by Rosie Scott
“I can send someone out to pull the mercenaries back,” the harbormaster insisted, “but I doubt the waters will clear today. You know how long it takes just to get out into open ocean from here.”
Zephyr nodded, her face creased with a look of frustration. “All right. Send someone out immediately. Our navy will leave first thing tomorrow morning.”
The harbormaster bowed politely before rushing off to follow her orders.
While Scirocco was a magnificent city, it did not have enough lodging for all of our soldiers. Zephyr offered to stay with our men as they spread out over the grasslands on the southwestern edge of the city, and the rest of us found rooms in a towering inn near the shoreline. It was a beautiful building made of sandstone, and it reminded me much of the inn we'd stayed at in Al Nazir years ago. As Cerin and I settled in our room for the night, I found my heart aching from the memories I had from Al Nazir when Nyx and I had spent my birthday together exploring the desert city.
“Beautiful room,” Cerin commented, pulling his satchel off a shoulder and letting it fall to the sandstone floor. “The only thing missing is that desert music you love.”
“Yeah...” I trailed off, my eyes rolling over the steel door that led outside. “It's even got a balcony.”
“Why do you think I insisted on a room so high up?” Cerin glanced over at me with a charming smile. “Paid a premium for this room to get that balcony for you.”
I chuckled softly, shaking my head. “I've never told you I like balconies.”
“You didn't have to. It's obvious. You love heights, and you like looking over the land wherever we are.” Cerin took a moment to start boiling a pot of water over the fireplace for tea. His habits of doing things like this over the years were so comfortable and familiar to me, which only made me think more of Nyx because of how different we were even when it came to our love lives. Perhaps she really was like Silas, and our lives were simply going down two separate paths. I felt a sting of pain at that thought and sat back on the bed as if to still myself.
“Sera, T'ahal, Al Nazir, Tenesea, even Quellden,” Cerin went on. Since my mind had moved on from his earlier words, I was silent a moment, confused.
“What?”
“They were all places you loved staying. Location-wise, anyway. T'ahal's buildings weren't very high up, but we spent time on those balconies all the same.” Cerin glanced over at me, his silver eyes full of nostalgia. “You talked about love that first night in T'ahal. I remember being so conflicted about what you meant.”
A small huff of amusement passed through my lips as the memory came to me. “Why?”
“Well...it kind of felt like you were trying to be flirtatious. But then again, we had just talked of Theron's reasons for rejecting Nyx, so I wasn't sure. I can't tell you how many times I argued with myself over whether I should make a move. I was terrified to, but I wanted you so badly.”
I smiled as Cerin's eyes humbled in my own. “Am I really so terrifying?”
My lover chuckled before removing the pot of water from its place and pouring the steaming liquid into prepared mugs. “To our enemies? Definitely. To me? Yeah,” he admitted. “At the time, at least. You have to understand what it was like. My whole life I'd known nothing but cruelty and loneliness. My parents were great, but I was out of their lives at the time I met you. I had no friends. By the time I learned necromancy, I had secrets to keep. And there you were, Sirius's daughter, trying so hard to befriend me and showing me the only kindness I'd ever known. Then we found out you were as powerful as you were, and it just...” he trailed off before I heard a thick exhale. “I don't know. I love everything about you, Kai, and I had such a low view of myself for so long that I felt I didn't fit in. Approaching someone like you was an intimidating idea on its own. But you kept persisting and persisting like you saw something in me.”
“I always did, and I still do. You've been nothing but supportive of me all my life. Even when we were just children and came from such vastly different backgrounds, you were there. Listening. Offering advice and support.” I hesitated. “Of course, then you backed off like I was poisonous just a year or two before you fled the university.”
“Yeah...” Cerin brought the two beverages with him, nodding toward the steel door to the balcony. I stood up and opened it, following him out to a view of Scirocco's inlet. It was still late afternoon, so the waters were glistening in the bright sun as a variety of ships maneuvered through the channel and southward, following the harbormaster's orders. Past the few structures between us and the coast, there was an endless horizon. There were no highlands on the southern peninsula, but the land must have been vast enough to keep the view of the Servis just out of reach because it looked like nothing but eternal grasslands.
The cold weather wasn't so bad with the direct sunlight overhead, and the warmth of the mug in my hands made it even more comfortable. Cerin and I leaned against the balcony wall, watching the ships of the harbor come and go.
“I wanted to apologize for that,” Cerin finally said, bringing my mind back to how he'd been distant toward me as a child. “I know better now, but I backed away from friendship with you because I didn't want you finding out about the necromancy. And, of course,” one pale finger circled around in the air as if to acknowledge he'd said this before, “I figured you didn't have much time left. The last thing I wanted was for you to die viewing me as the enemy.”
“It's amazing how much death can change people's perspectives,” I murmured.
I felt Cerin's eyes on me. “Well, think about it. If we knew I was going to die tomorrow, would we spend tonight differently?”
“No,” I replied. “I'd still want you all to myself and to have sex until the early hours of the morning.”
Cerin chuckled, before leaning into me and kissing my shoulder through my shirt. “Then that's what we'd do.”
“That's what we will do.”
“Goes without saying,” he teased, before sipping from his cup. “But this isn't about you or I, is it? Something bothers you.”
It was an invitation for me to spill everything, but I decided to prod, “Why don't you guess what it is? You're such a mind reader that I wouldn't be surprised if you had godly powers of your own.”
Cerin laughed softly. “I'd say it's two things. You're conflicted over Glacia, and this inn is so familiar feeling that you're missing Nyx like hell.” I gritted my teeth and took a sip of my own tea as my lover added, “Well?”
“You're damn good, I'll give you that,” I muttered.
“Do you really think Nyx is going to let us finish this war without her?” Cerin asked. “She'll be back. Give her time. That's all she said she needs. I'm surprised she hasn't requested this before. Most of the people we've lost in this war have been close to her. Theron, Vallen, and now Jakan and Anto.”
“Not Ricco,” I murmured with a sad chuckle, thinking back to when the two argued in Silvi.
“Not for lack of trying,” Cerin said. “I heard Nyx made a move on Ricco when we were in Thanati.”
I glanced over. “Seriously?”
Cerin nodded. “He rejected her. I don't think he wanted to be near Alderi women more than he had to be.”
“Can't blame him. That torture chamber he was in...” I trailed off. “Be happy you weren't there to see it. I just hope the Alderi are getting along. It'll take some time for tensions to heal.”
“I heard lots of Alderi men are moving to the wildlands,” Cerin commented. “If their treatment was bad enough in the underground, they have somewhere to go. Regardless, maybe now is the time to remind you that we've changed the world in this war for the better, Kai. Your confliction over Glacia is understandable, but hard choices have to be made in war. I think retaliation is the right choice.”
“Do you?” I looked over at him, appreciating his beauty as he met my gaze. Cerin's thoughts on Glacia were vital to me. There were so many ways in which this could affect him, and I never wanted to be one to hurt him.
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“They have to know to expect it. One cannot invade a country without meeting resistance. The Icilic are not a handful of innocents minding their own business. This is an entire continent of people who seek the deaths of others for racial impurities, for gods' sake. Their invasion here clued us into the fact that they're not looking to play nice. They didn't just take the land, they slaughtered everyone. They had the chance to use diplomacy to gain land, and they didn't do it. Glacia has never really been at war, so they had diplomatic options. Eteri's a little stringent, but Chairel probably would have allowed them to immigrate. They just didn't ask.”
I nodded along with his thinking, but I remained silent as I took another drink of tea.
“Besides, what would we do if we didn't retaliate?” Cerin went on. “We might as well pack up and leave Eteri, because if that army in the Highland Pass was only a fraction of what they have, this country will be overrun. And if Eteri is overrun, we can't put up much resistance against Chairel. Without resistance, they'll be sending larger armies down to Nahara and even the underground to undo everything we've done. Without retaliation, then, we should consider everything lost.”
“It is amazing how a war over necromancy has spiraled into all of this,” I murmured.
“Yes, well...it's not just about necromancy, though, is it? Allies want favors. The gods are pissed. Everyone has a reason to want to join one side or another. Our own reasons have evolved with time. It started over necromancy and Chairel's corrupt politics, and now we're traveling the world freeing slaves and preventing Eteri from being overrun.” Cerin huffed. “That's what happens when a familial spat turns into a world war. Things get complicated.”
“It'd be nice to be able to travel in the future a few decades to see how this all turns out,” I mused.
“I know how it'll turn out,” Cerin replied. “You'll be the queen of Chairel, and I'll be by your side. The only thing left up in the air is what allies will remain with us.”
I smiled over at him. “You sound so certain.”
“I am certain.” Cerin leaned over to kiss me on the cheek. “You are the strongest person I've ever known.” There was such admiration in his voice that it nearly thickened the air between us. I turned to face him, stealing his lips with my own. To know I was so admired and respected by such a powerful man was intoxicating. Our kisses turned passionate and frantic, and our tea was forgotten on the balcony wall as we started undressing each other even before going back inside. Just before we succumbed to desire, Cerin huskily added near my ear, “With you, I feel like we'll conquer the world.”
Thirty-nine
86th of Dark Star, 422
Thirty-three Eteri ships traveled north along the country's eastern peninsula, keeping the land on our left side. The cliffs I had only ever seen up close in Cyrus's memory rose in a bipolar mix of jagged rock and smooth grasses from the plains in the south. We had traveled for two fortnights, but it didn't feel like we'd made much progress. Given the time it took us just to circle around the peninsula, we would only now be even with Scirocco where we'd started, just on the other side of the inhibiting land.
Our navy traveled in three groups of eleven ships, each led by a Sentinel. The group closest to the coast was led by Uriel, the middle group by Zephyr, while the easternmost group was directed by Cyrus, Bhaskar, and the Renegades. This was a strategic decision. Our group was safe from attacks by Narangar which we were closest to, and when we eventually traveled north of the country, any Icilic opposition would come from either the north or the west. The most critical people in this mission were Bhaskar and I. Thus, the Sentinels had sworn to give their lives to protect us from the Icilic for as long as it was necessary for us to do our jobs in Glacia.
I stood at the bow of the ship, feeling the vessel's natural rocks in the water as we ventured ever forward. Over the past few years, I'd learned to truly love being on the sea. The life was hard and the food options were sparse, but it was freeing being on the water. I understood how so many of the male Alderi got involved with sailing after their escapes from the underground.
The ship's musician played a light ditty with only a flute behind me. It was simple music, but beautiful. Vhiri music was usually so harsh that I found myself enjoying the change. Harsh. Everything had been harsh in Eteri. The land, its people, the events that had happened here. I frowned as my eyes scanned over the darkening skies, thinking over the events of the past few years. In just four days, it would be a new year. It sure didn't feel like it. So much was happening that the past two years of war felt like the blink of an eye.
I was nudged on the arm and looked over to see Bhaskar coming to stand beside me, offering me a dry biscuit. With a small amused smile, I took it. The god raised his dark golden eyebrows playfully before looking out to the skies. “I'd offer to buy you a drink, but something tells me that asking the others to stop the ships wouldn't go over well.”
“You deal in gold?” I asked teasingly. “You are a god.”
Bhaskar motioned to himself dramatically, calling attention to the dozens of shades of gold over his body in the form of both metal and flesh. “Do I deal in gold? You injure me.” After we chuckled together, he added, “Talk to me.”
“You usually only like hearing yourself talk,” I mused.
Bhaskar laughed, taking a bite of his own biscuit. “I'm the most interesting person I know.” Two golden eyes peered over at me. “You're quite close, though. So, as I said, talk to me.”
“About what?”
“Tell me what drives you,” Bhaskar requested. “You are so unlike the other gods. You do not do things for the acclaim.”
“It certainly doesn't hurt,” I admitted, to which he laughed. “Surely you know my reasons for this war.”
“I have heard rumors,” Bhaskar replied. “And as you know, rumors are rarely correct. I want to hear from the source herself before I am taken from this world.”
I raised an eyebrow, but I kept watching over the seas. “I don't like Chairel's restrictions on magic. I grew up in Sera. I saw firsthand how many people died because they could not afford healers. Gold is satisfying to have in bulk, but it feels like such a petty reason to keep life magic out of reach from most people. On top of that, I'm in love with Cerin, and Chairel wants him dead simply for being a necromancer. In trying to save his life, Sirius killed the man who was like a father to me. It all culminated in me deciding to change things since no one else would. Others have tried. There have been rebellions before, and there has always been dissent among the people. But I am powerful enough to actually stand a chance. It's much easier for someone like me to gain allies than the average civilian. It's up to me.”
“And you love war,” Bhaskar added.
“Yes,” I admitted. “It can be heart-breaking. Gods know it has been for us lately. But I never feel more alive than when I'm in battle.”
“If you end up ruling Chairel, will you fight among your men?”
I looked over at the other god with a smile. “I won't miss a battle if I can help it.”
Bhaskar smiled softly. “I love your drive. The fact that you get so passionate about things makes me envious.”
Envious. We truly were destined to abide by our bloodlines. I found myself grateful my own lineage descended from the gods of war and conflict because at least I enjoyed myself. In comparison, Bhaskar's descent came from jealousy and envy, something I was glad not to have much experience with.
“What do you get passionate about, Bhaskar?” I questioned curiously.
“Very little,” the god admitted. “Killing my brother, maybe. I've enjoyed my time getting to know the Sentinels, but I avoided most people for so long that when I die, no one will truly miss me.”
That sounded so severely depressing coming from someone usually so jovial that I glanced over to make sure he was serious. Bhaskar's golden face was stoic as he stared over the waters. “You have said many times that you want your actions in Glacia to go down in legend,” I reminded
him. “And as I promised you, I will ensure it happens.”
“Yes, and I appreciate that, but you have to understand that the people who idolize legends never truly care about the people who are the legends. I have two temples, Kai. There are people who worship me. I am grateful for that. But none of them know who I am. Truly,” he clarified. “I am the god of the sun. My followers may expect me to be able to help them grow their stubborn crops or warm frigid climates. But in reality? I can only use the sun to kill. These people worship me without even knowing what it is I do. If I pass my followers on the road, they don't recognize me. My followers will feel vindicated once they hear I killed Vertun, if and when I do. But that is all. I will not be missed.”
“The Sentinels will miss you,” I said. “They have befriended you.”
“Have they?” Bhaskar asked rhetorically. “Tilda has kept me cooped up in Mistral for so long that I could only watch with envy as one of them at a time left the city with their responsibilities. I am only a tool in this battle. Kept on a shelf until I am needed.”
“I will do my best to protect you in Glacia,” I offered. “And when you make it out of the attack alive, you will join the Renegades and me.”
Bhaskar chuckled despite his solemn mood. “I love how you can simply tell me this as if you know it to be true. I will die in Glacia, Kai. Your shields are the best, but they cannot protect me from the amount of magic I'll be generating from centuries of charging. Get it out of your mind that I will make it out of this, or you will be disappointed. And you've been through enough in the last battle.” When I was silent for a moment, he added, “Perhaps you are clinging on to the idea of saving me from my fate because you couldn't save your friends in Highland Pass. If that is so, I sympathize. That's why I'm pleading with you to be realistic. Don't put yourself or your friends at risk to protect someone who wants to go out in a blaze of glory.”
I exhaled slowly, the breath whistling through my teeth. “You want to die doing this?”
“I do. I am so old I no longer remember my exact age, Kai.” Bhaskar chuckled dryly. “Somewhere between two and three thousand years old. And throughout that time, I have done nothing but stew in petty jealousy and loneliness. I never cared for playing nice with the other gods because of how quickly they clung to Vertun. He is so well-loved by the others of our kind.” The god hesitated. “So I put my mind to killing him. Gave me one thing in my life to look forward to. What will I have left once he is dead, Kai? Tell me that.”
