. He was glad she hadn’t blown up or gotten angry, but he felt guilty because he knew he was hurting her. She had actually looked really sad, which he hadn’t seen on her in awhile.
He stopped painting and put the brush down and sighed again. He hadn’t seen her showing any type of real emotion in a long time, it reminded him of the Gina he had first dated. He looked at his painting of Caroline, almost entirely complete. He felt his heart warm just at the thought of her, but then he looked towards the doorway that Gina had walked through and he felt the guilt to be just overwhelming. He headed over to find her.
“Gina?” Logan called out, walking into the kitchen. She was standing at the island counter typing on a laptop computer. Logan walked up behind her and circled his arms around her, pulling her close to him. She breathed out a sigh of relief and leaned back into him.
“Logan.” Gina said softly, “This is a nice surprise.”
He didn’t say anything but just held her and kissed her neck. They rocked slightly back and forth together and quietly spent a few moments just relishing the feeling of being themselves again. It was like they were the old Logan and Gina again, feeling that warmth together and being a couple instead of business partners.
“What happened to us, Gina?” Logan whispered softly. She didn’t respond. She just closed her eyes and continued to stay wrapped in his arms. She didn’t have an answer for him, she didn’t know what had happened either. She knew that business had become more important than the romance. They weren’t themselves anymore.
She wasn’t sure why he couldn’t just be okay with the way things were now because they were pulling in eight, nine, sometimes ten figures a year with the combination of his talent and her business sense. She felt a heaviness in her heart at the feeling of his arms around her, like even though he was there with her, he still was somewhere else.
“She isn’t just a painting to me.” Logan said softly. Gina breathed deeply and nodded, pulling away from him.
“I know.” She said and then went back to typing on her computer, completely disconnecting from him. He stood there behind her for a few moments, then dropped his head and walked out of the room. He didn’t know what to think right now, or how to feel.
~**~
Aralia was rummaging around Caroline’s kitchen, tossing through each drawer.
“What are you looking for?” Caroline asked, walking into the kitchen hearing all the clattering.
“A wine opener, of course. Where is it? Mine is kept hanging right next to the fridge so it’s always in sight. I don’t know why anyone would hide theirs away, no respect for the wine!” Aralia joked. Caroline rolled her eyes and then pulled open a drawer that Aralia hadn’t gotten to yet and pulled out her wine opener.
“Here you go, diva.” Caroline laughed and then walked back to the living room. She was still in her skirt and blouse from work, minus the high heels. She plopped down on the couch and grabbed one of the magazines that Aralia had brought with her. The two girls were spending the night just relaxing and chatting for a few hours.
They both agreed that last weekend had been more partying than it should have been so they decided this weekend was going to be only relaxing. However, that didn’t mean wine was off limits. You had to have wine. It just goes without saying.
Aralia waltzed into the room a few moments later an
d handed Caroline a cold wine glass filled with pinot grigio. She took a sip and closed her eyes with pleasure just enjoying the taste after such a long week at work. Aralia walked over to the television and slipped a DVD into the player, getting the movie started. It was a recent romantic comedy released onto DVD that they hadn’t seen yet and so they decided it would be perfect for a girls night. Aralia plopped down on the couch and took a big gulp of her wine.
Just as the movie credits were beginning to start, Caroline’s doorbell rang. She hopped up to go answer it.
“Jackie finally made it!” Caroline said to Aralia as she went to open the door. When she pulled open the door though, she was surprised to see that Jackie wasn’t alone. Logan was standing there next to her, holding a brown packaged rectangular package.
“I found him downstairs looking like a kicked puppy, so don’t blame me!” Jackie said, waltzing right past Caroline smiling at her with a wink, tossing her hands up in surrender hoping Caroline wouldn’t be made at her. Caroline just stood there staring at Logan, barely hearing what Jackie had said. She could hear Jackie and Aralia murmuring in the other room now and could only imagine the gossip that was probably going on right now.
“I’m sorry to interrupt your evening.” Logan said, looking down at the ground. He looked back up at her and smiled.
“Somehow I doubt that.” She responded, crossing her arms and clenching her jaw in an attempt to show confidence and indifference.
“I just had to see you, Caroline. I’m leaving for tour tomorrow.” He took a step into the doorway, coming closer to her, “You look so beautiful.” He said slowly, taking in every inch and curve of her face. She blushed at his comments and leaned on her door frame.
“I heard, I happened to catch your show this morning.” Caroline said, slightly tensing her eyes and clenching her teeth. Logan breathed out loudly, groaning. He dipped his head backwards and blew out a deep breath, frustrated.
“I was hoping you hadn’t seen that. Caroline, that was just television. Gina and I, we aren’t like that, we just, well I don’t know what we are, but it’s not like that. I didn’t even know she was going to say any of that and I never told her anything like that. My feelings are still the same, they haven’t changed.” He said to her, taking a step closer to her, closing the gap between them. She didn’t move.
“Here, this is for you. I don’t know if you will even like it, so you can throw it out if you want. I just wanted you to have it.” He handed her the wrapped up painting.
She took it silently and pulled off the brown wrapping paper, tossing it into the kitchen behind her. As she tossed it, she saw Aralia and Jackie poking their heads around the corner. She gave them a sharp look and they grinned and ducked away. She lifted the unwrapped painting up so that she could look at it and smiled at the beautiful brushstrokes. She knew it was her, she had seen herself in his paintings before.
She still loved it, her heart felt like it was swelling in her chest and that he just understood her. They spoke the same silent language and shared something neither one of them could describe. She leaned it up against the wall and then turned back to look at him. The two were still standing in her doorway.
“Caroline.” He said softly, leaning toward her and putting his hands on her hips. He began to pull her towards him but she put her arms up between them and leaned backwards, stopping him.
“What happened Tuesday morning? Why didn’t you say goodbye?” she said firmly, holding her jaw tight again.
“I didn’t know what to say, Caroline, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have left though, not without talking to you.” He said, his head turned down and to the side slightly, looking at her. She nodded her head but didn’t say anything, he leaned closer to her and kissed her gently on the tip of her nose.
“I messed up, Caroline. Can you forgive me?” he said, “I don’t want to go on this tour and be so far apart thinking you are mad at me.” He paused for a moment looking at her, then reached out and pushed a piece of hair off her face, tucking it back.
“You looked so beautiful and peaceful when you were sleeping.” He said softly, a huskiness to his voice.
“I’m not mad, just disappointed,” she said blushing at his compliment, letting the defensiveness slip out of her body, as she allowed him to pull her closer to him, “and what about Gina?”
“Gina knows that we are romantically over. We talked about it tonight, kind of. It’s just a business relationship. There hasn’t been anything real there in a long time.” Logan said, dipping down and kissing Caroline softly on her neck.
She felt his arms tighten around her back and she let the door close behind them so that the two were out in the hallway. She felt her knees weaken at the feeling of his beard’s stubble touching her skin. He slipped a little lower and kissed her collar bone while her hands grabbed onto his sides, trying to secure herself so that she wouldn’t fall.
His arms supported her from behind, lifting her slightly since her knees were wobbling with the sensations of his lips against her skin. Caroline knew her mind was getting cloudy, but she couldn’t let go of what he had said. Gina was still in his life. She was still his girlfriend, Logan wasn’t leaving her and she wasn’t going to be part of an affair.
Caroline pushed him away and balanced herself against the door that was closed behind her. She kept her hand flat against his chest, pushing him away from her while she caught her breath and straightened up. Logan looked at her quizzically, unsure of why she was barricading him from her.
“Logan, no. We can’t do this. You are in a relationship. I am not that girl. I just can't do this.” Caroline said, opening the door behind her.
“Caroline, don’t go. You don’t understand, I can’t break up with her officially, she manages my entire career. But there is no romance there, I swear to you. I told her about you, she knows that she and I are over.” Logan said taking a step towards the door, but she hopped behind it and began to close the door.
“Logan, I said no. I don’t want this.” Caroline said and she slammed the door shut and quickly locked it.
She leaned her back against the door and let out a deep breath, closed her eyes, and leaned her head back. Her head was swimming and she felt like she was walking on a fluffy cloud that had suddenly turned into a thunderstorm. She had to have the door between them or she wouldn’t have been able to control herself and keep her defenses up.
But even as she was thinking that, she realized that she wasn’t happy. She didn’t want to leave things this way either, he would be gone officially for six months. That was plenty of time to separate them and end whatever was going on between them. Why did she have to give up tonight too?
Caroline quickly turned around and swung the front door open again and looked out, but there was no sign of Logan. She poked her head out and saw the elevator doors at the end of the hall closing. Crap! Caroline thought as she realized she might have just missed him. She quickly rushed down the hall, letting the door close behind her and pressed the elevator button, hoping to get the doors to open again. Luckily the elevator had not started moving yet so the doors slowly pried themselves open again.
Logan was leaning against the back wall of the elevator with his hands in his pockets and his ankles crossed. He was looking down, a dejected and sad look on his face. When the doors opened, he looked up and saw Caroline standing there.
“Caroline?” He asked inquisitively, wondering what was going on.
“Don’t talk.” She said and she quickly took a few steps towards him, straddling his legs and pressing up against his body. Her hands landed on his chest as she looked deep in his eyes. He didn’t say anything but grabbed her hips. She leaned forward and their lips met, intertwining into a deep kiss.
Her arms slipped up and wrapped around his neck and his arms wrapped tighter around her waist. He stood up straight to pull her closer to him and she let him hold her as she relaxed in his embrace. As their kiss got deeper, Caroline felt like she getting lost and she w
as okay with that. She cared for Logan so much and she knew it couldn’t work out, but she just needed right now, she needed him and she needed them. His hand slipped up into her hair and he turned the both of them around, pressing her up against the wall of the elevator. He leaned into her, pinning her against the wall and kissing her deeper.
Caroline felt her breath become ragged and knew she needed to make a decision. Slowly, she pushed him away from her and the two broke their kiss. He looked down into her eyes and they were just quiet for a moment, trying to get control of their breathing. Logan felt such warmth looking into her light hazel brown eyes, seeing straight into her heart.
Finally, Caroline moved out from between him and the wall and hit the DOOR OPEN button. He turned back around to look at her as she stepped towards the doors. They finally opened and Caroline stepped across the threshold into the hallway. Logan reached out and grabbed her arm.
“Caroline,” Logan said as she turned her head back to look at him.
“I love you, Caroline.” He said softly, his hand squeezing her arm lightly and then letting go. She circled around and softly touched the side of his face with her hand, then smiled at him.
“I know, Logan,” she leaned in and gently kissed him on the lips then pulled back and sighed, “but not enough.”
Caroline finally left the elevator and started walking back down the hallway. She forced herself to take each step and not look back even though it was taking everything in her willpower. Logan watched her walk away and the elevator doors closed between them.
~**~
Caroline slowly walked back into her living room, clearly upset, causing the girls to look up from the movie at her.
“What happened?” Jackie asked, both girls leaned forward eager to hear the details.
“He has a girlfriend and has no plans of breaking up with her. So, obviously, nothing can happen with him, plus he is leaving for six months to go on tour.” Caroline said, trying to act nonchalant like she was just spitting out boring facts. Aralia hit the pause button on the remote control so that she could hear Caroline better. Caroline sat down in a big padded chair across from the couch that the girls were sitting on.
Sand & Clay Page 8
