by Janice Lynn
Pulling him so his lips hovered just above hers, she smiled. “You know those skills you mentioned earlier...?”
He nodded.
“You’re going to need them.”
His eyes widened. “You’re sure?”
“Positive. I want you.”
“No regrets?”
Regret was inevitable. Surely he knew that? She wanted peace and contentment in her life. Being with him was utter chaos. At least it felt that way to her nerves. Yet she couldn’t stay away—much as a moth was drawn to a flame, knowing it was flying to its demise, but flapping its wings with all its might to go down in a blaze of glory.
“I want you,” she repeated. “Now.”
“Here?” he clarified, still seeming afraid to believe her and giving her plenty of time to change her mind if that was what she wanted.
It wasn’t.
Going in for another kiss, then another, she whispered against his lips, “You have those skills, right? Show me...”
CHAPTER NINE
“I’M NOT SURE what I did to my knee,” Cassie mused, carefully climbing onto Justin’s examination table. “Sam and I were at a restaurant that had steps and my knee started to hurt. I didn’t feel or hear any pop prior to the pain hitting.”
Justin dried his just washed hands and turned to his patient, doing his best to focus on her and not on the woman who’d brought her to this appointment. The woman he was absolutely crazy about and had spent every spare moment with over the past few months.
There were times when he still felt those walls she refused to let go of, that he longed to knock down completely, and felt her clinging to them as a protective shield, but they’d come a long way from her sneaking out of his condo.
“How long ago was it that you first noticed a problem?” he asked, sitting down on his stool and rolling toward Cassie, where she was sitting on the examination table.
“A week ago.”
A week ago he and Riley had sat on a blanket, watching a band make use of the bandshell at the park near her house.
Unable to avoid doing so a moment longer, he glanced toward where she sat. Their gazes collided and she smiled. His heart quivered like a fish out of water. Because that was what it did when Riley smiled at him a certain way.
The way that said she knew what he liked and she liked it, too.
The way that said she wanted him.
She did want him. For the past couple of months she’d not pretended otherwise. Most of the time. Although she kept herself emotionally guarded, physically she held little back.
Flashing her a quick smile, he dragged his gaze from hers and forced himself to focus on her roommate. “Any improvement since you felt the initial pain?” he asked.
Cassie shook her head. “The pain keeps getting worse. It’s not too bad when I first get up in the morning. But the more I do, the worse it feels.” She frowned. “It’s interfering with my work, my everything. And I don’t feel safe driving—which is why I had Riley bring me today.”
At the mention of her name, his gaze went back to the pretty woman sitting on the opposite side of the examination room. Sure, he knew she’d never let her guard down completely, but he was hopeful he would eventually earn her trust.
Which was an issue.
He’d still not told her about Ashley, and nor had she opened up about the details of her broken engagement. Talking about Ashley never felt appropriate while he was with Riley. Did she feel the same about her ex with him? Maybe they needed to forget their pasts, not worry about mistakes made before they’d even met.
Not that he bought that.
Nor could he shake the feeling that he was constantly trying to earn Riley’s acceptance. Hadn’t he learned as a child that you couldn’t earn love? If so, his birth mother would have adored him.
“I’ve tried all the things we tell our patients to do, but not noticed much of a change,” Cassie continued, oblivious to the fact that his attention had strayed.
Chiding himself, he forced his attention back on Cassie. Getting her to sit on the exam table with her legs hanging over the edge, he visually inspected both her knees, then grasped her right knee, placed his palm over her patella and, holding on to her ankle, put her leg through a passive range of motion. She had smooth movement, with no noises or reported pain, and he easily achieved greater than one-hundred-and-thirty-degree flexion.
He started to do the same to her left, but Cassie grimaced as he attempted to move her leg so he stopped. He’d only achieved about ninety degrees.
He quickly did varus and valgus tests, noting the difference in results, then palpated the patella, feeling along the tibial plateau for abnormalities. He checked for a fluid shift, noting she was positive for effusion on the left knee. He ran through anterior and posterior drawer tests, then an Apley test, checking the collateral ligaments and for meniscus tears.
Having her position herself so her legs swung freely off the table, he took a reflex hammer out of his scrub pocket and struck just below and slightly lateral to her patella. He didn’t think she had any spinal issues, but wanted to make sure the deep tendon reflex was normal. They were symmetric, and within normal ranges bilaterally.
“Stand and walk across the room,” he told her.
Grimacing, Cassie got off the table and hobbled toward the exam room door and back. Justin studied her gait, making note of how she distributed her weight.
“All your tests for tissue tears are negative, so it’s likely just inflammation. I’d recommend pulling the fluid off, an injection, compression, ice and rest, followed by some physical therapy you can do at home or at a center—whichever you prefer.”
Cassie nodded. “I’m willing to try anything.”
Justin drew up the injection, pulled out a drape, antibacterial skin prep pads, gloves, and some anesthetic spray. He turned to Riley. “You okay with helping?”
* * *
Riley stood to wash her hands and put on a pair of gloves. She hadn’t expected to participate in Cassie’s treatment. But, since she’d asked Justin to see her today, she wasn’t going to refuse.
“If you’ll tell me what to do,” she said.
With Cassie on the table, her leg slightly flexed, Justin pressed along the lateral condyle, looking for a good entry point. He marked his spot with the top of the needle cap, pressing just hard enough to indent the skin. Donning gloves, he cleaned the area with antiseptic preparation, then picked up the syringe.
“If you’ll spray the anesthetic at the marked area, please?”
Riley aimed the anesthetic, spraying until the skin blanched, and Justin pushed the needle into the desensitized area.
Watching Justin in an office setting was a new experience. At the hospital they were usually in surgery together, with his patient asleep. His movements were just as efficient today as at any other time she’d seen him work. Something she’d had the opportunity to do in and out of the hospital almost daily these past few months.
Because she couldn’t seem to stay away—had quit trying, for the most part. Every so often fear would remind her that she was playing with fire, that she was going to hurt both herself and Justin. Still, she couldn’t stay away.
He injected a small amount of anesthetic, then switched the syringe over to an empty one. Rechecking the position, he pulled back on the plunger. The syringe filled with straw-colored fluid.
When he was ready, Riley handed the medication-filled syringe. Needle still in place inside the numbed area on Cassie’s knee, he carefully exchanged the aspirated syringe with the medication one, handing the other to Riley. When he felt a pop, indicating the needle was where it should be, he injected the medication into the joint space.
“You okay?”
“Never better,” Cassie said through gritted teeth.
“You’re doing great,” Riley praised her as Justin
withdrew the needle.
Riley immediately covered the area with sterile gauze and applied pressure.
“Remember—compression, ice, and rest, then knee-strengthening exercises.” He printed a home exercise sheet, and an order for formal physical therapy, and handed them to her. “I’m writing you a note. I don’t want you on your feet much for the next couple of days. And you—” he turned to Riley “—I’ll see tonight, when I bring dinner for all three of us.”
“I knew I liked him,” Cassie said.
“That makes two of us,” Riley agreed, applying a bandage over her friend’s knee.
Only eventually he’d tire of her and leave. Then what?
* * *
“Me, me! Please. I want to go next,” Kyle called, bouncing and waving his hand as he waited his turn to have his photo taken in the oversized chair in front of the forty-foot-tall boy at the children’s museum.
Riley smiled down at the excited boy who’d stuck so close to her most of the day. She loved these outings she took with the Wilderness Group, and had even taken Daisy to visit with Kyle a few times. His foster family was wonderful. She hoped they’d adopt Kyle if that ever became a possibility.
The Wilderness Group had done a big photo earlier, everyone included, and were now doing individual pictures. There were only two boys who hadn’t been in front of the exhibit yet. And Stephen looked as if he couldn’t care less as he and another boy discussed something they’d seen earlier in the day.
“Okay!” Justin laughed at the boy’s exuberant request. “You’re next. Need a hand climbing up?”
Kyle’s forehead puckered. “I got this, Captain Brothers.” Only rather than attempting to get in the chair, he turned to Riley. “Will you be in a picture with me?”
As in just the two of them? She looked to Justin for guidance and he shrugged, leaving it up to her.
“I think you’re supposed to have an individual picture right now, but I’ll be in a photo with you later, if you want.”
Kyle nodded, as if he understood, but disappointment shone on his face.
Riley looked to Justin. As always, her heart sputtered—probably in disbelief that they were a couple and had been for several months. She barely believed it and yet she was living it.
She’d never thought she’d be in a relationship again. Had never thought she’d risk doing so. Was it possible she’d been wrong? That Justin was worth taking a chance on and wouldn’t break her heart?
Part of her wanted to believe it was true. Another part warned her that she was being foolish and would deserve the heartache that would head her way if she fell for such nonsense.
“Smile,” Justin told the little boy, who seemed to have gone from a bundle of energy to a flat tire.
Did having a photo taken with her mean that much to him? Goodness, but he was getting attached. She probably shouldn’t encourage him, but she couldn’t stand to see his disappointment.
Rather than try to get Justin’s attention, Riley darted into the picture, spread her arms wide in a total photo-bombing pose near to where Kyle sat, and cried, “Cheeseburgers!”
Surprised, Kyle laughed, wrapped his arms around her neck from behind in a hug, and repeated, “Cheeseburgers!”
When she was sure Justin had gotten the shot, she turned and hugged Kyle. “Now, we better let him get a picture of just you, too, since he was nice enough to bring us here today.”
Kyle nodded and gave a toothy grin.
Shaking his head, Justin chuckled, snapped the shot, then helped Kyle down. He took Stephen’s photo next, then one of Stephen with Stan.
When he was done, he joined Riley where she waited and pulled up the photo-bomb picture. “Do you see his face? You made his day.”
Kyle did look ecstatic at her silliness. For that matter, so did Justin.
“Good. He deserves lots of smiles.”
“As do you.”
Justin leaned in and planted a quick kiss on her mouth. Something he’d done a lot of the past couple of months. Lot of kisses. Lots of more than kisses.
“Not here in front of the kids,” she scolded, but they both knew she didn’t mind a light PDA.
Justin chuckled. “Afraid you won’t be able to resist pulling me off to some private corner and having your way with me?”
“Have you looked around this place? It’s crawling with kids—literally. There are no private corners. Now, are we going to see if this tall boy exhibit teaches us anything about human anatomy?”
“I’d rather hold out for a private lesson later.”
Riley clicked her tongue. “Now, now, Dr. Brothers. What will the boys think if their leader doesn’t forge their path?”
“That’s he’s lucky to be with you?”
She laughed. “Good answer—but let’s go check out the exhibit with the kids.”
“Wait, look at this first.”
Riley glanced at his camera screen. After her photobombing he’d continued to snap photos, and had gotten one of Kyle hugging her. Gravity tugged at her insides at the sight of the emotion on his face, the freely given love.
“You know, for someone who once claimed not to know anything about kids, you sure have let the boys grow on you.”
She enjoyed the Wilderness Group, and was grateful to be a part of the boys’ lives. They’d enriched her life—especially Kyle, who always sought her out and made her feel special.
“They’re awesome kids,” she said.
But perhaps she needed to pull back, not encourage Kyle so much. She didn’t want him to get too attached to her. The last thing she’d ever want would be to hurt him.
“Agreed—and you’re awesome with them.”
Justin’s compliment made her insides gooey. She did enjoy the boys, but it wasn’t as if she was doing anything more than spending a few hours here and there with them.
They headed around to the entrance to the tall boy exhibit, where the kids could explore the human body structure inside of it.
“You’d make a great mother, Riley.”
Justin’s words struck deep, bringing old insecurities to the surface, and the words Johnny had tossed at her in the aftermath of their failed wedding.
Why would he marry an overweight woman like her? He wouldn’t want to risk his kids taking after her. He wouldn’t—
Riley stopped her thoughts, knowing her insecurities would choke her out if she let them. She wouldn’t let them.
And, although his sentiments were so different from Johnny’s, Justin’s words cut into her, making her feel the need to set the story straight.
She stopped walking, turned to Justin, and shook her head. “No, I wouldn’t.”
He stared at her as if he didn’t know what to say. He probably didn’t.
“I won’t have children,” she reiterated, wanting to make sure he understood.
It was something she’d decided after Johnny had left her at the altar. She’d go through this life alone, because it was easier with no one to leave her again.
Only she was so involved with Justin, she wasn’t really going it alone, was she?
Panic gurgled up her throat.
Justin’s forehead scrunched, then his expression softened with compassion. “Sorry, I know you said—I just thought—”
He thought she’d changed her mind because she’d been hanging out with him and the boys. Did he not realize how she felt? How having a child would only set her up for pain? Why would she want children when everyone she loved left?
She’d been foolish to let Justin get so close, because sooner or later he’d do the same.
* * *
Justin’s blood cooled. He shouldn’t have pushed with that comment about Riley making a good mother. He’d known better. So, why had he?
She didn’t want children.
Listening to her make her claim h
ad brought back memories of Ashley. Which wasn’t completely fair. Ashley hadn’t been opposed to children of her own, just not fostered or adopted.
Riley didn’t want either.
Even after spending the past few months with him and the boys her feelings hadn’t changed. Would they ever?
He’d been so into Riley that he’d continued to pursue their relationship even after she’d told him she didn’t want children. He had no right to be upset now, at hearing her repeat what she’d said all along.
Only he was.
How could she spend time with him and Kyle and not want more? Not want to be a part of their forever?
“I’m sorry,” he backtracked, knowing his comment had triggered what he usually did his best to avoid: Riley’s walls. “I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just that you’re wonderful with the boys...with Kyle.”
“I adore them, but that doesn’t mean I want children of my own,” she clarified, not meeting his eyes. “I told you from the beginning that I didn’t.”
“I know you did, but—”
She took a step back, causing him to realize that he’d sharpened his tone. Something he rarely did with anyone, and that he sure didn’t want to do with her or the boys. He took a deep breath, then raked his fingers through his hair.
“But you thought I’d change my mind?” she asked.
“I’ve heard you say more than once that you want to take the boys home and keep them,” he reminded her, fighting to keep the accusation out of his voice.
Riley didn’t respond, just stared at him, shock and uncertainty shining in the green depths of her eyes.
What was wrong with him? he asked himself. He knew better than to push. He never pushed. Because so long as he didn’t she wouldn’t build new walls between them.
Right now, new walls were going up.
“I... Maybe we should talk about this later?” she suggested, not quite meeting his eyes.
She was right. They were at the children’s museum with the Wilderness Group, and they had been having a good time. A great time. Now wasn’t the place to have this conversation.
