by Ashley Erin
Or maybe I just don’t give them a chance. But realistically, if they deserve a chance they will work for it.
The exception is my step-father, Norman, and my best friend Kensi’s brother, Trenton. They give me faith in the other gender. There were decent guys throughout high school, but I covered up the pain I felt over the scar my father had left on me, both physically and mentally, by perfecting my bitch face and keeping them at arm’s length.
I caved in to the pressure to date for social status. Another cover for what went on inside was my confidence, if I portrayed a bubbly, self-confidant girl then it must be true, right? I had a lot of friends prior to graduation, was part of the “popular crowd,” but after high school I quickly learned how superficial those relationships were. I met Kensi and Trenton the summer after high school when I worked at a book store in Edmonton. I learned young that more friends doesn’t mean anything, quality friends do.
The deafening silence makes me aware that I’m just staring at him now. This is awkward. Freezing my face into my classic look, erasing any vulnerability that may have shown, I nod and turn to head down the stairs. Look at me, I’m being cordial. When he steps in alongside me I barely resist groaning out loud, but I hold it in.
I’d like to say I’m not always so bitchy towards the opposite sex, but that would be a lie. It’s a defense mechanism. I’m working on it and I make a conscious effort to stay in stride with him instead of speeding up like I want to. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch him glance at me and open his mouth before looking forward again without saying anything. Guilt floods me, I may have perfected the exterior, but it physically hurts me to be mean to people, even assholes who slam doors in my face and don’t offer assistance when I’m clearly struggling.
As a child, I was open, trusting and friendly. I used to give people the benefit of the doubt and forgive freely. My family felt perfect, until I saw my father hit my mother for the first time. I was six. I was nine the first time he hit me. After that, I slowly quit trusting. I closed myself off and shut down.
My hand grips my hip where the only physical scar my father ever gave me sits. Shaking my head to clear that thought, I also push the guilt away. I don’t know him, I don’t owe him anything. You could try to be a little less closed off. That little voice that constantly eats at me for my stony exterior sounds in my head. Somewhere inside is the sweet side of me that once existed, I just have locked her up and thrown away the key. Yet she still sounds out, the little voice that scolds me for placing fifty percent of the population in the same category, deserved or not.
He coughs next to me and clears his throat. “I’m Lucas Jensen.”
Sighing, my sense of common courtesy wins out, “Andie Burke.”
Before he can go to say any more, I push open the front door and pointedly hold it open for him. If he picks up on my silent meaning he doesn’t show it. Scanning the campus that sprawls before me, I bite my lip and decide that getting to the gym quickly is more important than not asking for help.
“Do you know where the gym is?” I crane my neck to look up at him. How did I not notice how tall he is before this? He towers over me and I squeeze my arms around my waist, trying to shield myself from the fear that floods my senses, before realizing what I’m doing and straightening up again. He’s about the same height as my father. He’s also built, his biceps bulging out of his t-shirt.
Stepping back from him apprehensively, I hate that I’m so intimidated. Big men frighten me and my need to steel myself further is a force I’m struggling to contain. Just because they have a similar build does not mean they have the same tendencies. I repeat this in my brain until the strain I feel in my body eases a bit.
“That’s where I was headed, it’s this way.” For the first time I notice the gym bag in his hand. He starts walking toward the western section of buildings, situated on the highest point of campus. I slowly start to follow him not sure why I am trusting him. I tell myself it’s to get to the gym quicker but that little voice whispers that I’m lying to myself.
Slowing my pace so Andie can get in stride with me, I look at her out of the corner of my eye. Emotions flicker across her face almost as though she has thought bubbles above her head. Her bitch face is impressive and while most people would believe that’s who she is my gut tells me it’s a front she has built up.
Living with a younger sister has given me insight into preparing myself for the female emotions and I’ve seen almost all of them in her eyes since I met her. Still, I get the feeling she hates me, or at least wants to hate me and I can’t figure out why. Normally I’m turned off from women who put on the bitch front, but the glimpse of vulnerability in her face has sucked me in.
I’m a fucking fool. There is no way I can allow my dick to do my thinking for me. It’s not just your dick dude, she has intrigued you. I physically shake my head to clear that thought. Regardless, I made the decision that we could be friends. That’s totally possible. Silently laughing at myself, I look at her full on and grin when she looks away from me. Andie is not the sort of girl you can ignore, she’s certainly not friend zone material and she spells trouble for me.
I’ve always liked trouble.
We reach the top of the hill that houses the building with the gym and I automatically halt to look at the forest and Rocky Mountains to the west. This is why I chose this school. I love the mountains and being a short drive away from the ski hills is a huge bonus. The air is fresh and crisp despite the end of August heat. Crystal clear blue sky spans endlessly over the treetops.
Andie clears her throat and shuffles her feet. It’s almost as though standing here with me makes her feel awkward, and I haven’t failed to notice the three or so feet of distance she maintains between us. Looking at her, she lifts her gaze from her feet to meet mine before moving it to look at the view I was just admiring. “Umm so how long have you been here?” The question feels forced, her voice soft and raspy, like it’s simply her need to be polite or to fill the silence that’s making her ask it.
“This is the start of my second year. I have four more to go after this one.” I wait for her to speak, tell me what year she is in, but she stays silent, focusing on the mountains before us. “You?” I prompt. Since she has just moved into the apartment complex she must either be in her first year or a new transfer.
“I’m also in my second year of six. I transferred from a small college up north.” Andie falls silent and I don’t think I’m going to get any more details. Baby steps. For whatever reason she has built a stone wall around herself, complete with a moat and hungry alligators.
Instead of pushing like I want to, I start walking towards the gym. What is it about her that makes me want to know more? I’m not proud to say that until Ava had Noah, I went through women like most people go through socks. After I saw the damage Joe did to Ava, impregnating her and ending things before the baby was born, I changed my tune. It’s been a LONG four years. I no longer sleep with women recklessly, but I’m not ready for anything serious, so I just avoid relationships entirely.
Reaching the door to the gym, I hold it open for her. A confused look crosses her face and I don’t understand why she is so surprised.
Pointing her in the direction of the women’s change room, I watch her walk away. Hips swaying, perfect ass filling those jeans. Oh man, maybe I need to break my rule and just get laid. Maybe if I get her out of my system, this intense desire to be around her will go away. For fucks sake, I just met the woman.
Sweat pours down my chest and back as I complete my final set of squats. I’m about ready to finish my full body workout with a quick run on the treadmill when I catch sight of Lucas. Why does he have to be so damn confusing? Since running into him in the hall he has been courteous and friendly. My mind cannot comprehend my initial impression and the one I’m getting now.
Does it matter? Are you finally going to let someone of the opposite gender into your life? Watching him out of the corner of my eye, I contemplate the q
uestions rolling around in my head. It’s always easy to know what you should do, it’s harder to put it into practice when you’ve been burned so many times, the scars may not be physical but they are there.
He is bench pressing an impressive amount of weight, his arms bulging and his body glistening with sweat. Lucas has this ability to make sweating look damn sexy. He finishes the set and starts to rack the weights. As he is finishing racking the weights another attractive man walks up to him and strikes a conversation. They clearly know each other as they smack each other’s arms and do the typical bro hug. Lucas’s laugh rings out through the empty gym and goose bumps break out over my skin.
His laugh sends a spiral of shivers down my spine and for the second time today, I’m physically aroused by him. What is this man doing to me? My first and only sexual experience was a disappointment, I know based off my conversations with Kensi that it doesn’t need to be that way. I’m skeptical, what can a man offer me that I can’t do on my own?
Wiping off the treadmill, I pause when I see them both look my way. His friend is a couple of inches shorter than Lucas and has an impressive tan. His hair is a little longer on the sides and has a natural wave. It’s shiny and looks really soft.
Taking a deep breath, I go to the change room, avoiding looking their way as I pass by. After I get back to my locker, I realize I forgot my water bottle in the treadmill and turn to head back, I’m still inside the door when I hear Lucas’s friend talking to him.
“So man, that’s a hot chick you have living across from you. Easy access. You going to tap that?” Lucas laughs at what his friend is saying. Those words cause my lungs to feel like they are being crushed as anger fills me. Fucking disgusting. Turning on my heel, I grab my bag from the bench and brush past them, making eye contact with both of them as I storm to get my water bottle and slam the door on my way out. True colors always show.
Practically running back to the apartment, the burn of angry tears has me blinking rapidly. No! I made a promise to myself. I will not cry for another man, especially not some random asshole.
Cringing as the door slams behind a stormy faced Andie, I turn to Dean. “Oh shit. You ass, she must have heard what you said. Ah hell, and then I laughed. I feel like such a jackass.” Guilt surges through me and the urge to chase after her is strong. Resisting, I look at Dean’s shocked stare.
“What does it matter, you know I was kidding, that’s not how you roll. Besides, since when do you care what chicks think?” His voice is curious, his eyes flicking towards the windows.
“I don’t know, man. She’s different. I can’t explain it. She also lives across the hall. You saw her bitch face, let me know when your balls decide to come out from hiding.”
“Ha, it was impressive. I’ve been on the receiving end of more than my fair share and I would say she holds the crown.” Dean laughs, falling silent as he eyes me before smacking me on the back. “Oh man! You’ve got it bad!”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. She’s just my neighbor, and seeing as I will be running into her I need to make this right.”
“Whatever, dude. Deny it all you want. Just maybe put on a cup before you knock on her door, save the boys some pain.” He bumps my fist and heads to the change rooms.
Twenty minutes later I’m standing outside Andie’s door. What am I doing? Rubbing my palms on my jeans, I shake them out and then quickly knock on the door. I can hear shuffling inside the apartment, but the door never opens. Knocking again, I wait for a few more minutes before turning around and going inside my place.
Running my hands through my hair, I hang my head. Women are so damn complicated. Fuck, why do I even care?
Jumping as Taylor Swift blasts into the silence of my living room, I look around curiously. It doesn’t take me long to realize it’s my phone. Damn it Ava! Taylor Swift? Picking it up, I quickly swipe the screen.
“Is Noah ok?” Worry floods me, I’ve lost count of how many times Ava has called me since I left the city this morning.
“He’s out of the hospital. He has improved significantly over the day and they said he should be back to normal soon. I just need to listen to his cough, make sure the fluid doesn’t come back.” The happiness in Ava’s voice sounds over the phone. Sinking down onto my couch, I sigh in relief. Noah means the world to me, and while she is young Ava is a good mom, but it’s hard on her raising him on her own.
“I’m glad. Thanks for the Taylor Swift ringtone by the way. Nice. I’m changing my password.” Ava giggles over the phone and I relax at the cheerfulness in her voice. She hands the phone to Noah and hearing his little voice over the phone reminds me why I am the way I am.
Hanging up, I think about Ava and Noah. They are my priority. What a reality check, I don’t need to get involved with any complications and that woman across the hall screams complicated. Hot damn did she ever look good in her yoga shorts and tank top though, I found it hard to concentrate on my own workout with her in the room. Andie has a killer body and it was difficult to hide the erection I was sporting for a good chunk of my workout. Thankfully we were the only two in the gym until Dean showed up.
Stripping down, I start the shower and picture Andie. Her form is perfect and her muscles are feminine yet defined. Steam fills my bathroom as I step under the hot stream of water. Thinking about Andie is a bad idea, my cock hardens just at the thought of her sweating during her workout.
My mind shifts to what it would be like to have her beneath me, sweat glistening over her entire body and moaning my name as I push into her. She is so small, she would be so tight and wet, gripping my cock in her walls as I thrust into her. Fully erect and aching, I run my hand from the base of my dick to the tip, teasing it and then sliding it back down. Tilting my head back against the wall, I pick up speed, picturing Andie in my mind. I erupt, panting and sorely unsatisfied. That woman has even ruined jacking off for me, all I want is to slide into her and at this point she can’t even stand to look at me. Despite entering the shower with a strong resolve, it’s disturbingly easy to forget why it’s for the best to just keep my distance.
Andie has either not left her apartment since after the gym the first day she moved in or she is a magical being who can teleport in and out of the building. I know this because my eye has been glued to the peep hole every time I hear a noise. How pathetic. She has been next door for two days. TWO FUCKING DAYS. Even Ava is asking what’s going on. Fuck my life, she’s managed to wedge her way into my head. A couple of hours in her presence and I’m acting like a love sick tool. Enough is enough. She is just a chick. I don’t want a girlfriend or any complications anyways.
“Oh my fucking God!!!!” Andie’s shriek has me bolting off my couch and flinging my door open. Is she in trouble?
The door across the hall slams open and a petit blur goes racing out and down the stairs. I call after her but there is no response.
Creeping across the hall, I peer into her apartment. Her sweet scent assails my senses. Holy shit, stumbling back out of her apartment. I lean against the wall in the hallway. Whoa. I’ve never had such an intense reaction to the way someone smells, my heart is pounding and I’m sweating as I try to sort through what the hell is going on in my head.
Shaking it off, I refocus on thinking about how Andie went racing away. As far as I can tell there is nothing amiss in her place so I run down the stairs to see what is going on. Seriously pathetic.
Opening the front door and stepping onto the stoop, I halt in my tracks as she flings herself into the arms of a dude straddling a motorcycle.
Freezing my muscles, it takes all my willpower to stay where I am instead of running over there and pulling her out of his grasp. This feeling that courses through me is a new sensation and it takes me a moment to recognize it as jealousy. I force myself to turn around and go up the stairs, her joyous smile burned into my mind.
I want to be the reason she smiles like that. What does she see in that guy? Why do I even care? I shouldn’t care.
I don’t care . . . Not at all.
When I heard the motorcycle roar up to my apartment building I thought I was dreaming. Yet here I am, in Dax’s arms. He gives the best bear hugs and I’ve missed him so much. It has been almost a year since I’ve seen my brother, the last time he was hiding from guys he owed money to. That is tame for Dax and regardless of whether he has cleaned his life up or not, I’m glad to see him.
“I can’t believe you’re actually here!” Squealing loudly, I laugh as he covers his ears. I don’t care, it’s been far too long.
“I said I was coming.” He grins at me when I give him the look. “I know, I know. My track record isn’t great, but I’m trying here. Remember, I made you a promise.” I back up as he jumps off his bike and swings the duffle bag he had strapped to the back over his shoulder.
Slinging his arm over me, we walk into the building. Dax may not be the most reliable big brother, but he is the one man I will always forgive. He has this charm to him that makes everyone give in. Probably what has kept him alive all this time, that boy finds trouble like a moth finds light in the dark.
“I love you regardless! I’m proud of you for trying. Classes start in a few days so we have time to explore.” Words spew out of me as I talk quickly, showing a rare burst of excitement.
“I’m beat, the past few days have been rough.” Narrowing my eyes, I examine him. No bruises, so he hasn’t been fighting. He avoids my gaze causing me to get even more suspicious.
I look at him sternly. “What did you do?”
“Why is it always me doing something?” Dax’s voice is indignant, my hip pops out as my hand rests on it and I arch my eyebrow at him. “Fine, you have a point, but this time it’s not me. I don’t want to frighten you, but Dad was tailing me. That’s why I didn’t come here to help you move in. He lost the trail up in Kananaskis and I quickly rerouted here before he picked it up again.” My heart rate picks up, Dad tailing Dax is not a good sign. No wonder my phone has been silent since I first arrived.
