by Rosie Scott
But at what cost?
I heard Azazel and Cerin saying my name, but it sounded like nothing but echoes. I fell to the ground, my knees ringing in pain as they hit the grass first. I had been mostly quiet and contemplative since the Battle of Highland Pass, and keeping silent about everything that had happened here was taking its toll on my psyche.
“And there it is,” Altan murmured, as the Sentinels stopped to look back at me. The fire mage's red eyes were sympathetic as they gazed over me. “We've been wondering when you'd break down, Kai.”
My golden eyes stared over the battlefield. Every muscle was stiff, like my body itself was refusing to move over it right now. I hadn't yet come to terms with what had happened here; how was I going to face it again?
“I'm...” I trailed off, falling off my knees in an awkward clump over the grass. “...sorry.”
“For what?” Altan and the other Sentinels walked back a few feet from where they'd been to be near me.
“I know how impatient you are to get back to Makani,” I said to the first Sentinel, before moving my eyes to the others. “And we need to get to Mistral. But I...” I reached up, grabbing my head. “I don't think I can move.”
I felt someone beside me grab me into a hug. I only knew it was Cerin because I smelled the natural husky scent of his neck. I let my body collapse into his, taking solace in the blackness of his armor. It blocked out the sight of everything else I didn't want to see.
“Kai, you shouldn't be sorry about a gods damn thing,” Altan retorted. I heard the clatter of gear and a grunt as the Sentinel fell to the ground only a few feet away. “You won us this battle. Most of us would be dead if it weren't for you. I have never in my entire career seen someone who can change the tide of a battle like you can. But I know none of that means anything to you right now.” The Sentinel paused before I heard a lengthy exhale. “Out of the thousands of casualties here, I know two of them meant the world to you.”
“Did you...” I trailed off. The bridge of my nose itched as a tear rolled down it, before trailing to Cerin's armor as the necromancer hugged me tighter. “...see how it happened?”
There was a long pause. “I didn't, personally,” Altan finally admitted. “But Cyrus did, so I know about it. Have you truly gotten so far in this war without causing innocent casualties?”
I frowned against Cerin's armor. “No. This war was started with innocent casualties. But none of them were my friends.” A harsh lump lodged in my throat, causing my voice to thicken. “Until now.”
“We have a lot of healers in our army,” I heard Uriel speak up. His voice was soft and came from just beside Altan. I finally pulled my face from Cerin's armor, finding that everyone in our group was sitting around where I'd fallen. Azazel was on my other side, watching me with concern. Maggie smiled softly at me in support from beside him. All three Sentinels sat before me, looking out of place simply sitting casually on the grass in their prestigious armor. Uriel finally continued, “But we also have healers of the mind. Therapists, they're called. We have some in every city of Eteri. Do you know why?”
I glanced up at him through moist eyes. “Why?”
“Because friendly fire is so incredibly common in battles with the elements,” Uriel finally replied. “What happened that day was a tragedy, Kai. But it is a tragedy that happens all too often in war. You are a mage of the six elements, and you've been waging war for what, five years? The fact that this is the first time this has happened is an astonishing testament to your skill. Most soldiers in our army have their first experience with friendly fire before they are even out of training.”
I swallowed hard. I knew that to be true because the Seran University went to great lengths to prevent tragedies and mistakes. During my own schooling there, I remembered a few peers who pulled out of training due to causing injuries or suffering them.
“I chose that spell for a reason,” I finally murmured. “I thought about the damage an earthquake could do to both the land and our people. I went through all the spells in my repertoire and felt that was the least likely to hurt anyone. That's why I used it. As much as you all tease me for being brash, I went to extra lengths to be careful that day.” I hesitated, and my voice shook as I added, “It didn't matter. My friends are dead all the same.”
“Kai...forgive me if this pains you,” Cyrus spoke, his voice contemplative. “But I heard one of our soldiers talking about your spell after the battle. She is an air mage. She said your spell took on new forms that even she did not understand. And having been there myself, I agree. I have seen lightning storms used before in battle. I have never seen them tear up the ground as yours did.”
“You act like this is surprising,” Altan commented. “The tsunami she summoned in Narangar was unlike anything we've ever seen. And I was there when Vertun used one to push back the dwarves two hundred years ago.”
My eyes flicked over to the first Sentinel. “Vertun used a tsunami as well?”
Altan nodded. “And it wasn't half as big as yours. He was on a ship with me at the time, though. It's possible he was using a lesser spell to keep it from hurting our own ships. Regardless, I've never seen anyone as powerful as you. I mean, Bhaskar maybe, but he's said himself that his powers charge over centuries. Yours don't.”
“Mine still charge, in a way,” I murmured. “I've used lightning storms in the past. And as Cyrus said, they were never this powerful before. The spell Hades gave me back in Tal allows me to leech from dozens and even hundreds of people so I can funnel that energy into my next spells. After using it, my spells become hyper-powerful. Maybe it's a combination of my god blood and the extra energy...I mean, my spells have always been more powerful than most mages. My shields protect longer. Offensive spells are more damaging. Area-of-effect spells cover more ground. Leeching takes a fraction of the time. My tsunami in Narangar was immense, but I'd never summoned one before. I didn't know what to expect. The lightning storm and tornado here...” I trailed off, my eyes moving over to the broken cliffs to my right. “These were both spells I've used before.”
“And they were different,” Uriel commented.
“Yes.”
“How so?” Cyrus questioned.
“The lightning storm caused craters, and there were casualties from chain lightning that expanded out from the point of impact. The tornado was gigantic, and the skies were overrun with lightning. That wasn't part of the spell.” I hesitated, thinking back to Narangar. “The tsunami darkened the skies. And tsunami is a water spell. It shouldn't affect the skies at all.”
Azazel cleared his throat to my left. “I think Kai's powers are growing.” The archer looked over to the Sentinels since he'd said much of the same thing to me before. “I met her in the underground when I was still a slave and participated in the takeovers of Hazarmaveth and Quellden. There were thousands she leeched from there. Cerin, too,” he added, nodding over to my lover. “We all know necromancers grow stronger with each life they leech. We came across necromancers that were hard to kill in this last battle. Even Kai couldn't kill Hades. Because we are at war, Kai has been using leech more often than most spells so she can give others energy to protect them. Over the course of a few years, she has leeched far more than most necromancers get a chance to in decades. With the new spell Hades gave her, that ability is rapidly accelerated. I think this all connects,” the archer finally decided. “We simply didn't know what to expect or how to deal with it now that it's here because there's never been someone like this. Someone with the blood of the gods and the ability to wield all elements.”
“I saw your friends die,” Cyrus said softly, his blue eyes warm on my own. “Jakan was killed by the chain lightning of your spell, not the initial hit. If you didn't know to expect such a thing, there was no way you could have known to prevent it, Kai. If Azazel is right and you are growing more powerful, you don't know what you could be capable of. Like he said, there's never been anyone like you. This is new to you, but it's also new to all of us.”
“All you can do is be careful,” Uriel added. “You don't know how these massive spells can transform, but you know they do. If you ever use one in the future, you know to expect the unexpected. Let this be a learning experience, Kai. Don't let it discourage you from your goals. I know how much you loved Jakan and Anto, but they were with you for a reason. Those two men would have followed you to the ends of the earth.”
“Which is why they are dead.” Just saying it caused a sharp pain to slice through my internal organs.
Uriel exhaled heavily. “We had many conversations, me and those two. They told me how they both got involved with you, Kai. Neither of them had ever fit in anywhere. Anto told me he would have been dead years ago if it weren't for you. Jakan said he was happier than he'd ever been. He had Anto, and he had friends. All of the places you have been to together and all of the things you'd done—they loved doing them. They told me of your shipwreck and the battles in Nahara, and even when the going got rough, they were enjoying themselves. I think they were lost, Kai. They'd lost everything they'd ever had in Nahara, and you were the reason they had all that and more again.”
I was silent a moment. “They talked to you about a lot of things.”
“Yes,” Uriel replied. “There were many times I went to ask Anto about the ways of the orcs. I'd never seen one before him, so I was curious. He answered all my questions and then some. We were becoming friends, I think. They both were easy to befriend, much like you. Anto once told me he wasn't used to such openness because the people of Chairel and Nahara are extremely racist against orcs. He said you were different, as were your friends and many of the people you'd come across so far. I think being with you was giving him faith in people again. And even if they weren't in this for you and the Renegades, they would have been in it for your goals.”
Cyrus nodded beside him. “I asked Anto why he was imprisoned after he mentioned it during our conversation about Altan's son. He told me everything like he did with Uriel. He was proud of his part in freeing the slaves of the underground. And Jakan, in particular, liked the idea of you loosening the restrictions Chairel has on magic, especially life magic. He said that ever since your work in Nahara, fewer are dying there of injury and disease since they now have healers. Chairel holds their magic hostage because it brings in hoards of gold with its rarity. As much as Tilda loves gold, even she understands life magic should be available for any of our people to learn and use. If it weren't, our armies wouldn't have grown as large as they have because more people would die from wounds that didn't need to be fatal. Our civilians are relatively healthy and happy here because they know if they were ever injured, they could be healed even if they can't afford it.”
“My eye surgery was quite expensive,” Azazel spoke up. “What would my options have been if the bill wasn't sent to Tilda?”
“Eteri offers multiple options for payment,” Altan replied. “Usually, the surgeon or healer submits documents to Mistral and is paid out of the royal fund. The patient is then given multiple options. They can do community service work or elect a friend or family member to do it for them in the case of their incapacitation. Depending on their line of work, they can offer services to the kingdom itself for a given amount of time. Eteri doesn't claim to control its healers, though. They are free to set their own prices. Sometimes they work out payment plans with the patients themselves with no need of interference from royalty. The surgeon in Tal worked for Eteri itself since many of the shipbuilders there are granted free health care given they were working for our country.”
“It sounds complicated and relaxed all at the same time,” Cerin mused.
Altan nodded. “I get that. I like the way healthcare works here. I can only sympathize with your desire to change it in Chairel, Kai. It also makes sense that Jakan would have fought for that idea. Maybe he remembered how Eteri's system was and found Chairel's paled in comparison.”
“But no matter how well-intentioned Jakan felt I was, he's still gone,” I commented. “I've always known this war would claim the lives of people I loved, but I never imagined it would be like this. Maybe because it's easy to imagine that if the people you love die they will be taken by the enemy.”
“There's only one lucky Sentinel here who has not killed an ally by friendly fire,” Altan stated, glancing over at the other two. “And it ain't me. Every general in the history of warfare has experience with such things. If they don't kill a friendly directly, they make a mistake in strategy that costs lives. There's nothing you can do but learn from it, mourn those lost, and come out of it stronger than ever.”
Cyrus visibly swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing as he looked down at his hands. “You're definitely not alone, Kai. War is chaotic. It's all too easy to make a split-second decision that you think will help, just for it to all unravel before your eyes.”
I took note of the sad, personal tone with which he'd said it. “Was it someone close to you?” I asked him.
Cyrus glanced up at me. “You could say that. Her name was Enya. She was a good friend and one of my greatest soldiers before I killed her.”
Uriel reached over to his friend to pat him on the back in support.
“Can I ask what happened, or is it too painful?” I questioned.
Cyrus smiled sadly. “You can ask whatever you wish. I have done my best to move on. If my story can help you to come to term with yours, I'll relay it.” He paused, taking a moment to pull himself back in time to a memory. His long fingers brushed through the grasses before him absentmindedly. “As I said, Enya was one of my greatest soldiers. She was a fire mage and had her heart set on becoming a Sentinel. We had an inside joke about different crazy things Enya said she'd do to get me to notice her prowess. Uriel was promoted by my word, so she knew I had pull with Tilda. She was a lot like Altan.” Cyrus glanced over at the first Sentinel. “Enthusiastic. A little crazy.”
“A lot of fun,” Altan retorted, to which Uriel chuckled softly.
“Back in the mid-300s, we went to war with Hammerton,” Cyrus continued. “It only lasted a few years. We mostly wanted to retaliate against them for the Reva Mine Collapse.”
I nodded, remembering it as being the same event that had led to the death of both of Maggie's parents. “That's when Eteri destroyed Pisces,” I mused. From what I'd heard, Eteri had avoided most of Hammerton's navy by attacking a village the dwarves hadn't thought to protect. Pisces had been a small fishing town in the midst of a web of rivers off the eastern coast of Hammerton. Its destruction had hit the dwarves where it mattered most: their pockets.
Cyrus plucked a blade of grass out of the ground before twirling it around a finger. “Yes. That was the doing of Uriel, Kirek, and I. On the way there, we ran across a few of Hammerton's warships. We outnumbered them since they were just patrolling. Hammerton must have known we'd attack, but they probably figured we'd go farther south to Olympia. It was only a handful of ships. It wasn't hard at all to surround them and take them out. I would have never in a million years guessed that it was a fight that would cost me a friend. Like you said, Kai, you imagine that whenever you or your friends die in battle, you'll go down in a blaze of glory surrounded by enemies. Small spats like that one are so mundane that I expected nothing.
“The dwarves had one of their warships shooting out of both sides with their cannons. Enya was raining her fire over the ships as she always did. I didn't think much of it at the time. She always stood by the railing to make sure her meteors didn't hit friendlies. As usual, her spells were working wonders. The ship was damaged enough that it started to sink. The other galleon was doing substantial damage to the opposite side of our hull with its cannons because at the time we didn't have our shielding systems. Uriel and I were scrambling to protect our men and fend off the other ship, so I didn't see or hear Enya fall overboard when we were hit with a barrage of cannon fire.
“Kirek started blowing her war horn to inform us that the dwarves from the sinking ship were starting to climb up
ours to continue fighting on deck. Before I attempted to kill the dwarves climbing up the hull, I turned the surface water between our ship and the sinking dwarven vessel into ice. I'd meant to keep my soldiers safe. By freezing all the dwarves before they could reach us, I was preventing them from getting on the ship and killing our men. I left the water like that long enough for everyone to suffocate in the ice. We cut the grappling hooks off the side of the ship, leaving a lot of the dwarves to fall and die by hitting ice instead of water. By all accounts, the battle was a huge success, and our casualties were low.”
Cyrus stopped talking for a moment, plucking another piece of grass out of the earth. He went on to slowly tie the two blades of grass together in his hands to give his eyes something to focus on. “I turned the ice back to water. There Enya's body was, floating amongst the dwarves before I'd even noticed she wasn't on the ship. Dead of suffocation from my own spell. A spell that wasn't meant for her. She was blue in the face from a lack of oxygen, and parts of her tan skin were straight black with frostbite. She died an awful death, Kai. An awful and unnecessary death. And the worst part?” The Sentinel glanced up at me. “There's not a damn thing I could have done differently. I've argued with myself over the years that maybe I should have paid more attention to where she was. Maybe I should have checked the ocean a little better before turning it to ice. Maybe I should have done this or that. But the truth of the matter is, sometimes battle is just chaos. None of the what-ifs matter because they're not practical. Paying more attention to Enya could have meant letting soldiers die elsewhere. Taking more time to check the ocean to ensure a tragedy didn't happen when I had no reason to believe it would could have gotten people killed. You make the decisions you feel you have to in the midst of battle as a general, and sometimes good people die. That's war. That's life.”
“Knowing that doesn't make it any easier to handle when it happens, though,” Altan commented with sympathy.
