While she sat there debating, time passed, and after a while, John reappeared, this time with Kevin at his side. She didn’t move or say a word. John held release papers in his hand and had an arm resting across Kevin’s shoulders. Kevin was wide-eyed looking at her. She had the feeling John had told him what an idiot she was for letting him fall.
John’s pause near her was almost imperceptible. “Let’s go, Fawn. I’ll take you home.”
She followed.
In the car, they sat quietly, and when she glanced over her shoulder at Kevin, she found him asleep. The hospital must have given him a pain killer that made him drowsy. She was glad he was getting rest and didn’t have to pretend to be a man. She wanted to reach back and stroke his hair, to croon to him and tell him everything would be okay now that she wasn’t hysterical, but she didn’t dare touch him. John looked like he wanted to attack.
“How did this happen?” he asked out of the blue.
She opened her mouth to explain, but he stopped her.
“Never mind how it happened. The fact that it did is bad enough. Kevin told me he fell out of a tree, and I’m assuming you let him.” He glared at her before focusing again on the road. “Either that or you just weren’t watching him carefully.”
“What?” All guilt fled in the face of his accusation. “I’ll have you know that I was watching him every minute. I was extra careful because I know how you are about him.”
“Maybe your care isn’t good enough,” he snapped.
She gasped. Hurt tightened her chest. She faced the window so he couldn’t see the tears welling in her eyes. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of that. “I didn’t think anything was wrong with a boy climbing trees. Hell, I climbed trees when I was a kid. Everybody did.”
His chuckle was without humor. “That’s funny. You didn’t think. You know what I think, Fawn? I think you’re not mother material. You’re all about having a good time, nothing else. You think about what you want only and not anyone else. You’re selfish.”
The world seemed to crash down around her. “That’s what you think, huh?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I think.”
She sniffed and wiped tears from her cheek. “Well I feel sorry for you because your fears will keep you from living. And the pathetic thing is your fears don’t come from your own bad choices but from your brother! You’re an asshole. I’m a good person, no matter what you or anybody else feels. I don’t care how people judge me and think they know me just because of the way I dress and what I like to do for fun. I thought you’d moved past all that outward stuff, but I guess not.” He pulled into her apartment complex’s parking lot. “I tell you what, John. Don’t call me, and I definitely won’t call you!”
She jumped out of the car and ran for the building. By the time she flopped onto her bed and buried her face under her pillow, she was sobbing like her heart had shattered.
Chapter Eight
Three weeks had passed before John admitted he’d been wrong. He had overreacted. It was true that boys played rough, girls too at that age, and he’d even broken a few bones when he was a child. Yet, he’d gone off on Fawn for a mild sprain, all because he was terrified that one, he was thinking about making her a permanent part of his and Kevin’s lives, and two, because he feared she was an irresponsible woman just interested in her next good time. He’d gotten to know her, saw how she interacted with Kevin. He knew she wasn’t like that deep inside, but he’d let his fears rule him.
At night he couldn’t sleep for thinking of her, missing her. During the day, he threw himself into his work, but he couldn’t concentrate. Countless clues were missed and picked up by those on his team. He couldn’t afford to screw up at work because people’s lives were at stake. Knowing that didn’t make his thoughts clearer.
Sitting at his desk late, he closed his eyes and rubbed them. Last time he’d gone to the rest room, he’d seen in the mirror that they were bloodshot. He wanted a stiff drink, but he hadn’t eaten since morning. At the thought alone, his stomach grumbled. An idea entered his mind. If he took Fawn her favorite food and begged her forgiveness, would she take him back? It was worth a chance.
The phone rang. It was Kevin. “Hey, buddy. Going to bed?”
“Yeah.” Kevin had been down lately as well. They didn’t discuss it beyond John telling him he and Fawn had broken up. Kevin had pleaded with him to make up with her, telling him it wasn’t a big deal, but John had still been angry. He’d forbidden Kevin to bring Fawn up again. He felt like a heel on all counts.
“It’s early for you, isn’t it?” he asked Kevin.
“Yeah, well I’m not in the mood for my games.”
Guilt ate at John. He’d make it right. “Okay, I’ll talk to you in the morning. I love you, bud.”
“I know,” was Kevin’s reply, and he hung up. John sighed.
He rose from his chair, gathered the folders in front of him, and put them away. The sooner he spoke with her, the sooner the three of them would be happy again. He hoped.
At the Chinese food restaurant, he picked up Fawn’s favorite meal—General Tao’s Chicken and Crab Rangoon—and then headed over to her place. Being a Tuesday night, he didn’t expect her to be out, but one never knew with Fawn. She liked to stay active and hated being bored. He smiled thinking of her boundless energy. If he was honest, he’d admit that she’d brought a new appreciation of life to him and Kevin. They both smiled a lot more when Fawn was around. Now they were more somber than before she came along, if that was possible.
He parked his car and hopped out, eager to see her. If she was angry, he’d tease her out of it. He knew all the things that would get her smiling or even laughing. If she’d been crying…His heart constricted. He slowed his steps and had to move so another could pass him on the couple of steps leading to the building. She’d been crying when she jumped out of his car. How could he forget that? He’d hurt her bad. A sweet and precious woman like her didn’t deserve to be treated like garbage. He’d spend as much time as needed to soothe away the pain.
Upon opening the door, he could see straight down the steps leading to Fawn’s apartment. He froze in place with the door half open and then darted inside to let it close. The man who’d passed him when he walked too slow stood outside Fawn’s door and had apparently knocked. The sound of Fawn’s locks being undone reached John’s ears, and then she opened the door.
“Hey, baby girl,” the man said in deep, sensual voice.
“Hey, Mackie,” she responded. “Come on in.”
They disappeared inside leaving John standing there with a distinct chill coursing over his skin.
* * * *
Fawn covered a yawn. If she had to suffer through another day in this library, she would scream. She was going nowhere, yet before John, she could at least enjoy some modicum of her job like exploring the new books they got in. However, after she and he broke up, she couldn’t keep her mind on work. All she wanted was to see him, to hear him. She’d cried for a week and a half and moped the rest of the time—that is when she wasn’t cussing him out for judging her like he did. She missed Kevin too. She wanted to joke around with him and bet him she could beat him at something. Kevin brought out her competitive spirit.
Maybe John was right and she wasn’t mother material. Shouldn’t her relationship with Kevin have been based on her wanting to care for him and protect him? She wanted those things too, but they hadn’t been a huge factor while she got to know him and while the three of them were having fun.
Fun. That’s what she’d been judged on. Perhaps she should get more serious. That might be why she couldn’t get the research job she wanted. The interviewers glimpsed that spark of life behind her eyes that said she might get up and dance naked on a stack of nineteenth century books. She laughed at that thought, the first chuckle since that day three weeks ago.
Stifling another yawn, she glanced up from the blurring computer screen into the face of her favorite boy. “Kevin,” she excla
imed. “What are you doing here?” She looked past him for John but didn’t spot him. “Where’s your uncle?”
Kevin dipped his head. “He forgot me.”
“What!” She lowered her tone and rushed around the counter to grab Kevin’s hand. When she’d pulled him into the back room where no one was at the moment, she questioned him. “What do you mean forgot you?”
“He was supposed to pick me up at school today since Mrs. Cecil is out of town, but he forgot.” The whole time Kevin spoke, she couldn’t see his face because his head was down too low. She pulled him into a hug and stroked his hair. Her temper shot through the roof.
“That bastard has the gall to lecture me on responsibility, and then he goes and does something like this? Oh hell no. He’s going to hear it from me.” She checked the clock. The time said four-thirty. She had another hour on the job, but Mr. Peterson would just have to get over it. This was an emergency. “Come on, baby. I’m taking you to the station, and John better be there.”
* * * *
“What do you mean he’s not here?” John roared. “I told him I’d be here fifteen minutes later than usual and he should wait for me inside. Do not tell me that you put him out of the building.” The principal looked uncomfortable in the face of John’s rage, as he should be. John did not want to hear that no one knew where Kevin was. This city could be dangerous, and they lived too far from Kevin’s school for him to have walked home.
“No, detective, we would never do that. We all know who Kevin is and that you’re his uncle. I saw him about an hour ago standing here on the steps, but then I had to go take a phone call. When I got back he was gone, and I assumed you or Mrs. Cecil had picked him up. I’ll go and question the staff to see if they know anything. If you’d like to come inside…”
“No,” John snapped. “I’m putting an APB out to find him. Trust me, if anything happened to him, I will hold you personally responsible. You have my cell phone. If you learn anything, use it! I will be at the station.”
Fear hammered in John’s system. The city was a terrible place for a young boy to be lost alone. Why had Kevin left the school grounds? He knew better. Or did someone force him to leave? No, he couldn’t think like that, or he’d lose his mind. He had to believe Kevin was safe. He’d find him, and if someone had hurt him, that person wouldn’t live to see the sun rise again.
Fifteen minutes later, John hurried into the station, and one of the guys called out to him. “John, someone just in to see you.”
“Not now,” he barked.
“You’re going to talk to me now, John Harris, and I mean it!”
He turned in shock at the sound of Fawn’s voice. There she stood with a very guilty looking Kevin at her side. John grumbled. “Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? What are you doing here?” he demanded of Kevin.
Fawn moved in front of his nephew with her hands on her hips, eyes blazing in anger. “I’ll tell you what he’s doing here. You rode me hard about being irresponsible and letting him get hurt, and now you forgot to pick him up from school! I can’t believe you. You’re no better than I am, and I don’t see how anyone ever left you in change of a small child.”
He narrowed his eyes and dropped his voice very low. “Are you done?”
She seemed geared to start again, and John glanced around to find they had an attentive audience. He charged over to Fawn and dragged her toward his office with a clipped command for Kevin to follow. When they were in private, he sat on the edge of his desk and folded his arms over his chest. For a good five minutes, Fawn raked him over the coals with disgust plain on her face.
None of what he had hoped would happen when he saw her next did happen. She’d gone back to her ex and proved to him that she wasn’t what he thought. He hated the pain it evoked, knowing he couldn’t have her. Although she was mistaken in thinking he had forgotten, John felt the barrier between them. They couldn’t fix this.
“Well aren’t you going to say anything to defend yourself?” Fawn demanded.
He shook his head. “No, I’m not.” He looked instead at Kevin. “You have something to say, bud?”
Kevin seemed ready to memorize the floor. “I lied,” he said so low John just caught it.
“Say again?” John told him.
“I lied.” Kevin sniffed and finally looked up at Fawn. “I’m sorry, Fawn. I lied to you. Uncle John never forgot me. I left school and took a bus over to the library without Uncle John’s permission. He told me this morning he would be fifteen minutes late getting me, and Uncle John always gets the time just right. He’s good at that. Anyway, I didn’t mean to make anybody worry.”
Fawn dropped to her knees with tears in her eyes and dragged Kevin in for a hug. “Why would you do that, baby? Why?” She peeked up at John with a guilty look on her face. “I just said all kinds of bad stuff to your uncle because I thought he forgot. Now I feel like an idiot.”
“I just…” Kevin broke from Fawn’s hug and shuffled his feet around. He’d shoved his hands in his pockets, and the imprint of his fists flexing and unflexing showed through his school slacks. “I wanted you two to get back together. I thought if you talked, it would all work out.” He looked at Fawn. “I really like you.”
She sniffled. “I really like you too. But…”
John stood up straight. “But it’s too late for us to mend things. You’ll have to accept that Fawn and I didn’t work out, Kevin. I think you’re old enough to see that, aren’t you?” He waited, and soon Kevin nodded. Fawn stood up and turned her back on him. “Thanks for bringing him here, Fawn. I know you’re busy…”
“Yes,” she said quietly. “I jumped to the wrong conclusions.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
He thought he heard a sob, but he couldn’t have. She didn’t care about him that much since she’d run back to her ex. The fact that he’d gone to her place late at night meant…He pushed the thought from his mind, hating himself for wanting her and hating her for making him feel anything at all.
Fawn gave Kevin one last hug, and then she left without meeting John’s gaze or saying another word to him.
Chapter Nine
“Fawn?” Kevin called through the phone.
She yawned and fumbled around for her bedside clock. It was four in the morning. What the hell? “Kevin, is that you? Please, sweetie, it is too early in the morning for another trick. You know your uncle isn’t going to go for it. He’ll be pissed way off.”
“He’s been shot,” Kevin sobbed.
Fawn jumped up and fell out of bed. She untangled herself from the covers and pressed her phone hard against her ear. “Kevin, that’s no joke, and you should never even pretend—”
“It’s true. It’s true. Fawn, he’s going to leave me. I just know it. Just like my dad. He’s going to die!”
Her heart tattooed wildly in her chest. She struggled to keep control, knowing she had to be there for Kevin. “No, that’s not going to happen. Where’s Mrs. Cecil? Is she there?”
“Yes.”
“Let me speak to her, and then I am coming right there where you are. Don’t worry. I’ll be there, Kevin. I promise.”
She got the details from Mrs. Cecil, that John had indeed been shot and was right now in surgery to remove the bullet from his chest. Fawn rushed around her room to throw on some clothes. She sobbed much like Kevin had done on the phone and swiped at her nose every so often. He couldn’t die. He just couldn’t. She loved him so much, and even if they weren’t together, she’d never want something that horrible to happen to him. He deserved happiness.
In less than fifteen minutes, she made it to the hospital in her old clunker and rushed into the emergency room. She knew she looked a trip in ratty old jeans and an oversized T-shirt, but she didn’t give a damn. She spotted Kevin and Mrs. Cecil right away. When Kevin saw her, he raced to her and threw himself in her arms. Fawn held on for a long time crying with him. Maybe a good mother would hide her tears and pretend she was less affected, but
Fawn couldn’t bring herself to do it. She and Kevin held hands and wept in the middle of the floor.
When the tears eased, she guided him over to where Mrs. Cecil waited, and they sat down side-by-side. After some time, Fawn drew the courage to ask for more details about John’s condition. “What are they saying? Will he be okay?”
Mrs. Cecil nodded to Kevin who had fallen asleep on Fawn’s shoulder. The older woman handed Fawn a jacket rolled up, and Fawn tucked it beneath his head after extricating herself from his hold. When they had moved out of earshot, Mrs. Cecil explained what happened.
“It was his latest case. A man murdered his wife and then ran. John tracked him down on the Southside in an abandoned house. He had a gun and caught John unaware.” She choked. “He wasn’t wearing a vest.”
“Did they say…” Fawn couldn’t bring herself to complete the sentence.
“We don’t know yet. Thank God the bullet missed his heart, but he’s lost a lot of blood. All we can do at this point is pray.” Fawn agreed, and they fell silent.
The hours passed. After John had been moved into recovery, Mrs. Cecil convinced the doctors to allow Fawn in to see him, but only for a moment. He lay asleep with a tube down his throat and an IV stuck in his arm. Her throat constricted. With rigid control, she didn’t sob but let tears roll down her cheeks. Dropping to her knees, she clutched his hand and planted a kiss on his still fingers.
“I love you so much, John. I wish…I wish I could go back in the past and not screw up so I could be in yours and Kevin’s lives. I love him too. I know I’m not good enough. You don’t have to tell me that. I’ve made poor choices in the past and will probably make many more. Just get well, baby. Not for me, but for Kevin. He needs you. I need you, but…I’ll be okay. I’m always okay.”
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