by Margaret Kay
Satisfied with the plan, and exhausted, Sienna and Anthony headed up to bed at twenty-thirty hours, eight-thirty pm. She pressed on the new mattress and was impressed that it seemed to be the same firmness of her old one. She opened her closet and viewed her clothes, neatly hung, but in different places than she had them. So, they had disrupted her clothes too. Then she opened several dresser drawers. They too had some of the clothes in different drawers.
Anthony watched Sienna open each drawer and move her clothes around. “Is anything missing?” He asked.
She replied with a sarcastic laugh. “How would I know? Nothing is where it belongs.” She cupped her face in her hands. “I’m sorry. That sounds so ungrateful. I don’t mean it to. Your office hired people to clean up and put things away, so I didn’t have to walk in and see it how it was. I appreciate that.”
Anthony wrapped his arms around her. “This has to be very disturbing. I’m sorry, Sienna. I’m sorry this happened to you.”
“Thanks,” she murmured. “I’m just very tired. Let’s just get ready for bed. I’m sure I will feel better in the morning after a good night’s sleep.” She pulled away from him and sealed herself in the bathroom. The pajamas she had worn last were still hanging on the hook in the bathroom where she’d left them. She put them on after using the bathroom, washing her face, and brushing her teeth. She was home but felt anything but. This house, her home, felt unwelcoming and scary.
When she reentered the bedroom, Anthony was lifting the wedding picture that had always hung over the bed. It was now sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall like every other picture in her house. She felt uncomfortable that he was looking at it, an irrational thought, she knew.
He glanced up at her and smiled. “You look beautiful in this picture.”
She stepped over and took the sixteen by twenty frame from him. “We were so young.” She shook her head. “I would never have dreamed our marriage would have become what it did on that day, or it would have ended how it did. I wouldn’t have married him if I knew what it would become.”
Anthony watched her set the picture back to the floor. She sat it so the photo faced the wall. “Don’t say that, Sienna. You had good years in there and you loved him.”
It felt weird having this conversation with him. She avoided his gaze, said nothing, and went to the bed. She pulled the covers back and settled in. Anthony didn’t push it. He gave her the space she seemed to need. He sealed himself within the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later he emerged, wearing only his skivvies. He slid into bed beside her in the darkened room. He took her into his arms and held her as he had every night since he had met her.
He kissed her face and tasted her tears. “Sienna, talk to me. What’s going through your head that’s making you cry?”
“I’m just so sad. Seeing my house with the furniture slashed, knowing someone trashed it.”
He doubted that was all of it. “It’s just stuff, Sienna. Stuff can be fixed or replaced.”
She sniffled. “I know.” Madison had said the same thing and she knew it was true, but it was just hard to take. “I don’t want to be here Anthony. I don’t want to do this. I am so afraid.” She cried.
Garcia pulled her more tightly to himself and held her trembling body. “Sienna, if you want, I will take you back to Chicago tomorrow. We’ll get you a new identity, you can live with me and teach at a local school, but you will never be free. You will always be looking over your shoulder until the day someone recognizes you, and that day will happen. It may not be next week or next year, but eventually, it’s bound to happen. You were going to run away from your life, were going to hide out in Colorado. You can hide out in Illinois, if that’s what you want, but that’s not living. I promise you Sienna, we can keep you safe and get this resolved so you can live where ever you want without looking over your shoulder. But that is up to you.”
“You’d really do that, take me away and not make me be here? You’d let me stay with you?”
“Sweetheart, whatever you want. I told you before, I want us to see where we can go, a relationship. When this is over, I was going to ask you to move in with me, if you’d consider moving to Illinois.”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead. I honestly don’t think I’d ever want to stay here, certainly not in this house, but my job, my students, I make a difference in their lives. I have a life here.”
“Sienna, there are other schools, there are other students in other states you can make a difference with. You can have your life here, or you can have a life with me in Illinois. Don’t answer now and no pressure. I know you just lost your husband, but I hope that won’t stop you from considering moving in with me. Just think about it, okay?”
“Can you do me a favor? Can you please stop calling him my husband? His name was Greg. I’d prefer you refer to him as Greg.”
“Of course, I will.” Garcia was confused but agreed. He caressed her back.
“We didn’t have a husband and wife relationship for a long time. You and I have been sleeping together, and I feel like what we are doing is wrong when you call him my husband, especially here in my house in this bed,” she said, her voice cracking.
Anthony took hold of her face in both his hands. He engulfed her mouth with his. He kissed her deeply and forcefully. “Sweetheart,” he breathed when he pulled his lips back from hers. “There is nothing wrong with our relationship, with us, or what we are doing. You said yourself, you and Greg didn’t have a husband-wife relationship for a long time. It’s not like you went from sleeping with him one day, to me the next, and even if you did, that’s no one’s business but yours.”
“I know, but it’s not that simple.”
“It is that simple,” he insisted. “You, me, together. Simple.”
“Your friends didn’t think twice about us sleeping together, but mine would.”
“Then don’t tell them,” he said. “Simple.”
“If I tell them or not, it comes down to me feeling like I’m lying to them.”
“Sienna, did any of your friends know the truth about your relationship with Greg?”
“No, no one.”
“Then why would you feel you’re lying to them now? This is your life, your situation. No one has walked in your shoes, lived what you’ve lived. Fuck everyone! You do what feels right to you. You do what makes you happy.”
She sighed aloud. “It’s not just that. I feel,” she paused rolling it through her mind. “I don’t know what I feel. All I know is when you call him my husband, I feel like lying here with you is wrong.”
Anthony chuckled. “I will never refer to him as that again, so you won’t have to feel that way.”
“When I am at the store, or at work, I am going to encounter people I know who will ask how I am doing, will ask about Greg’s murder, about why I was away. I have no clue what I’m going to say to any of that. I hate that I’m going to be lying to everyone I know.”
“Then let’s brainstorm ahead of time what you can answer to any possible question you’d get so you are ready, answers you can give so that you don’t feel like you’re lying,” he replied. Now they were getting down to what was really bothering her. “We can even arrange a phone call with Dr. Lassiter for you, if you’d like. He is really good at helping to bring clarity to these kinds of things.”
The next morning, before Sienna and Garcia even came downstairs, Madison ran to the local grocery store to pick up coffee and breakfast food. Bacon was sizzling and the smell of coffee greeted them when they reached the kitchen, where Madison, Cooper and Doc sat. Sienna sat at the end of the table in the beam of sunlight that was streaming through the kitchen window. She was dressed in a casual sundress and flat sandals, ready to go shopping, ready to go out in the world as Sienna Andrews, a target.
It was Saturday morning. Sienna struggled to remember what her normal routine would be on a Saturday morning as she glanced around the table at these people, who had never been in her house before, who were
not part of her normal routine. Then she gazed out into the yard, where Bailey should be. Grocery store, and other errands, housework, laundry, maybe a drop-in yoga class at the gym, yes, those were the things that filled most of her Saturdays.
Tomorrow morning, Sunday, would be church. It was July. Sunday School classes were not running, so she wouldn’t teach during the break between the two services as she had enjoyed doing for five years. Greg never understood why she would want to teach on Sunday’s when she did that Monday through Friday. He didn’t understand it was different.
Anthony’s phone chimed. He checked his text message. It was Lassiter. “Joe’s available for that call in a half hour.”
Sienna sipped her coffee and nodded.
“What call?” Madison asked.
“We are going to brainstorm answers to all possible questions Sienna might get from the people she knows as she reenters her life,” Garcia said.
“I don’t like the idea of lying to everyone I know, especially at church tomorrow.”
“There’s a difference between lying and maintaining a cover,” Cooper said.
“It is also a matter of protecting those you care about,” Doc added.
Sienna nodded. “I know you are right in my head, but my heart doesn’t like that I am going against my values.”
“Lassiter will help with that,” Anthony said. He glanced at the others. “We should all be present, so we are on the same page.”
A half-hour later, Garcia initiated the video call on his laptop. Doc had planned to be in bed by then but stayed up for it. Sienna, with Garcia behind her, was in front of the laptop screen and camera.
Lassiter’s face appeared. He sipped a cup of coffee. “Good morning.”
“Good morning, Joe. The rest of the team is here as well. Thank you for fitting this in this morning,” Garcia said.
“I’m glad to help. Sienna, I understand you want some help in answering potential questions you may get from friends and acquaintances, so you don’t feel you’re lying.”
“Yes. Anthony thought I might feel more at ease encountering people if I already know how I’m going to answer questions.”
Lassiter nodded. “Keeping answers short, is usually best, less to trip you up. First off, the people you will encounter, how many of them knew Greg well?”
She hated to admit it, but very few knew him at all. Most of the people she would encounter knew of him. They didn’t know him, just her. “Very few,” she admitted. “Our neighbors probably saw him more than anyone else, small talk while walking the dog, or getting the mail. We went to a few cook outs or parties at our neighbor’s houses over the years, but we weren’t tight with anyone.”
“And the people you work with?” Lassiter asked.
“There are about four other teachers I am really close to. They know a lot more about him from what I shared about him, both at school and socially. Two of them aren’t married, so we never did too many couple’s things with them, just a few, a Superbowl party, a Fourth of July cookout and going to fireworks. Greg worked a lot and was gone at least fifty percent of the time, so I did a lot without him. Even church, I often went alone because I taught Sunday School classes in between the services and it seemed stupid to take two cars so he could leave right after service. So even if he was home, he usually didn’t go if it wasn’t a holiday.”
“Greg’s family didn’t make it in for his funeral,” Cooper said as fact.
“No, his sister was in Singapore for work for the month and it didn’t make sense for her to spend that much money to come home. And his brother had just had surgery, appendicitis.”
“Had either ever visited so they would be known by anyone you know?” Lassiter asked.
“No,” Sienna replied. “No one has ever met his siblings.”
“And no one knew you were supposedly taken into protective custody?” Cooper asked.
She shook her head no.
“There is your first answer to questions. When you left town, you went to see his siblings, who couldn’t make it to the funeral. Greg was blonde. Cooper can be introduced as Greg’s brother, Madison, his sister, Garcia her boyfriend or husband, and Doc a cousin. It’s not unreasonable you would have gone to see them, nor is it unreasonable to think that they would have accompanied you back to keep you company. He was killed in your house after all,” Lassiter said.
Sienna nodded. “Yes, that would work. Lies, but not outrageous ones. Greg did have a brother and sister. They weren’t a close family. There were some issues between them when Greg’s parents died that caused everyone to kind of go their own way.”
“Sienna, why does it bother you so much that you will not be one-hundred percent honest?” Lassiter asked.
“I may not have told anyone what the state of our marriage was, but I never lied about it either. I feel when you don’t hold true to the values you embrace at your core, that you give a little piece of yourself away each time.” She felt Anthony’s hand grasp and squeeze her shoulder. It brought her comfort.
“Is that what you feel you have done?” Lassiter asked.
“Maybe, I don’t know.”
“You have done what you’ve needed to do to survive in extraordinary situations. I think you should give yourself a break,” Lassiter said.
The room was silent as she rolled that around in her head.
“People will ask how you are doing,” Madison said a few minutes later.
“Yes. I know afraid isn’t an appropriate answer,” she joked morosely.
“I think your answer for that too should be short and simple,” Lassiter said. “Sad, confused, and missing him are fitting. Afraid to be alone in the house is appropriate given the fact he was killed there.”
Again, she nodded.
“Sienna, this isn’t that difficult, and those answers aren’t lies,” Lassiter said. He watched Garcia, over her shoulder. His gut was telling him she wasn’t being completely honest and needed to be pushed. He knew Garcia would become protective of her when he did. “Let’s cut to the chase. What is the one question you are dreading most?”
Her face showed panic at that question. “Who killed Greg and why?” she admitted. “And since I left town, will people think I killed him?”
“No one who knows you will think you did it,” Garcia said supportively. “As far as the who, the official report with the police still says home invasion, surprised by homeowner.”
“We know that isn’t the truth,” she said.
“Sienna, it is still the official report. You cannot be faulted for repeating an official police report. If you answer the question you can say, the police still believe Greg surprised and intruder. That is not a lie,” Lassiter said.
“Do you really think they still believe that?” She demanded.
“Sienna, did you kill your husband?” Lassiter asked strongly without missing a beat.
“No, I did not,” she insisted.
“Then that is the only truth you need to hold onto,” Lassiter said. He watched her for a moment, trying to figure out why this was such an issue for her. “Sienna, do you feel guilty about something? Is that what this is about?”
A panicked expression washed over her face. Her eyes flashed to Anthony’s, then she gazed back at Joe’s face on the laptop screen. But she didn’t answer.
After several quiet moments, Lassiter spoke again. “Sienna, carry the laptop into a room with a door so we can talk privately.”
“Joe,” Garcia began to protest.
“Trust me, Garcia,” Lassiter said strongly. His voice softened when he again spoke to her. “Sienna, if you want to work through this, I can help you, but you have to do it my way.”
She nodded and stood. She left the kitchen, carrying the laptop with her. She went back upstairs to her bedroom and shut the door. She sat on the bed and angled the screen so she could see it. “Okay, I’m in my room alone and the door is shut.”
“The question was, do you feel guilty about something?” Joe repeated
.
“Not so much guilty, but I’m not the same person I was before Greg was killed, before I ran. I’ll never be that person again, and that is who everyone here knows.”
“You have no idea what any of your friend’s lives have been the past few weeks either. We are all constantly growing and changing, handling crisis or experiencing joy. It’s natural to feel anxious about stepping back into your life, especially under these circumstances. Cut through all the noise and put a name to the feelings, anxiety, fear, restlessness, what else?”
“I’m sleeping with Anthony. None of my friends would ever understand that,” she said meekly.
“It’s a good thing then that he will be introduced as Madison’s significant other. That’s your business, no one else’s, unless you’re the one who has a problem with it?”
