Maybe that was why she hadn’t heard from him yet.
Was he consulting a solicitor, maybe? Asking about his entitlements as a father? About potential custody of his son, even?
Oh...God... She was doing it again. Dreaming up the worst possible scenario. Messing with her own head by dredging up the past or worrying about the future so much she lost sight of the good things that were happening in the present.
And, despite the huge trauma of the earthquake, the grief over people who had lost their lives and the enormous inconvenience of trying to work around services and supplies that were broken or missing, there were good things happening.
Ben and Ginny, for one.
The confusion and longing she’d seen in Ginny’s face at Squid’s funeral had been replaced by a glow of pure joy. She and Ben were engaged now, planning a wedding, as soon as things got a little closer to being normal around here, and a future that would see them living and working together as an integral part of a community of which they were both an important part.
Abby might have come here as a stranger but she felt part of it now, too. She was as happy as everybody else about the news. And she was a part of something much bigger, too. Something that was making her feel like a ‘real’ islander.
The community of Kaimotu Island had always been tight knit but there was a new and powerful bond forming in the wake of the disaster. People whose houses had been damaged more than others were taken into the houses of neighbours or friends while repairs were done. The cabins in the camping grounds were all occupied.
People whose businesses had been closed because of damage to the town centre were offered new premises, some of them in caravans, and the local men who were part of civil defence used their status to go into places deemed off limits to the general population to retrieve stock and whatever else was needed to make a start in getting businesses and trades operating again.
Heavy machinery had arrived by vehicle ferries and there were diggers and cranes all over the place. Supplies of timber and roofing materials were stacked in huge piles near the jetty. Owners of bed-and-breakfast establishments and motels had opened their doors to volunteers willing to come from the mainland and share their expertise and labouring skills. There were builders and engineers, electricians and plumbers. Counsellors, even, who wanted to help people deal with the trauma. And there were others, who just wanted to offer their time and muscles.
One of them was Tom.
* * *
He just turned up at the hospital one day, about ten days after he’d left. Abby was in the clinic’s reception area, chatting to Ben’s sister Hannah. The afternoon clinic wasn’t due to start for an hour and there were no emergencies on the way in that they knew about so they both turned to see who was coming unexpectedly through the door.
They both instantly forgot whatever it was they were talking about and simply stared as Tom walked towards them. He was grinning at Hannah.
‘Hi, there.’
‘Hi.’
Hannah sounded a bit breathless. Impressed, even though Tom obviously hadn’t come by helicopter and he wasn’t wearing his rescue service overalls or anything else that advertised his profession as an elite paramedic. This was just Tom, in faded blue jeans and a black T-shirt, with a bag slung over his shoulder, but to Abby, he’d never looked better. Or more important. Abby was more than a bit breathless herself. Maybe she’d forgotten how to breathe.
He’d come back.
Whatever this new chapter in her life held, it was about to begin. Abby’s mouth felt dry and she noticed that Tom’s grin faded as he turned his gaze from Hannah to meet her gaze.
‘Hey, Abby...I’m back.’
Stupidly, all she could do was nod. This was huge. Scary but...exciting, too.
‘I’ve taken a couple of weeks’ leave,’ he told her. ‘I offered my services to come and help with the clean-up. There’s a briefing for the group I came with this afternoon but I wanted to come and say hi first.’
Abby nodded again. A smile wanted to emerge but her lips wouldn’t cooperate. ‘Hi,’ she managed.
Hannah was still staring. ‘You’re one of the air-rescue guys, aren’t you? You came here when the earthquake first happened. You took Abby away with you.’
‘I sure did. I needed her.’ Tom was smiling at Hannah again. He flicked a glance back at Abby but she couldn’t read it. Had he ever really needed her?
‘And you rescued Jack out of the mine. Everybody was talking about that.’
‘Were they?’ Another glance came Abby’s way but this time the raised eyebrow made it easy to read. What else had everybody been talking about? The physical similarity between him and Abby’s fatherless son, perhaps?
Abby took a deep breath. ‘Hannah, this is Tom Kendrick. He’s...he’s an old friend from when I used to live in Auckland.’
‘Ohhh...’ Hannah was a teenager. She was primed to read between the lines and pick up on any potentially romantic nuances. Her smile revealed the conclusion she had come to. The glance she gave Abby was impressed. Then she smiled at Tom.
‘Where are you staying? In the camping ground?’
‘Not sure yet.’ The glance Abby got this time was lightning fast. Almost embarrassed?
Hannah hadn’t missed it. Her smile widened. ‘Nothing wrong with a couch,’ she offered.
‘Hannah!’ Abby’s jaw dropped. Having Tom here on the island again was one thing. Having him staying in her small cottage would be something else entirely. She tried to shake off the intense shaft of that sensation in her belly and found she was actually shaking her head. ‘How ’bout you go and check if there’s a clean sheet on the bed in the consult room?’
Left alone with Tom, Abby didn’t know quite what to say. She fiddled with the papers on the reception desk, putting the list of the outpatient appointments on the top. There were a lot of them, as many islanders continued to recover from minor to moderate injuries sustained in the quake. She could feel the steady impact of Tom’s gaze, however, and had to raise her eyes.
‘I want to get to know Jack,’ Tom said quietly. ‘And I want him to know that I’m his father.’
Abby nodded. Swallowed hard. ‘I want that, too.’
‘I’ll probably be quite busy during the days with the working party.’
Abby nodded again. It wouldn’t leave that much time to spend with Jack, would it? She took a very deep breath.
‘The couch isn’t that big,’ she said, ‘but...if you want to stay...’
The silence seemed to tick on. And on.... Abby couldn’t look away from Tom. Did she want this? To have him in her house when she woke up in the mornings? To have time with him in the evenings after Jack was sound asleep?
Oh, yes...
This was for Jack, she reminded herself desperately. This wasn’t about Tom wanting time alone with her.
But the look in Tom’s eyes suggested that could be part of it.
His nod was decisive. ‘I’d better get to the briefing,’ he said. He hefted his bag and turned to leave but then looked back. And smiled. ‘Thanks, Abby.’
* * *
The agonising over what Abby might be thinking about how and when to tell Jack he had a father turned out to be one of those bridges that hadn’t needed crossing.
It just happened. On the very first evening when Tom turned up with his bag and Abby casually told Jack that Tom was going to be staying for a bit to help people fix up their houses.
Jack’s nod was solemn.
‘Are you going to be my dad while you’re here?’ He made it sound like it was no big deal.
Tom had trouble making more than a vaguely noncommittal sound as he met Abby’s gaze over the top of their son’s head. He knew his face would be asking a very big question but he wanted to convey reassurance as well.
&nbs
p; He fully expected to see a flash of fear in Abby’s eyes and he wasn’t going to rush this if she wasn’t ready.
But, amazingly, what he could see was something soft. And warm.
‘Um...’ Abby had to clear her throat. ‘Not just for while he’s here, Jack. Tom’s going to be your dad...well, for ever. He...he always has been.’
Jack’s eyes seemed to fill half his face and his mouth was an O of amazement. Tom dropped to his haunches so that he was on the same level as this small, astonished person.
‘I didn’t know about you before,’ he said carefully. ‘But I’m here now.’
‘Why didn’t you know about me? I’ve always been here.’
Something poignant twisted inside Tom at the childish logic. He had no idea how to answer the question and he didn’t have to look up to sense Abby’s tension. Or know that she was feeling guilty. She was responsible for Jack spending his first five years without a father. For him not knowing he had a son.
Tom expected to feel the heat of the anger that had been swirling within touching distance ever since he’d found out. Oddly, though, it didn’t seem to be there right now. He’d come here knowing he was taking a big step into a new future. A whole new path, even. And it was the future that mattered, not the past. No...it was right now that really mattered.
If this was going to work—this ‘being parents’ stuff—he and Abby needed to support each other.
Besides, it was easy to step away from something that would hurt Abby. You didn’t do things that you knew would hurt someone you loved.
Maybe Abby didn’t have any reason to think that he had anything worthwhile to offer her after the way he’d pushed her out of his life years ago, but right now he had the opportunity to make a new beginning.
‘It happens,’ he told Jack quietly. ‘Sometimes people are friends. Even really, really good friends and things happen that makes them think they don’t want to be friends anymore.’
Jack was nodding. ‘Like me and Nathan. When he wouldn’t let me climb up the ladder and go in his tree house. I cried.’
It was Tom’s turn to nod his understanding. But that twisting thing was happening inside again and he had to swallow to get rid of the tight sensation in his throat. Had Abby cried after he’d pushed her away? When he’d told her it wasn’t going to work? That his career was what he lived for and he couldn’t be with someone who was going to clip his wings and hold him back?
‘But you and Nathan are friends again now?’
‘Yes. I’m going to his birthday party next week. We’re going to sleep in the tree house.’
‘I’m not sure about that, hon.’ Abby touched Jack’s head. ‘You’ll have the party in the tree house but you might have to sleep in the real house.’
‘Why?’
‘Well, what if you needed to go to the toilet in the middle of the night? You might forget where you are and fall down the ladder.’
‘I wouldn’t forget, Mummy. That’s silly. I’d remember cos I’d be there and I’d see the ladder.’
‘You might be really sleepy and think you were dreaming.’
Tom could easily think he was dreaming right now. He could feel Jack’s small hand on his knee as the little boy edged closer. With Abby’s fingers still resting on that silky, dark head, they were all connected.
A...family?
‘Can I call you “Dad”?’
The need to know the reason why Tom had been absent in his life up till now seemed to have been forgotten. Or maybe it had simply been deemed unimportant.
Tom tried to smile but his lips wouldn’t quite cooperate. ‘If that’s okay with Mummy, it’s fine with me.’
He had to close his eyes for a heartbeat because that stupid word made him wince. Fine? Tom had no idea what it was going to be like having someone call him ‘Dad’, but he did know it was far too huge to be encompassed by that little word.
He could still feel the touch of Jack’s hand on his knee as he crouched here on the floor of Abby’s living room. He could feel the connection right through to Abby and he knew that she still had her hand on his head. The feeling of connection strengthened as he heard her soft words.
‘It’s who you are, Tom. Of course it’s okay with me.’
Tom opened his eyes to find Jack staring at him. Then the small boy twisted his neck to look up at his mother.
‘Are you and Dad friends again now? Like me and Nathan?’
The tiny silence seemed huge. Filled with how easily the title of fatherhood had fallen from Jack’s lips. His acceptance had been instant. Unquestioned. But how was Abby feeling? Tom could feel the thump of his heart as he waited for Abby to answer.
‘Yes.’ Abby’s gaze shifted from Jack to Tom. ‘I think so.’
Her eyes were dark enough to show strong feelings. As strong as what was stealing his breath away? Did she think that there was a possibility of more than friendship?
Did she want that?
‘I think so, too,’ Tom said, amazed at how calm he sounded. At the smile he managed, while still holding Abby’s gaze. She was the one to break the connection, first looking away from Tom and then ruffling Jack’s hair before lifting her hand.
And then she turned away.
* * *
She had to find something to do with her hands. Something that didn’t require any brain power because whatever she had between her ears had turned into some kind of mush. Just as well, the dinner dishes were still piled up on the kitchen bench and it was only a step or two away. Behind her, she could sense Tom getting to his feet. She could hear Jack bouncing.
‘Come and see my room. I’ve got books and trucks and...and a helicopter just like yours...’
The voices faded and Abby was left trying to find something solid in the mush of her thoughts.
Hearing her son call Tom ‘Dad’ like that. As though a missing piece of his life had simply been slotted into where it belonged.
As if they were a real family.
The way Tom had looked at her when she’d said that she thought they were friends again. As if there was something much, much bigger than friendship on offer.
Just the sheer, overwhelming presence of him in her home hunched down like that, with those faded jeans emphasising the muscles in his thighs and that soft, old T-shirt clinging to the equally impressive outline of his shoulders and chest. He could have remained standing and commanded a physical control of this space with no effort at all. He could have taken emotional control, too, and simply told Jack what he needed to be told.
But he hadn’t. He’d handed that control to her and his eyes had told her that whatever she wanted was okay. He would back her up if she wasn’t ready for this. It had been her call.
And it had been easy to know what to say. Even when her approval had been sought about whether it was all right for Jack to call him ‘Dad’.
Dad. Daddy. The word held such power because it took Abby straight back to her own childhood. To when she’d had a ‘real’ family and life had seemed perfect. And even after so many years, the pain of missing her parents could sneak up and hit her like a sledgehammer and bring tears to her eyes. A painful lump to her throat.
On top of feeling like, somehow, a real family had been born again just now. When she’d been looking down at Tom, keeping her hand on Jack’s head as if that would somehow steady her and remind her that he was hers and always would be. When she’d probably seen too much in that dark gaze of Tom’s.
He was here for his son, not to be with his son’s mother. Somehow, she had to remember that.
With the last of the pots on the draining-board, Abby wiped her hands on a tea towel and straightened her back, then walked out of the kitchen.
‘Jack? It’s time to get your pyjamas on and clean your teeth, ready for bed.’ She poked her head t
hrough the doorway. ‘It’s a school day tomorrow.’
Oh, help. Tom was sitting on the end of Jack’s bed. Half lying, in fact, propped up on one elbow. Jack was lying on his stomach and their heads were almost touching, bent over the glossy pictures of a book about dinosaurs. They both looked up at the same time and if her heart had been wrenched any more, it would have torn into little pieces.
They were so alike.
And she loved them. Both of them.
If she didn’t get some protective barriers up there was no way she was going to cope with having Tom here, getting to know his son.
Keep busy, she ordered herself. Focus on Jack. On work. On the house. Whatever it takes. In a couple of weeks, Tom would be going back to his own life. To the career that meant more to him than anything or anyone else. She had to keep her distance because there was no way she could stand the heartbreak of losing him for a second time.
‘I’ll find some bedding,’ she added, turning away, ‘and make up the couch for you, Tom. You’ve probably got an early start tomorrow.’
* * *
How could time be passing so fast?
The days were full-on, with early starts and late finishes. The bonus of volunteer labour was being well used and Tom was happy to be in the thick of it. There were roofs to be patched and made weatherproof after chimneys had fallen, and mounds of bricks and rubble to get shifted. Damaged septic tanks were being replaced and there was a lot of digging that had to be done by hand in awkward places.
Hefty framing was going up around heritage buildings that could be saved but which needed to be protected from further aftershocks in the meantime.
Many of the people Tom was working with were also volunteers from the mainland. He even knew a few of them, including a trio of firemen from Auckland that he’d met at more than one major accident scene. He didn’t join them for a few beers after the manual labour was finished for the day, though. While he was enjoying being part of the recovery process, it hadn’t been the primary reason for this visit to Kaimotu Island.
MIRACLE ON KAIMOTU ISLAND/ALWAYS THE HERO Page 28
