With that, Hatchesput moves on to rally the other coven members for the trip to Hermitage; we’re dismissed. The nearest Faerie path is in the township of Stonehaven, only a mile or so from the Castle. Pulania leads the way staying a step ahead of me. I know she’s just doing that to avoid talking to me, the old cow. I want to find out what’s going on.
When we get a bit beyond the castle, to where the car park is, all the taxis have been taken by fleeing Fae.
“I guess we’re walking then,” Gil notes, but it’s Pulania who again wordlessly leads the way.
I rush up the few steps to catch her, I’m not letting her get away with this.
“What’s with the cold shoulder? You know what happened back there. Why are you avoiding telling me about it?”
Pulania’s cheeks are turning red, and her face is set in a grimace. She doesn’t say anything at first, but then…
“I’m not ready to talk to you about this right now. I need to speak to your father. I need to speak to Samael.”
That wasn’t the response I expected. I come to a dead halt in surprise, but Pulania doesn’t even pause, she just strides on without me, and I can tell that she’s really angry.
Chapter 3: Ultrasounds
To look at it, Pulania’s place is a dilapidated, old, crumbling mansion off the Royal Mile in Edinburgh. Once upon a time it had been a small, medieval palace. Had Pulania owned it even then? Some vague memory tells me that she did. Huh, some things are coming back to me. Funny really, I’d lost all my memory from before about a hundred years ago because of dual memory charms placed upon me by Pulania and Ruby. Both charms had been removed, but apparently having two such memory charms on you isn’t a good thing. The theory being that the double charm may have so entangled the magiks that my older memories might now be blocked from me forever. Happily though, the odd useful trinket sneaks through from time to time. This is one of those times, I guess. I can picture Pulania in an ancient ball gown, with all sorts of aristocrats surrounding her, vying for her attention. She was… is, quite the beauty. I can remember feeling a sense of pride from back then, pride in the accomplishment of my mother, but I don’t feel that way right now.
I’m angry with her. When we go into the house, she goes straight up to her room without hardly a word. She’s deserted me again! Blast it. I plop myself down on one of the library easy chairs. Gil sits back in the lounge opposite me. She knows I’m pissed off with Pulania, but she’s sitting there willing to talk to me when I’m ready to do so.
“I don’t see why she couldn’t just say what happened back there. I don’t know what the big secret is,” I scowl.
Susan and Ardan are there too, they were in the library when we arrived. Susan is about to say something, but Gil stops her with a hand to her knee and a shake of her head. I’m just venting. Gil knows that, I don’t want or need a reply at this point.
“And where’s that dickhead Master? Bloody bastard holds my hand while I’m cramping and then pisses off saying that it will be alright. But it isn’t alright, is it? It’s feckin’ far from alright.”
I’m so vexed I have to stand up and pace for a moment. My head keeps looking to the top of the stairs where Pulania’s room is.
“Some mother she is. I’ve got all this stuff going on that I don’t know about, stomach cramps, and hell-girl shrieks, and she could explain it, I’m sure, but does she say anything? No, she doesn’t say a word.”
“You had stomach cramps?” Susan asks.
“Oh, I forgot about that,” Gil replies. “They were quite strong, she was bowing over from them.”
“I was not.”
“From how far down?” Susan asks.
“She was getting them from about here,” Gil points to her own pelvis.
“Hey, you guys know I’m in the room, right?” I mean, I’m right here.
“Oh, that’s not good,” Susan comments while ignoring my question.
“What do you mean, that’s not good?” I ask.
“Well, you’re pregnant, Amura. That pain was from where the baby is.”
“Oh. Oh yeah, I hadn’t thought of that.”
Susan and I got pregnant at about the same time. Well I might have been some months earlier, it’s hard to tell. I’m not really supposed to get pregnant, as a dark witch I should have been sterile, but having sex with an angel can result in ‘little miracles’. Mind you, I don’t expect to have the little critter for some years yet, as a semi-mortal, any child I have is going to grow very slowly indeed, it could well be decades before I give birth. Susan is already in her second trimester and has begun to show, whereas I barely remember that I am pregnant.
“Now might be a good time for an ultrasound.” It’s Master, he’s mysteriously reappeared as only angels seem to be able to do, oh, and some Seelies.
“Look, I’m sure I’m fine. Really?” I ask, as what he says finally hits me. “An ultrasound?”
“Yeah, really, I’ve got a doctor on hold. Angels get waiting time dispensation.”
“What? You literally mean right now?”
“I literally mean right now.” He reaches across to me, and wham bam thank you mam, all of a sudden I’m in a room with a medical technician.
“I’ll just get you to lie down, honey. And if you could pull up your top from your tummy that would be great.”
“Whoa, this is really happening?” I mean, as a witch I’m used to things happening quickly, but this seems really quick. Best to go with the flow, I guess. I lie down and do what I’m told.
“I’ve warmed this up, but it still might be a little cold.”
Ooo, it is cold, she’s rubbing some gel on my tummy, and here comes the probie thing. Oh, look there’s a television with lots of squiggly lines.
“It’s quite small, you’re only a few weeks. Can you see it on the screen?”
“No, where? It all just looks like fuzz to me.”
But she points to one section, and expands it out on the touchscreen. “There.”
And, oh, I can make that out now.
“I’ll take some pictures for you.”
It already has little hands and feet, and a bulbous big head. It’s like I’ve got a little tadpole inside me.
The girl hands me a flash drive, I guess it has the pictures on it.
“It’s heart rate is a little fast, have you been doing something strenuous?”
Have I what.
“She’s an active girl.” It’s Master, he’s been holding my hand this entire time. I’d barely noticed, things are happening so quickly.
“It’s nice to have this rather rushed moment with you,” I tell him.
“Maybe take it a little easier, no marathons or anything,” the technician adds.
Ha, saving the world doesn’t come with a brake, only an accelerator. The little worm will just have to adapt.
“It’s fine though. Seems to be doing well.”
“Well, that’s good.” I’m getting up from the examination table, the gel has been wiped away.
“Time to go back then.”
“What?” And with that, bam, wham, I land right back where I had been less than ten minutes before.
“Hey, where’d you guys go?”
“Ultrasound,” Master answers. “Amura has pictures.”
“Really!” There’s excitement in Gils voice.
“Show us!” Susan demands.
I still have the flash drive in my hand. Master winks at me, and then he’s gone.
What the ficketty feck just happened?
Chapter 4: Babies and murder
Bloody Master, I’m sure that was all just a ploy to get me to slow down a little. Not that I was doing much when the cramps started. The baby's fine though, no harm done. Was that the whole reason for that whirlwind ultrasound date? Just to put my mind at ease? It could have been. Anyway, I’m very suspicious of his motives, it was all too contrived, and being an angel he knew that I was fine to begin with.
I’ve started a baby chart tho
ugh. I figure if I go in for the occasional ultrasound, every six months or so, I might be able to work out when I’ll actually have an anklebiter. I’ve also put up a cork board in the couture/nursery room. I have all the ultrasound pictures of what’s its face pinned up on it. Not that I really give a toss, but hey, one day I may have to name the kid, and names are important, I don’t want to traumatise the poor thing with something lame, like Harry, Sarah or Bob. I’ll keep an eye on the little squirmer and something will come to mind. Right now it’s going to be – Tadpole the Invincible. I’m pinning that name up on the board too. Next ultrasound, it might be something different.
“What do you think, Ruby?”
Ruby is here in the room with me, she lives with us rather than her own people, the Seelies. She likes to hang around, even if she doesn’t interact much. I think the Seelies make her feel uncomfortable, what with all their adulation and everything. Right now she’s just doing her rocking thing, and reading her favourite book, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Ruby is the ruby slippers… long story. Funny how she likes the book so much though, the ruby slippers aren’t even in it, they were originally silver shoes in the book. They were just the ruby slippers for the movie.
Ruby stops rocking for a moment, and looks straight at me. “Baby coming.”
Humph, I think not, not for a long while anyway. I wonder what she means though, Ruby is the Ruby Queen, the most ancient of her kind, and the most powerful. She knows ‘stuff’, she wasn’t just commenting on the board. I look at the pictures again.
“What do you mean, Ruby? It shouldn’t come for a long time. You don’t mean Susan, do you?”
“We have to kill someone,” Pulania bursts into the room, being all dramatic like, like Pulania does.
I take a second to get my bearings before I answer. I cross my arms and stare down my nose at her, “What do you mean we have to kill someone?”
“It’s the only way I can think of to get hold of your father, I need to talk to him before I can talk to you. We have to kill someone,” she repeats.
“Just a random, or someone in particular?”
“A random will do, unless you have someone in mind?”
“Evil witches,” Ruby mutters. “Bad, bad, bad.”
I roll my eyes to Pulania. “We could try and knock off that Unseelie King. I f he escapes we’re going to be right in his sights, and I don’t trust the Seelies to keep him imprisoned, their allegiances tend to shift around like Brownian motion, or something. There’s bound to be a few of theirs already at work on plans to spring him loose.”
“Humph, you must be remembering a few things to know that,” Pulania replies. “That’s something you could only remember from when we lived at their court.”
I smile at that.
“It’s something to keep in mind,” Pulania continues, “but it won’t do for this. The Unseelies are otherworldly, Samael isn’t going to come if we assassinate the Unseelie King. We need someone from our world. We’ll have to leave him for later.”
“You know, you could just go to a hospital and wait for someone to die naturally.” Master is leaning in from the doorway, he’s obviously been listening to our conversation.
“No, that’s no fun,” Pulania rejects his idea out of hand.
“No fun at all,” I agree.
“Better, better, better,” Ruby chants.
“Like really?” This is just frustrating. “What about that witch from the gathering. The one that was near me and was very obviously thinking of killing us. I would feel better if she left the world, especially on our behalf.”
“Do you know how to find her?”
“Ahh, that would be a no.”
“Know who she was?”
“Ahh, that would be another no.”
“Gee, you don’t go for anything easy, do you?”
“Well, I thought you’d like a challenge.”
“A challenge? Yes. Mission impossible? No.”
“The hospital is still an option,” Master suggests, again.
We both turn and scowl at him, but nothing is coming to mind. I scowl at Master again. I can see that nothing is coming to Pulania either.
“Oh shit, we’re going to have to go with Master’s solution aren’t we? This is just… just pathetic,” Pulania whines.
Ruby is actually smiling as she rocks. Obviously this is an outcome she’s more at ease with.
Pulania’s cell phone rings, “Hatchesput coven, evil doing is our business. How can I help you?”
“Oh, Your Majesty, what’s up?”
Pulania’s eyes go wide over the phone. “I’ll just put you on speaker phone, Your Majesty. Amura is here and will want to hear this.”
Pulania switches to speaker and holds her phone up with a smile on her face.
“Oh, what? I have to say this again? I just need you two Eggheads to kill someone for me.”
Chapter 5: Dublin fair city
Pulania and I high five. Yes! We have a murder handed to us. Brilliant! In the background Hatchesput is droning on explaining the situation.
“It’s the Irish, they’re all onboard, apart from one small obstacle, their coven head is a bit uppity, a bit high and mighty.”
“… you don’t mean…” Pulania interrupts.
“Yes, she wants your job, Egghead. She wants to be number two Evality. Well, we can’t have that, I know that you’ll want to defend your position, evil demands it. You’ll just have to knock her off. She lives in Dublin somewhere, I’ll text you her whereabouts. Oh, and make it obvious that she is murdered, we need to send a message. A horrible death is called for.”
With that, Hatchesput unceremoniously hangs up on us, as is her habit.
“Shit,” Pulania swears. “I thought she would have been after Hatchesput’s job for Her Evaility to be so put out. I would have been happy to step aside.”
“There’s no stepping aside in a dark coven,” I answer.
“Yeah, well, there is that. The only way out for me is death. But this number two stuff is a pain in the ass. Hatchesput puts everything on me, I barely have time to think. Maybe I should fake my own death, this other coven head can just step in then.”
“But that doesn’t help us raise Samael, does it?” I remind Pulania.
“Oh yeah, damn, this is so unfair. Nothing for it though,” Pulania sighs, “we’ll just have to off her.”
Pulania’s knit brow matches the dark aura I can see swirling around her. She’s angry at this turn of events.
“Bad, bad, bad, evil witches,” Ruby murmurs, but then she turns to me. She had been rocking back and forth, I think trying to pretend that we weren’t there, not now though. There’s some sort of glint in her eye, and a sly smile on her lips.
“Bad… bad… bad,” she whispers to me, and then she winks. “Evil witches.” I’m not even sure it’s the same Ruby speaking, she’s unnerving. It’s then that I realise that there’s a darkness to Ruby that rivals even Pulania’s and mine. There’s a part of her that relishes this, but is it the same sane part that appears from time to time, or a part of her I’ve never seen before?
“Baby is coming.”
I don’t know who is more startled, Master, Pulania or I.
***
Dublin has changed a lot since I was last here, sometime in the 1980s. There were a lot of drugs then, and slums. The river was dirty; it was a very run down, poor city. Not now though, the River Liffy runs clean, and the slums are gone. What’s happened to this town? It’s gone to the dogs. Evil has been pushed out, big time. What have these bitches been doing? There’s prosperity everywhere. It’s, it’s… just not wrong. It’s so right that I feel ill to be here, and it’s metropolitan, there are people here from all over Europe. Ficketty feckin’ Irish, they’re friendly to everyone.
Anyway… sigh, we have found a tiny, little, ittsy bittsy corner of darkness, a pub where this Irish coven head is supposed to hang out.
“Want to do the Guinness Brewery tour later?” Pulania is pour
ing over some tourist brochures.
“You’d think you’d never been to Dublin before.”
“I haven’t been here since the late 1800s, it’s a totally different place since then.”
Humph, that white witch heritage of Pulania’s comes out at the strangest times. Here am I all disconcerted about the lightness of the place, and she’s planning her sightseeing? Just bizarre.
“Mind on game, Pulania, we’re here for a reason.”
“Oh, that. There’ll be time for that. Since we’re here we may as well spend a bit of time looking around. There’s a hop on hop off bus we can take later. I want to see Dublin castle too, we used to live there back in the day.”
Who is this woman?
“I don’t remember that.”
“It was a stepping stone to living with the Seelies. Haven’t been back here since… it’s changed, a lot.”
“Can I get something for you ladies?” It’s the barkeep.
“Sure, two Kilkenny Creams, thanks.” If Pulania hasn’t been here for over a century she’s not going to know the local beers, so I order for us.
“Any food to go with that?” It is lunch time.
“Two fish and chips.” They go best with beer.
Pulania continues to plan our sightseeing. The Guinness tour does sound tempting, though I’m not really a stout drinker. Still, a dark brew for dark witches. However, when our beers arrive, I notice a bit of power behind the hands that leave the pints.
“You’re one of the dark coven,” Pulania beats me to the punch.
The hand of the relatively young witch that just put the glass in front of me freezes, but only for a second before putting down the second glass. Strange, the dark witches of Britain are largely ancient hags, apart from Pulania and myself. This Irish girl seems as young as ourselves.
“Aye. And who be you?”
“We’re emissary’s of Hatchesput, Grand High Witch of Britain.”
“And Fai Queen of Hibernia,” I add for good measure.
“Nay, you be the two that guard the daughter of Gaea. Much more than emissaries, me thinks.”
The Dark Witch and the Elemental Page 2
